There is no doubt that escorting is the most intimate type of work that can be done! It’s exhilarating when meeting a new client yet relaxing once you’ve both crossed the finish line. Fulfilling when a client sees their own body with new, more positive eyes, yet tense when navigating the pain. It can be lucrative, but also very demanding after a month of advertising costs and no clients to cover those costs.
How I Got Started Into Escorting
In university, I found a lot of interest in my Psychology of Women classes. I was very pleased to receive 98% percent as a final grade, but my knowledge alone did not make me any type of James Bond for the ladies. In an attempt to balance my tall 6ft 4 frame throughout my university years, I dedicated time to learning about the female anatomy and the female psyche. Where most men take to this task with motives of sexual conquest, I truly approached learning from the appreciation of women. I grew up with Christian values at home where female beauty is placed at the peak of physical creation. And I mean, isn’t that the truth, when even straight women are attracted to women in a way that straight men just aren’t attracted to men.
All this to say that my adherence to religious rules on sex was in question. I found myself at the end of a hard drawn out break up where money, emotion, physical closeness were all lacking. Maybe it was the influence of a strong mother, or the hardships of loss, along with the well timed idea from a close friend. All influences considered, it all led me to find a place in sex work where I could celebrate women.
What Makes Me Unique
One of my goals as a male escort is to focus on the experience of pleasure for my client, specifically by attending to their needs by giving my best. In any relationship there are key psychological wants/needs that we have to address to feel satisfied; survival, fun, freedom, power, belonging (I happen to like Glasser’s Five Needs, the best part is you get to choose your needs/desires). In the first 10 minutes of meeting a client, I want to know why they are with me and which desire my client is looking to fulfil.
Fundamentally, we all share the same basic needs. Each client has different needs (sometimes a new need or want by the day), and every need has different motivations, and she will likely express those needs differently than any other client. But the differences in how we behave are shown through our individual past experiences. Often our needs emerge from an emotion, or a thought, or even conflicting thoughts. Which is why I love to listen, and be attentive to uncover those desires. The intimacy that sex can provide can be effective at satisfying those emotional, physical, and spiritual needs.
Why Women Engage Male Sex Workers
As much as I’d love to believe that I’m the expert on why women engage with male sex workers, because I AM a male sex worker and I SHOULD know why my clients book. Don’t worry, I do but it’s just more complicated than you might think. Here’s my best to offer several reasons why women can be drawn to male sex workers.
Let’s first consider her needs! Are they coming to a sex worker because they feel as though they haven’t had enough freedom in their life, marriage, job? Perhaps they need an avenue to explore their sexual imagination freely without judgement. Or the lawyer that needs to schedule sex into her life because if she doesn’t, she notices a decline in her work performance. Each reason to engage sex workers is valid. Whether you do it to give up control or to gain it, maybe to experience a sense of safety through intimacy, or even creating a safe space to grow from past trauma. Maybe a wild birthday celebration!
What My Regular Clients Are Like
My first job was probably the best training I could ask for. I worked at a chocolate shop where I was able to learn each guest’s palate. If they preferred mint chocolate, creams, hazelnut, liqueurs, ganache or praline. I heard many moans of enjoyment when it was time to pass free samples. Like a box of chocolates, my clients are sweet, sensual and oh so tasty. Humour aside, they are assorted! Clients come in every shape, personality, temperament each with their own variety of tastes. There are a few similarities that my clients share. They always have a level of openness or defiance, curiosity and a degree of playfulness. It must be that same thinking that opens you up to hiring an escort.
My mother worked hard to provide for her family, early on I learned what a strong, focused, and dedicated woman looks like. I’ll say with 100% certainty, you don’t have to look far in the sex work industry before you’ll find a strong woman. Sometimes that’s the explorative client, or the corporate business woman who needs to let all the racing thoughts go for a few hours, just to relax. Sometimes other female sex workers will encourage their own clients to hire me to have more enjoyment out of an encounter!
What I Have Learnt About Women
If I could distill this all down to one idea, it goes without saying that I am thankful to each one of my clients who have ultimately helped me learn this! We all strive to feel competent, autonomous and safe in each interaction. Every woman is magical, sensual, creative, hilarious, quirky, cute. If I can care, give attention, and respect her, she will want to open up. When she does, there will be more of her to be enjoyed!
Damien is a student of human connection. His studies come from his work as a male escort learning to be a passionate lover, a giver, and a pleaser for women. A very positive and ambitious thinker who always has a new podcast on the go.
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