Tag: Sexual Satisfaction

5 Things You Should Know About Going Down On Your Lady

Ah, the vagina. That mysterious piece of art between a woman’s legs. Few men dare to venture their faces too close, and those that do, regretfully, don’t quite know what they’re doing down there. Fortunately, I’m here to shed some light on this magical unicorn of sexual pleasure. Starting with…

1) It’s not an all you can eat buffet.

The goal here is not to plunge your face in and gobble up everything in sight. This isn’t some cheap Chinese buffet—it’s a delicate, gourmet meal. Start out slowly. Even foreplay needs a little foreplay, and everyone likes a little tease. Start out with little kisses leading the way, or just barely brush her clit with your tongue to get her warmed up. No need to dive right in; you are a respectable gentleman, not a cocker spaniel.

2) NO TEETH.

For some absurd reason, a few of the guys who I’ve had the unfortunate luck to sleep with think it feels good when they rub their teeth on my clit, or use their teeth as part of the “experience”. Now, I don’t speak for the entirety of women here, but it stands to reason that if you don’t want my teeth digging into your cock, then don’t be digging yours into my clitoris. Seriously, that shit hurts. Tongue and lips only, please!

3) Use your fingers!

We women are extremely lucky in that we have two main spots of pleasure in our genitals. One, the clitoris, which hopefully at this point you’re taking care of with your tongue and mouth. But often, a world of pleasure is ignored when you don’t use your fingers on the g-spot. Pleasure her orally for a little, get her nice and wet, and then slide two fingers inside her all the way and move your fingers up and down. It’s a win-win situation ; it’ll feel amazing for her, and you won’t end up with lockjaw ’cause she’ll come way faster.

[Side note : Please trim your nails before attempting any penetration of a vagina with your fingers.]

4) Don’t be afraid to suck.

By this, I don’t mean don’t be afraid to be awful at cunnilingus. Be very afraid of that.

What I’m talking about in this case is actually using a little sucking action on her clit.

My absolute favourite move, and one that I’ve only just recently experienced, is having the guy suck my clit into his mouth (LIPS ONLY. See #2.) and while sucking, run his tongue over and around it. Absolute perfection! Don’t be afraid to add a little suction action to your repertoire of pussy-eating skills. If your lady is anything like me, she’ll love it—and maybe return the favor. And I’m almost positive you won’t mind having a little suction action on your cock, right?

5) When in doubt, ask.

So, the time is here, you’re “headed downtown for some lunch”, your face is buried in an all you can eat pussy buffet … and you’re getting nothing. Not a moan, not a squeak. What are you doing wrong?

Well, the only sure fire way to find out is to ask. I’ve had guys go down on me who didn’t have the slightest inkling what I liked; and it’s not like they were going to read my mind to find out. Every woman is different, we all like slight variations on the traditional pussy-eating technique. So simply ask. “Do you like it when I do this?” “How do you like it baby?” Most of the time, you’ll get a very specific answer. We know what we like and for the most part, we’re not afraid to tell you. We will literally give you a map to the Kingdom of Orgasms—you just have to follow it. Easy, right?

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September 29, 2014
3 Tips to be a Sex Pro

Sex can be a very confusing but wonderful thing if you know what you are doing. Here I have compiled a list of tips to make you successful in the bedroom. These 3 simple easy steps can turn you from an average joe into a sex pro!

1. Learn the human anatomy. Males and females all have erogenous zones. These zones are places you want to touch to increase pleasure to your partner. Learning all these areas can help decrease tension and increase arousal. These zones are located all over a person’s body, some in plain sight such as the neck, and some in hidden areas like the clitoris under the clitoral hood. Foreplay is the foundation for an orgasm. Sometimes excitement makes you want to just jump right into it, but foreplay and a little bit of teasing goes a long way.

2. Communication. Knowing all these erogenous zones would be nothing without knowing how to communicate with your partner. Everyone has a preference on how they like certain things. Some people have sensitive organs and some people don’t. Some people prefer rough sex and some people prefer soft (vanilla) sex. It is all dependent on that person and without communicating, things can get lost in translation and a good time can become a not so amazing experience.

3. Experiment. You would be surprised what kind of niches/fetishes you may be into. Without experimenting, you will never know what it is like to try something new. Be open minded and have fun. Spicing things up can be a breathe of fresh air sometimes.

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September 28, 2014
Top 3 Conditions Needed for a Good Sexual Experience

Necessary conditions for a good sexual experience. Promising title, no?

Well, as things often go, you might just end up getting something else than what you were expecting, but not always for the worse.

So what are the necessary conditions for a good sexual experience? Adequate levels of sexual desire for both participants? Being really aroused & wet? Having a (partner with) a larger than average penis? Orgasm(s)? Mood and lighting? Scented candles? Or perhaps Barry White?

Taking this approach to such a general question would lead us nowhere. Why? Because there is no such thing as ‘the right way to sexually stimulate women or men’, just the right way to stimulate that particular woman or that single man. If we were to ask a 100 people what they would need to have a good sexual experience, we would wind up with a 100 personal sexual guide books. To make matters worse, each of them would almost be completely useless as a guide to a good sexual experience for any other person. At best, one could read each other’s guide as a source of inspiration. If you’re in a committed partner relationship, this might be an enlightening exercise for the both of you!

So how then can we say something useful about the necessary conditions for having a pleasant sexual experience? This is done so by taking a broad approach. In sexological literature, you will find three conditions that have to be met to be able to have a good, pleasant, or satisfying sexual experience.

1. An intact & functioning sexual system

Sex, more specifically sexual arousability, requires certain areas of your brain sending signals traveling through several nerve bundles to various parts of your body and vice versa. If one of the links in this chain of information-sharing is malfunctioning, the entire system is put under stress, sometimes even making certain aspects of sexual experiences impossible. One’s nervous system, one’s endocrine system, one’s genitalia, one’s hands, lips, tongue, and also, one’s eyes, one’s nose, ears, and skin need to be intact and functioning, at least up to a certain level.

In other words: one needs to be able to register internal and external sexual stimuli—fantasies or desires, seeing a beautiful man or woman, feeling someone lightly brush by your neck—and all internal systems and organs that play a part in the elicited sexual response need to be intact.

2. Good sexual stimuli

Ok. Let’s assume you have an intact & functioning sexual system.
So you’re at home, sitting in your comfy chair attentively waiting for your sexual system to switch on.

I hope your chair is really, really comfy …

Every system has its start-up requirements. Our sexual system is no different. It needs an input of sexual stimuli to get going and keep going. As said, these stimuli can be both internal (like thoughts or fantasies) & external (like speech, touch, scents or just seeing someone you find attractive, hot, sexy). Both can do the trick equally well. Most people have a general idea of which stimuli are the most gratifying for themselves.

For most of us happy enough to be in a partner relationship, we have the luck of having a large source of different types of stimuli at hand each day; our partner. He or she can be a source of sensual thoughts or fantasies, look really sexy dressing in the right way (or not at all) or he/she can simply light those scented candles you like so much.

For most of us, with or without partner, potential stimuli are in abundance. Potential stimuli, because, even when you’re exposed to a potentially good sexual stimulus, you still have to see it in a sexual way. One has to allow oneself to interpret a stimulus sexually and to give sexual meaning and thus sexual value to a stimulus. For instance, let’s say for the sake of argument that seeing a woman naked serves as a good stimulus: So, it’s Sunday morning, you’ve slept in, you’re relaxed with nothing on your mind, you walk into the bathroom and there she is, naked, breasts in full sight, sitting on the water closet. This could still be a stimulating situation but that entirely depends on the meaning ascribed to what is seen. Do you see her as sitting there doing her business or do you see her as sitting there, naked? The latter could jumpstart one’s sexual system whereas the former would probably do just about the opposite.

Hence, we need stimuli to get our sexual system going, but we have to see them as sexual stimuli first in order for them to have the desired effect.

3. The right context

So there you are. Stimuli in abundance. You’re really taking them up in a sexual way. You feel your sexual system warming up, creating a feeling that could develop into full blown sexual desire & arousal and …. you’re standing in the middle of a crowded town square / the baby just woke up and is wailing to be / there’s still loads of household work that need to be done/ you can’t help but think it wasn’t really good the last time.

Even when all other conditions are just right and a pleasant sexual experience is a real possibility, you still need the right context for the situation to go forward in the desired way.

When you feel your system’s started up and desire and arousal are building, the time and place have to be just right for you to be able to actually do something with those feelings. And again, not only do the time and place have to be right in a practical sense, you also have to feel that it’s a good time and place for sex. When your mind is elsewhere or occupied with non-sexual thoughts, even a potentially good context to act upon your desire could feel like it’s not really the ideal time or place for for some sexy time.

As such, what’s the use of thinking about sex in this way? Well, knowing about these three conditions: a functioning sexual system, sexual stimuli, and the right context can help you to understand why your sexual partner sometimes doesn’t feel like having sex while you’re ready to go or vice versa. In addition, understanding why you or your partner behave in a certain way can help you to deal with certain tense and tricky situations, and most importantly, prevent frustration from building up.

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September 26, 2014
20 Best Songs to Have Sex to!

Hello ! I’m Annette Worth; adult film actress, disc jockey’ dancer, and a Scorpio.
There are many ways to spice up your sex life and music is definitely one of these. Putting on the correct song that fits the mood can change an intimate moment from vanilla-ish to sensual and sexy. Different situations call for different types of romp-tracks and here is a playlist of the top 20 songs for 2014 that I have picked just for you:

Romantic songs are perfect for those candlelit dinners as you indulge in those languish nights:

Wish & Fonda Rae | Touch me all night long
Donald Byrd | Love has come around
Candido | thousand finger man
Paula Cole | Feelin love

Wild tunes to build up the heat for a threesome sexy romp:

Bad Boy Bill | Everybody
Benny Banassi | Able to Love
Frankie Knuckles | I’ve had enough
Deadmaus5 | Moar Ghosts ‘n’ Stuff (part 2)

Kink it up with that leather whip and a lil smack:

Ministry | Everyday is Halloween
Revolting cocks | Da Ya Think I’m Sexy
My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult | Waiting for Mommie
Bauhaus | Bela Lugosi’s Dead.

Quickie for that darn hot chick you’ve just met in the club:

The Prodigy | Smack My Bitch Up
Aphex Twin | Windowlicker
Awolnation | Sail
Skatt Bros | Walk The Night

Make up sex when who is in the right or wrong no longer matters:

Chris Isaak | Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing
Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds | Red Right Hand
Lenord Cohen | I’m Your Man
Tricky | Overcome

Well that pretty much sums it up. So put in a lil effort and have these tracks ready the next time you have sex ! Special thanks to the Crazy Legs of Rock Steady Crew NYC! Check out his website http://crazylegsworkshop.com/ and twitter account @CrazylegsRSC.

Sheena Carector can be found on Facebook; twitter @Annetworth; LinkedIn and email annetworth@gamail.com

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September 21, 2014
What Do Sex Workers Do? Really?

There are many myths and misconceptions surrounding sex work. I’m going to put these at bay right now. Stay with me. Are you with me? Good.

Just this afternoon I had a confused text from my boyfriend. I had told him that I might have a client booked in for Friday, just so that he could arrange his diary around me and because he has a habit of asking how old the client is (I think it gives him a kick) I told him that he is 19. I didn’t disclose any further information to him. I’m a professional.

‘What is a 19 year old doing paying for it?’ asked my boyfriend, I’ll call him Ian, followed by: ‘I wouldn’t have paid for it when I was 19, unless I was obese, ugly or disabled’. Now I am taking a risk here putting this information ‘out there’ for two reasons: 1) Ian will kill me and 2) I am potentially reinforcing the myths around prostitution, ‘disability’ and just why people are perceived to ‘need to’ pay for it but it’s a risk I am prepared to take because a) I am so proud of my profession that I’m prepared to shout it from the rooftops to clear a few myths up and b) You deserve the truth so here goes nothing …

Firstly, there is no such thing as ugly. Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder and sex workers have an uncanny knack of genuinely finding that spark in another human being that truly generates attraction and sexual desire. Secondly, who says people, whether they are able bodied, ‘Handicapable’ (I hate the word disabled so do humour me if this is how you identify), fat, thin or in-between ‘have to pay’ for anything? It’s their choice and personally, I find it incredibly empowering paying for any service. It’s all about attitude.

A friend in the gym said to me the other week:“I was going to book a sexual massage last night because I was feeling low but I thought the masseur would be thinking ‘he’s ugly, he’s desperate’ so I decided not to”.

“It doesn’t work like that mate. Trust me, we really don’t think in those terms” I said, with a sadness in the pit of my stomach because I knew that had he gone through with the appointment, he would have received the physical touch he needed, along with the affection, emotional warmth and yes, sexual release. We all need to be held and we all benefit from the release of sexual fluids along with the accompanying increased endorphins and ‘happy chemicals’ such as serotonin. Yes people ; there’s a lot of benefits in going to see a sex worker and most of us do know what we’re doing on that score.

There’s good and bad in every occupation, each industry and practitioner. This is a given. So choose carefully, go with your gut and make your needs clear. Even if you don’t know what you need, identify this not knowing as a need and let your worker lead you into a world of unexpected pleasure.

I love sex. You may have gathered this but here’s the thing: not all sex workers do. Most of us yes but not all. Again, like in any profession: choose your target, take aim and fire your enthusiasm at the bull’s eye best suited to your tastes. I specialise in affection, energetic connection and some aspects of kink with a psychosexual underpinning. I myself have burst into tears in the middle of a kink session and I expect my clients to sometimes do the same.

It’s all fine. Your sexual desires can open the doors to many hidden gems. It would be a shame to miss out, don’t you think?

I feel like I have concluded before I expected to (and no, that’s not a euphemism: I have great control 🙂 ) but I write intuitively so I am going to trust that you now know what we sex workers get up to and a little about why we get up to it. I love people, I love my job and I love to love. I have a BIG … heart (well what did you think I was going to say?)and thankfully my boyfriend is more than happy for me to share it. So what are you waiting for? Is there a sex worker near you who you have been tempted by? Is there a fantasy you are dying to explore? A door you want to open?

Jump on in … the water’s astonishing.

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September 1, 2014
Can You Feel The Heat?

Matt-at-Lotus on Burning Up in the Bedroom …

… or wherever you prefer to do it. Last week, I was massaging a client which is not unusual for a sexual masseur. He was face down, naked, skin glistening from the sunlight reflected in the massage oil. I work differently from most massage therapists in that I not only offer a sexual massage but also sexual services along with it. I pride myself on being as honest as I can and see no benefit in pretending to be doing anything other than sex, such as calling it ‘Tantric Massage’ (there’s no such thing) or ‘Relaxation Massage’ (AKA ‘Massage and a hand job’). The thing is that if you, the client, don’t really know if the massage is sexual, how can you truly relax? If the practitioner doesn’t quite know whether you are ‘up for it’, how can they truly relax? It all creates a pretty cold, confused and nervous atmosphere if you ask me. My advice is to be honest, lay your cards on the table and release those inhibitions with a practitioner (which can also be your partner, stick with me and all shall be revealed …) who is equally honest with you: “This is a sexual massage, you will probably climax and you are welcome to touch me, depending on how comfortable you feel. I am happy to discuss whatever you need”.

Now aren’t you already feeling more relaxed? Can’t you now feel that tingle down your spine and that quivering of your bottom lip that says: ‘Chill out, you’re in safe hands and those hands know exactly what they’re doing’. Horny huh? Yeah, I think so too.

And There’s More

How can this help you in bed? How can this connection—between me and my clients—assist you in reaching that point of no return with your next shag? It’s easy; I deliberately make a connection with my clients to intentionally turn up the sexual heat. I do this because I can and I do this because that is what the client is paying for. It’s in my job description. Want to know how to do it? Then we shall begin …

Honesty, as I have said, is key. Tell yourself how you feel. Yes; yourself. This is how all relationships (and remember ‘relationships’ can be for one night only) start. When you get to know yourself, you can then easily share that knowledge with your partner/s. If you have no fucking clue who you are, how the hell is anyone else going to know? It stands to reason that it is only when we know ourselves that we can then teach others to know themselves. Now here is where something kinda magical happens. For example, whenever I touch most clients (and lovers for that matter) they will physically feel a heat. This is partly because I am a healer and partly because I know where to touch. It is mainly… drum roll please … because I know who I am. Does that sound odd? Allow me to elaborate.

Once upon a training in psychotherapy, I remember the tutor explaining what one of the founders of therapy noted during therapy sessions. It went something like this: ‘It’s almost as if an unseen part of the patient reaches out and an unseen part of me reaches back, like a meeting of souls rather than minds’. I am paraphrasing here because I can’t be arsed to reference it but more so because this description explains perfectly what happens in good sex. We connect with an invisible aspect of our lovers that goes far beyond the physical. This cannot happen if we haven’t at least taken that first step in connecting with ourselves. Do you follow? No? Okay, let me put it another way.

Make love to yourself first. Try masturbating very, very, slowly. Do not just concentrate on your dick (or clit if you are a lady). Explore your lips, nipples, eyebrows, ears, armpits, inside the elbows. Take. Your. Time.

I tell you this right now—do this, slowly, very very slowly and you will feel the heat. You will notice tingles, heat, throbbing in the perineum (the bit between your arse and balls or for females the soft area around half an inch from your arse, the area you would tense when doing pelvic floor exercises), the base of your spine and more. Now, go and share this with someone. Again, very very slowly. Take. Your. Time.

Oh, and all this I am teaching you now, I showed the client I mentioned earlier, as he lay there face down on the massage table, I showed him how to turn the heat up and do you know what he said?

“I c..c..an’t speak. I … I … That was. Just, that…” followed by: “Wow”’.

“You’re welcome” I responded.

Now go turn the heat up. You’ll be glad you did.

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August 18, 2014
Are You Connecting Emotionally When Having Sex?

By Matt-at-Lotus

As you may or may not know, I am a professional sex worker and writer. I also happen to be trained in counselling and psychotherapy and no, I’m not just showing off (okay maybe a little) I am merely letting you know that I know a little about, you know, stuff.

When I was working full time as a therapist in private practice, I saw lots of couples and often saw singles who were having ‘bad’ sex. The stories were different but actually the same, allow me to paraphrase: ‘We go to bed at night and she just isn’t interested. She turns away and I have to jerk myself off’. Hmmm … and followed by: ‘I met this guy on the net and all he wanted me to do was shove a courgette up his arse’. Double hmmm …

This is a common affliction for straights, gays, bi’s and those in between—we have no fucking idea what intimacy really means. Allow me to give you a (slightly graphic) example:

A few weeks ago, I was called to a hotel to do an ‘outcall’ for a gentleman who found himself unexpectedly in the city and so, had a few hours to kill. “Be as kinky as you like” he said on the telephone before the booking. “I like leather”, he hinted as I chatted to him, took his deposit and packed my ‘outcall bag’ (massage oil, condoms, lube, tissues, shoe laces, cock rings etc.) and booked my taxi using the other phone. Multi-tasking is my forte.

When I arrived at the hotel, the gentleman opened the door wearing just a bath towel and greeted me with a lovely smile and a glint in his eye. Once in his room and following my safety text to a friend, I opened my bag of tricks and his eyes lit up.

“Now I am going to open the condom packet and lube just in case but this is a go-with-the-flow kind of service so don’t get your hopes up”, I set the stage for the following two hours (and reaffirmed the wordings of my website) as I put on my leather harness and proceeded to tie the gentleman’s balls with a red shoe lace.

Then I kissed him.

July 28, 2014
10 Great Reasons to Masturbate

You might have heard various slang’s for masturbation. A few come to mind, such as beating the meat; honk the horn; flick the bean; taco time; polish the helmet and shake the snake. But do you know that there are actually many good reasons to partake in this solo activity? For those who think that only males masturbate, you should know that even females do the deed too, read it here if you haven’t! (It’s true, female masturbation does exist)

We have listed 10 of the many for you to give the next time you get caught masturbating, and no, masturbation doesn’t cause you to go blind.

1. It feels awesome.

2. It is self-cultivating and teaches us more about our own body; what turns us on and what doesn’t. Masturbation helps one identify what our basic sexual needs are and how best to satisfy them. Tell this to your partner and you have a solid basis for a sizzling sex life.

3. It helps to release tension and makes us sleep better —a secret sleeping pill without no side-effects!

4. We learn to separate love from sex. Being more able to distinguish sex-affairs from love-affairs as we realise having an orgasm doesn’t mean we’re in love.

5. For those who are single, it prevents you from jumping over walls or sleeping with the person you meet.

6. It’s totally harmless. No risk of STDs! No pregnancy worries!

7. It has great beauty treatment. Orgasm improves blood circulation, helps to combat the effects of stress and makes skin glow!

8. You only have to concentrate purely on your own pleasure and not worry about someone else’s.

9. The more you masturbate, the more orgasms you’ll be capable of having both with and without your partner.

10. By giving yourself an orgasm, that is true sexual independence.

So what are you waiting for? Stroke away!!

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July 22, 2014
The “Hard” truth about Erectile Dysfunction | Part 2

Although there are many various types of sexual dysfunctions, one of them is considered especially significant: erectile dysfunction, caused by an inhibition in the sexual excitement phase during the male’s sexual response. It is defined as a permanent, occasional or recurring inability to develop or maintain an erection required for one to successfully engage in sexual activities and complete sexual intercourse.

Apart from the first instance of the 85-year-old man who abstained from sex for 3 years following his wife’s death, I once had another client with erectile problems. He came to see me some time after his divorce, which was caused, among other things, by his passive role in marriage and pathological jealousy. His then-wife ended up cheating on him (a self-fulfilling prophecy), which he had a hard time getting over. Despite feeling angry and bitter, he would not accept a more rational understanding of love and sex. He remained a victim of his immature thinking, which manifested itself sexually. After divorce, he tried to have sex with younger women, but he failed—except with the drug Cialis, although even with it, the sex wasn’t that great.

His poor sexual functioning was not caused merely by his “scar” of being cheated on and divorced; in the sense of distrust towards women, but also by his wrong expectations. Even though we worked on his problems for several sessions, he failed to accept the responsibility for his own sexual exchange. Being desired by young girls flattered him; he stopped having panic attacks, took some anxiolytics, antidepressants, and felt confident in verbal communication. However, sex was still an issue. I suggested that he try to find a more serious woman, who would understand his condition and be tolerant of his current erectile dysfunction. However, I could not “cure” his ego, which caused him to keep spiraling down. In the end, he fell in love with his friend’s daughter, telling me that the two of them had a close encounter without sexual intercourse, so he required that I give him an instant solution for sex. Seeing that psychosexual therapy does not offer that kind of help, I told him that only an injection may stiffen his penis, and sent him to a urologist. He later informed me that the urologist didn’t give him the injection, but only Cialis and some anxiolytic powder, and admitted that it was not the right way, but also that he could not “let that girl go”—because she was too good looking.

All of these indicate that erectile problems are not that trivial and it often turns out that many men do not wish to engage in proper relations with their partners, where they will show their true face, but instead they build false, shallow relations, full of lies and deceit, only to fulfill some societal ideals and satisfy their egos. They may believe that women appreciate and respect those men more, but that is no excuse. Those same women will sooner be disappointed and leave them when they realize that these men are not how they have presented themselves. This is why I advise men to take a risk and be more honest when meeting women, because in the end they always get more out of it. Maybe they won’t have as many sexual partners, but what they do get will undoubtedly be more meaningful and fulfilling.

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July 12, 2014
The “Hard” truth about Erectile Dysfunction | Part 1

Although there are many various types of sexual dysfunctions, one of them is considered especially significant: erectile dysfunction, caused by an inhibition in the sexual excitement phase during the male’s sexual response. It is defined as a permanent, occasional or recurring inability to develop or maintain an erection required for one to successfully engage in sexual activities and complete sexual intercourse.

Freud classified impotence as a type of neurosis, and only with the arrival of Masters and Johnson, as well as Kaplan, did impotence receive a nicer name, free of pejorative meaning and negative self-evaluation, which is erectile dysfunction. Another discovery then was that not every man with sexual problems is necessarily neurotic, suffering from a personality disorder or another psychopathological disorder. One can be completely “normal” and be unable to develop or maintain an erection, without it meaning anything other than (most commonly) an inability to initiate or maintain sexual excitement during one of the phases of the sexual response cycle. Therefore, a satisfying erection cannot be achieved without positive sexual excitement, although, in rare cases, certain fears may lead to an erection (e.g. when men were forced to rape women at gunpoint during the war). Generally speaking, fears have an adverse effect on sexual functionality, although uncommon fears such as the fear of being discovered by others (e.g. while engaging in sensual contact in the bathroom at a friend’s party) may increase excitement.

The first research of all types of impotence was conducted by Kinsey et al. in 1948, when they established that there was a relatively high percentage of “total impotence”, both psychogenic and organic in origin, on a sample of over 6,000 men. They determined the percentage to be 2–4% at the age of 35 and 77% at the age of 80. More methodologically valid tests were subsequently conducted, indicating a percentage of 7‒10% (Hawton, 1985). In 1993, the National Institutes of Health found that there was a high prevalence of erectile dysfunction in the United States and that between 10 and 20 million men over the age of 18 suffered from this disorder.

The article proposes to discuss two examples of such:

An 85-year-old man, after abstaining from sex for 3 years following his wife’s death, experienced several failures with a woman who accepted to have sex with him (mostly due to financial aid on his part), and approached us, demanding that we enable him to have a hard penis when he takes off his clothes so that she could see that he is “ready to go” and a “real” man. He would not accept my suggestions that things did not work like that even in much younger men, but he still, somewhat foolishly, hoped that there was a drug that would “raise him from the dead”. Prejudices of this type are not uncommon in men, who often expect that their penis should function regardless of their psychophysical condition, and the pharmaceutical industry relies precisely on these myths when it produces drugs for potency. This perspective disregards any ideas about necessary conditions, good relations with the partner, erotic surroundings, etc., as unimportant.

Your partner may be Monica Bellucci or Claudia Schiffer, but if you are not “there”, are absent-minded, have not provided your necessary conditions, do not have a positive sexual excitement, are not in good relations with your partner, you will not have a satisfying erection. No drug can give you that.

Therefore, an erection only means that your penis is hard. Whether you really want sex, whether you are indeed a real man, whether you find your partner attractive, etc., depends mostly on your assessment, your feelings and current circumstances. It would certainly not be a good idea to want to act upon your erection caused by looking at your best friend’s daughter

(to be continued …)

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July 11, 2014