How to dirty talk during sex without offending her

I like to have dirty talk during sex but am afraid of getting carried away. Will she be turned off or offended if I started calling her a slut or dirty whore in the midst of it?

Dirty talk can be fun and there are many different forms of it. The type of “degrading dirty talk” you mention – telling your partner they are “dirty” or “a slut” is one type that some people enjoy. Another type of dirty talk can be more “in the moment, descriptive” – saying out loud what you are physically doing to your partner, what you want them to do, what you would like to do to them (“I want to f*ck you so hard, I want to put my tongue there,” etc.).

An essential element when using dirty talk to make sure that your partner won’t be turned off or offended (or potentially traumatized) is to ask for their consent. Before you start engaging physically, mention that you enjoy dirty talk and maybe give an example of the things you like to say. Allow your partner time to consider if this is okay and to let you know if they are into it as well. If they are not comfortable with being called specific things, trying the more “in the moment descriptive” type of dirty talk might be more comfortable.

It’s important to also make it clear that if your partner is uncomfortable at any time during the dirty talk that they can communicate this to you and you honor that by stopping. By “putting it out there” beforehand you are also emphasizing that this is something that turns you on sexually and is not a fundamental truth (i.e. you do not in reality believe she is a dirty whore).

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Elizabeth is a Clinical Psychologist and psychotherapist in Washington State. She provides therapy and consultation to individuals and couples and is working to become an AASECT-certified Sex Therapist. Her primary interests are romantic and sexual relationships, sexual empowerment and education, the dynamics of communication, and reducing stigma around issues of sexuality and mental health. Get in touch with Elizabeth via email at drelizabethwatt@gmail.com.

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