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Initiation into Cuckoldry; for husbands and wives

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Initiation into Cuckoldry; for husbands and wives

It is important to recognise, modern cuckold lifestyles are definitely a niche or fetish that isn’t for everyone.  Before a husband or wife approaches their spouse with the idea of using cuckoldry to spice up their marriage, they need to proceed slowly while guarding their mate’s feelings.  The way a couple’s participation in a cuckold lifestyle unfolds, where the husband initiates things, is generally very different than if the wife does.

For Husbands

For a husband, revealing his interest in being his wife’s cuckold can be risky as she may misinterpret his motivations and assume he has a hidden agenda.  When many women learn of their husband’s interest in cuckoldry, they become upset and assume that their husband is looking to get into “swinging”, break up their marriage, have an open relationship or even atone for his own infidelity.

Before a husband mentions being a cuckold to his wife, he should carefully consider what it is about the cuckold lifestyle that he finds exciting.  Given the counterintuitive nature of being a cuckold, this self-reflection is important for several reasons.  Firstly, so the husband can better determine if he truly is ready to be an actual cuckold in real life.  There are several things he can do.

He could try imagining his wife having sex with certain men he knows among his friends and/or co-workers.  He might find that the idea of certain men having sex with his wife is more arousing, distressful or objectionable than others.  He needs to understand that his wife might be attracted to men who are similar to him in appearance and personality or she might want someone who is very different from her husband.

If the husband can understand his feelings, he can better adapt if or when his wife does accept a cuckold lifestyle and things don’t unfold the way he originally imagined.

Another thing a man should try is imagining his wife going off on a “date” or having sex with another man when he is having sex or masturbating.  He will likely find that his fantasising will add greatly to his arousal.  After he has an orgasm, he should continue reflecting on how he would feel if his wife was having sex with someone else.  In this post-orgasm state he will likely feel more jealousy, resentment and other negative feelings.

Riding the “Arousal Wave”

It is important to recognize the emotional effect that sexual arousal has overall, especially on men and their sexual fantasies.  It is relatively easy for a man that is sexually aroused to enjoy kinky fantasies and fetishes, but once he has an orgasm, his interest and “openness” often diminishes or disappears along with his arousal.  Prior to having an orgasm, a man is riding on a wave of sexual excitement.  Once he has an orgasm, that “arousal wave” crashes down and his perspective is often radically changed when he has to deal with some hard realities.

It is vitality important that the man learn to deal with and minimise the negative emotions he feels about being a cuckold when he is not aroused.  A simple way for him to do this is to keep fantasising about his wife being sexual with another man, both when he is aroused and then again right after he has an orgasm.

Another technique a man can use to help him deal with cuckold-angst is reciting a “cuckold mantra”.  Here, the man thinks up a key phrase that is meaningful and repeats it silently to himself or aloud somewhere private.  The phrase should be something that the man finds a bit challenging to think about and say.  The mantra is then repeated 10-12 times at least twice a day.


My wife deserves more sexual pleasure than I can give her“,

I want my wife to have a well-endowed boyfriend who she fucks on a regular basis“.

It might seem trivial but this technique is a kind of self-hypnosis that can really help a man partially overcome his negative feelings about being a cuckold.

For Wives

Women enjoy modern cuckoldry in different ways depending on their temperament and up-bringing.

  • For some, it is about breaking a taboo and being a wanton woman.
  • For others, it is about some form of exhibitionism where they have the starring role in an erotic production.
  • A fun way to dominate their cuckold.

When a wife wants to discuss with her husband the idea of using cuckoldry in their marriage, she needs to think how her husband might react to the idea of being a cuckold.  Under no circumstances should she just reveal her cuckold fantasy to her husband without careful consideration since doing so to a man who is highly cuckold-adverse would make it extremely difficult to ever get him to change his mind.  Instead, she needs to think about his personality and what type of cuckold he might be; voyeuristic or submissive and then act accordingly when planning her next move.

One thing a wife might do is to try and learn more about her husband’s sexual fantasies by being observant and snooping around.

When she has sex with him, does she recall anything that happened that might reveal something about her husband’s sexual roadmap? For instance, does he often approach her to have sex when she wears certain lingerie?

During this exploratory stage, the woman might try doing some new things sexually to see how her man reacts to them – like:

  •  Try seducing him in a setting or location outside the bedroom.
  •  Introduce the use of sex toys or a new sex toy to their lovemaking.
  •  Use explicit language to describe her sexual arousal or the pleasure she wants or is feeling.
  •  Purchase some new risqué lingerie and surprise her husband with it.
  • Describe to her man a sexual fantasy or dream she had, adding to it in ways that he might find exciting.
  •  Purchase or download sexual explicit videos that feature cuckold-related themes like a woman with two men, sexual promiscuous “soccer moms”…etc, to view with her man.

The woman needs to pay attention to how aroused he becomes when they are doing something that is new and different from their regular sexual routine.  Anything else, the woman can learn about her man’s sexual “triggers” which can help her ease him into the idea of being her cuckold.

In the next instalment, I will go over some ways a couple’s relationship can change once they become involved and comfortable with cuckoldry.

Steve is a middle-aged husband and father living in the northern US. By day he works as a technical analyst/project manager for a large company by night he explores the depths of alternative sexual lifestyles - mostly involve female-led relations.


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