SimplySxy

Tag: Sexual Satisfaction

  • Masturbation: A Series on How to Get You Off (Part III)

    Masturbation: A Series on How to Get You Off (Part III)

    Part 3 – Making Connections

    You cannot truly connect with another human being until you have really connected with yourself. Yeah yeah you’ve heard it all before and yeah yeah it is a little corny to say but this does not make it any less… true!

    When I am having sex I really like to let myself go and to enjoy the experience as much as is humanely possible, paid or unpaid (and just before you all go hitting the phones asking for a freebie: the only guy I shag for free is my bf … giggle…). I don’t always get it right, I’m human, but I do my best and when I do notice that something either isn’t quite right or is going horribly wrong (again, either with a client or my boyfriend) I will try to correct it. This might mean adjusting position, taking time out, having a chat, trying something completely new or even stopping altogether and going for a walk. It is vitally important to really, really listen to your own bodies (yours and your shag’s/partner’s) So, how do you do that? How do you get out of your left brain (the over-thinking, methodical, clinical ‘head sex’ aspect of our brain) and into your body? How do you truly connect with your humanness? Have you noticed that I’m asking lots of questions? Can you see that I have mentioned the terms ‘human’ and humanness’ a lot? Why?

    ‘Enough with the questions will you! Just teach me how to wank!’ I hear you holler. Oh don’t mind me, I’m just having a little chat with your subconscious.

    Now, the real stuff can start … unzip and drop ‘em. Please read Parts 1 and 2 if you haven’t already and do note that this article and indeed series, is aimed at both men and women, transgendered and all those in between. If I get something wrong or you feel excluded, do get in touch and I will put it right.

    I do love a nice wank, don’t you? I just adore to slowly remove my clothes, revealing my body bit by bit, as if seducing myself. Some would call this narcissistic, I call it building self-esteem. Contrary to popular belief (including my own when I’m feeling too full of myself) I actually have to work hard on my self-esteem. My childhood was hard, damned hard and such wounds can take a lifetime to heal. I am telling you this for a reason dear friend reading this now—your body stores memories.

    Now you weren’t expecting that were you?

    Masturbation releases old patterns, memories and yes trauma. So it is not surprising that sometimes we avoid masturbating because we don’t particularly want to bring all that stuff up and/or we just make do with a quick fumble and think ‘job done’. The job is not done until you feel completely satisfied both emotionally and sexually. It is exactly the same as when you have sex and/or make love—the job is not done until you are both (or more if you are polyamorous) completely satisfied both emotionally and sexually. Stick with me, we are going to get off together.

    With everything I have said in mind, I want you to do something for me in a moment. If you are able, in just a second, I want you to unbutton your jeans or drop your skirt. I invite you, regardless of your gender or sexual persuasion, to help you to turn yourself on in a very new and different way. You will never be the same again.

    NB: Before we do that; yes I am teasing, it goes with the job, but there is just one important point I need to make before we masturbate together—just wait a moment and have a think. You may already know if you have been abused (either sexually or physically) or you might have a sense that it could have happened. If this is the case or if you suddenly are filled with fright at delving into the enchanted forest with me; do, do, do seek some professional help before you go any further (even if you have already had therapy, do get some extra support before going further). This article isn’t going anywhere and neither am I. We will be here when you get back.

    Now, we shall begin.

    So you have unbuttoned your jeans, dropped your skirt and unless you go commando, you have your underwear on. Great. Keep it that way for now and take your mind down to your genitals or wherever down there you feel the most sensitive. If you are handicapable you might of course, need your PA, carer or professional sex worker to do some or all of this for you. Cool. Ask them to take their time with your body as you would yourself if you were able. You are the one in control here. This is how masturbation should be. You are the one controlling the pleasure. Your body will follow your mental and physical stimulus and then, and only then can you surrender into what follows. It’s the way things really work. Feel the tingles? Good. There’s more to cum. Sorry, couldn’t resist.

    If you can lie down, lie down. If you are sitting upright, exhale deeply and relax your jaw. Soften your hips, knees and ankles if you have them. Slowly make a ‘mental sweep’ of your body and mindfully relax each group of muscles from your head downwards and as you do this, gently rub your perineum (Men: the soft bit between your arse and balls and feels like the muscle you clench when stopping yourself pissing or Ladies: the soft fleshy bit just below the bottom of the vulva/opening of the vagina: slightly up and into your body and feels like the muscle you clench when doing pelvic floor exercises). Play with this for a while and notice where the tingles go. Do they stay down there? Or do they travel?

    They travel.

    This is the beginning of teaching yourself how to have a body orgasm and is particularly helpful for people with physical disabilities simply because it shows you that it really, really, isn’t all about the genitals or even how you stimulate them. We really can make magic happen with the right stimulus, the correct attitude and an open mind.

    Let’s go deeper, right now…

    You are lying down or upright in your chair and you have your pants/skirt round your ankles, you dirty thing you! It feels GREAT to be dirty sometimes. It feels amazing to really let go and let that mischief out. Now let your hands wander wherever they want to. If you are handicapable: instruct your carer etc to stroke you gently and sexually wherever you feel comfortable for them to caress you. Use your mouth to hold a sex-aid or adaptation if you want to do the caressing yourself. Now everyone, go to town: touch your nipples, your ears, inside your elbow, armpit, back of the knees, groin, base of penis, glans, clitoris and of course your penis or vagina (don’t forget your vulva!) but go slow. I want to take my time with you. Let’s take our time. Let’s slow things down. Let us both see what makes us tick by touching ourselves. Slowly.

    Really, really, slowly.

    By now you will be wet or have pre-cum celebrating your connection with yourself. How does this feel? How does it feel that you did this? You stimulated your own body and sparked up a two way conversation. All the best relationships have this.

    Now you can pay a little more attention to your genitals or the part of your body that most pleases you—the soft part of your most erogenous zone that does not limit itself to a localised sensation. That part of your body (and it might or might not be your cock or vagina or clit) that when touched sends pleasure shooting in all directions: shudders through your body and into your mind. When you touch yourself here and when you have this place nourished and caressed, it makes you feel whole. This is true masturbation. This is self love and this is what we really need to be doing to get off.

    Let’s get off.

    Together.

    Now let’s bring that solo experience and make something special happen by meeting our experiences and minds right now—you and me.

    We are going to make love.
    Let’s make love right now.
    I love you.
    You love me.
    We are just human beings and we deserve to be cherished in this way.
    Hot.
    Hotter.
    Feel the heat going into you wherever into you is.
    Feel the Light sending shivers up
    Feel the Dark bringing tingles down.
    We need both to survive and we need both to breathe.
    Now—breathe.
    Just breathe.
    Breathe in deeply
    And exhale.
    How was it for you?

    BIG Hug!

    Matt xXx

    NB Please seek medical advice before attempting the exercises mentioned in this article should you require this. Matt cannot be held responsible for any adverse effects experienced as a result of not taking this advice and this article is not to be used in replacement of medical, psychological or emotional support. Please take a look at his forthcoming article ‘A Little Goes A Long Way’ that explains in more detail the more practical, energetic and physical aspects of this way of exploring yourself sexually.

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  • Masturbation: A Series on How to Get You Off (Part II)

    Masturbation: A Series on How to Get You Off (Part II)

    Part 2 – Erogenous Mind

    I’m going to turn you on. You need to be turned on before you have a rumble in the jungle or a play in the hay so let’s get together and get excited. Right now.

    I’m not interested in your gender, your sexual preference or your body shape. I am interested in who you are and what makes you tick. I am fascinated by your humanness and captured by your ability to stay present with me in this moment. I am aroused by your sense of self and I am stirred by this connection we are developing right now. I’m horny. Are you horny?

    See how simple that was? Notice how you feel now compared to how you felt before you started to read. This demonstrates the power of your imagination. This also shows you just how connected your body is to your imagination. Masturbating is not just about stimulating your cock/clit and cumming. Quickies are all well and good but come on—don’t you want more than that? (and incidentally, if you happen to not have genitals*, your entire body is an erogenous zone so stick with me kid, all will be revealed…). No, masturbation is like meditation; it’s about getting to know yourself.

    Getting to know you is like getting to know your lover, it takes time, patience and a great deal of chocolate body paint.

    Setting the Scene:

    A few months ago, I posted a series about masturbation on my blog. As part of this series I discussed ‘Setting the Scene’ which involved taking a bubble bath, lighting candles, turning the bed sheets down etc. One of the comments from a fellow blogger saddened me: ‘Who has the time to do all that?’ I say it again: masturbation is like getting to know a lover. You are your own lover and would you not make the effort before making love to someone else? Then why not for yourself? What does it say about your self-esteem if you can’t be arsed? Exactly. So please take a few moments to set the scene (or ask your PA/carer/sex worker to do it for you):

    • Light some candles in your bedroom or wherever you prefer to make love to yourself
    • Scent the room using scented candles or use an aromatherapy burner (preferred)
    • Dim the lights/close the curtains/drapes
    • Put some preferred horny/romantic/steamy music on
    • Take a warm bath* with scented oils, preferably natural essential oils
    • Take your time, think about the room you have prepared waiting for you
    • Stimulate* your nipples, armpits, torso and earlobes by trickling water over them.
    • Gently wash your genitals using your hands/fingers and a soft cloth/sponge. Feel the difference and notice the change in sensation. Feel it. Even reading this now in preparation—feel it. Good isn’t it? I told you it would be.

    I am not usually this prescriptive and you will probably never see me reaming off lists for you to follow again but I am deliberately making a point here—you really are worth this much effort. Furthermore, you really are worth taking your time over. When you lead up to your self pleasure in this way, it can only be a good thing. It can only tantalise you even more and send tingles shooting up your spine. It can only teach you just how much you deserve it. It’s like those butterflies in the stomach before a hot date or an exciting trip. Those butterflies that tell the rest of your body that something wonderful is about to happen … and yes, I’m going to do it again (leave you high and dry): until next time.

    *Or ask your PA/carer/sex worker to do this for you. In the absence of genitals, stimulate other areas of your body in the same way. See how this feels and notice what changes occur from the stimulus of the water/cloth.

    Matt xXx

    NB Please seek medical advice before attempting the exercises mentioned in this article should you require this. Matt cannot be held responsible for any adverse effects experienced as a result of not taking this advice and this article is not to be used in replacement of medical, psychological or emotional support.

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  • Awesome Toys: Dildos and Vibrators

    Awesome Toys: Dildos and Vibrators

    When I was walking up from the beach this Saturday, they were cleaning the hotel next to where I live. As I walked by, a cleaning lady in her late fifties came out carrying some boxes. I said hi and she said. “Look at what people buy, just look.”

    She showed me one of the boxes and it was a vibrator. I laughed and said. “At least they have fun on their vacations.” The woman stared at me and said, “Fun? They are perverts.” She threw the boxes in a big bin and walked back inside.

    There is nothing perverted about owning a vibrator or two. Actually, I think every single woman and couple should have one in the bedroom drawer and I’ll tell you why.

    Sex toys are to improve your sex life, not to substitute it. Some men think that if a woman has a dildo or a vibrator, she doesn’t need or want a man. This is completely wrong. Men masturbate using their hands, and so do women, but at some point in time thousands of years ago, someone very intelligent figured out that it would be much more fun to have a penis shaped object to use. The first dildos were made of stone, tar and wood which were very hard and uncomfortable. As humans progressed, other materials were used and today, these are made from plastic, rubber and their derivatives.

    If you are a young woman, owning a dildo is a good way to become comfortable with your erogenous zones. You can explore your own sexuality at home any time you want, and thanks to the internet, you don’t even have to go to a sex shop and buy one. You can have it delivered to your door. There is nothing wrong with masturbating and using a toy to give you that extra pleasure.

    Couples can explore each other using one and before you say, “Men can’t use a vibrator,” let me tell you, yes they can. I am not talking about asking or telling your man to get on the bed and then sodomize him (he might like it). No, what I’m talking about is something sensual. Place the tip of the vibrator just under his glans and keep it there for a while. You will notice how he begins to squirm and make all kinds of noises and then, he reaches an orgasm. You have driven him to the top and over without using your hands or mouth. The best thing about this technique is that he will take a lot longer to reach an orgasm than if you were to use other methods.

    The basic dildo is a cylinder shaped object either in plastic or rubber. I recommend one in latex; very smooth. A vibrator is similar but as the name suggests, it vibrates. You can chose different speeds while you masturbate. Both of these can also be found in the form of a penis, small, medium size or big. I prefer these models because they have the right feeling when used.

    You can also use a cock ring which is placed around the base of his penis and will help him maintain an erection for a longer time. I saw one model which had a little vibrating tip, which touched the clitoris when the man is deep inside the woman.

    A vibrator is also a great way to warm up before anal sex. The man uses it to massage the woman’s anus so she relaxes and he can enter her easier. On the same topic, remember that a man’s anus is also very sensitive and if you use a small vibrator or just a finger, his orgasm will be much stronger. Most men are not into having their woman stick anything up their bums, but try to convince him. I’m sure he will thank you after. You can even buy a special prostrate massage for even greater pleasure.

    Apart from the usual vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, etc., there are handcuffs, whips and all kinds of fun stuff to play with. It all depends on what you are into. A friend of mine likes dressing up for her husband. At times, she is a secretary, a nurse, or a hot waitress.To sum it all up, if you don’t have a vibrator or a dildo at home, get one. If you are into S&M, bondage or anything similar, go shopping for that. Have a masquerade every weekend and dress up. Surprise each other, people!

    A final note for the man who wants to buy a vibrator for his lady: Do not assume that we like that big 12 inch thing, most of us don’t. Buy something of a normal size. That way, we can really enjoy it and if we want, we will ask for something bigger.

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  • Masturbation: A Series on How to Get You Off (Part I)

    Masturbation: A Series on How to Get You Off (Part I)

    Part 1 – Getting Started

    You know me by now (don’t you?) so you will know that I don’t just operate at the physical level so expect the unexpected during this series of articles on Self Pleasure. After all, we can’t really get what we need from our lovers until we know exactly which buttons to press for ourselves first. Are you ready? Then we shall begin …

    First and foremost let me tell you something … come closer… are you leaning in? I’m going to whisper into your ear: this series of articles—and all that I write—is for everybody. I do my best to be as inclusive as possible and if I fuck up, do feel free to get in touch and I will modify my work (and my attitude) accordingly. What often frustrates me about sex work, the erotic arts, sex education and indeed the world at large is that everything seems to be aimed at the mainstream. There is often the assumption that whoever is reading the article or leafing through the book is white, heterosexual, young, able-bodied, middle class (sorry, it’s the Brit in me), slim, gorgeous and either in a relationship or actively seeking one. One size does not fit all and I really, really want you to know something: you, are, welcome here.

    Great to meet you!

    Right, let’s jump straight in, firstly let me say something about masturbating using your hands: you might not have any or you may find it difficult or impossible to reach your genitals. There are ways around this which will become clear but I want to take this moment to introduce the concept of using someone else as your hands. If you are physically challenged, you might already have a PA or a carer and they might just be willing to assist you in this way. If they are not comfortable with this or you would prefer someone else to do it, do think about employing the services of a professional sex worker and do think about using aids and adaptations that can assist you on the trip into the unknown pleasures of masturbation … Matt-at-Lotus style 🙂

    Way before we even need our hands (or someone else’s), I’m going to take you on a journey.

    This road trip begins in the mind. Have you ever climaxed without touching yourself? I have. I have also climaxed lying next to somebody, fully clothed with just one finger on each others’ sacrum. This often followed a long, intense and stimulating conversation, period of stroking, gazing into each others’ eyes and/or just lying there staring into space either alone or with someone just feeling—really really feeling—the body in which I reside.

    Can you feel it?

    Can you feel that tingle in your nether regions? Are you surprised by the heat starting to erupt from the center of your chest? This is called getting to know yourself energetically (okay okay, I just made that up) and is always the starting point for great masturbation and fantastic sex.

    I’m going to leave you there.
    Yes, that’s right. I’m leaving you high and dry. Until next time. I’m such a tease …

    Matt xXx

    NB: Please seek medical advice before attempting the suggestions mentioned in this article should you require this. Matt cannot be held responsible for any adverse effects experienced as a result of not taking this advice and this article is not to be used in replacement of medical, psychological or emotional support.

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  • Sex Swings …They Aren’t Just for Kinky People

    Sex Swings …They Aren’t Just for Kinky People

    Sex is truly one of the safest sports that you can take up these days because it stretches and tones so many of your muscles and it is far more enjoyable than any exercise I can image. Sex is spine-tingling. It’s the greatest tranquilizer out there and it is 10 times more effective than taking Valium. Why then is sex becoming more and more extinct in the bedroom? My guess is that couples get accustomed to their every day routines and they become disinterested in the every day thrills of love-making. Why not breathe some new life into your bedroom that until now may have become stodgy? What if I told you that there is something that will seduce your fantasies and give your taste buds something to savor for hours and hours? It’s time to meet your new best friend …

    Move over dildos and vibrators, there’s a new sheriff in town. For years and years, these sensual adult toys have been the bomb-diggity of every woman’s fantasy playground. They have been our favorite play toys when our partner is away at the golf course, meetings or at the workplace. What happens when your mate comes home and you would like something else that is erotic, intimate and offers hours of pleasure and fun? Truth be told, as thought provoking as it may be, the jackrabbit (every woman’s favorite vibrator) can only do so much until she gets bored with it. They may retain 3 speeds, 5 or 10 speeds, and they may go forward and in reverse but you eventually long for much more. Sure they are amusing, but do they satisfy you both? No, not really, especially not for a lengthy amount of time. Sex is all about foreplay. Your erotic behavior and self-discipline prior to your sexual encounter is the steamy interlude to your night of passion. That’s right, nothing says come-hither more than a woman dressed in sexy lingerie while twirling around in a sex swing. Dominating in the bedroom is an aphrodisiac of intimacy and it is no longer a role just for men. Ladies are baiting their men in a predominate way and men are enthusiastic about their woman’s need to call the shots in the bedroom.

    Just a few years ago, statistics confirmed that over 78% of women were not completely satisfied in the bedroom. Ouch fellas! These numbers have increased over the years and are now hitting close to 80%. Both men and women are taking a good hard look at their relationships and asking what can they try to give both parties hours of endless pleasure and physical stimulation? If you are seeking something new and you are looking for a gadget that is titillating and will prolong a sexual form of fantasia lasting for hours, search no more. Might I suggest the sex swing for self-indulgence and everlasting sexual positions?  The weightlessness of any of our sex swing gives you the opportunity to really concentrate on your partner while focusing on new maneuverings into the perfect positions.

    Sex swings are invigorating and have been designed to improve the position of lovers so that each may be relieved of the every day physical stresses we endure when making love. Love-making using a sex swing will illuminate those unwanted calories that you piled on with your romantic dinner. There is nothing more enticing than putting your mate in this swing and taking full control of him/her, but this is just the tip of the iceberg …Untitled

    Sex swings are not just for strip clubs and swingers clubs, like so many people tend to think. They serve an even greater sexual experience right in the privacy of your own bedroom. Amongst using this sweet contraption for your own sensual desires and needs, they also provide other purposes than just being a hanging devise for your naughty needs, and on the contrary to what so many people believe, they absolutely aren’t just for kinky people. Their functions are unlimited. The sex swing offers relief for back pain sufferers, thus meaning no more aching. This takes the strain off of having to physically support oneself while on top hovering over your partner. It facilitates love-making for those with disabilities. The sex swing is great for prenatal exercises as well as birthing practices. They are great for stimulation as you massage your partner in areas sometimes not so easy to get to, and lastly, it improves the health of your relationship by enhancing the connection. Did you know that sex relieves headaches? Did you know that making love could relieve tension in blood vessels that go to the brain? Lovemaking also offers stuffy nose relief. Sex is a natural antihistamine that can help combat asthma and even hay fever … betcha didn’t know that either? Sex swings free both partners from having to always constantly brace themselves. Now couples can have the freedom to have both hands free to stimulate one another while enjoying pleasure and eye contact. Repositioning your partner has never been easier.

    Sex Swings are not at all difficult to hang,and are quite easy to set up. Nevertheless, if you desire something less strappy, you can buy a stand to make it easier to hang in a not so permanent position. For travel and when space is limited, use the door hanger swing or the stand is preferred. Swings allow you to enjoy more mobility.

    With that in mind, let’s kick it up a lewd notch now shall we? Oral sex takes on a whole new meaning when you use a sex swing. Using the sex swing, you can recline your partner in a chair like position while you lick, suck and tease your mate without pain in your neck as well as suffering arm fatigue which generally does happen 9 times out of 10 during oral sex. You also have the option now to lower the swing a more mutual sex position such as the ’69’ which is much more easy to achieve and enjoy for a longer duration of time. This type of dalliance creates orgasms that are off the charts so much so to make a woman’s toes curl and we all know that women love foreplay. Intercourse now becomes much more exciting and you are able to penetrate deeper into your partner without stress and tension. It frees you from having to constantly brace yourself and restrains you from back pain.

    Couples ask me; “Is a sex swing a good investment?” My answer is yes! If you wish to rejuvenate luscious adult fun with your partner and encounter a new kind of rendezvous, the sex swing offers the ability to add a full dimension to your sex life. If you are seeking tons of new fun in the bedroom with endless positions, and virtually no more complaining, search no more; the sex swing is a necessity. If you’re ready for something that tastes sweet, visit our full adult fun stuff area @ Simply Delicious Lingerie for the lowest prices and our view our most sold sex swings.

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  • Be the BEST Sex She’s Ever Had

    Be the BEST Sex She’s Ever Had

    I often get asked that question by men, sometimes even the occasional woman as well: How does a man give his partner (or indeed any woman he crosses sexual paths with) the best sex she’s ever had?sydney-male-escort-ryan-james-7

    The first thing I’d say to that is: you can’t. Not on your own anyway. You’re no more in charge of giving her the best sexual experience of her life than she is in charge of yours. At the end of the day, every individual is responsible for fulfilling their own sexual desires. All others can do is help them along that path. That said, some ways of lending a hand are better than others.

    Working as a male escort and in adult films might sometimes leave the wrong impression that I’m some sort of sexual casanova who is able to dole out orgasms at the slightest touch, a single spoken word or perhaps even a simple look.

    I wish.

    Failed attempts at making any lady swoon with a terrible “Blue Steel” imitation aside, the reality is markedly different.

    What someone enjoys behind the privacy of closed doors varies greatly from person to person. Someone might take months to build the level of trust needed for them to be intimate with another person. For others, where taking the privacy (and doors) away is a huge turn on. There’s no “guaranteed sex tip” that will work with every woman you come across in your life’s sexual adventure. Sure, you can learn techniques on how to give better oral, new positions, or even bring out some toys but I can guarantee that it’s not going to work on every girl you meet though. What has one girl writhing around in pleasure, unable to speak, might leave another staring blankly at you asking “am I supposed to be feeling something?”

    With all that said, it might leave you wondering how you’re meant to navigate the maze that is pleasing a woman. How are you supposed to know what she wants when this is your first sexual experience with her? What if you’re with a long-term partner and you just want to spice things up in the bedroom a bit?

    The truth is there is one tip, one sexual technique, that is guaranteed to work above all others. It’s simple to learn. Knowing this won’t result in flocks of sex-crazed women with thirst in their eyes and hunger in their hearts trying to tear your clothes off. You might, however, figure out a few things about how to please the girl you’re with.

    Are you ready to learn the surefire way to please and fulfil her?sydney-male-escort-ryan-james-9

    For the one sex tip to give her the best sex she’s ever had?

    Pay attention.

    It may sound obvious but seems to escape the grasp of many. If you’re not paying attention to your partner, how can you figure out what works and what doesn’t? It’s not about you being the best at sex, it’s about giving her the best sex she’s ever had.

    Some like it slow and soft, in a candlelit room with gentle music playing in the background. Some like to be tied up, spanked, choked, have their hair pulled and submit to their “master.” Then there are those between those extremes. Often there are those who might like one extreme one day and something at the complete opposite end of the spectrum the next. Everyone has different preferences, different kinks, different fetishes. When you strip all of that away, what’s left is always the same thing: the desire to have a partner (or partners) who pay attention to them and take the time to figure out what they want, what makes their buttons tick.

    It’s all very good for your girlfriend to say “I like it when you go down on me,” but how? Do you just dive on down there (I’d advise against this) and go hell for leather? Should you be spending a lot of time kissing and cuddling first? Does she like it when you play with her body? Bite her ears? Kiss her neck softly? Run your hands slowly down her body? Does she like to be teased, to have her hands held down or be tied up whilst you frustrate the hell out of her? To almost give her what she wants but backing off just before you get there?

    sydney-male-escort-ryan-james-6If she’s flat out already told you the answer to all those questions, then you better get to work. You’re with a sexually liberated woman who clearly knows what she wants and is expecting you to give it to her. If not, you could ask, but where’s the fun in that? Half the enjoyment comes from exploring each other’s bodies and minds, finding what turns each other on and then giving it to them. Or withholding it temporarily, depending on how much you like teasing.

    The best way to find the answer to all those questions is by paying attention. To everything. Outside of the bedroom and in it. Is your partner shy or adventurous? Does she like spontaneity and surprise or to know what’s happening in advance so she can freshen up first? Has she ever expressed certain desires around what you’re about to do to her? What’s her personality like? Her sense of humour? Is sex something to be taken seriously with her or something you can joke about? How does she react when you touch her in certain ways? Let out a soft moan, close her eyes, arch her back and slowly buck her hips? Congratulations, you’re probably on to something. Keep doing that.

    And if she grabs your neck, pulls your hair until your faces are level and says “don’t you fucking dare stop what you’re doing right now?” Well, you might be on the right track but keep trying to make sure.

    sydney-male-escort-ryan-james-3There’s no such thing as a non-reaction. If you’re doing something and your partner doesn’t react then that tells you something in itself. It could be that they’re not enjoying it. Or, it could be that they’re enjoying it so much and that they’re so focussed on what you’re doing to them that the thought of moving or making a sound completely slipped their mind. it’s up to you to figure out which is which.

    Getting an idea of what turns someone on doesn’t mean the fun has to stop. If your partner likes the particular way you do something to her, try something slightly different next time. Go a bit harder or softer. Faster or slower. Use a lighter touch or be slightly more forceful. When you’re having sex with someone, your partner is constantly communicating to you what she likes and what she doesn’t, whether you realise it or not. Maybe she liked the new thing you tried more. Good, keep doing that and then try adding again to it next time. Maybe she didn’t. That’s not a bad thing at all. Learning what doesn’t work is just as important as learning what does.

    Putting the time and effort into learning what turns your partner on is what’s going to set you apart from everyone else. Communicate, be considerate and don’t put your own desires above someone else’s comfort.

    If you want to give her the best sex she’s ever had, pay attention. It’s a good place to start.

    Images courtesy of Ryan James
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  • Sexual Expectations: Those Magic Numbers

    Sexual Expectations: Those Magic Numbers

    Countless times I have heard my male friends, followed by columns and articles stating about men wrestling with the illusion that there is some “magic member number”. I suppose women have had some concerns as well, since the American Society of Plastic Surgeons advised in 2013, breast augmentations, also known as breast implant plastic surgery was at an increase. The year’s statistics totaled an all year high overall of 313,327 for breast enhancements for the 2013 year. This is a 37% increase over the last 10 years. However, it wasn’t the most wanted surgery, believe it or not. Liposuction was at the top of the list, according to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS), there was a 16% increase, and over one billion dollars spent nationwide for liposuction. Since we are looking at the numbers, let me go ahead and make the distinction that women, forgoing liposuction first, for breast augmentation, still spent over 10.3 million, which according to the ASPS, was 90.6% of the total expenditure. On the other side of the coin, men spent more than 1 million for the most wanted procedure of liposuction, and the wants and needs of both sexes are expected to continue to rise in the 2014 year as well. It seems there is something to the “number” after all. It seems that it is not just women who are struggling with vanity, but men as well. Men are also struggling with the concept of insecurity in size. However, it does seem to be effecting masculinity in a slightly different way as men are not quite ready to opt for penile implants just yet. So there is some truth to the magic number theory; it does effect both sexes, just not to the extremes.

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    There also is another “in common factor” that may keep men from finding out that is there is no “magic number”. In actual fact, there is no “one” number for each situation. The statistics show that approximately 41,464 women had their augmentations removed for aesthetic reasons. Therefore, what women considered the wrong number, changed at a heavy cost to their personal and financial wellbeing, to a more “right” number. Yet after what would be, I suppose, a reasonable amount of time, the right number was deemed the wrong number once again. Therefore, the search began once more, and so does the augmentation process. There are no statistics on the aesthetics of penile implant reversal as of yet, but I am sure we will see some at one point or another. It just seems there has to be an easier way. As a matter of fact, there is. Depending on the exercise, there is something both men and women can do to contribute to “sizing up” the situation on what your partner needs. These are what you focus on, not what is the “magic” number? I understand when you are in the gym, you may have to vary your routine, as you have to make use of your time and the available equipment. As with either of these activities, the main focus should be on enjoyment, not equipment.

    It’s understandable how this could be worrisome to both sexes. Women want more, men want more but yet what they want are really two different things. However, both can achieve what they want by committing themselves to the same exercise. Yes ladies, it’s the kegels; but kegels aren’t just for you, they are for your partner too. For the ladies, the pelvic floor makes those muscles strong, offering a well-positioned vault. For men, the stronger the pelvic floor muscles, the longer and the harder the erection. The penis receives better blood flow, providing a better angle, preventing any possibility of premature ejaculation. As a matter of fact, a man with rehearsed kegels can attain multiple orgasms. Therefore, if you are worried you may not have what it takes, not to worry. Not only will you have what it takes, you will have it, have it stronger, and for a longer period of time—multiple times. So, find yourself a comfortable pace; about three times a day. Practice your kegels and you will not have to be concerned about any performance issues. The only thing you will need to worry about is making sure your partner can keep up. Any number worries you may have had can go by the way-side, unless it’s the counting of sheep through the night.

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  • Sex is Supposed to be Fun; Isn’t It?

    Sex is Supposed to be Fun; Isn’t It?

    I am stating the obvious when I say that sex is all about having a giggle and enjoying each other. Aint’t I? Apparently not.

    I was chatting to a guy on GROWLr (GRINDr for Bears—a sub-culture within gay culture— or what I prefer to call ‘GRINDr for nice people’. I find GRINDr and most of the other gay sites/apps cruel and excluding but that is a whole other article … ) and we got onto the subject of sex, of course and I flew into a friendly rant on sexual energy and what exactly happens to that heat you feel in the base of your spine and perineum (between your genitals and ass/arse) when you have sex. The guy who I was chatting to told me that he often gets the giggles ‘post-orgasm’ and I explained that this was the sexual energy shooting up from the root chakra (that heat spot I mentioned. Can you feel it now? I thought you might) and out through his heart in the middle of his chest—the heart chakra—and this quite simply makes us giggle and/or cry. It is more common for women to burst into tears during or post-climax for this reason and yes, not that I wish to stereotype but it is often the case that women are more in touch with their emotions and thus cry more easily and that sexual energy (which is associated with our emotions) has more of a free rein causing all sorts of pleasant and sometimes unpleasant responses and reactions.

    So… the guy who I was chatting to then told me that he felt ‘less silly’ because I had explained it and also confessed to thinking that sex should be ‘a giggle’ and ‘about having fun’. Don’t we all think this? Don’t you realise that you really aren’t supposed to be taking this too seriously and did you know that even if you and/or your Mrs/Mr burst into tears during sex you can still enjoy it?

    Allow me to give you an example … you knew this was cumming, didn’t you? And you also knew that I was going to deliberately misspell coming because, well, I just cannot resist the naughtiness …

    Once upon a kink session with an ex boyfriend of mine, I was kneeling upon the four poster bed in a classy Gay Bed and Breakfast in Blackpool. My hands were tied behind my back and I was pleasuring my beloved by tonguing his balls and doing whatever he demanded of me (within the boundaries we had previously negotiated—this is how to do kink safely and with complete trust. We also used the ‘Traffic Light’ code but we’ll go into that another time…) when I suddenly became very still because ‘something’ happened. I cannot describe fully the ‘something’ other than invert the words because it was, well, almost mystical. I went from ‘Yes Sir, thank you Sir’ mode to being completely silent and from licking his manhood to absolute stillness.

    He sensed something.
    We both felt ‘something’.
    Everything stopped.

    I’ll call my ex Richard, Richard ceased his orders of ‘Do you know how honoured you are to worship me boy?’ and other such ‘insults’ to being as silent as me. He gently untied my hands and just lay there and I maintained my position, on my knees, curled up with my face in his crotch just allowing this ‘something’ to do its thing.

    Then I burst into tears.
    I sobbed from an old place and felt like a child again.
    It was delightful.

    I clambered from my place between his legs and rested upon his chest. He held me, stroked me and kissed my forehead.

    “Feel better?” Richard asked, as my tears fell away and I became giggly.

    “Much. Thank you. You’re amazing” I beamed with love into his moist eyes, we de-kinked (removed my leather straps, collar, jock and boots) and spooned for the remainder of the evening.

    We did not discuss the tears. We didn’t need to. We giggled, tickled, nestled and warmed ourselves in the knowledge that the sex session had been fun, emotional and what it needed to be.

    Here’s to your intimate adventures … you never know what might happen.

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  • 3 Fantasies Men Secretly Crave

    3 Fantasies Men Secretly Crave

    Let me start off by saying. To each his own. Most of us wake up in the morning to brush our teeth, grab an apple on our way out our condo, only to sit in traffic listening to dry humor on the radio as the rain pours over our newly washed car. The car has a rather annoying ticking noise that you can no longer notice. You think of what you laid out for dinner, your mortgage, your insurance. Or do you? Walking up three flights of stairs in your soggy, wet loafers you close your eyes. You feel her pull your wet pants off. you drop your laptop and open your eyes. There she is again. This figment of your imagination. or is she real?  She always makes you feel wanted, she pleases you constantly, she never lets you down. You would leave your entire life just to be with her. You would do anything. So why don’t you?

    She is just a fantasy. You would never actually leave your job, your home, your wife. Or would you? After a few years of role playing for people (men and woman alike) on camera, I realized I was continuously hired to play three specific roles for them.

    One being the sexually charged home wrecker.  Your wife’s hot friend, or the ex you wished you never left. The ultimate sexpot you would never leave your husband in a room alone with. I’m not sure why I am so good at it. It is highly entertaining and makes for a fun and harmless time. She prances around talking about how handsome you are, how she has thoughts of you. until you explode. You can’t take it anymore, all your morals go out the window. You want her bad. So you do it. Although every time you tell yourself it’s the last time, it never is.

    Two, being a brat. That’s right, a brat. The one girl in your life you would do anything for. She never does anything for you except being ann arm candy. But for some reason, you just cant get enough of her teasing your belly fat. She is highly submissive but her bratty streak has you aching for her tease and denial. After all, you’re much older than her and it would be too long before you find another sexy, young girlfriend. It’s kind of a more innocent approach to being a dominatrix. A much more playful, less intimidating role perhaps. A cute little brat pushes all the right buttons. Especially the ones at your ATM machine visits.

    Last, but not least the findom. She doesn’t need your money whatsoever, but you find yourself eating top ramen just to feed her shopping addiction. To see her face light up at the sight of your cash is what you live for. You literally have maxed out every credit card and are applying for even more. You love to pamper this gluttonous greedy goddess. Lavish gifts, vacations, and chocolates. Pampering pedicures. You even bought her a house. The more money you send her, the more she ignores you.

    Everyone has their own fetish and desires. I think they not only need to be fed, but also embraced. I make videos for men and women of all ages and never scoff at an idea or request for a custom video. I know the world has so many doors yet to be open. I treat every person like they are my own fiery star; full of ideas and passion.  I think I was born to be a people pleaser and that’s just exactly why I am here.

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  • Top 10 SEX TOYS: Dildos, Vibrators, and Butt Plugs, Oh My!

    Top 10 SEX TOYS: Dildos, Vibrators, and Butt Plugs, Oh My!

    There are oodles and oodles of different kinds of sex toys on the market today … which ones should you try, where do you even begin? And what is a ball gag??? When you initially begin to explore the world of sex toys it can be daunting, especially if you are not quite sure what you are looking for or what you or your partner would even enjoy. In addition, accurate and useful information about toys can be hard to come by; sometimes you just have to take the manufacturer’s word for it which may not be helpful to you. This article is meant to be a general guide to (my) top ten sex toys, which as you will see is really my top seventeen-ish sex toys (I couldn’t pick just ten!). All of these toys are in no particular ranked order, although you may be able to figure out some of my preferences from the list I have generated.

    Before we begin, let me be up front about this list; this is not an exhaustive list by any means and many unique toys (like toys that are supposed to simulate oral sex for instance) may not be represented, but it doesn’t mean that they are any less fun than the toys that are highlighted. In addition, these are just general names for toys, any sex toy purchasing (or creating) consumer should be mindful of the materials that are used in the toys they are using on themselves and their partner(s). Materials such as glass, wood, and some silicones are totally safe, but there are some toys made of plastics and other materials that contain parabens and it is not safe to expose yourself to these over long periods of time. Parabens are commonly used as a kind of preservative or bactericidal in hundreds of products we use every day such as cosmetics and toothpastes. However, some research has shown that they may be linked to cancer. Sometimes you can get away with toys that are made of different plastics that may have parabens in cases when they are not meant to be used internally, like paddles for example. Just being mindful and informed about what you are purchasing may prevent scary health concerns. Without further ado … the sex toy list!

    1. Vibrators
    There is a plethora of vibrators out there such as bullets, rabbits, and larger dildos that vibrate. The bullets are generally smaller and are primarily for external use and can be put on a variety of vibrating speeds and patterns for your pleasure. Rabbits and other dildo vibrators are often used to penetrate and there is the extra bonus of good vibrations!

    2. Dildos

    There are all kinds of dildos ranging from the small ones to large ones, ones with wider girths and they all are made of different materials—glass, wood, silicone, even stainless steel. Some look like animals, some are double ended and others are meant to resemble an actual penis. A good rule to keep in mind when considering if a dildo will fit in either you or your partner is the two finger rule; typically the width of your index finger and middle finger together is a good gauge to determine the width of a dildo that would fit comfortably.

    3. Strap-ons

    Strap-ons refer to a dildo placed in a harness that you can wear around your waist (like putting on underwear or shorts) that you can use to penetrate your partner. Again, a wide range of dildos can typically fit into a harness to make a strap-on. Male-bodied and female-bodied individuals can wear a strap-on or be penetrated by one; male-bodied individuals can use one to double penetrate their female-bodied partners.

     4. Anal toys (beads and butt plugs)

    Anal beads are usually a string of silicone beads that are all attached and can be used in a variety of ways. Some individuals like to put all the beads in and pull them out either quickly or slowly. Be careful with any anal toys that do not have a flanged base (butt plugs are flanged); otherwise they may become stuck in your partner’s anus if you let go of those toys, which would not be good! Butt plugs are great for that double penetration (without the thrusting) feel while giving the sensation of fullness at the same time. Other anal toys include prostate simulators that can be used on male-bodied individuals to stimulate their prostates which can lead to more intense orgasms.

    5. Paddles/floggers

    These toys are super fun for the masochist in your life who likes to be spanked or flogged (that person may be you!). Paddles can be made of wood, plastic, leather etc. and floggers can be made of leather or horse hair, I have even seen floggers made out of electric cables. Some people may disagree with how I put paddles and floggers together in my list, but generally paddles and floggers can hit a larger surface of the body and provide more of a “thud” upon contact which some people may prefer over a crop for example. If you have never used a paddle or flogger before, go slow and frequently check in with the person you are using the toy on to make sure they are finding it pleasurable during the first few times you use it. If they aren’t, listen to their direction about how to make it better (their direction may also be to tell you to stop using the paddle or flogger on them, which is okay too).

    6. Crops/whips

    Crops and whips often cause a more piercing or “sharp” pain when they come in contact with your skin when your partner uses a crop on the backs of your legs or across your butt. Similarly to floggers, crops and whips can be made out of leather materials or hides of animals like cowhide or bullhide. Again, be careful when first getting accustomed to using a whip or crop properly and check in with your partner as you explore. Some whips have long tails so make sure that you have enough room to use the whips too.

    7. Handcuffs/bondage tape

    Handcuffs and other forms of bondage, like rope or bondage tape (that only sticks to itself and nothing else, like your sheets or your skin) can be great fun! Handcuffs can be made of plastic or metal and other bondage materials could be rope, zip ties, neck ties or even other articles of clothing or accessories around your home. Again, make sure you and your partner are checking in with each other about if you/they still want to be tied up. Sometimes planning out or contracting about how long you/your partner will be tied up for can relieve some anxiety about being tied up. Safe words could be helpful when playing around with bondage, if you/your partner uses the decided upon safe word, it’s time to untie them.

    8. (Ball) Gags

    Gags are commonly made of leather of other flexible materials and there usually is some sort of buckle in the back so the gag stays tight around your face and mouth without being too tight or too loose. Gags can also be household items too, like a scarf. However, be careful that the gag you use is not suffocating your partner or severely limiting their air intake. Safe gestures, instead of safe words, may be useful when using gags, as your partner may not be able to clearly verbalize a safe word. Instead, they may hold up a fist or an open palm to alert you that they need to be checked in with.

    9. Blindfolds

    Blindfolds can be great for sensory deprivation to heighten arousal for your partner, so they don’t quite know where you will kiss or touch them next. Blindfolds can be something as simple as a scarf or neck tie covering your eyes or it could be a blindfold that you purchase that is perhaps made of leather or can be securely tied around your head so it does not slip off during play. Safe words can be helpful when using blindfolds so you know when to relieve your partner.

    10. Cock rings

    Cock rings can be used to prolong a male-bodied person’s erection during play time; they can be made out of plastic, silicone or metal. Word to the wise though, be cautious about using cock rings the first few times as some of them may be challenging to take off, depending on the materials used.

    Now that you have a little bit of background information about sex toys, go out and try some of these on yourself! You can make your own sex toys using simple products at home (like tying up your partner with a neck tie or a scarf; safely and consensually of course), go to your closest sex toy shop to explore in person or purchase toys online. Once you have brought your toys home, be sure to take good care of them: wash them after each use and store them in a safe, dry area. Do be extra careful and make sure that silicone toys aren’t stored with other silicone toys or lube as these may ruin the toys and you definitely would not like that to happen. Now, go have fun!

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