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Modern Cuckoldry

Photo: Morguefile


Modern Cuckoldry

How and why a couple gets involved with a cuckold lifestyle are quite varied.  Below are a few of the pathways couples typical take into this lifestyle.

Man initiated

Firstly, some husbands (boyfriends) initiate things as part of a sexual fantasy about seeing their partner with another man.  These men mention their unusual fantasy to their partner and the woman reacts to it.  Quite often the woman become upset with the man.  She wonders if he is in some way rejecting her or looking to go outside their relationship himself.

There are also men who become attracted to some type of cuckold lifestyle as they age and have less sexual stamina.  The husband who is 50-something finds he cannot get an erection as easily as he did in the past.  Some men develop a secret cuckold fantasy that is partly based on their voyeuristic interests and partly because they feel guilty that they cannot satisfy their wife.

In any case, after resisting the man’s idea, some women change their mind when the right situation and man becomes available.  Eventually she becomes curious by the idea of having her existing relationship combined with the freedom to indulge herself while her partner remains faithful to her.

Sometimes what was originally the man’s fantasy grows into a very different reality.

Woman Initiated

Less often the woman suggests introducing cuckoldry into the relationship for one reason or another.

There are many motivating factors for a woman in a marriage that includes cuckold benefits.  The first and foremost is sexual variety but also having a marriage/relationship that is unequal in her favour with respect to sexual pleasure and freedom.

Some of the typical motivations women have for initiating or trying a cuckold lifestyle are:

  • Breaking a taboo
  • Enjoying some sexual romance and adventure
  • Humiliating her husband or boyfriend
  • Being the centre of attention (i.e. Queen Bee)
  • Satisfying her sexual desires
  • Indulging in some form of exhibitionism

A small number of women in “the lifestyle” only engage in extra-marital sex with partners that are exclusively female.  In these situations the women either enjoy their bisexuality or are sometimes actual lesbians who want to have a traditional marriage with a man but also enjoy indulge their innate desires.  The important factor here is that the husband must remain faithful to the marriage and his partner while she enjoys herself with female partners.

The Cheating Woman

For some women, they have never accepted the idea of being in a monogamous relationship; cuckoldry just seems natural to them.  Other women just crave variety, adventure or enjoy breaking a taboo.

The trick for the woman who is “cheating” is converting the relationship and her man into a modern cuckold while avoiding any problems.


Some couples that are into the swinger scene gravitate to cuckoldry in a gradual process.  As the man gets older, his sexual energies begin to wane while the woman’s sexual appetite remains the same or increases with age.  Quite often these couple make a slow transition to cuckoldry.

Older Couples

There are very traditional couples who, beginning in this lifestyle, start when they are in their fifties or older.  This occurs when a menopausal woman takes hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to combat hot-flashes and osteoporosis.  A side effect of this medication is a huge boost to the woman’s libido right when her man’s sexual prowess is diminishing.

In these circumstances, the woman find herself sexually frustrated and unfulfilled while the man becomes depressed with his inability to satisfy the her.  Quite often both partners are relieved when they work out a cuckold-related arrangement.

Second, Third… Marriages

There are women who go through one or more tumultuous marriages and divorces before marrying the “right guy” or a “nice man”.  After some time in their new marriage these women find that something is missing in their marriage; that they crave a “bad boy”.  These women need to seek out men for sex that is completely different from their “ideal” husband.  Some women “back-slide” and call on their ex-husbands to provide them with the sexual satisfaction their nice ones can’t give her.  Overtime these women find that having a modern cuckold relationship works best for them.

It is important to recognize that no two couples or situations are exactly alike.  There are literally limitless ways in which couples can engage in some form of cuckold lifestyle.

The historical definition of a cuckold is a man whose wife is unfaithful and becomes pregnant by another man.  This breech of fidelity was considered very scandalous.  In many cases, the cuckold man did not know about his wife’s dalliances and the factor that an illegitimate heir was being raised in his house.

In some cases, these old style cuckolds chose to ignore their cuckold status and remained silent about the wife’s infidelity.  If a woman’s actions did become public, the consequences for her were often dire.

In modern cuckoldry, the husband (or boyfriend) is fully aware of his status and what his lady is doing.  In most instances, the cuckold’s direct knowledge of his lady’s activities is an important part of her enjoyment of the lifestyle.

The following are factors that may help women enjoy their sexual freedom in a cuckold relationship:

  • Opportunity;  Now that more women are working outside their homes, they are often  provided with many more opportunities to meet men, travel for business …etc.
  • Sexual Advantage;  It is relatively easy for a woman to meet and attract men of her choice.  Using her flirtation skills, even a woman wearing a wedding band can attract men to her in many social situations.
  • Carnal Capacity;  The typical woman has a greater capacity to enjoy sex than a man. Many women are multi-orgasmic while men generally are not.

Since modern cuckoldry is a taboo or fringe lifestyle, there are many practical matters that the woman and cuckold must address, like privacy.  Very few women would want their family, friends, neighbours or co-workers to know about their special lifestyle.  The couple should consider how they will protect their privacy with respect to their new lifestyle.

No matter how things develop, it is important that a couple discusses things openly and not rush into anything.  For instance, some men may have a cuckold fantasy but are not ready for the reality of accepting their wife having extra-marital sex.  It is best to start slow.  Many cuckold-wanna-be men can quickly be overcome with their emotions which can cause problems.  Similarly, women can be overwhelmed with feelings of guilt or regret for wanting to try or actually having an encounter outside her normal relationship.

When a couple decides they are ready to take the plunge into cuckoldry, there are things to consider in avoiding potential problems;

  • Prior to her engaging with another partner, the couple should discuss various scenarios that they both find arousing.  They should even go to a public place like a shopping mall where they pick out pretend partners for her to enjoy.  Looking out over a crowd, the husband would point out a man walking by to the woman.  She would then rate his selection.  She in turn would then pick out someone walking by that she though was desirable.  Each time, the woman would explain what she found attractive or unattractive in each selection.

Doing this types of mental exercises will help prepare the man and the woman for the real thing:

  • The woman picks out a sex toy and has her man use it on her.  Before starting, the woman should give the sex toy a masculine name like “Andre” and tell her man about it.  She should tell her man that she is in the mood for some fun and to get Andre.  If needed, the woman should also instruct the man to prepare the sex toy by washing it and applying any necessary lubricant.  While she enjoys the sex toy she should occasionally say things to taunt the man like “Oh Andre, that feels so good”.  Even though this type of play acting might seem silly it really isn’t.  This is an exercise that exposes the man (cuckold-in-training) to being a cuckold-by-proxy where the woman is being pleasure by another “man”.
  • Draw up a cuckold contract to defined boundaries, requirements and expectations for both the husband and the wife.  One rule often defined in these agreements is that the woman will break-off any relationship in which if she begins developing deeper feelings of attachment for the other man.
  • The woman’s first extra-marital encounter is very important.  In all cases her physical and emotional safety must be a priority.
  • The husband’s (boyfriend’s) direct involvement and presence during the woman’s first encounter should be avoided in case he isn’t yet ready for the intensity of the event.  Overall, the cuckolds level of involvement with the woman’s activities is something to be considered and discussed before doing anything.

One important aspect of almost all cuckold relationships is the way the woman keeps the cuckold connected and engaged with her sexuality while she enjoys her freedom outside their relationship.  The following are some examples of how a woman keeps her cuckold involved with her sexuality:

  • Telling him about an upcoming encounter she has planned or about a man she is interested in.
  • Have him help her prepare for a “date” with another man.  This can include taking her shopping for special clothes and lingerie.  Helping her bathe and dress for the date…etc.  Making it his job to put condoms, lube…etc in her purse before she leaves for her date.
  • After her date, tell him all about the other man, where they went and what they did including some of the sexual pleasures she enjoyed.
  • Tell him about any future dates she has or men she is interested in dating.
  • Sending her husband photos from her cell phone of things she does on a “date”.
  • Encourage her cuckold to express his feelings and concerns so she can address them.
  • Allowing him to meet her date and eventually watch her having sex with this other man.  Not all women are comfortable with this, especially early on.
  • Have the cuckold approach men she is interested in seeing to ask them if they would like to have a “date” with the woman.

A woman keeping her cuckold man engaged with her in various ways is important to both maintain their relationship and ally his fears of losing her or their relationship.  This also helps engage one of the motivating factors for a cuckold – voyeurism, even if it is limited to just knowing that the woman is having an encounter with another man.

Once a couple adopts a cuckold lifestyle they often find that their motivations and interests in it change over time.  For example, a wife that was at first only looking for sexual variety might slowly begin to dominate her cuckold in some ways.

In the next instalment I will review some of the expected and unexpected issues that a couple might face as well as the emotional side to cuckoldry.

Read Steve’s latest article on Cuckoldry & Pornography on!

Steve is a middle-aged husband and father living in the northern US. By day he works as a technical analyst/project manager for a large company by night he explores the depths of alternative sexual lifestyles - mostly involve female-led relations.


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