Tag: kink

What To Know About Being A Switch

I’m a scholar of the SSC school of BDSM, meaning I know there’s always more to learn and I’m always happy to share what I know. So far, Safe, Sane and Consensual practices inform my views of how kinky play should unfold; so, if the anticipated types of activities aren’t physically safe, being performed by parties who are of sound mind and are actively consenting, they don’t have a place in play space(s).

I like to think that BDSM is like garlic—you can never have too much of it and it always adds the right amount of flare to any experience as long as all parties involved are fully informed and enthusiastic about their involvement. Kink was first introduced to me through an ex who was extremely into bondage and my own personal interests in heavy rubber, ball gags, body worship, breath play and impact play.

Also, seeing Dita Von Teese editorials and the Matrix films when I was younger heavily influenced my style and appetites now. The more mainstream that kink becomes through media portrayals—like Netflix’s Bonding, Shameless, and P-Valley—as well as the rise in sex workers and sex and kink educators, the more we’re going to have society exploring deeper and more delicious ways to express and indulge in physical intimacy, and that’s something to celebrate!

What Does It Mean To Be A Switch?

Simply put, a switch is an individual who is comfortable in either the dominant or submissive role but they do not feel strongly tied to identifying as either in a consensual kink experience. Often, it’s because a switch has discerned specific types of play and or dominants that they like to be submissive toward as well as the types of submissives they enjoy seeing.

People who identify as dominants or submissives are dominants or submissives 24/7. Dominance or submissiveness is woven into their personality type, and I’d argue the same for a switch—we’re just interested in exploring our kinky duality with our partners. For some switches, it’s a pretty even split with no preference for which role they’re in. For other switches—like myself—there’s a tendency to lean more towards the one role over the other.

As a dominant-leaning switch, I prefer to lead play in a sensual, sadistic style. I don’t consider myself a dominant because I don’t feel compelled or want to be dominant in all types of play but I also won’t submit to just anyone. I have to know the person I allow to dominate me will respect my soft and hard limits and not push me into a type of play I’ve explicitly stated that I will not engage in; I also prefer sensual dominants versus sadists—probably because I’m a sadist myself.

I also prefer to sub for very specific types of kink, like rope bondage; forced orgasms; over the knee impact play (OTK); and tickling, which means I also require dominants who are specifically skilled in those types of play. Whereas, as a domme, my expertise and my own interest lies in pegging, breath play (more commonly known as choking), human furniture, chastity, verbal humiliation and degradation, body parts worship (like foot or ass worship), latex/pvc/heavy rubber fetish, and sensory deprivation—so people tend to seek me out for those types of play scenarios.

I relish in the delight that comes from being a switch and exploring various types of play as a sub and a domme, but I’m extremely particular about the types of play partners I have—both for business and for my own pleasure.

Misconceptions Of Being A Switch

The switch plight is pretty similar to the same weird shame culture surrounding proud and out bisexuals. We’re often thought of as competitive or greedy. There’s also the persistent desire to pigeonhole us as being either just dominants or submissives all the time. Or that we’re “in denial” about being submissives—that’s probably my favorite because it always makes me laugh.

How Do I Know If I’m A Switch?

There are tons of informal BDSM questionnaires all over the web and surely there’s some lengthy threads on Fetlife or Reddit to mine for research and consideration. But it’s really as easy as understanding and applying how you feel.

Do you enjoy being dominant sometimes? Do you enjoy being submissive sometimes? Are you comfortable leading the play if you’re established as the dominant? Are you comfortable allowing someone else to lead if and when you’re a submissive? Have you played enough to know the difference in what role you like and under what circumstances and with what type of other kinky roleplayer(s)? If you can answer yes to all of these, then you, my dear, may also be a switch.

Can One Be A Switch In Vanilla Relationships?

Absolutely! It may not come up as often or be something that you recognize as switch tendencies with particular power dynamics, but vanilla relationships still offer opportunities for kinky play and thus more experiences for both of you to switch. For instance, you may find that you initiate sex more than your partner or perhaps you’re more vocal during sex than your partner so you end up directing more of what takes place such as, “Spank me while you fuck me like that!” or “Pull my hair!” or “I love it when you let me spit in your mouth.”

Maybe you love that your partner is inherently more dominant or submissive with you and it’s the entire driving force of your relationship but you’re allowed to be a brat sometimes and top from the bottom or there’s just a natural trade off that you both are comfortable with where neither has to be dominant or submissive when they don’t want to be. Whatever the case, there’s always the possibility to flow from your typical type of dynamic to something else. Don’t be afraid to switch it up!

Tips To Follow When Exploring Being A Switch

Figure out your boundaries—or your hard limits! I can’t stress that enough with people who are new to kink because unfortunately, we live in the reality post-50 Shades of Grey where every other person on Tinder thinks they’re a dominant! But you need to know what you’re not willing to do and have firm and clear lines of communication so that all parties stay safe and happy; never be afraid to pull the plug on play if you feel that your boundaries have been crossed. After that, have fun with it!

Being a switch is the ultimate chameleon ability so enjoy it with people who make you feel sexy, safe, secure and affirmed! You don’t have to turn every date into a kink marathon where all parties try to be more dominant or more submissive like a weird kinky practice session. Focus more on the experience you’d like to have with individuals who are already either submissive or dominant and know their strengths and weaknesses in those roles.

Focus on those who you already know that you enjoy their company and that they will remain safe during kink sessions and not push you unconsensually past your limits. Decide on a couple of types of kinks you’d like to explore or indulge in—like sensory deprivation, light bondage, and breath play—and spend time in both the submissive and dominant role.

As the would-be lovechild of Grace Jones and Morrissey, Atlanta-native Dakota Harper now dazzles privately as Philadelphia, PA’s premier professional kinky switch escort and alternative lifestyle companion. With an affinity for everything from old school anime to high end lingerie, a velvet touch and a honey tongue, she’s sure to leave a lingering impression in more ways than one. Get in touch and make her your new Muse de Mid-day today via DateDakotaHarper@gmail.com.

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Images courtesy of Dakota Harper

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April 14, 2021
How To Explore Corporal Punishment

BDSM is a way to explore the things that excite, frighten, or captivate us, in a safe, controlled setting. I think “kink” can be defined as any non-conventional sexual practice, which is, of course, extremely subjective.

Kink expands our perception of eroticism, from something that’s genital focused and orgasm driven, to something that’s more inclusive of our entire bodies and minds.

What Is Corporal Punishment?

It’s simply physical, bodily punishment: the consensual administration of pain. I’d say it’s quite popular, though the severity that a person enjoys varies widely. There is a misconception that corporal is always severe, and most people who tell me they’re “not into it” are actually just not into extreme pain.

I would say nearly all of my subs enjoy some degree of corporal punishment, whether that means that they enjoy the endorphins of heavier punishment, or they just enjoy the submissive, humiliating aspect of something like an over-the-knee spanking. I’d still call that corporal!

Why Do People Love Corporal Punishments?

Pain can release endorphins, the neurochemicals that act on our opiate receptors to give us a natural, exhilarating “high.” I would say the endorphin rush is the simplest reason people crave corporal, though some other factors can compound this. For example, giving someone consent to hurt you can feel very submissive and intimate—you’re at their mercy, which requires a deep trust.

Corporal can also be part of a role play. Some people even fetishize the object they’re being punished with, like the canes, crops, or paddles themselves. The image of a dominatrix holding a whip is iconic—that in itself can be exciting to a sub. And then many people feel a thrill at suffering through something, pushing themselves, forcing themselves to endure. It’s a test, a challenge that can lead to a feeling of accomplishment.

Common Rules In Corporal Punishment

It’s important to know where is safe to hit a person. Butts are popular, of course—they’re thick and meaty, with no delicate bones that you could injure. There are charts available online that show the safest places to hit someone.

Photo: Deviance & Desire

Always start with a warm up. Hitting someone lightly at first will start to trigger endorphins so that by the time you’re hitting them hard, they’ll have an easier time and feel more pleasure and excitement. I personally like to begin striking someone with hands before I get to implements; hands feel more sensual and less scary, so they help build trust and relax my partner before we get into heavier equipment. Don’t use equipment you’re not comfortable with—whips especially can feel unwieldy and be dangerous if you’re not experienced.

Safe words are important, of course, though it’s very rare in my scenes that someone uses them. I rely a lot on intuition and reading the person’s breathing and body language. Trust is also very important. The Bottom must have trust in the Top, obviously, but a Top should also know they can trust the Bottom to vocalize their limits and do their own part in keeping their self safe.

Typical Corporate Punishment Session With Subs

Every scene is different, but I typically like to begin with some non-painful sensation play to help the Bottom get present in their body and sensitive to my touch. Most people are quite nervous when they step into a dungeon, especially if it’s our first time playing together, so I like to relax them and get them into a sort of subspace before anything too intense happens.

Sensation play can include feathers, pinwheels, vampire gloves, or just running my hands lightly all over their body. I will then usually move on to spanking or light flogging—something to get their attention without causing any real pain yet. Florentine flogging is one of my favorite things for this stage. It’s typically quite light and rhythmic, and gets the person accustomed to being hit without being hurt—like a sort of kinky massage. This style of flogging with light, leather floggers can give your sub a taste for what corporal can feel like, without actually causing pain or any marks.

I often do corporal scenes with someone tied to a St. Andrew’s cross, and sometimes blindfolded as well, to take away all visual stimulation and draw their attention to sounds and physical sensations. I tend to do somewhat frequent verbal check-ins, particularly when it’s someone I haven’t played with much before. When a Bottom has a consensual non-consent fantasy, I have to be even more careful—since checking in verbally would kill the illusion of non-consent, it becomes even more vital that I’m sensitive to their breathing, reactions, and other bodily cues. It becomes tricky to care for a person while indulging in their fantasy that you don’t care at all, but I enjoy the challenge of finding different ways to subtly make sure they’re okay and engaged in the scene. I’ll up the intensity at times, bring it down, increase it again, and so on. This is really pleasurable for me and feels like I’m creating art in the person’s experience.

My personal style is more seductive and sensual than purely strict, so I like to tease my sub in between hurting them. It’s fun to get someone to a point where they’re not sure if they’re more turned on or tortured.

Safety Precautions To Follow

Yes! Safewords should certainly be discussed, especially if either player is new to kink, or if they haven’t played much together. As I mentioned before, it’s vital that you know what parts of a person’s body are safe to hit. Not all equipment is as easy to use as you might think, so please don’t take an implement you’re unfamiliar with and go straight to another person’s body with it. I think whips can be the most difficult piece of equipment to get proficient with. If someone craves the sharp, localized sting of a whip or cane but you’re not comfortable using these yet, try starting with a crop instead. It’s much easier to control.

A dragon tail whip is another alternative to the classic single tail. The sensation is less intense, and an inexperienced whipper will find a dragon tail is easier to use with precision. Whatever implement you use, I always recommend warming someone up thoroughly so you can get a sense for your power versus their pain tolerance, as well as triggering those endorphins I mentioned earlier.

If you have someone tied up during corporal, make sure you know some basics of bondage—for example, it can be dangerous to have someone tied to a Saint Andrew’s cross with their arms above their head for too long. I have had two Bottoms faint from this, so now I’m very careful with how long I’ll keep someone in this position. When I do use this position, I’ll do it early in a scene when a person is fresh and not too tired. When a scene gets intense and you have your partner deeply in subspace, they might not even realize that they’re starting to get tired, thirsty, or need some sort of break.

Make sure you watch out for them—that’s part of the Top’s role. It can also be good to have someone tied up on a bench, bent over with their butt towards you. I find this position can be easier for hitting your target, and you’re not in as much danger of accidentally hitting their spine, neck, or head.

If your sub enjoys face slapping, there’s a proper technique to this. I always lay my palm gently across their face first, then take a quick slap landing exactly where my palm had been. Face slapping improperly can really injure someone, so think of it as more of a humiliation tactic than a way to hurt them.

Lastly, rubbing arnica gel into skin can help with bruising.

How Can I Explore Corporal Punishment?

For beginning equipment, I would say light floggers, a paddle, and a crop are all easy implements to get started with. Go slow and have fun. Unfortunately, a lot of new kinksters seem to believe that more and harder equals better. Being too aggressive doesn’t make you a better or more authentic dominant. Kink should be a positive force in our lives, whether that means it’s fulfilling, exciting, challenging, or just pleasurable. Express genuine care and respect for the people you play with, and look at every scene as a collaboration between the two of you.

To learn more, I would recommend taking an in-person class, or hiring a professional dominatrix to give you a private lesson. Books are fine, but when your canvas is another person’s body, nothing beats in-person instruction.

Mistress Lux is a professional dominatrix. Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, she travels internationally with her subs in pursuit of all things fun and freaky. She has been a professional kinkster for over a decade, and specializes in bondage, corporal, tease and denial, and all sorts of gender play.

Follow Mistress Lux on

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Other Links:

https://www.sextpanther.com/mistresslux

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Images from Mistress Lux unless credited otherwise

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March 29, 2021
What To Know About Face Sitting

Personally I love kink and the world it is! It’s fun and lets me be a creative soul. It’s helped me to free myself and be who I’m meant to be.

What Does Face Sitting Constitute?

With me, it’s sitting on a guys’ face and making him breathless (no pun intended honest :))

I like the control aspect and the thought they’re so close but never quite close enough, just a small piece of fabric between me and their face.

Reasons Subs Love Face Sitting

It’s the closeness to such a private part of a women. And the scent they give.

What A Face Sitting Session Involves

Mostly, I like my clients either tied down or held by my feet and ass (feet on the arms pinning them my ass smothering there face!)

What To Expect In Your First Session

That’s a hard one to answer. Each Domme differs in what they offer so just be polite as there are boundaries, and as well as stating your own.

The FoXtress – A Deviant Domme and British Beauty. I have a wicked tongue and seductive smile, ready to lure you into My trap.

I will tease, torment and toy with you… all the while making you beg for mercy and cry out for more.

I’ll edge you to the point of insanity, and maybe.. just maybe if you beg me well enough, I’ll give you the sweet release you desire.

You’ll be at my feet and wanting to serve Me the moment I lock eyes with you.

Ready to be entrapped by the British Beauty?

Enter if you dare.

Follow The FoXtress on

Twitter: @TheFoXtress

Adultwork: www.adultwork.com/the_foxtress

DommeLine: 09842 63 62 61 : EXT 031 (Calls cost £2.00 per minute plus access charge. Callers must be 18 or over and have the bill payer’s permission. All calls are recorded)

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Images from The FoXtress

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March 1, 2021
How To Explore & Enjoy Bondage

I would say my overall thoughts about BDSM and kink are positive. I’m fairly young in the kink scene but I have had interest in these kind of things for some time now. As long as it is consensual and everyone is safe/aware of the risks, then I’m all for it.

Exploring My Interest In Bondage

My interest in bondage started in my teens. I just enjoyed the thought of being restrained in general. When I was about 20, I was really interested in the art of Shibari. Of course, I had no idea how to do it and where to even begin but, as an artist, I did find a lot of beauty in it.

I really didn’t get to explore bondage until a year ago. I finally immersed myself in my local kink scene and within a few months, I was getting tied up consistently. It just felt natural to me.

Why I Love Being Tied & Gagged

I guess it depends on how tight I’m getting tied and gagged haha. This will of course be subjective but when I’m in a more “comfortable” tie, it is relaxing. I go into a sub space and have a natural high. I also get very silly and joke around.

When I am in an extremely tight or difficult tie, it requires more processing. In something challenging, it is quite easy to panic because things feel difficult and you no longer have physical control. That is when you have to really meditate. I tell myself to stop and relax. I know I trust the person who is tying me and that they will take care of me. I know that if it is ever too much I can always get out. I also had to teach myself how to breathe in tougher ties because once you start hyperventilating, it’s a wrap. That’s a great way to get lightheaded and possibly pass out. It is almost like a mind game where you are constantly giving yourself a pep talk to continue. Once I can get to a calm place where I am meditating, I can then go into sub space and ride the high.

When I get out of those difficult ties, there is a sense of gratefulness that runs over me. I then get this wonderful natural high. I get it after I’m tied every time and it just feels like I got a boost of serotonin in my brain or like I just took some kind of natural upper. I love it! I also sleep really well that night haha.

I guess that is why I enjoy it. It is like a challenge and a way of meditation for me. It also makes me incredible happy and turns me on as well. It doesn’t turn me on to the point of orgasm on it’s own, but it definitely gives me what I need from rope.

My Favorite Bondage Content

I think one of my favorites is one I created with Cinched and Secured. It was the last forced orgasm bondage video for his website. I don’t know if it will be up just yet but there are more like it on his website CinchedandSecured.com. It is obviously my favorite because I love everything to do with forced orgasms. It is just so hot. I definitely recommend it if you like that kind of content too. It is just always a good time with him and our friend ILoveRopeBondage, who also joins us.

Another one of my favorites are some of the videos I do with JJPlush. It is such a turn on to be tied and roughed up by another woman. If you really like girl on girl bondage, then I wholeheartedly recommend checking out her site borntobebound.com.

As for a favorite video of mine that I sell, I think it’s my Birthday Bondage series. I uploaded 25 different bondage videos for my 25th birthday this year. My favorite ones in that one was when I was naked and chained up in my basement. It just had a nice dark and dirty aesthetic. All of those videos are in my ManyVids Store at Jayda Blayze.

Favorite Positions To Be Tied Up

I honestly don’t know if I necessarily have a favorite. I like all kinds of positions in their own way. I do really like to be suspended upside down. I think it reminds me of when I was a kid and I would hang upside down on the monkey bars haha. It’s just relaxing. I like to be suspended in general. I don’t get to do that as much but I really want to explore that more.

Incorporating Sex & Orgasms Into Bondage

I honestly have yet to incorporate sex and bondage. I hope to start doing that soon. As I have mentioned before, I have used toys in bondage in my forced orgasm scenes.

The way I like to incorporate it in my bondage is by using a vibrator or a dildo on a stick. I find them very pleasurable. I don’t have a particular position I have to be in to take the vibrator or dildo. As long as there are access to the holes, then it’s all good haha.

Jayda Blaze – I am a 25 year old, part time art student and a full time fetish model. I produce my own content as well as work with other producers. If I’m not making content, then I’m probably getting tied up, creating art or playing video games.

Follow Jayda Blaze on

Twitter: https://twitter.com/blayzejayda

Websites:

www.Onlyfans.com/JaydaBlayze

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February 25, 2021
What I Love About Spanking

I think kink and kinky people are great! Kink helps people express themselves and it’s what makes us all unique.

What I Love About Spanking

I have been obsessed with spanking since I was five years old. I am a spanking fetishist, as pure as they come. I had been thinking about spanking for a long time, so when I began indulging in my spanking fantasies when I was 19 years old, everything came quite naturally for me. I had a few different play partners that I switched with, and many of my partners gifted me with implements, and that’s how my implement collection quickly began to grow. I attended my first spanking party (Shadow Lane in Las Vegas) in 2017 and began my professional spanking and modeling career then. I’ve been doing this for over three years now.

I love that spanking is so pure and domestic. I especially love the headspace, pain and passion that goes into each scene. You really don’t need any fancy whips or paddles or implements to do it. All you really need is a willing bottom and a good hand and you’re good to go. But you can also grab a hairbrush off of your nightstand, or whip off your belt. That works too. 😉

Why Is Spanking Popular?

I think spanking is so popular because you can make it any way you want it to be. It can be soft and sensual like a relaxing massage, or disciplinary and harsh, or a blend of both. The butt is so round, so soft, and simply the safest and sexiest place to hit!

Favorite Props For Spanking

It all depends on the situation and if I am topping or bottoming. I personally love anything leather, because the impact feels so divine. When I am delivering a good, hard strapping, it gets me into a wonderful buzzing headspace.

I recently had purchased a new leather belt. I was shopping with my play partner, Miss Rachel, and had her bend over so I could give her a few swats with the belt. She approved and returned the favor, it was a done deal.

I also really love the hairbrush. It is so classic and feminine. You can also carry it around discreetly in your purse, a secret little thrill!

Is There A Correct Way To Spank?

Absolutely. It is important for anyone to know that you must avoid hitting any bones or vital organs. That means don’t be hitting too high (too close to the tailbone) or too low (thighs are okay to hit, but not every bottom enjoys being smacked there, so discuss with your partner). Your main focus is on the fattiest, juiciest area on the behind; just below the equator. Avoid wrapping too far around the side of the butt/hip and striking one cheek more than the other. Keep in mind symmetry and keeping things even. Both sides need love.

Checking in with your partner is key! That goes to say, everyone has their own style. I spank both right and left handed, which helps even things out a lot. As a switch, I think all tops should get a feel for the implement they will be using so you can gauge what the implement feels like and what works and doesn’t.

Recommended Spanking Aftercare

After a good spanking session, I rub lotion on the spankee’s bottom and give them a nice butt massage. I recommend Cetaphil’s body moisturizing cream for very dry, sensitive skin.

Post-spanking, the bottom tends to dry up, so moisturizing really helps restore and repair the skin.

Cassidy Lau – I am a Professional Spanko-Switch and Entertainer and based in Austin, TX. I provide in-person spanking sessions as a top, bottom or switch. You can also interact with me and my real-life Top and spanking partner, Miss Rachel, on our OnlyFans page. We livestream weekly real-life spankings and discuss our home life and domestic dynamics.

Follow Cassidy on

OnlyFans: Onlyfans.com/TheLadiesRoom

Twitter: @SassyXOLassy

Email: SassyXOLassy@gmail.com and LadiesRoomSpanking@gmail.com

Fetlife: SassyXLassy

Upcoming Tours:

Pre-COVID, I had traveled a lot. Assuming things clear up in 2021 with COVID, my travel schedule will be as as followed:
Atlanta, GA: January 15-16
Las Vegas, NV (Shadow Lodge Spanking Party): February 25-28
Dallas, TX (Texas All State Spanking Party): June 24-28
Houston, TX (Lone Star Spanking Party): November 11-14

I am based in Austin, TX but I travel back home to Seattle once a month.

Images from Cassidy Lau

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February 17, 2021
How To Explore & Enjoy Gender Play

Kink has been part of My entire adult life. I am not sure if I am wired that way or if it was finding an old stash of True Detective magazines as a youngster. For those that don’t know, those mags pictured women bound, gagged, etc. My first long term boyfriend was kinky and we explored a lot together but none of it was specifically tied to BDSM.

FemDom didn’t come until later, again at the introduction of a significant other. It was a natural fit, coinciding with a time when I was very engaged in a corporate career. It further boosted My confidence by allowing Me to own My sexuality and take that power of confidence into the workplace. Little is more powerful than a woman who knows the affect she has on you and uses it ruthlessly. I never looked back.

What Is Gender Play?

It’s a broad spectrum form of play and it just keeps getting broader with our exposure to non-traditional gender identities like non-binary, gender fluid, transgender, etc. Regarding My gender play, which is almost exclusively with men, it’s about taking them out of the confines of their born gender – what they are programmed to feel and believe about themselves, and how they identify with their gender.

That can be as simple as donning a pair of panties and teetering around in high heels, to full transformations and getting a public response to them in a feminine role – and everything in between. And it’s more than just the physical aspect. For many, taking on feminine characteristics and wearing womanly trappings pushes their comfort zone, makes them feel out of control and therefore more submissive and that is where D/s play enters.

Gender play often provides a jumping off point for FemDom and BDSM scenarios. Gender play on its own is not specifically part of FemDom or BDSM, in My opinion.

Misconceptions Of Gender Play

The biggest one is that it’s all about humiliation. Up until the last five years or so, I would say that was mostly accurate. At that time, gender play revolved mostly around sissy play and emasculation of the male ego. Now I see more and more men who want to feel empowered by feeling feminine and being viewed as a woman. Because of that, My skills have had to grow. I took lessons in transgender makeup and fleshed out My client wardrobe to include elegant attire too.

The other big misconception is that gender play is only for bi-sexuals. That is an absolute falsehood.

Reasons Subs Loves Gender Play

Well, for most it’s just kinky fun. For sissies, the erotic humiliation gets their juices flowing. For others, shedding their male responsibilities for a few hours and feeling the dichotomy of what women often feel; sexy, desired, objectified, pursued, vulnerable exposed – can be a real rush.

But there can also be a serious side to gender play. I have had more than a few clients that are exploring the possibility of transitioning and a professional dominant can provide the safe space for them to take on that role for a manageable time.

What A Typical Gender Play Session Is Like

I don’t know if there is a true “typical” but nowadays I enjoy the “female empowerment” scenes best. I’ve always felt that using feminization to emasculate a man was unfair to the female ideal. Why should being feminine make you less of a man and therefore humiliated? Shouldn’t a man be honored to be remade in the image of Us? I think that is just one of the ways our thinking is slowly changing.

So, the scenes that involve full transformations and realistic cross-dressing are My current favorite. I love to wait and reveal the final results after everything is done: hair, makeup, dress, shoes, nails, etc. The look on some of their faces is priceless. Of course, the transformation is just the first part of the scene for most. Sometimes we engage in medical play that can result to a trip to the OBGYN table and maybe a mock castration and gender reassignment. Maybe we discover the goddess Venus is resident in them and engage in strap on play. Public outings are always fun and liberating too.

What To Expect Before Exploring Gender Play

As I briefly mentioned earlier, gender play will not make you gay or cause you to question your sexuality in a negative way. Some men get fully dressed for the first time and declare themselves lesbians. Others crave to suck cock, but I don’t think it’s done anything more than bring to the surface what has been swirling around underneath.

As with any form of play, choose your partner carefully. If seeing a professional, make sure they have all the accouctrement you seek. If you want a full transformation, make sure they have a good stock of fem gear and preferably a dedicated feminization area. A verifiable track record of working in gender play is imperative too. Seek out reviews and other information outside of their website to make sure you are a good fit.

In short, do your research, choose well and communicate your desires and limits clearly.

Mistress Ayn – A professional Dominatrix residing in Atlanta, Georgia. She has been part of the BDSM lifestyle for over 20 years and a professional dominant since 2010. In person sessions are conducted at the renowned Atlanta Dungeon and in 2016 she launched the incomparable FemDom Mansion. Mistress Ayn was recognized by her peers for her contributions to the FemDom community as a Guest of Honor at DomCon 2019.

Follow Mistress Ayn on

Website:

https://mistressayn.com/

https://femdommansion.com/

https://www.atlantadungeon.com/

https://stars.avn.com/mistressayn

https://aynrules.com/tour/

http://mistressayn.com/blog/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/MistressAyn

Images from Mistress Ayn

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February 15, 2021
How To Explore BDSM Safely & Correctly (Part 2)

Continued from Part 1

Hmmm that word “correctly” might make some people uncomfortable. There is a misconception that there is a right and wrong way to “play”. While there are safety and consent rules that should be followed, the only people who make the rules are the ones involved in the scene or relationship. The way you choose to play may be different from others and as consenting adults, we must respect each other and accept all the different kinks and fetishes out there. Although there is definitely a “correct” way to spank!

There are some specific types of play that require more training and understanding of the human body to ensure safety, health and wellbeing of all involved (such as breath play, sounding, BB, spanking, needle/hooks/knives, rope, electro play and more). Irreversible damage can be done if play is not practiced safely and properly (for example in a medical scene you must use sterile equipment). To learn more about different types of play, I recommend watching and learning from educational sites such as KinkAcademy or firsthand from professionals, practicing and playing with/on yourself + consenting partners, and most importantly – always have FUN!

KINK and BDSM scenes and sessions are meant to be fun playtime with friends, not a painful chore! If you’re not enjoying yourself, then stop to take a moment, COMMUNICATE your feelings, be open and honest with yourself and play partners, listen to your own body and needs, and once you feel prepared, continue to journey deeper into the exploration of pleasure and PLAY again and again 🙂

Common Mistakes Made By Beginners When Learning BDSM

Often people think they have to try it all, or are too afraid to try. They put all their eggs in one basket thinking they only like this one thing, and then when they do try they, end up disappointed because it wasn’t as expected. People may not understand what the kinks or fetishes are, the different roles or how they themselves fit into this world. They may not know how to negotiate a safe word, talk about limits or even recognize the importance of aftercare.

Newbies are often seen jumping in without pre-negotiation of a scene, researching for the right person to dom/sub with, getting themselves into fast, abusive, or catfish relationships, or tricked financially, thus getting hurt in the process. BDSM is ultimately about trust, consent and communication. Choose wisely the people you play with, and do your homework if you are seeking out professional services. Have an idea about the things you like/dislike and start to see, feel and understand how your body reacts. Take note and go from there.

First and foremost, listen to yourself! Trust that only you know what is best for you, and if anyone is making you uncomfortable in the world of kinky BDSM playtime, know that you have the power to end the scene. If you’re curious about this world, then start by going your own way. Start living the life you have always wanted. Start doing the things you enjoy. Just be free to be you. No one can stop you. Your sexuality is a part of who you are and no one can shame you for what you like because pleasure is your birthright. Be proud to be a kinkster and enter the #portaltofreedom

Come On & Explore Your Kink With Me

I am an educator first and foremost. A nurturing and patient teacher, strict, sadistic yet loving Mommy Dom, here to guide you on your journey towards sexual freedom. My style is ever changing as I am the Queen of Opposites, and I conduct sessions at My leisure in English and Mandarin.

If you are prepared to change your life through submission and kinky playtime, then I am the one for you. If you want to learn or improve your English or Chinese + learn how to communicate your sexual needs and desires through the eyes of kink, then I am the one for you. If you are ready to embrace your sexuality and unleash your power, then I am the one for you. If you want to feel different than you do now, then I am the one for you.

LOVE Queen Layla is an exuberant and esoteric Eurasian Dominatrix, Language (Mandarin & ESL) and Sex Educator, Performer and Motivational Speaker. She is the founder of 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. She transforms taboos surrounding sex, darkness and transformation on the aural #portaltofreedom with inspirational stories and monthly guests as host of sexuality podcast Punani Productions. Dare to be free. Surrender and free yourself. Enter the Portal: Magical Kingdom for Sexual Freedom

Follow Queen Layla on

LOVE Queen Layla website (QueenLayla.com)

Twitter (@iamqueenlayla)

Instagram (@lovequeenlayla)

Ca$happ

Spankpay (crypto currency)

iwantclips

Upcoming Works:

Embrace Your Sexuality – Unleash Your Power (global workshop)

#KinkyChinese – Learn with Queen Layla

Find your solution with 4L Solutions

Images from Queen Layla

Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

February 11, 2021
How To Explore BDSM Safely & Correctly (Part 1)

Personally, I find kinky playtime and BDSM to be both a healing modality and a healthy, fun way to release from the pressures of everyday life. An escape to a world of fantasy, excitement and pleasure with someone you trust while knowing that you can stop at any time. A place where power is exchanged and surrender leads to transcending yourself. When I play, along with My subs, I also enter the #portaltofreedom and after each encounter, I am changed just like them. I grow as they grow and we all learn from each other. I believe that sexuality is at the core of who you are and when you “Embrace Your Sexuality”, you “Unleash Your Power” (this is the name of the workshop I am currently writing and taking global in 2021).

In the realm of kink and BDSM, there is love and acceptance and it is here that I found Myself, discovered My love and passion for exploring ALL bodies while helping people find pleasure in all kinds of naughty ways, ending shame and stigma around STIs, kink/BDSM, educating on safe practices and being a personal example and inspiration for people to reclaim self love and empowerment and celebrate their sexuality.

Just this year I founded 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. I am the creator of the new method #KinkyChinese & #KinkyEnglish which bridges the gap between second language learning, sexuality, kink/BDSM and communication between partners. I started the sexuality podcast Punani Productions to transform taboos surrounding sex, darkness and metamorphosis through inspirational personal stories and monthly guests. My philosophy is: Live Your Life. Love Above All. Laugh Daily. Learn & Transcend.

How I Started Exploring Kink

Funny you ask, I had no idea I was into kink until I moved to NYC in 2013 and started My dominatrix career in 2015. I worked in a dungeon while also teaching privately (Can you believe I am an 18 year veteran educator! I feel forever young!) and took professional training to further My skills and expertise in the arts of the Dominatrix. After one particular training I had a flashback memory of My first time at a fetish party in Vancouver, Canada during University when I was 19 years old. I remembered being invited to a “fetish party”, had no idea what that was, and they said “just wear black!” and so I went. To be honest I had no idea what to expect and was weirded out by the crowd. In the midst of the darkness and heavy techno music, I saw men wearing corsets and all kinds of things, went outside, met a hot girl with star pasties, and thought ok this party isn’t so bad… Went back in and all of a sudden saw a red light leading somewhere new, and started to hear a sound… a sound I never heard before, but it drew Me in. I went down the stairs into a dimly lit room where a crowd surrounded a bench where a girl was getting spanked. I thought it was so beautiful I started to reach out and tell them, but someone yanked my arm back and said “Hey, you can’t interrupt a scene!”

I had no idea what that was all about, thought that it was odd that I couldn’t tell them how I felt so made My way back upstairs and ended up dancing the night away. After that I never returned to a fetish party during college or even thought about all the crazy things I witnessed. However subconsciously, I must have enjoyed it because I was always dressing as a “dominatrix” for Halloween years after graduating. Even now the sound of a whip cracking still gives Me the shivers while simultaneously puts a devilish grin on My face. I giggle and get excited just thinking about it…

Another fun fact: I have a magnet of the painting Gabrielle d’Estrées et une de ses soeurs that I purchased at the Louvre in Paris when I was 12 years old on a family trip with My own money. I still have it to this day. I guess this means I have been drawn to nipples ever since I was a teenager and have been kinky all My life 🙂

Challenges I Faced When Learning About BDSM

We all know that BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Initially I had no idea about any of this world before moving to New York after being raised with traditional values in a multicultural household in Beijing, China. I had heard some things but never experienced it first hand. As a natural dominant, I was always a leader throughout My life – in the classroom, the workplace, the bedroom.

When I started working at the dungeon I only experienced being the dominant, and never learned much about submission and the reasons behind it. I knew that when I did My training I wanted to experience submitting because I realized what I was doing was so powerful; that even though I was new and inexperienced, I already had the innate ability to bring My clients to another level and guide them in transformation. I realized that to be a good dominant, you need to experience and understand submission along with the power that both roles hold in this beautiful relationship.

In many places of training, you must first begin as a submissive before you can enter the role of the dominant. During My training, I wanted to feel this “sub space” and finally understand what the hype was about. I had heard that entering “sub space” could be even more enlightening than drugs and is in a way like a drug in itself. When a body experiences intense sensations (for example impact play), naturally there are internal reactions that generate a release in the forms of sweat, tears, giggling, shaking…etc. and one cannot control how long it takes to get out of “subspace” and back to one’s usual self (it can range anywhere from five minutes up to an hour or even longer for some). As I have an extremely low pain tolerance, I agreed to a light spanking on a cool massage table that was hanging in mid-air by chains from the ceiling. Looking back now, I was definitely “topping from the bottom” saying “do it this way, do it that way” but at the end, I felt so peaceful, and said thank you. As I turned onto My back, My teeth started chattering uncontrollably and tears flowed out of my eyes, down My face and I couldn’t move. They brought Me blankets and told Me I was loved, and I felt like a load of negative energy was lifted, healing came to My body, all the hurt and pain that I went through was gone, all the anger was gone, I was floating.

That day I understood what subspace was, what deep and profound transformations BDSM playtime can bring, and what it means to submit and transcend, hence My tagline: “Dare to be free with Me. Surrender and free yourself.” By the way, after that spanking is when I had the memory of the fetish party. Better not get it twisted though readers, only I do the spanking during My playtime!

Part 2 to follow…

LOVE Queen Layla is an exuberant and esoteric Eurasian Dominatrix, Language (Mandarin & ESL) and Sex Educator, Performer and Motivational Speaker. She is the founder of 4L Solutions, a global company advocating for sexual health and wellness through education, workshops, coaching and performances. She transforms taboos surrounding sex, darkness and transformation on the aural #portaltofreedom with inspirational stories and monthly guests as host of sexuality podcast Punani Productions. Dare to be free. Surrender and free yourself. Enter the Portal: Magical Kingdom for Sexual Freedom

Follow Queen Layla on

LOVE Queen Layla website (QueenLayla.com)

Twitter (@iamqueenlayla)

Instagram (@lovequeenlayla)

Ca$happ

Spankpay (crypto currency)

iwantclips

Upcoming Works:

Embrace Your Sexuality – Unleash Your Power (global workshop)

#KinkyChinese – Learn with Queen Layla

Find your solution with 4L Solutions

Images from Queen Layla

Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

February 9, 2021
Here’s What You Need To Know About Being A Brat In BDSM

We’re all familiar with the concept of a spoiled brat, but do you know what it means to be a brat in BDSM? For submissives who want to spice it up a little during sex play, being a brat can be exhilarating, as you get to let your naturally playful personality shine while engaging in BDSM. Moreover, being a brat is a great way to get your dom’s attention, since you have to playfully provoke them to get the reaction that you desire. If you want to take on a submissive role that’s a bit sassier than usual, here’s what you need to know about being a brat in BDSM.

What does it mean to be a brat?

A submissive who’s a brat loves to push their dom’s buttons by breaking the rules. But it’s not about being blatantly disobedient – it’s more about being mischievous. Your dom is called a brat-tamer, and the brat-tamer’s role is to punish the brat for bad behavior, usually with some impact play, prolonged edging, or restraints. During a scene, a brat can be a spoiled student who refuses to listen to their teacher, or a little girl who doesn’t want to follow what their daddy says, so it also works if you have a DDLG dynamic.

Before engaging in brat and brat-tamer BDSM, talk to your dom about it so that they know how to respond accordingly to your behavior and to have some rules in place. Next, get into the submissive head space by wearing kinky clothing and accessories, such as kawaii lingerie, a school girl outfit, some thigh highs, or a collar. Once you’ve established boundaries and are properly geared up, get ready to act out a scene with your dom.

How to act it out

To act all bratty, start by pestering your dom while they’re engaged in other tasks. Try sending a naked picture of yourself while they’re on a call, or if they’re at work, send them naughty text messages demanding for them to come home so they can pamper you. You can also refuse or ignore commands, or do something to rile your dom up. For instance, you can fling their shoes towards the other side of the room, and tell your dom, “Yes, I threw your shoes. What are you gonna do about it, daddy?” Say it with a grin, and in a cheeky way, rather than in a bitchy manner. You can also speak in a higher tone to engage your bratty side. Later, take your punishment like the spoiled baby that you are.

Being a brat makes being a submissive extra fun, so try the brat/brat-tamer dynamic with your dom the next time you engage in BDSM. Be playful, have fun with it, and unleash your inner brat to get what you desire.

Photo by Artem Labunsky on Unsplash

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February 7, 2021
What It’s Like To Be A Fetish Producer

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with sex, but I don’t think I am abnormal in that respect. I know that I find it difficult to climax and yet I am almost always aroused. It’s quite frustrating sometimes. But looking back, I think this has made me a better escort and a better fetish model. I feel quite relaxed with other peoples (mostly guys) kinks. Even the strangest requests do not really freak me out. I don’t think I’m jaded. I am still very young. But I am tolerant of deviancy. To me, being a pervert is normal and most importantly honest.

So I guess you could say that my sexual desire and appetite and fulfilment is achieved through another person. I’m like an orgasm cuckoo haha. But, that’s not to say that I am selfish in the bed at all. Now that I think about it, it’s quite odd. I don’t have personal relationships with boyfriends etc, I am in a relationship with my kink. That kink is deviancy. Mm…not sure if you can understand that? I am a work in progress 🙂

How I Started Producing Fetish Content

I met my favourite producers Benson Media who I think are unique in the adult industry. The founder Simon Benson has been in the industry for 20 years and is a famous BDSM illustrator. I saw some of his drawings when I was much younger and they stirred something inside. Many years later when we met, I was so in awe. And yet, he and his company are very down to earth. I guess they took me under their wing and I was allowed to discover and understand more about my kinky side.

I was shown that my kinky side is the real me and nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t spend 24/7 in a mist of latex and leather. But I certainly feel relaxed about my perverse thoughts. We co-produce my Onlyfans and launched my own porn website cherrythedoll.com which I consider ‘my place’ where all my inner fantasies can be played out for others to enjoy 🙂

We launched Cherrythedoll during lockdown so it was quite intense being locked in with a director, shooting every day but I loved every minute of it. I would love to live in a fetish bubble, like a walled compound of sorts haha!

Favorite Content Produced So Far

My website has 5 themes – Cute, Fetish, Toys, The Doll and POV. These are the four main fetishes I am interested in. The fifth, ‘Fetish’ is a catch all. My favourite of all these themes is ‘The Doll’. It’s dark, creepy and I guess it has all my fantasies intertwined. It has a loose linear storyline, so it’s exciting to see in what direction it will go.

The scripts are written by Simon Benson so they are quite twisted and creepy – in a sexy cool way. The Doll has DDlg / ageplay themes. So it’s taboo and controversial. But I think viewers should understand that this content truly represents my thoughts and fantasies. It’s definitely not victim driven or anything that seeks to promote anything unlawful.

What’s The Process Of Creating A Video Like?

Firstly, we discuss the script. The script is important as I have to give some kind of performance. Then we look at props. Props are important as they set the tone for the scene. For example, we filmed a scene with a creepy dolls head with a rubber dildo attached. It was quite a weird looking object in itself. Obviously the entire scene was dominated by this prop, it created energy and kind of drove the action within the scene. Simon made the ‘dildo doll’ himself haha!

We shoot on a main camera and a b-camera. We shoot ProRes on a Blackmagic using 16mm cine primes which gives a nice filmic look and usually the b-camera is a GH4 or a GoPro. Sound is captured off camera. Benson Media handle all the post production – thank god!! It’s a lot of editing time 🙂 I much prefer to play with my doggy and PS4 instead haha!

Being Open To Exploring My Kink

I have no boundaries. There are some things I don’t do on camera for legal reasons. But I spend a lot of time in Japan where most things I am interested in are acceptable as long as you exercise discretion. It’s a bit of a cliche, but your sex life is a journey. It twists and turns throughout your life. So why not go with your feelings?

Cherry English – Fetish Model, International Companion and Maiko

Follow Cherry on

Website: https://www.cherrythedoll.com

https://www.petgirls.com (Official Mascot)

Social Media:

onlyfans.com/cherryenglish18

https://fetlife.com/users/2723616 (usr: cherryenglish18)

Twitter: Twitter.com/cherryenglish18

Tours:

New York January 2021

Tokyo March 2021

London March 2021

Images from Cherry English

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February 5, 2021