Tag: Colin Tan

  • Pickup Artist VS Dating Coach

    Pickup Artist VS Dating Coach

    What’s the difference between a pickup artist & a dating coach? Don’t you both teach how to get laid?

    Technically, a pickup artist teaches the art of the cold approach. Simply put, how to approach, attract, connect and seduce a total stranger. A dating coach teaches men the art of dating. In other words, they teach conversational skills, stimulation skills, good manners to have on dates, how to handle logistics etc … Things pertaining to dating.

    Practically speaking, it really is mostly semantics.

    Firstly, a lot of the skills are involved in picking up a total stranger, crossover with skills are required to do well in the dating scene (interacting romantically with people you already know). Things like conversational skills for example.

    Secondly, whilst a pickup artist is supposed to teach how to pick up strangers, a dating coach teaches you how to conduct yourself in dating scenarios, both pretty much do not adhere to these constraints at all. A pickup artist ends up teaching you how to do well within your social circle, they occasionally teach holistic self-development, and they almost always teach some sort of relationship maintenance.

    When it comes to dating coaches (for men), it is even worse. Dating coaches almost totally makes the term irrelevant, because so many dating coaches are essentially pickup artists in disguise. They generally also teach pickup, self-development, and conversational skills etc … There is essentially little difference between both.

    Now to answer the second question, do we both teach people how to get laid? Essentially, we could do. Mostly, the question isn’t of much importance. The reason is because we both teach skills. We teach skills that help you get better with women romantically and that often also entails being able to “get laid”. So we teach you the skills and at the end of the day, what you choose to do with those skills isn’t our business. However, we screen our clients and students for potential criminal behaviour as much as we can and we always advocate good morals in our lessons, slides, books and blog posts. Having said that, if you are single and absolutely unattached, and you are totally upfront about what you want from a woman, be it a romantic, platonic, or even sexual relationship, then in my opinion no wrong is done, and no morals are crossed. In my opinion, deceit is the real evil, not being sexually free.

    In terms of my company, Navigating Social Relationships, I don’t actually know if we are dating coaches, or pick-up artists or whatever. In fact we’re probably none and it doesn’t matter anyway. All I know is that what we teach is this: How to initiate romantic relationships, and how to maintain them.

    We teach this through mental development, body manipulation, skill-sets development, and also through the art of the cold approach. We do it all in a holistic attempt to get you better with women. To get you better at improving your romantic life. In fact, one of the reasons we teach the cold-approach, is because it is a means to an end. And that end isn’t to get the number, or even to get laid. That end is about self-development, to a level where women will love you, to a level where your boss will love you, to a level where everyone will respect you because you are a solid and well-developed man.

    Pickup teaches you to handle rejection; it teaches you build your self-confidence and self-esteem such that it is made of bricks, and not a house of cards. It forces you to learn conversational skills, and repeatedly gives you an avenue to practise those skills. If you want to use picking up as a means to get laid, you could do that. If you wanted to use it to self-develop, you could do that, if you wanted to use it to find a romantic partner, you could do that too. Overall, we recommend that you use it for self-development and allow that to find you a romantic partner, or whatever pleases you within the moral boundaries.


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  • My Approach to Building an Amazing Dating Life

    My Approach to Building an Amazing Dating Life

    Hey guys. I’m Colin, and I’m here to help you guys with your dating and social lives. From here on out, I’ll have a question and answer column, where you can ask whatever you like, and I’ll attempt to give you useful solutions.

    These solutions might be in terms of what you can do next and what are the next series of steps you can take. But more importantly, it is about how you can structure your own learning and development, and what tools and techniques you can use to fly though that learning structure.

    In most cases, what we discuss will be applicable to your entire social life and often, even more than that. A lot of skills and understanding involved in improving your dating life are transferrable between many other areas in life. Conversation skills, for example, are of utmost importance when it comes to dating and are also extremely important in business and work.

    I am predominantly a helper of men but if you are a woman, please don’t let that deter you from asking questions. Also, questions from those who already are in relationships are also welcome. With that, lets get started. Today, being the first post, I’ll just give you guys a quick run-down of the approach that I espouse to having the kind of social and dating life that many men dream of.

    After that, please feel free to ask away!

    My Approach to Building an Amazing Dating Life

    There are many ways to improve your dating life. You could learn how to approach and interact with women. You could start by practising conversational skills. You could also get the ball rolling by working on your physical appearance such as joining a gym for example.

    In my experience however, the best approach to take hands down, is a holistic one; a top-down approach.

    1) The Holistic Approach

    You need to start from the top and work down. This usually means that the quest for change starts with yourself.

    When it comes to dating, attraction is really the gateway to a deeper and more fruitful relationship with a person. So really, the main aim for any man or woman, intent on creating a enviable dating life, is to start with the creation of value.

    People with value are attractive. Yes, value can be subjective, what one woman looks for in a man, may be different from what another does. But, without citing scientific research, I think we can all agree that women in general, are attracted to very similar things. Think in terms of movie stars, prominent businessmen and other high-status males.

    Its really simple. If you want to be competitive in the world of dating and given that you acknowledge that women are attracted to certain types of high-value men, than you need to create value. Think in terms of a commodity and that commodity is you. If you have a valuable product, no one can take that away from you and you will always do decently well in the realm of dating.

    2) Building your Knowledge Base

    Understanding, really is the cornerstone of being great at just about anything. If you want to have an amazing social life, full of beautiful women or good-looking men, than it is your business to understand.

    At least at a basic level, men need to understand women, and women need to understand men. Drawing parallels to the world of business and sales—you should always know who you are selling to !

    Here are some simple questions you can ask yourself:

    Do you know what women want ?
    (In a very general sense, you should have some idea)

    Do you know how to further develop yourself from whatever you are presently?
    (You need to have a basic game plan)

    Do you understand more technical things like why the girl you were talking to at the bar got pulled away all of a sudden by her friend ?
    (Understanding social dynamics is the key)

    There are countless gaps in people’s knowledge base, that once filled, makes things so much easier. So I will attempt to be as informative as possible. You should also work in your spare time at filling in those gaps (if you aren’t too updated on social related knowledge).

    3) Winning the War, NOT just the Battle

    If you are one of those guys who have decided to improve their dating lives by buying a book titled “How to Pick-Up Women”, or something similar, I totally understand where you are coming from. However, it isn’t necessarily the best way to go about things.

    And this is really in line with what I’ve been talking about with regards to the holistic approach. You see one of the problems with learning some quick “tricks” or techniques and going out to practise them, is that they often won’t work. This is becaus it often isn’t just what you say, or what you do that matters, but how you say it, how you do it, and a host of other things that women are very apt at picking up on. I’m talking about micro-expressions, subtle twitches, a mild quiver in your voice.

    Things that can be changed, but not in the most intuitive way. You see, you can try to change that anxious look that you give, or the slight quiver in your voice that gives away that you are secretly pissing yourself. But at some point, it becomes a very fruitless endeavour. The amount of improvement you get from micro-managing these things that make the difference between a second-date and an outright rejection, is often not at all commensurate to the amount of effort you put in.

    A macro approach is my opinion, is how you can get the biggest bang for your buck. Focus on developing a lifestyle, becoming a more confident person, and all those nervous ticks, all those micro-movements will correct themselves. At some point, they start to convert to micro-movements and subtle body-language that becomes a boon to your presence.

    Even if you do successfully pull off a few successful attempts at picking-up women, it frames you in a way where you are making a woman too much of a prize in the long run. It puts you in a very needy state of mind. Being a prowler, traversing the streets and shopping centres trying to pick-up woman is in general, not a good way to see yourself if you want to build confidence and pride in your own value.

    Its all about not missing the forest for the trees. That means sacrificing little wins for big victories. Build your worth and then realise it before talking about cold-approaching skills or other more micro endeavours.

    Parting Note

    So there you have it. As quick a summary as I could get about the approach you should take to really bringing your dating life to the stratosphere. I think this post may be a bit lengthy for some, but you know, like most people I have a pretty short attention span. But what I hate more than taking time to learn or understand something, is not having any way to learn, understand, and ultimately improve.

    If you have a sub-par dating life, if you’re life isn’t full of amazing women and is not satisfying you, YOU CAN IMPROVE IT. And, you can do it now. So keep heart, read and re-read this post, and start reaching out. Connect with me, ask, ask and ask some more. Fire away !

    Colin


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