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12 Tips to a Sexier Massage


12 Tips to a Sexier Massage

I’m so excited about today’s post because massage is one of my fav things ever. In fact, I’m certain it’s something most everyone loves. A massage therapist and fellow sex geek, Nik Priest, hosted an educational and hands-on massage class titled, “Massage and Communication Through Touch.” Since I love me a good massage, you know, I signed the beau and I up immediately.

I obviously can’t take you through the class (though I wish I could!) but am doing the next best thing instead: sharing the top things I learned for sexier, more effortless, and all around better massages.

1) Massage is a wonderful thing. Think of how often you use touch to comfort, arouse, pleasure, soothe, or relax. Massage is simply another way to show affection through touch. And as a bonus, it’s shown to reduce stress and increase intimacy, both of which are great for your sex drive and life.

2) Orgasm comes from the parasympathetic nervous system. Massage helps to activate this part of our nervous system which is responsible for “rest and digest.” This allows us to relax and feel safe enough to get vulnerable and enjoy sexy time. And it’s the opposite of our sympathetic nervous system’s “fight or flight” response. That makes us tense, anxious, and completely NOT primed for fun times. If you remember nothing else, remember this:

relaxation –> desire –> orgasm

3) The easiest way to get through a bar or crowded space is to gently place your hand on someone. This causes an automatic response for them to pull back because it’s just the teensiest bit of intimacy. Bonus tip: gentle is also the way to go when trying to coax muscles to relax.

4) Be clear about the goals/intentions of the massage before you begin. Are you hoping the massage turns into something more? Just looking for a little destressing? Do you want something in return? There isn’t a right answer but it’s important you and your partner are on the same page.

5) If you give a really good massage, your partner won’t be able to reciprocate. Instead they’ll be totally blissed out. This is a good thing. But if you want them to return the favor, negotiate this before the massage begins!

6) If you’re the one getting a massage, do whatever you need to prepare yourself to be selfish during the massage. Take a shower to freshen up and relax your muscles, stretch, hydrate, meditate. Perform whatever rituals you need to get primed for pampering.

7) Relax, trust, and let your partner help you. They’re doing something sweet—let them! Of course this is easier if you’ve established boundaries before starting the massage (see #4).

8) Hand towels are your friend. They’re great for wiping up extra oil (or lube!) and when rolled, they are the perfect pillow for the back of the neck.

9) A cold person is not a turned-on person. Pay attention to the temperature of the room and keep it a bit on the warmer side. You lose heat quickly if you’re naked and lying still. Thinking about other ways to make things more intimate (e.g. soft music) and cozy (e.g. candles) is also appreciated.

10) For the best massage, avoid the bed. It’s too squishy! Try putting the couch cushions or a thick blanket or comforter on the floor with a sheet over it. It’s more comfortable for everyone involved, especially the masseuse.

11) If you want to go deep, go slooooooow. Same rule for massage and penetration.

12) Sensuality is all about surprise. Use the same pattern for a bit, then switch it up. Lull the person getting a massage into a totally relaxed state … then wake ‘em up (aka arouse them) a bit.

Know someone who wants (or needs!) to take their massage skills to the next level? Share this post. They’ll thank you and so will I.

Your Partner in Passion,
Kait xo

This article has been republished with permission from Kait Scalisi. Please visit Kait Scalisi‘s website to view original post and more of Kait’s works.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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Kait Scalisi

Kait Scalisi is a sex educator, writer, and consultant who focuses on helping others find freedom in pleasure. Her interests include passionate monogamy, sex-positive approaches to violence prevention, and the intersection among sexual health, pleasure, and chronic disease. Kait has over five years of teaching experience with audiences ranging from cancer survivors to college students, new moms to survivors of sex trafficking. With a background in both health education and neuroscience, Kait has a deep understanding of the physiological and psychological processes underlying pleasure as well as how to share this information in an engaging, entertaining, and accessible way. She is a featured writer for Sexual Health Rankings, the author of several pamphlets produced by the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, and a contributor to The Pink Paper and the Diabetes Research & Wellness Foundation. Her work also has been featured at conferences hosted by Emory University's Respect Program, Johns Hopkins University, Johns Hopkins Medicine, and the Leukaemia and Lymphoma Society. Kait currently lives in NYC where she spends her days exploring the secrets of Central Park and advocating for reproductive justice with Planned Parenthood's Activist Council.

Get in touch with Kaitlyn via email at


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