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Self-Censorship in Sex Ed?

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Self-Censorship in Sex Ed?

Lanae St.John
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When my daughters were eight and ten years old, I tried to give them a lesson in old rock hits from when I was young—AC/DC, Journey, Van Halen, all the songs that were popular when I was their age.

I never intended this to be a sex ed lesson, but as you’ve heard me say before, sex is everywhere—and sometimes it shows up when you least expect it especially when I called up a Pandora channel called AC/DC “TNT.”

If you’re familiar with this music, you probably know where this is going. It started off innocently enough, with me just wanting to teach my kids about some of the “jams” of my youth… Well, I won’t go into the details of every song—“TNT” alone was hilarious with lyrics like, “lock up your daughter, lock up your wife. Lock up your back door and run for your life”— and “I’m a power load…watch me explode”… (Writing about the song “Big Balls” is a post on its own!) I feel a little weird just writing this! (I’m sure it has something to do with how I felt hearing this as a tween.) I nearly chickened out. I took a deep breath and explained to my kids that the lyrics had a double meaning of the guy being a loose cannon you don’t want to pick a fight with, but also, of course, representing ejaculation. My eight-year-old didn’t get it—she’ll get it soon enough—but my oldest had eyes as big as saucers. All she could say was “really?” Then, with what I detected to be a sign of exasperation, she muttered, “Boys are always talking about their penises.”

Can someone tell me why “innocence”  and “naïveté” are so prized in children? Who are these inside jokes supposed to keep out… children? The Man? Why? What purpose does self-censorship have when it’s about something as silly as basic human functions? Sometimes, adults will tell me about situations that occurred when they were younger. Sex blogger Redhead Bedhead wrote a funny post about songs of the 80’s and the not-so-subtle sexual messages of 80’s music. The kicker was the time she sang “Push It” in school and got in trouble— never mind that similar music was played at talent shows and kindergarten graduations. Was her age the big factor? If it is, it’s confusing for children. I can’t think of an instance where self-censorship has resulted in a positive outcome. Ultimately when a child got into trouble for behavior that was previously ok and the rules changed without notice, it affected them in one-way or another.

I know from experience that having these conversations can be awkward, but it’s not life or death. Nobody dies as a result of having been let in on a joke. It’s freeing to understand why something was acceptable then, and not acceptable later. If nothing else, the kids just get to understand reality better—and most of that reality is that adults really are (usually) fixated on sex.

 

This article has been republished with permission from Lanae St.John.
Please visit Lanae St.John’s website  to view the original post and more of Lanae’s works.

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Lanae St.John

Lanae St.John is a San Francisco Bay Area based Sexy Mamas Blogger, BoardCertified Sexologist, and Sex Educator. Her work with clients normalizes conversations about sexuality between parents and children, while helping adults to discover a more sexually positive outlook. By teaching parents to nurture the budding sexuality of their children in ways that foster self-respect and acceptance for the totality of their personhood, she helps them raise children who become empowered, beautiful, strong, sexually healthy adults. Lanae also coaches couples and individuals on their sexual questions and concerns, helping them to optimize their sexual experiences and achieve healthy adult sexuality via a sex-positive approach to sexual education. Lanae received her Bachelor of Science in Psychology and a certificate in Women’s Studies from the University of Wisconsin- Madison in 1991. She completed the Associate in Sex Education and Clinical Sexology before going on to receive her Masters in Human Sexuality in 2011 from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Currently, she is a Ph.D. candidate studying Human Sexuality. Ms St.John is a contributing sexpert on the sex education site What They Are Asking.com. She is also co-founder for the site NotSoSecret.com, a site that seeks to empower women to discover and enjoy their own sexuality. She is a Sex & Relationship Panelist for the popular site Dick-n-Jane.com and is also an expert on gasm.org, a website combining sex educators and medical professionals together to talk about the female orgasm. Her blog, “The MamaSutra®” on Good Vibrations’ website, was voted into the Top 25 SF Bay Area Mom Blogs in 2011 and she was listed #1 in the GetLusty.com 30 Must-”Like” Sex-Positive Facebook Pages. Lanae also co-hosted Season 1 of a show called Sexxx Talk Radio on the Progressive Radio Network – the podcast can be found on iTunes. As The MamaSutra®, Lanae has been featured as a sex-positive parenting expert in SSEX BBOX – a web series documentary featuring people and experts from four cities around the world. Lanae is also featured in the not-yet released feature length documentary “Revolutionary Sex” (working title) by NuReality Productions. In March 2013, Lanae was part of a contingent of Sexologists to travel to China. She lectured on Childhood Sexuality: Fostering Growth Into Sexually Healthy Adults to the Chinese Sexology Association and was asked to submit her paper to The Chinese Journal of Human Sexuality. Coming soon, Ms. St.John can also be found as one of the Expert Faculty of Sex Coach U and as one of Dr. Ava Cadell’s “Love Coach All Stars”. A Board Certified Sexologist (American College of Sexologists, A.C.S.), Lanae is also a member of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (S.S.S.S), The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (A.A.S.E.C.T.) and the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health (I.S.S.W.S.H.) Lanae is the proud mother of two daughters with whom she actively embodies her message of empowerment, freedom of expression, and a sex- and body-positive mentality.

Get in touch with Lanae via email at MamaSutra@me.com

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