Tag: sensual massage

Example of the application of Psychosensual Massage for men with sexual performance issues

Erectile Dysfunction

For many men, the image of self is inevitably linked to a perception of masculinity which in turn involves functioning and performing well sexually.  Things can go wrong at any point of the 3 stages of producing and maintaining an erection and can be as a result of either physiological or psychological influences, or often, a combination of both.

First Stage: Sexual arousal, getting sexually stimulated from our thoughts and senses.

Second Stage Erection: The brain communicates the sexual arousal to the body which increases the blood flow to the penis.

Third Stage Erection: Blood vessels that supply the penis relax allowing an increased blood supply to flow into the shafts that produce the erection.

Physiological causes can be due to a variety of conditions such as:

 Cardiovascular diseases, Diabetes, Disease of the Nervous System, Aging, Medications, Smoking, Alcoholism, Hormone Imbalance, and can be treated with medical support.  However in most cases, the condition can also be influenced by psychological processes and in many cases be the prime reason for intermittent erectile dysfunction.  Generally, if involuntary erection occurs during the night, or on waking in the morning but does not occur or is lost during conscious sex (with another or even during masturbation), then other emotional based influences will be the source.

How Can a Psychosensual Massage Help?
The environment of the massage room and the openness of the masseur immediately changes the modus operandi and creates a supportive caring situation where the focus on performance is removed and where the receiver can concentrate on what he is feeling rather than what he is doing.  As the massage unfolds, the body becomes further relaxed, with the sensual strokes of the massage encouraging arousal to take place.  With anxiety levels low and the body rested, attention on “self” erection will generally occur.  However, throughout the massage, the masseur will incorporate certain movements that may mildly raise anxiety thus effecting the erection.  By observing and reading these minute changes of the dynamic, the masseur can often interpret the psychological triggers that flick the arousal switch giving an indication as to what emotion is influencing the erection process.  At the same time, with the attention on himself, the receiver is also able to become aware of the moments when erection is effected either positively or negatively.  Discussion following the massage often reveals a core emotion/reaction that is at the root of the anxiety, enabling further counselling to target better the influencing dynamic and its source.

Premature Ejaculation

What is premature ejaculation?
Definitions of premature ejaculation have ranged from “coming within six thrusts” to “coming within two minutes” and even “coming before your partner”.  The last one can be particularly misleading if you have a partner who likes to take up to an hour to reach orgasm.
A simpler definition is that if you come before you want to and you feel you’re not able to control it, then you’re suffering from premature ejaculation (or PE for short).

Bear in mind that most men will come sooner than they’d like on some occasions, particularly if under stress or in situations of very high excitement.  Generally, if you are unable to control when you come more than 50 per cent of the time, then it becomes a problem.

Some men may only suffer from PE when they’re having sex.  Some feel they come too quickly whatever the stimulation with a partner.  Others feel they have little control even when they’re masturbating alone.  Men with PE aren’t able to recognise what therapists call the “point of inevitability”.  This is a sensation that occurs just a few moments before ejaculation.  Men who don’t suffer from PE are able to recognise this sensation and either stop or change stimulation until the urgency has subsided.  Very occasionally, premature ejaculation results from a physical condition such as a urinary tract or prostate infection.  Recent research suggests that some men may have a physiological predisposition in the nervous system to ejaculate quickly.  But for most men, ejaculation will often be quicker in times of stress or ill health.

How Can a Psychosensual Massage Help?


By providing a calm supportive environment the stress and excitement levels often contributing to PE are lessened considerably.  Additionally, by talking through the issues before the massage, anxiety of performance is reduced, so even prior to the arousal the receiver is more calm and relaxed, and thus able to be more aware of his own arousal process.  Generally men with PE aren’t able to recognise what therapists call the “point of inevitability”.  This is a sensation that occurs just a few moments before ejaculation.  Men who don’t suffer from PE are able to recognise this sensation and either stop or change stimulation until the urgency has subsided.

By incorporating with the massage various physical and psychological techniques, the receiver can recognise his own arousal ladder and the speed with at which he climbs to orgasm.  Once recognised, he can then apply these techniques when in an intimate situation with a partner.  Better communication between himself and the partner of his ascent to arousal will also reduce anxiety and also enable the partner to assist with these techniques.

Inability to Orgasm


A common sexual complaint among men is the inability to orgasm.  There’s a wide range of possible explanations.  Physiological causes generally fall into one of the following categories:

• Hypothyroidism: The thyroid gland does not produce enough hormone.
• Hypogonadism: Testicles do not produce enough testosterone.
• Neurological problems: Strokes, multiple sclerosis, and diabetic neuropathy, can limit your ability to orgasm.
• Physical injuries: Spinal cord injuries and other major wounds can have an effect.
• Prostate problems: These include infections or surgery affecting the prostate or other pelvic organs.

How Can a Psychosensual Massage Help

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Psychological reasons may also be part or in some cases the main reason: These may include depression, anxiety, or a panic disorder of some kind and massage can be used an effective way to lessen these.  By putting the sufferer in a rested state and reducing the anxiety around the need to perform allows arousal to build without fearful interference.  The caring intimate nature of the massage builds trust and with this trust the “triggers” that are required to release the orgasm can function better.  However it may take several sessions for total relaxation to take place so a series of appointments over a few weeks can be more effective.

If you have any questions for Colin related to this subject or on any other sexual performance related issues, Colin will be delighted to answer them.  He can be contacted at colin@intimacymatters.co.uk

Skin – the biggest sensory & sexual organ in the body

How is it possible that touch can be one of most effective means to influence the structures and functions of body and mind?  The answer lies in the skin.  The skin is the largest sensory organ of the body, arising in a human embryo from the same ectodermic cell layers as the nervous system.  In the evolution of the senses, touch is earliest to develop.

Skin statistics – 19 sq ft of pleasure

In an adult male, there are 19 square feet of skin which contains 5 million sensory cells and represents 12 % of total body weight.  Skin is softer in the summer – the pores are wider and there is greater lubrication.  In winter it’s more compact and firm, the pores are closer together and hair sheds less.  A piece of skin the size of a 5p has: more than 3 million cells, 100-340 sweat glands, 50 nerve endings and three feet of blood vessels.  
Skin contains hundreds of thousands of sensory receptors, which are triggered by skin stimuli.  Skin, so closely tied to the nervous system, sends messages to our brain via the spinal cord – heart rate and blood pressure react.  Appropriate touches can prompt the brain to produce endorphins, the body’s natural pain suppressors, which are considered more powerful than morphine.  This is why massage can help ease pain.

The Benefits of having a Sensual or Psychosensual Massage

Make time

For many of us life, is “all about the other” and not ourselves.  We have been persuaded that to care for ourselves is self indulgent even selfish, that to ensure our position within society, we must look after everyone else’s needs first and only when we believe that they are satisfied can we care for ourselves – but does this ever happen?  If we are all caring for the other, then can we ever be satisfied ourselves?  Instead of living our lives 95% for others, we should aim for at least 60/40 and taking a regular massage is well invested time, closing the door on the rest of the world and focussing on the SELF.

Safe relaxing non judgemental environment



The quiet relaxed environment of the massage room and a warm friendly manner of the masseur gives a feeling of safety that will reduce sub-conscious psychological warning systems, (often linked to childhood conditioning) and as we  begin to relax, the levels of anxiety decrease, encouraging our bodies to relax.

Openness and understanding

Giving a clear description of the massage process and explaining its level of sensuality will continue to reduce the anxiety.  Understanding our motivation for wanting the massage, being able to be honest and open with the masseur about our fantasies, fears and needs without feeling judged, all goes to helping us feel able to let go and receive.

A journey from tension and stress through arousal and orgasm to ultimate relaxation

Both a sensual massage or a  psychosensual massage should be given slowly and seductively, with the masseur taking the client on a 4 part journey from the state of tension they often arrive in through relaxation and arousal to the orgasmic high and eventual fulfilment.  Each phase of the massage has its particular focus and motivation.  The main difference with the latter from the former is that the Psychosensual Massage is given with a focus  on working with and during the massage, observing  any sexual performance or sexual intimacy issues, and given by a therapist who has had additional training in psychosexual work.  The sensual massage is generally taken by men or women, or couples who are simply looking to relax and rejuvenate and possibly explore sensual intimate touch in a total and complete way, given by a masseur who has been trained in both therapeutic massage and sensual massage techniques.

The Sensual Massage Phases

• Stage 1: Sensual Therapeutic phase
• Stage 2: Gentle Arousal phase
• Stage 3: Sensual Arousal phase
• Stage 4: Erotic and Orgasmic phase

Sensual Therapeutic Phase



The Sensual Therapeutic phase lasts about 20 minutes and is focused on the shoulders and back of the upper body.  The aim is to encourage the client into a further relaxed state.  With the use of light touch, feathers and soft caring touches combined with more traditional deep tissue muscle work, causing the client to further to “let go”.  The combination of soft strokes with stronger deeper massage generates a confidence within the client and a genuine feeling of being cared for.  This is followed by gentle teasing of the more intimate areas of the body making  the skins sensory preceptors to send signals to the brain, the brain responds by stimulating the body’s para-sympathetic nervous system (relax and rest mode) and the massage progresses into the Gentle Arousal Phase.

Gentle Arousal phase



By now the client is usually well on the sensual journey, still aware of what is taking place but beginning to “drift away”, losing themselves to the sensations of the massage.  Further exploration into the intimate crevices of the body namely the neck, armpits, groin and pelvic areas are all stimulated.  Arousal begins to increase usually causing erection (men) and lubrication (women), accompanied by deeper breathing and some involuntary movements of the body.  The skin becomes more sensitive as body contact between the masseur and client increases.  And the brain begins to drifts in and out of awareness.

The Sensual Arousal phase

During this phase direct contact with the genitals takes place, in the male the penis (now erect) and scrotum.  In women, the outer lips of the vagina and areas around the groin and anus are lightly touched and massaged.  Careful notice is taken not to take the client to orgasm but to hold them at a high level of arousal then falling back to relaxation and back again to high arousal, this is done several times.  During this phase in the massage the client is encouraged to be self focussed enjoying the stimulation and to not worry about their “performance” or the “other”, however for some, physical contact with the masseur preferred and since when an “intimate connection” is made, arousal can increase considerably.

Orgasm to Relaxation



The male sexual response cycle consists of excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution.  The first 3 phases of this massage cover the first two elements of this cycle.  During this phase of the massage, the body and mind becomes paradoxically, both deeply relaxed and highly aroused, this contradictory state causes the bodies’ nervous system to oscillate between its sympathetic and para-sympathetic modes as the mind focuses on the sensations of the final ascent to orgasm.  At the pinnacle of orgasm, control is given over to the primal response of orgasm and in men (ejaculation) the muscles tense, the breathing increases, often the client becomes more verbal emitting pleasurable moans.  Orgasms are usually a combination of peripheral (genital or extra-genital) stimulation and a mental “letting go.”  Neurologically speaking, it is accepted that the pathways
 for ejaculation and orgasm are under a tonic inhibitory influence, and that the release of this inhibition is cerebrally influenced.  Without this release, the normal
 orgasmic and ejaculatory reflexes cannot be expressed. With the final orgasmic rush comes a massive release of energy, triggering the immediate after effect of relaxation when the male body, immediately following ejaculation, falls back into the deep state of resolution.  The body relaxes, and encouraged by stroking of the head and scalp, the body quickly falls in to “rest, relax and re-cooperate mode”.  With the drifting into a deep state of subconsciousness, and even light sleep.

To be continued…

If you have any questions for Colin related to this subject or on any other sexual performance related issues, Colin will be delighted to answer them.  He can be contacted at colin@intimacymatters.co.uk