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You Need Orgasms

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You Need Orgasms

We are all born with functioning sexual organs designed to supply natural pleasure for the body.  Some of us get lucky and get both sets, but that has its challenges as well.  Discovery Channel aired a documentary on women’s orgasms.  The scientists gave a woman an MRI while she masturbated and watched her during orgasm light up over eighty sections of the brain, providing it with oxygen and nutrients. That means we feed the brain every time we orgasm.  It makes perfect sense, since we are designed to procreate.  We signal the body to stay healthy, useful, and regenerative, as orgasm is still needed for reproductive purposes.

An old wives tale goes like this:  If you put a penny in a jar every time you make love during the first year of marriage, then take a penny out of that jar every time you make love for the rest of your marriage, there’ll still be enough money left for the flowers at your funeral. We are designed to fuck.  Our culture has controlled our procreation urges.  We are taught to disapprove anything beyond those created rules.  That’s not healthy for us.

Our closest genealogical relative is the Bonobo monkey, and they fuck everything all the time and, guess what, they are the most peaceful creatures.  We could learn something from our ancestors.

We are sensual beings, all desiring the positive elements of our senses:  Food and drink with taste; pleasant floral, musky smells for our noses; art in whatever form of beauty the eyes perceive; music, rhythmic sounds, soft voice, lectures, poetry for the auditory; the written word for the auditory digital; and human touch and other kinesthetic experiences that give us physical pleasure.

Dacher Keltner, in his book Born To Be Good, teaches us the biological importance of emotional pleasure for the physical body.  His understanding of the common emotions represented across all humans and mammals alike, showed the clear natural values we should give to pleasure.  It is innate to our being …

Followed finally by the erotic.  This is a learned skill.   Not developed until some level of maturity of the individual.  Many of us don’t reach it till our maternal and paternal duties are over with.  The kids are gone, leaving the bored husband and wife looking at each other wondering, Is this it?  The unfulfilled fantasies come back with a vengeance, and like a bad cold, they won’t release you till they have left your body.

It’s the way the body signals it’s time for growth.  Fantasy, like dreams, are a way the body communicates a need to you.  Have you ever had a dream that keeps returning?  Does it get louder each time, turning into a nightmare?  Dream research teaches you that you are ignoring something when the dream gets louder.  If, for instance, you are getting chased constantly in your dreams, then you are running from something.  Dreams provide a metaphor to the emotional issues in your life.

Fantasy represents emotional hunger.  It allows our bodies to come into the yin-yang balance of our natures.  We desire and fantasize about emotional states of pleasure we would like to be in.  The most common in the kink community, because of the size of the population, is the heterosexual male’s desire to be in submission, laying down the burden of making all the decisions.

I have often thought that women of my generation have been afforded the luxury of choice by taking the easier road.  They cry, “Just tell me to do what I want to do.”  And you know what?  I would have cried that plea too, but I like making decisions.  As with gambling, I don’t always win and the losses are sometimes painful, but I own them all.  And that’s why I’m a Domina that needs an occasional switch opportunity to rest my weary head upon.  I’m the better for having loved and loss.

Both sexes in all cultures have ways to go in learning how to be comfortable in our alignments.  The Northern European cultures, which threw out the hard liner religious views and have adopted open sexuality and drug use, still boast the lowest crime rates.  You would think we could learn from that.  Our dogmatic religious beliefs have atrophied the brain[1].  And we simply get stuck in stupid.

[1] Owen AD, Hayward RD, Koenig HG, Steffens DC, Payne ME (2011) Religious Factors and Hippocampal Atrophy in Late Life. PLoS ONE 6(3): e17006. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0017006

Phyllis Rawley

Mistress Serene

Mistress Serene is an erotic intelligence coach, arm chair adviser, philosopher, BDSM educator, and practitioner. She is an author of “All My Heroes Were Ho’s, Life Lessons From the Dungeon” and an upcoming short story collection “Firsts, Our Coming of Age Stories”. Her company Serene Sin produces a line of sensual toys call Love Bites Gloves. She is a frequent radio and Internet show guest and author appearing on Playboy and Spice Radio, Dr. Julie Block, Size Matters with Lexington Steele,, TSR Networks, The Fetish Show and presented nationally at DESIRE: Leather Women Unleashed, Evolution Revolution and Leather Leadership Conference.


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