Connect with us

Girls everywhere masturbate. So why can’t we talk about it?

Sex Ed

Girls everywhere masturbate. So why can’t we talk about it?

This was the title of an article in the Telegraph which I found recently while browsing the internet.

The author, Rebecca Holman, doesn’t say anything about tantric sex or tantric orgasm, but just plain old masturbation. And it struck me that what she was saying was true.

Little by little, over the years, we have become more and more open about what we talk about and what words are allowed on television – and, as the author says, talk about vibrators is fine. We can go and buy them together, and it seems nowadays only a prude would admit to not owning a vibrator.

‘But we never discuss female masturbation on its own, without a purple, glittery, revolving phallus, without a man present, just for the sake of it.’

But men talk about wanking all the time – so why the double standard?  It seems that it is the way we talk about it. It’s fine to discuss in sex education classes and in relation to products (toys) and messages regarding spicing up your sex life. But we don’t talk about how to masturbate. We are the generation that talks about ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING, but not this.

The author adds that masturbation is fine when it’s for the purpose of male titillation. But does female desire on its own, without a purpose apart from pure pleasure, make us uncomfortable ?

Intrigued by this, I found another article which this time, looks at male misconceptions about female masturbation.

Most men think we masturbate according to the way they have seen it done in porn films. If only they knew that we dont need to wear sexy lingerie to please ourselves. It is often done with bad breath, messy hair and wearing old sweat pants.

And we dont look at photos of male penises – we prefer to think of the person himself… masturbation for women often starts with an erotic thought, not a picture of a penis.

We dont masturbate in groups with our girlfriends, even though men may fantasise about this, and we dont do it standing in front of a mirror.

What we have found in our tantric tuition sessions, here at tantric massage in Kensington, is that very few men, when they first come for a tantric tuition session, really know how to pleasure a woman. Maybe this is a problem of communication. And if women dont talk to their girlfriends about masturbation, it is even less likely that they talk to their male partner about it. Maybe many women just dont know how to pleasure themselves. Or if they do, they do not dare tell their partner that he is doing it wrong. It really is time for all this to come out in the open.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?
Drop us an email at!

Eva Evan

Eva, at Tantric Massage London in Kensington, has trained and qualified in various forms of massage, tantra and tao in the USA, India,Thailand and England. Meditation and yoga have been a major part of her life for over 40 years and she has studied under, and been initiated by, great teachers from the Hindu, Buddhist, Sufi and Taoist traditions.


More in Sex Ed

To Top