Being in a 24/7 BDSM Relationship: A Submissive’s Insight

I think the kink lifestyle is a great way to deepen your relationship with your partner(s) or to spice up an already existing relationship. As long as everyone is being safe, sane and consensual it’s completely up to those involved. I personally think they’re great – life is way too short to be vanilla.

How my BDSM journey began

I’ve been in a BDSM relationship since August 2014, so a little bit over a year. My earliest fantasies that I can remember having included things like gangbangs and bondage so I guess I’ve always been a little kinky. I was first introduced to the world of BDSM when a friend of mine went into professional fetish modeling and my exploration of what fetish meant lead me into it, but it wasn’t until I was around my later teens that I wanted to include the Dominant/submissive dynamic into my romantic relationships.

Initial Challenges

Just learning how to stick to the rules and to be honest when I did break the rules. There were a few times I did duck out of being punished by refusing to tell my partner that I’d broken them. I also found that, although I wanted to give up control, it was actually super difficult to do.

What I Enjoy As A Submissive

Me and my partner have an enormous amount of trust in each other and I think a lot of that comes from the fact that we’re a D/s couple. When we play we really have to trust each other and communicate, so it’s helped bring us closer as a couple outside of play as well.

Rules in a BDSM Relationship

I’m the submissive in our relationship. Our rules are pretty varied and focused on both of our needs and well-being rather than the Dominant just listing things the submissive should or shouldn’t do. We have rules where I have to exercise a certain amount of times each week which is a rule I requested to add, and then we have rules where we have to be honest and open with each other so we can tend to any issue that occurs.

Of course we have some ‘traditional’ rules like the fact that I can’t orgasm without permission (unless it’s to do with work!) and that I should always refer to my partner as either Master or Daddy.

A Typical Day In My Life

I’ll usually get up, shower, eat breakfast, get myself all pretty and ready for class, go to class, go on cam for a couple of hours of film/edit videos or photos, and by the time that’s done my partner is around. I’ll usually ask him if there’s anything I can do for him or he’ll already have thought of tasks for me to do. After dinner we’ll usually talk on Skype and play something together or just have a good old chat. If I’m really good then we’ll have some play time and I’ll get to orgasm if I’m really, really good!

Tips for Couples looking to start D/s Relationships

Do some research. Don’t just dive right in. Don’t use a certain movie about a certain number of shades of grey as a reference. Start with something small if you don’t know what kind of dynamic you’re interested in or what role you enjoy most. If you’re both new to BDSM then swapping who is the Dom and who is the sub can be a good idea. Introduce some handcuffs into your normal sex or even some light hand spanking, then once you’re comfortable you can move on to paddle or crop spanking or rope bondage.

Before you know it you’ll have a huge collection of kinky toys! It’s also important to remember that you don’t have to be into giving or receiving pain and I think BDSM is misrepresented in that the pain aspect is a big part of it. Not true – you can tie someone up and tickle them, you can run ice over their body, you can dress up like a puppy and have someone walk you around – it’s not all about pain.

Just remember to be safe, sane and consensual and to communicate with each other. Always have a safe word during play, too. Most importantly… Have fun!

Erryn Embers is a redhead camgirl and porn creator from Scotland who is passionate about creating ethical, authentic and amateur porn. You can find me live on MFC & Streamate where I’ll usually be being my awkward, nerdy, giggly self. When I’m not online I’m usually reading manga and taking care of my guinea pigs.

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