I just started dating a girl who has a history of having many boyfriends previously; I am okay with the idea currently but sometimes I can’t help but think about the number of guys she has been with. How do I let this not affect me and us?
I think it may be helpful if you think a little deeper about why knowing how many partners your girlfriend has had before you bothers you. Are you anxious that you won’t be able to satisfy her as well as other partners? Are you concerned about your sexual health and worry you should be screened for STIs (you should do this anyway, regardless of her sexual history). Do you have some beliefs of how women should or shouldn’t have sex outside of a serious relationship? Or are there some issues of jealousy here?
Whatever the answer; here are a few things to try and keep in mind about your girlfriend and her sexual past as you move forward in this relationship. It’s not really fair of you to fault your girlfriend for enjoying herself sexually in her previous relationships. I’m assuming you hadn’t even met each other yet. Try and be positive; your girlfriend must feel pretty connected to you and trusting of you to have shared her personal past (which she didn’t necessarily have to do).
At the end of the day, the best way you’ll be able to not let this negatively impact your relationship is to talk about it. Don’t keep it bottled up inside; if you feel like you can’t talk to your girlfriend about your worries without it turning into a fight, talking to a friend might help instead. You guys are together now; be the best the other has ever had!
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Nicole Nelson is currently in school obtaining her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from Smith College with a focus on LGBTQ issues and couples/marriage therapy. Nicole hopes to become a certified sex therapist to continue educating clients and helping people advocate for and embrace their sexuality. Read the rest of her profile below and the links to follow her!
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