SimplySxy

Tag: Kaitlyn Beth

  • Three Ways to Get Your Sexy On This Fall

    Three Ways to Get Your Sexy On This Fall

    It’s autumn here in the States and this time of the ear always feels bittersweet. Gone are the long summer days and sultry nights, seemingly endless sunshine, and lazy Sundays cuddling with a good book or a good partner.

    In their place is the crisp freshness of fall, which will forever represent a time of new beginnings. It’s a chance to start fresh, almost like a second New Year’s. Don’t you just love that? It’s time to take stock of your life, work, and relationships, question what’s working and what’s not, and decide where you want to go for the last few months of the year. Though you may associate this cleaning with spring, fall is also a perfect time to do a little clearing out. My favorite place to start? The closet.

    What summer clothes left you feeling less than confident and sexy? Which fall/winter clothes don’t fit really well or don’t help you look and feel your best? Out they go! As I get more comfortable with my body and fashion (see my Instagram account if you have no clue what I’m talking about), I’m learning what makes me feel best. This process can help you do the same!

    Side note: I totally used to reject the idea of “looking good” to feel good as superficial or an impossible standard that didn’t fit my body. Now that I’m embracing me for me, I’m seeing the connection oh so clearly and it’s reaffirming something I’ve always said:

    When you feel amazing, you have better sex. <–tweet that

     Want more ideas for feeling your sexiest during this change in seasons? Below are three areas where you can let go to get sexy.

    1. In the bedroom. As the seasons change, you may find yourself craving less excitement and more cuddling, savoring the sweet and slow over the hard and fast. Enjoy pleasure for pleasure’s sake and take your time building to orgasm versus just getting it done. Indulge in every whisper, stroke, kiss, touch, and kiss.
    2. During your morning routine. The change in weather can be tough on your skin, making fall the perfect time to pamper yourself more than usual. I love taking a few extra minutes to moisturize after my shower and really get in touch with how my body is doing. The goal is to luxuriate in your body. Extra points if you treat yourself to a professional massage or spa treatment.
    3. In your everyday. I’ve written about making everyday more sensual in the past. But with fall, you may find yourself craving warmth, grounding, and connection. For me, that comes in the form of candles, tea, lattes, and foot soaks. For you, it may be bowls of warm cereal, coffee, and the extra layer of clothes we’re starting to need.

    All of these tips are focused on helping you feel your sexiest even as the temps drop and the “summer heat” (take that as you will) fades. If you find yourself wanting to clean out or needing some extra pampering, give in. Indulge yourself pleasure seeker—you deserve it!

    In the comments section, tell me one way you would like to pamper yourself this fall.

    Your Partner in Passion,
    Kait xo

    This article has been republished with permission from Kait Scalisi. Please visit Kait Scalisi‘s website to view original post and more of Kait’s works.

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • 12 Tips to a Sexier Massage

    12 Tips to a Sexier Massage

    I’m so excited about today’s post because massage is one of my fav things ever. In fact, I’m certain it’s something most everyone loves. A massage therapist and fellow sex geek, Nik Priest, hosted an educational and hands-on massage class titled, “Massage and Communication Through Touch.” Since I love me a good massage, you know, I signed the beau and I up immediately.

    I obviously can’t take you through the class (though I wish I could!) but am doing the next best thing instead: sharing the top things I learned for sexier, more effortless, and all around better massages.

    1) Massage is a wonderful thing. Think of how often you use touch to comfort, arouse, pleasure, soothe, or relax. Massage is simply another way to show affection through touch. And as a bonus, it’s shown to reduce stress and increase intimacy, both of which are great for your sex drive and life.

    2) Orgasm comes from the parasympathetic nervous system. Massage helps to activate this part of our nervous system which is responsible for “rest and digest.” This allows us to relax and feel safe enough to get vulnerable and enjoy sexy time. And it’s the opposite of our sympathetic nervous system’s “fight or flight” response. That makes us tense, anxious, and completely NOT primed for fun times. If you remember nothing else, remember this:

    relaxation –> desire –> orgasm

    3) The easiest way to get through a bar or crowded space is to gently place your hand on someone. This causes an automatic response for them to pull back because it’s just the teensiest bit of intimacy. Bonus tip: gentle is also the way to go when trying to coax muscles to relax.

    4) Be clear about the goals/intentions of the massage before you begin. Are you hoping the massage turns into something more? Just looking for a little destressing? Do you want something in return? There isn’t a right answer but it’s important you and your partner are on the same page.

    5) If you give a really good massage, your partner won’t be able to reciprocate. Instead they’ll be totally blissed out. This is a good thing. But if you want them to return the favor, negotiate this before the massage begins!

    6) If you’re the one getting a massage, do whatever you need to prepare yourself to be selfish during the massage. Take a shower to freshen up and relax your muscles, stretch, hydrate, meditate. Perform whatever rituals you need to get primed for pampering.

    7) Relax, trust, and let your partner help you. They’re doing something sweet—let them! Of course this is easier if you’ve established boundaries before starting the massage (see #4).

    8) Hand towels are your friend. They’re great for wiping up extra oil (or lube!) and when rolled, they are the perfect pillow for the back of the neck.

    9) A cold person is not a turned-on person. Pay attention to the temperature of the room and keep it a bit on the warmer side. You lose heat quickly if you’re naked and lying still. Thinking about other ways to make things more intimate (e.g. soft music) and cozy (e.g. candles) is also appreciated.

    10) For the best massage, avoid the bed. It’s too squishy! Try putting the couch cushions or a thick blanket or comforter on the floor with a sheet over it. It’s more comfortable for everyone involved, especially the masseuse.

    11) If you want to go deep, go slooooooow. Same rule for massage and penetration.

    12) Sensuality is all about surprise. Use the same pattern for a bit, then switch it up. Lull the person getting a massage into a totally relaxed state … then wake ‘em up (aka arouse them) a bit.

    Know someone who wants (or needs!) to take their massage skills to the next level? Share this post. They’ll thank you and so will I.

    Your Partner in Passion,
    Kait xo

    This article has been republished with permission from Kait Scalisi. Please visit Kait Scalisi‘s website to view original post and more of Kait’s works.

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Sex and Cancer

    Sex and Cancer

    When you or someone you love receives a cancer diagnosis, sex may be the furthest thing from your mind. Instead, you are probably thinking, “Holy shit … how did this happen?” and “What do I do now?!” Though eventually, you start craving a return to some sense of normalcy, including at least some sexy time. For some survivors, this happens almost immediately; for others, it takes a bit longer. Thanks to new forms of treatment, many survivors have the time since they are living longer and richer lives than ever before.

    That being said, about half of survivors report having long-lasting sexual issues. Because sex involves both body and mind, these issues can be physical, mental, or emotional.  They may bother only you or they may affect your relationship with a partner. Regardless, the end result is the same: you aren’t getting the sex and intimacy they crave and deserve.

    In this two-part series, we’ll be exploring both the common sexual issues experienced by cancer survivors and what you can do about them.  Because I believe good sex, however you define it, is everyone’s birthright! Consider this Part I to be the foreplay to an amazing and climactic Part II.

    So what are these sexual issues? The most common ones are:

    • Loss of or decreased sexual desire (libido)
    • Pain with intercourse (dyspareunia)
    • The inability to become aroused
    • Difficulty reaching orgasm (climax)

    Other side effects can change your sex life even if they aren’t sexual in nature. For example, tiredness (fatigue), swelling in your arms and legs (lymphedema), and bodily pain can make sex both difficult and uncomfortable.  Heck, we all know that if you are tired enough, even the best sex can feel like a chore!

    Then there are the physical changes. Maybe you’ve gained or lost weight (and hair), had a surgery, or sported an ostomy. These things might understandably make you feel a little uncomfortable or even embarrassed when naked. I’m going to talk a lot about self-love ßdouble entendre intended in Part II but for now let me say this: your beautiful body has gotten you through so damn much. If the only thing you can muster is gratitude for what s/he’s gone through, then focus on that for now and worry about boosting your body image later.

    *back to our regularly scheduled programing*

    I know these changes can feel totally overwhelming and un-sexy.  Luckily, there are so many treatment options no matter what side effects you are experiencing. Being a cancer survivor does not have to mean the end of your (amazing) sex life.

    Go ahead and repeat that a few times until it sinks in. Then tune in for our Part II.

    Your Partner in Passion,
    Kait

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