“Are you lonely?” I asked the gentleman caller who had booked a massage at the last minute because he was ‘killing time’.
“No”. He shuffles from side to side, nervously playing with his car keys
“But you just said you needed to be touched, and you look lonely.” I have never beaten about the bush when it comes to identifying an emotion—mine or someone else’s.
“Well yes, maybe I am. Yes sometimes” He looks tearful
“It’s endemic. At the moment, a lot of people are feeling disconnected. I will give you a massage, then we can have a cuddle but first I am going to teach you a practice for loneliness. It helps take the edge off.” I say to the thirty something married man.
The guy sits in an upright chair as I suggest, closing his eyes and relaxing his jaw, shoulders and torso. I begin to instruct him in ‘The Five Elements to Transform Negative Emotions’ by simply telling him to breathe the colour green into his liver. He begins to panic.
“I don’t want this. Nothing spiritual. I just wanted something physical.”
“This isn’t spiritual, it’s a practical therapeutic tool to help you with the loneliness. Unless of course you want to stay with the loneliness?”
“That’s a loaded question.” He begins to get angry with me, another emotion, interestingly, housed within the liver—just awaiting liberation.
“Haha yeah maybe it is. I’m happy to give you a cuddle, the massage but just physical, without the emotion, the energy behind it—will make you feel worse”
“I don’t want this, I want, I’m going to go.” Upon which he grabs his keys from the table, I give him a hug. He flinches; he bolts.
So returning to the question of how do you cope with loneliness? To answer that I need to tell you what will make it worse: mindless physical contact without love, absent of affection and lacking in integrity. This, in my opinion, is worse than not being touched at all. It opens that chasm of isolation that threatens to swallow you whole.
To transform loneliness, you need to connect with yourself first, feel the loneliness, embrace it: then let it go. But we don’t do that do we? We distract ourselves, we ‘make do’ with empty contacts, meaningless sex and wooden hugs. I have said it many times as part of my work—you can make love on a one night stand. It can be remarkably fulfilling to truly connect with another human being in a moment of completeness. ‘Just physical’ does not cut it and never will.
Make love with me. Now. Let’s connect our hearts and liberate those feelings of loneliness within us both.
BIG HUGE Hug!