Hey guys. I’m Colin, and I’m here to help you guys with your dating and social lives. From here on out, I’ll have a question and answer column, where you can ask whatever you like, and I’ll attempt to give you useful solutions.
These solutions might be in terms of what you can do next and what are the next series of steps you can take. But more importantly, it is about how you can structure your own learning and development, and what tools and techniques you can use to fly though that learning structure.
In most cases, what we discuss will be applicable to your entire social life and often, even more than that. A lot of skills and understanding involved in improving your dating life are transferrable between many other areas in life. Conversation skills, for example, are of utmost importance when it comes to dating and are also extremely important in business and work.
I am predominantly a helper of men but if you are a woman, please don’t let that deter you from asking questions. Also, questions from those who already are in relationships are also welcome. With that, lets get started. Today, being the first post, I’ll just give you guys a quick run-down of the approach that I espouse to having the kind of social and dating life that many men dream of.
After that, please feel free to ask away!
My Approach to Building an Amazing Dating Life
There are many ways to improve your dating life. You could learn how to approach and interact with women. You could start by practising conversational skills. You could also get the ball rolling by working on your physical appearance such as joining a gym for example.
In my experience however, the best approach to take hands down, is a holistic one; a top-down approach.
1) The Holistic Approach
You need to start from the top and work down. This usually means that the quest for change starts with yourself.
When it comes to dating, attraction is really the gateway to a deeper and more fruitful relationship with a person. So really, the main aim for any man or woman, intent on creating a enviable dating life, is to start with the creation of value.
People with value are attractive. Yes, value can be subjective, what one woman looks for in a man, may be different from what another does. But, without citing scientific research, I think we can all agree that women in general, are attracted to very similar things. Think in terms of movie stars, prominent businessmen and other high-status males.
Its really simple. If you want to be competitive in the world of dating and given that you acknowledge that women are attracted to certain types of high-value men, than you need to create value. Think in terms of a commodity and that commodity is you. If you have a valuable product, no one can take that away from you and you will always do decently well in the realm of dating.
2) Building your Knowledge Base
Understanding, really is the cornerstone of being great at just about anything. If you want to have an amazing social life, full of beautiful women or good-looking men, than it is your business to understand.
At least at a basic level, men need to understand women, and women need to understand men. Drawing parallels to the world of business and sales—you should always know who you are selling to !
Here are some simple questions you can ask yourself:
Do you know what women want ?
(In a very general sense, you should have some idea)
Do you know how to further develop yourself from whatever you are presently?
(You need to have a basic game plan)
Do you understand more technical things like why the girl you were talking to at the bar got pulled away all of a sudden by her friend ?
(Understanding social dynamics is the key)
There are countless gaps in people’s knowledge base, that once filled, makes things so much easier. So I will attempt to be as informative as possible. You should also work in your spare time at filling in those gaps (if you aren’t too updated on social related knowledge).
3) Winning the War, NOT just the Battle
If you are one of those guys who have decided to improve their dating lives by buying a book titled “How to Pick-Up Women”, or something similar, I totally understand where you are coming from. However, it isn’t necessarily the best way to go about things.
And this is really in line with what I’ve been talking about with regards to the holistic approach. You see one of the problems with learning some quick “tricks” or techniques and going out to practise them, is that they often won’t work. This is becaus it often isn’t just what you say, or what you do that matters, but how you say it, how you do it, and a host of other things that women are very apt at picking up on. I’m talking about micro-expressions, subtle twitches, a mild quiver in your voice.
Things that can be changed, but not in the most intuitive way. You see, you can try to change that anxious look that you give, or the slight quiver in your voice that gives away that you are secretly pissing yourself. But at some point, it becomes a very fruitless endeavour. The amount of improvement you get from micro-managing these things that make the difference between a second-date and an outright rejection, is often not at all commensurate to the amount of effort you put in.
A macro approach is my opinion, is how you can get the biggest bang for your buck. Focus on developing a lifestyle, becoming a more confident person, and all those nervous ticks, all those micro-movements will correct themselves. At some point, they start to convert to micro-movements and subtle body-language that becomes a boon to your presence.
Even if you do successfully pull off a few successful attempts at picking-up women, it frames you in a way where you are making a woman too much of a prize in the long run. It puts you in a very needy state of mind. Being a prowler, traversing the streets and shopping centres trying to pick-up woman is in general, not a good way to see yourself if you want to build confidence and pride in your own value.
Its all about not missing the forest for the trees. That means sacrificing little wins for big victories. Build your worth and then realise it before talking about cold-approaching skills or other more micro endeavours.
Parting Note
So there you have it. As quick a summary as I could get about the approach you should take to really bringing your dating life to the stratosphere. I think this post may be a bit lengthy for some, but you know, like most people I have a pretty short attention span. But what I hate more than taking time to learn or understand something, is not having any way to learn, understand, and ultimately improve.
If you have a sub-par dating life, if you’re life isn’t full of amazing women and is not satisfying you, YOU CAN IMPROVE IT. And, you can do it now. So keep heart, read and re-read this post, and start reaching out. Connect with me, ask, ask and ask some more. Fire away !
Colin
Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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