I truly have an undying respect, as well as a great deal of admiration for all types of sex workers. There are those of us who are privileged enough to be able to share what we do with our loved ones, but for many, our job, and lifestyle is our greatest secret. There is always the threat of being doxed or outed, which comes with having the possibility of our worlds turned totally upside down. This can come with a loss in employment from our “civilian jobs”, as well as a potential loss in relationships with our loved ones.
For some of us who are out, we deal with pressure from our friends and family to find a “real job”. We’re told by society that our jobs and lifestyles are not valid, and we have to fight for people to understand the validity and importance of what we do, as well as fight the stigma that says that we all must be victims of circumstance, but the truth is more often in several shades of grey, and rarely so black and white.
The truth, at least from my point of view, is that we live in a world and time where the simple pleasures of life are so few and far between, that those who can offer a gentle touch, a kind word, or a sensual romp should be admired as care-givers all the same, and not as criminals or social pariahs.
My Perception Of The Sex Work Industry Prior To Joining
I’m not proud to admit this, but before I joined the industry, I had some fairly negative views, and used some unkind language when I spoke of sex workers. I was young, and my opinions never came from a place of malice, but from a place of complete, and utter ignorance. Everything that I thought I knew about sex work, and sex workers was from what I saw on television, and in movies.
These movies never included disabled workers, authors, those in highly regarded positions in government, trans workers, and/or students who managed to put themselves through school with little to no debt. I assumed that all escorts had pimps, and were all victims of broken families. No escort WANTS to escort, no stripper WANTS to strip. They do it because they have to – is what I believed. I didn’t realize that there are those who are prideful, and rightfully so, and choose these professions above other, “more respected” endeavors, because they find fulfillment in it. I didn’t realize that for some, this industry was a means to an end, and towards something different, but for others, it’s the long-term career they chose!
This industry is not one-size-fits-all. Many of us are running our dealings either how we have to, how we see fit, and how it works for us and our separate business models. For better or for worse, we are all uniquely ourselves, and it is so important that society sees us as distinct individuals, instead of victims, and only that.
How My Perception Has Changed Since
I commonly hear from those who I tell about my job, a few common misconceptions. The most common that I hear is that all clients visiting full-service workers are married. In my experience, it’s true that a lot of my clients are married men, though an even larger portion are of a completely different variety. It’s not uncommon to see those who are newly single, and unable to emotionally commit to a new partner, and aren’t looking for a one-night-stand.
I have seen those who are looking to practice emotional, and physical intimacy – and those visitors are not always looking to have any sex at all. I have had the opportunity to visit those who have physical disabilities that can make dating, and intimacy more difficult. Lastly, I have met men who are new to all forms of sex and romanticism, are ready to lose their virginity, and haven’t met anyone to lose it to. For myself, what I like to think we can offer all of our suitors is an uncomplicated, drama-free, intimate experience, that lets them know that their needs are well taken care of.
What Should Aspiring Sex Workers Be Prepared For?
If I were to share what knowledge I have of the industry, I would say that there are ways to mitigate risk, and that safety is so important. I’ll note my privilege here, but will say that screening has been the best way that I’ve managed to stay safe. You’ll find many forums that host different types of screening. Find what works for you.
There is also safety, and importance in community, and keeping a select few of your peers close, as friends, will help you stay safe, and sane. My friends and family know about what I do, but they aren’t able to understand the less glamorous parts of the industry, and to have those who can empathize is imperative.
Saving your money is key. This industry ebbs and flows in how busy it is. Saving your money, and knowing that you’ll make it through the lulls will stop you from taking risks to see clients who might not have your best interests in mind.
Taking time to disconnect from your work is important, whether that be putting away your work phone, or turning off your work Twitter. I think any small business owner will tell you the same thing. Our business becomes an extension of ourselves, and disconnecting will allow you to keep the distinction in your mind, that you are NOT your work – not all the time.
My name is Brea Fawn – a late-twenties, Edmonton based full-service escort. I have been working independently as a companion for less than a year, but also spent time as a cam girl for a brief period of time. I am passionate about this industry, and it’s many offshoots. Working as a sex worker has given me a great deal of intimate fulfillment, and gratification as I have seen my small, personal business grow and evolve over time.
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Images from Brea Fawn
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