Tag: Sex worker

  • Sexual Healing Beyond Sex

    Sexual Healing Beyond Sex

    Sex to me, is more spiritual than anything. Sex is an entity that people are afraid of because its forces are so powerful it allows people to step out of their comfort zone… but people are afraid to be uncomfortable.

    Is It A Misconception That Men Visit Escorts Just For Sex?

    Yes, society (the masses) do have that misconception, because people think men only want sex.

    Nope, they want to be listened to, they want attention too, they want to vent, and sometimes just laugh and relax…

    One Reason Men Visit Escorts

    A lot of men want a break from their reality while still enjoying themselves by indulging in fantasy .

    Why Are Sex Workers Healers Beyond Sex?

    It is literally our job to not discriminate against others (unless they are trying to cause non-consensual harm to us), but because we meet all of our guests and clientele with love and respect despite how they look – that can do so much for a person’s self esteem.

    We’ve been making people feel good by being vulnerable with them since the beginning of time.  The fact that we, as whores have been through so much – yet can make others feel good despite our own pain says we are Healers On Earth aka HOEs!

    What I’ve Gained & Experienced

    What I’ve gained is patience and understanding. I also learned about boundaries, because if you don’t know what your limits are, people will keep trying to push you.

    What I Wish Would Change About Sex Work

    I wish more women were at the top. Like more women porn producers. More women club owners. Sex workers need their own union, because safety is usually at risk due to people’s lack of respect for us and the work we do. I hope that we can take the shame out of this work…


    Destiny Love – aka The Confident Hoe. I am a young single mother, a proud whore, SLUTivist (I speak out against the misconceptions of this lifestyle and teach people about the impacts of slut shaming). I love to read, write, study, listen to music and fantasize.

    My goal is to touch hearts, heal souls, repair what is broken and learn love for what it is truly… all through sex work.

    Follow Destiny Love on

    Instagram: @TheConfidentHoe / @ConfidentHoeSociety

    Facebook: facebook.com/therealdestinylove and

    YouTube: The Confident Hoe

    Website: ConfidentHoe.com (merchandise only)

    My book “How To Be A Confident Hoe … Because Slut Shaming Is Over” also available on Amazon.com

    I was also featured on Viceland’s TV network series: Hate Thy Neighbor – Different Sides of Feminism when I was at Amber Rose’s SlutWalk as a participant in 2017. In 2018 I was there as a vendor selling my book and other merchandise.

    You can catch me at the train stations advocating about the impacts of slut shaming while passing out informational brochures on this topic. I speak at events in different boroughs of NYC, I will also begin to speak at schools such as colleges, Universities, and even high schools about this very important topic – slut shaming.


    Article images courtesy of Destiny Love, featured image from Shutterstock

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  • Misconceptions of A Male Provider

    Misconceptions of A Male Provider

    My personal views towards escorting and sex work in general are that it’s like any other job. In one form or another, we trade in labor – which is our bodies. There are intimate aspects of what we do that distinguish it from other labor. But I ultimately view escorting and sex work as a job whereby consenting adults have agency over their persons to make money in the  manner that they see fit. Some people are carpenters. Some drive buses. Some are physicians. Some are escorts and sex workers.

    As a cisgendered male, I am in the unique position of not having the work that I do be stigmatized as much as my female counterparts. That’s largely based on how society views male sexuality versus female sexuality. Archaic norms suggest that men have more sexual agencies than women, which isn’t true. Mature, consenting adults can and do enjoy their bodies in the same ways regardless of gender. However, culture dictates that male sex work and escorting isn’t as stigmatized simply because society doesn’t make attempts at policing the male body the way that it does women’s.

    How I Got Started Into Sex Work

    I got started in sex work over 10 years ago. I did as it was a means to allow to initially make extra money, but also afforded me flexibility in my schedule to pursue some of my passions, hobbies and other interests.

    I wasn’t in any sort of financial rut or hole in my life. The idea presented to me and it was a fun and enjoyable way to earn extra income. It’s ultimately afforded me opportunities to travel and to pursue some of my outside interests so it’s worked out well to date.

    How Are Male Providers Viewed Differently From Females?

    Male providers are viewed differently than female providers in myriad ways. But two that standout to me the most are regarding agency over our bodies and choices to engage this work, and also how much we earn.

    When discussions surrounding decriminalizing sex work are ever brought up, there are always the voices that assert themselves regarding “saving” or “rescuing” women from sex work. There’s the notion of sex work somehow being “degrading” or more “dehumanizing” than any other form of labor. But this is a trope that is specific to women.

    Rarely are male sex workers branded with the need to be “rescued” from this type of work. And that is a reflection on societal hypocrisies related to women’s agency and sexuality. Male sexuality is championed from a young age. Our sexuality and “prowess” are often lauded, whereby ideas of female “chastity” are ingrained across cultures for centuries.

    The other way in which male providers are viewed differently is almost a continuation of the same cliches regarding libido. Whereas women are viewed to be more “chaste” and sex is some sort of  “task” or obligation – regardless of the type of relationship – men are viewed as insatiable and always on the prowl. This in turn has a direct impact on what is suggested that male providers can earn. The trope is a simple one: Why would I pay a guy for something that the majority are itching to give away? On average male providers earn significantly less. And where I once thought that as empowering for women, I now view it as an extension of the same attitudes that police women’s bodies and sexuality. It infantilizes women by suggesting that they don’t have the capacity to enjoy sex and intimacy in the ways that men do. So it’s a contradiction in a lot of ways that is readily embraced by never given any critical thought.

    My experience is that most of my female colleagues with a sense of self view themselves as sex positive are equal to me in regards to their own sexuality. They enjoy sex just as much as myself or any other male counterparts. But the myth that there should be no value in male provider services because there’s such an abundance of men willing to “give it away for free” is pretty common. It has a direct impact on how people view rates for male providers.

    Misconceptions Of Male Providers

    Perhaps a typical misconception that you hear regarding male providers might be aggression and attitudes towards female clients. I say it’s a misconception, as it doesn’t relate to me or any of my male colleagues that I’ve met over the years. Whether that I know personally or in passing.

    They all exhibit professionalism and kindness as well as the being respectful of boundaries. That’s important for all parties involved, both clients and providers.

    Tips For Aspiring Male Providers

    My advice to anyone interested in pursuing this sort of work is to know yourself and your boundaries. It’s important to know what you are comfortable with and what you might enjoy prior to embarking on this sort of work. The money can appear enticing, but money isn’t everything. Having a strong sense of self will keep you grounded and help to avoid any pitfalls. That holds true in my of life, but where we mix intimacy and commerce I feel that it’s key to consider.

    Your interests can certainly change and grow as you become more comfortable or are exposed to more aspects of sex work. But always remain aware and certain regarding your boundaries. This type of work can be lots of fun and also a good way to explore and engage the human condition. But being grounded in oneself prior to embarking on this work has proven to be a key.


    David Williams – I am both a Male Dom as well as an escort/ companion. I see all genders and all body types. I also offer companionship for those seeking company in a more traditional capacity. You can find out more about me at my website links.

    Follow David Williams on

    Website:

    www.theblackdom.com

    www.nycmaleescort.com

    www.vipblackmalescort.com

    NiteFlirt: www.niteflirt.com/DaveTheBlackDom


    Photo courtesy David Williams

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  • What It’s Really Like To Be A Sex Worker

    What It’s Really Like To Be A Sex Worker

    Most people I’ve talked with seem to associate sex work with pimps, human trafficking, and drug addicts.

    It’s this stigma that propels people to inform me without provocation that they ‘never would have known’ what I do for work based on my appearance and along with how I carry myself.

    People also like to reassure me that they ‘don’t judge me’, even though I do not display any signs of guilt surrounding what I do; they assume two things: I’m obviously ashamed of sex work and am embarrassed to tell them (FYI, I’m not), and secondly, that I actually care about their personal views towards sex work in addition to me being a sex worker (FYI, I don’t).

    With this being said, my own viewpoint regarding sex work is intrsincally good – though I do strongly believe it must be done for the right reasons along with proper ethics maintained as one would with any type of profession.

    In regards to the dontaions requested by sex workers, I don’t view an SP’s rates as demeaning to a woman, nor do I see it as an indication of her worth as a woman. Instead, the rate to me reflects her quality of service. Like at any other job, your wages are typically indicative of how seasoned you are, your skill set, quality of service, etc.. When people express their disdain with the idea of “putting a price on my body/myself/my worth”, I explain to them that the rates I set are not what I deem myself worth, but rather what I feel is fair and appropriate based on the length of time I’ve spent in this industry in relation to the level of service I provide.

    Regardless of whether others agree or not on my personal viewpoint, the bottom line is that fundamentally, every woman is priceless. Although upon face value this industry may seem degrading by placing a monetary value on women, it isn’t done in a way that determines my worth as human being.

    How I Started Into Sex Work

    In all honesty, I’m not a fan of this question. I relate to Gira Grant’s opinion on why people ask this, in which she feels that essentially it’s to determine how to view a sex worker: either as a victim or as an empowered woman. My start in the sex industry is personal to me and I can never change it. Instead, what has changed is my views on it and my reasons for continuing in it, which I can admit are much more healthy and less calamitous than when I first started.

    What I Enjoy About Sex Work

    My favourite aspect would have to be the process of building a connection with my clients; the connection established between myself and each new client within our first session will always determine the development of our relationship.

    Paying attention to their likes and dislikes; their wants and needs; their personality traits; their mannerisms, which will dictate their comfort level; all these things are integral to forming a positive connection with my clients. Simply, I enjoy getting to know people and learning what I can do to make each session the most enjoyable for both of us.


    I’m Ashley, your quirky, unconvential and spunky SP! I provide what I like to call The Ashley Experience, an experience that is addictive, personal and tailored specifically to you!

    Follow Ashley on

    Mirage Profile: http://mirage-entertainment.cc/escort/ashley/

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/AshleyXMirage

    Come book a session with me through Mirage Ent.! I’d love to get to know you and spend some time together. I am available to men, women, and couples.


    Images courtesy of Ashley, featured image from Shutterstock

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  • Misconceptions About Escorts

    Misconceptions About Escorts

    Well, I can only speak for legal sex workers in brothels – but a common misconception is that the job is dirty and seedy. That only desperate people with no options become sex workers. As well as only freaks and creeps seek out the services of sex workers. Sex workers and their clients are typical, normal, everyday people you wouldn’t be able to pick out on a city street outside of the brothel. For individuals who enjoy sex and making personal connections, sex work is a fine way of earning a living. It’s safe, everyone is clean, and on a day-by-day basis it’s not much different from any other job. The customers themselves come from all backgrounds and all walks of life as well. Many sex workers are college educated, in loving stable relationships, have and care for families, and possess other qualities typical of any other place of work. With more opportunities for sexy good fun.

    A misconception about legal brothels and sex workers is that the places are all super glamorous and only cater to the upper class and celebrities. While there are facilities and sex workers who do focus on that market, many are open to anyone seeking out the services and are warm, welcoming, accepting places to go. Majority of legal brothels and sex workers can work with most budget ranges so long as the requests are reasonable.

    Another misconception about legal sex work in Nevada is that legal sex workers and brothels are available in Las Vegas and Reno, proper. In reality, it is not legal for there to be brothels operated in the counties those cities are in and prostitution across the board is illegal in those counties. Sex workers can accompany customers to those cities on outdates if the sex worker works at a brothel in a county that allows for that service, but legal sex workers are not available in those cities. Anything someone sees advertised as being physically located in those cities isn’t legal. Brothels in areas in counties that are very close to those cities will advertise their proximity as such but not being in those actual cities (and those brothels tend to offer ride services to and from established places in those cities for customers)

    Preventing Misconceptions Of Escorts

    More media outreach that isn’t just shameless business promotion. Penn & Teller did a Showtime series called “Bullshit!” (or “BS!” in some areas) and they did an episode on Prostitution. They discussed the illegal industry but also spent a lot of time discussing legal brothels and how they work – demystifying them and humanizing the workers while still being appealing to their target TV audience. Some sex workers use social media, websites, and blogs to showcase how truly normal they are and the work is, as well as make connections with other people.

    Some shifts in societal and cultural views would have to happen as well. In talk in regards to Feminism, “sex workers” are still a divisive subject. Some feminist groups find sex work empowering and valid, others demeaning and dehumanizing. Sex in and of itself would have to become less of a taboo topic too. People are still hesitant to be open about their sexuality as well as sexual needs and desires, so talking about a profession that involves sex is difficult. When sex itself is seen as less dirty and taboo, more normal for adults to partake in, then sex work itself will be an easier topic to talk about and educate on and seen in a more positive light. We’ve come a long way in the last century, but there is still a lot of progress to be made!


    Kitti Minx – A model, cosplayer, and adult performer who specialized in the niches of “Alternative”, “Geek Chic”, “Cosplay”, and “Fetish”.  She does photoshoots and a XXX video for a variety of companies as well as her own website. For one on one intimate experiences with fans she offers services as a legal luxury companion at the world famous Mustang Ranch in Reno, Nevada.

    Follow Kitti Minx on:

    Website: http://www.kitti-minx.com
    Blog: http://www.cosplaycourtesan.com

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/Kitti_Minx
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KittiMinxOfficial/

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kittiminx/
    Suicide Girls: https://www.suicidegirls.com/members/kittiminx/

    Upcoming Events: Kitti Minx is available for appointment at the Mustang Ranch in Reno, Nevada. Check out her social media to see her schedule! Also through her social media she shares Live Streams, videos, articles, and other content.


    Images courtesy of Kitti Minx

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • Differences Between Working In A Brothel & Being Independent

    Differences Between Working In A Brothel & Being Independent

    Safety and legality.

    In the United States, including the state of Nevada, it is illegal to be an independent sex worker. Or, essentially, to sell sexual services in exchange for money, only in the state of Nevada are brothels legal (so a brothel not in the state of Nevada is not legally allowed to be operating) and even then, there are counties where brothels are not legal to open and operate (such as the counties the cities of Las Vegas and Reno are located).  To be able to open and operate a brothel, the owner must get a license for it from the county they desire to be located in. (So the brothels themselves have to legally be owned and operated based on county, as well as the sex workers themselves requiring a legal license.) So long as the sex workers and the brothel owners and staff follow the laws put in place by the state and county, they do not risk any trouble with law enforcement.

    When not legally licensed to work in a legal Nevada brothel, an independent sex worker is at risk of coming in contact with law enforcement and being arrested and prosecuted. There are no legal protections for independent sex workers aside from basic human rights (for example, if an independent sex worker is murdered it’s still considered a murder and the person who committed the crime is charged as such). However, most if not all independent sex workers are cautious of law enforcement where even if they feel they are in danger, they do not seek out help because they fear legal repercussions.  It also can be illegal in places for customers to pay money in exchange for sexual services so they’re not protected by law enforcement either.

    With safety, it’s also a clear difference. By law, legal sex workers in brothels are required to be tested for all STDs and show to be free of any to be able to work. Also by law, barrier protection for sex acts is mandated. Sex workers also have to check a potential client for any signs of infection during the genital check before accepting the party. Brothels also have staff and security to make sure the sex workers and customers are safe and protected. A rowdy customer in a brothel will be removed as opposed to being a risk to the sex workers and other customers. A sex worker who acts out of line breaking rules and especially the law, is also fired and removed from the premises.

    While I don’t doubt many independent sex workers do their own screening of clients to not only make sure they’re not cops, but that they’re safe as well as use safe sex precautions, it’s not a known thing the way it is in the legal brothels. A client going to a legal brothel knows they’re going someplace safe and secure, and a sex worker knows that if anything does go awry, there are people on their side present to help them. In the case of the law, because legal brothels are, well, legal, the police are also able to help a sex worker or customer in need without fear of arrest or judgement. So in case something bad does happen, there’s no hesitation with getting help. When someone sees an illegal independent sex worker they’re taking more of a gamble on everything.

    Feasible Ways Brothels Can Compete With Independent Escorts & Agencies

    This is complicated because of the laws. There’s statewide laws for brothels and legal sex workers, as well as laws that vary county by county. While brothels are utilizing the internet, what with having websites and using social media (to the best of their ability and legality), customers still have to physically travel to the brothels to meet and pay for services with a sex worker. There are ways for illegal escorts and their customers to book everything online and even go to the customer’s desired location. While some brothels are working on online reservation processes and daily updated lineups on their websites, the parties can only be paid for in person and it’s not legal for a brothel sex worker to go to a client.

    Another edge is there is more variety in the independent scene – such as male and Transgender sex workers – to cater to as much of a potential market as possible. Currently, no operating brothel hires male sex workers, and while requests have been made every so often for Transgender sex workers, none currently working at a legal brothel fits that description. However, there is talk about this one day changing as demand does increase and county laws also adjusting to accommodate so the legal brothel industry could meet such demands in the first place.

    But the biggest thing is the rise of technology and the ability to book sessions and accept payment digitally where everything is more immediate is where the illegal independent scene has an advantage (as well as disclosing prices for services online) despite the obvious illegality. For some changes to be made in the brothel scene, laws themselves would have to be adjusted accordingly


    Kitti Minx – A model, cosplayer, and adult performer who specialized in the niches of “Alternative”, “Geek Chic”, “Cosplay”, and “Fetish”.  She does photoshoots and a XXX video for a variety of companies as well as her own website. For one on one intimate experiences with fans she offers services as a legal luxury companion at the world famous Mustang Ranch in Reno, Nevada.

    Follow Kitti Minx on:

    Website: http://www.kitti-minx.com
    Blog: http://www.cosplaycourtesan.com

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/Kitti_Minx
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KittiMinxOfficial/

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kittiminx/
    Suicide Girls: https://www.suicidegirls.com/members/kittiminx/

    Upcoming Events: Kitti Minx is available for appointment at the Mustang Ranch in Reno, Nevada. Check out her social media to see her schedule! Also through her social media she shares Live Streams, videos, articles, and other content.


    Images courtesy of Kitti Minx

    Like to be featured on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • What Are The Rules To Follow When Working In A Brothel

    What Are The Rules To Follow When Working In A Brothel

    People are much too puritanical, even in a modern society. The idea of marriage based on love and compatibility is relatively new, for a long time marriage was more done for politics and business deals. So for the same society that wants to believe in free “real” love to not see physical aspects of it as a service that can be sold is a little strange, sex work is one of the oldest professions.

    For eons, men and women have traded sexual services for other services, goods, and currency. The old monarchy of France was notorious for the courtesans who made up the royal court. Sex workers throughout all of history came from all walks of life and serviced people at all economic and social status levels.  The general public should be more accepting as it’s a perfectly valid means for one to make their way in the world.

    How Does A Brothel Work?

    Safety and discretion are top priorities. By law, all sex workers must be tested weekly for STDs and to be able to work, must prove to be STD-free. Legal sex workers at brothels are licensed to work the brothel by the county in the state and must be able to pass a background check (some counties are stricter than others, I’ve been told the county I work in – where the Mustang Ranch is – happens to be one of the strictest). Condoms are also mandatory for sex acts that exchange bodily fluids. Prior to even paying for a service, a sex worker must check a customer’s genitals for any potential problem (such as unusual discharge) that could make booking a session (or “party” as we call it in the industry) too much of a hazard to the sex worker. In the rooms, parties take place in there have hidden “panic buttons” connected to the main office so the sex worker can trigger should something go wrong or a hazard be presented. Every brothel has these in the rooms for sex worker and customer safety.

    Discretion is also important. For a long time, brothels didn’t even allow women who weren’t sex workers or staff to be on the premises (this has since been changed to allow couples and single female clients) to try to keep snooping spouses at bay. Identities of customers are not made public by brothel staff or sex workers. Some customers choose to take part in chatrooms and message boards under handles which can be recognized by staff at brothels they frequent but rarely are legal names given out. The only time brothel staff need to see an ID is when someone comes in the door and they make sure they’re over 18, when they want to buy drinks at the bar to make sure they’re over 21, and to process credit card transactions to confirm the card is legit and not stolen.

    Us sex workers don’t care if customers give us their real names. The appeal to brothels is the privacy. Where I work at the Mustang Ranch, cell phones and cameras are not allowed in the bar and in other public areas, customers could be in for the privacy of customers and the sex workers. This is due to the rise of social media and apps where it could be a privacy risk if a photo appears somewhere.  What a customer and sex worker agrees to do in the confines of the room they party in (such as taking photos or recording the party) is up to them.  What happens in a brothel stays in the brothel. This is to ensure privacy for customers and sex workers alike as many sex workers also keep their job private.

    As to how it works, all legal Nevada brothels follow a basic system:

    A customer comes in the door and has their ID checked either by a hostess or bouncer depending on location.(Customers must be over 18 to enter and get services at a brothel in most counties – there is at least one county where the minimum age to enter a brothel and get service is 21.) They’re asked if they would like a lineup (there is an exception at a few brothels which have a more relaxed atmosphere in which the customer themselves can request the lineup but usually, available sex workers are out in a bar or lounge area for them to talk to and approach first). A lineup is when the customer is brought to a seat and all available sex workers come out, introduce themselves, and stand side by side. (Each brothel has its rules on what it considers to be “dirty hustling” or bad form displayed by sex workers to unfairly try to get a customer – a common one is sex workers can’t prance about fully nude on the floor or in a lineup and can’t flash their private areas in a lineup.)

    A customer then chooses a sex worker to take a tour with. In the case of brothels where lineups are optional or the customer doesn’t want one and wants to talk to sex workers in the bar instead, once a customer and sex worker connects in the bar, the sex worker can also take them on a tour. The tour consists of the sex worker showing the customer around the property explaining how things work. Some brothels are larger than others and have a lot of amenities worth showcasing such as pools, jacuzzis, luxury bungalow suites, specialty rooms (such as “dungeon” themed rooms with the right furniture and tools for those more “50 Shades” and beyond minded), even souvenir shops.  Others are smaller with just a parlor, bar, and rooms the sex workers do their work and reside in. The tour gives a client extra time to get comfortable with the sex worker as well as with the new and different environment as usually some extra conversation is exchanged during the tour as well.

    After that (or if a client isn’t new to brothels and wants to skip that part) they go into negotiation. A negotiation is where the sex worker and customer discusses prices for services. In a few brothels, this takes place in a designated “negotiation room” which consists of comfy seating, good relaxed lighting, and the tools needed to proceed to the step following a negotiation before payment. In other brothels, the negotiation takes place in the same room the sex worker does their work in (and they also do the next step there as well). All sex workers in brothels are hired as Independent Contractors. This means that each sex worker has their own rates they set for specific services and not all sex workers offer the same things.

    A couple of brothels do have “fixed price” menus their sex workers follow but those brothels are smaller and appeal to customers with usually pretty standard and common requests. Brothels with extra amenities such as luxury bungalows and suites have spending minimums a customer must be able to meet in order to use them as part of their party, otherwise the party takes place in the sex worker’s room. (And sometimes even if the customer does meet the minimum, they can choose to not take part in any of the amenities and other perks (such as complimentary drinks) and just go right for the party in the sex worker’s room.) Prices vary depending on the type of activity (or activities) and the amount of time desired. Some sex workers consider certain activities to be “specialties” and therefore charge more while others may feel those are standard to them and have different rates. Because of solicitation laws, sex workers cannot list prices for services online or over the phone (and generally in brothels, prices are only discussed in the designated negotiation area).

    If the customer and sex worker can’t come to an agreement, the sex worker takes the customer out to choose and talk to a different sex worker. If they do come to an agreement then before the party can be booked and paid for, the sex worker must check the customer’s genitals (as previously stated) for safety. If everything looks okay they can go to the cashier to pay for and book the party. (All brothels take cash in US currency and most take all major credit and debit cards.)  Depending on the sex worker, the desired activities, and desired amount of time, prices can range from a few hundred to a few thousand (or more) – there are a lot of variables. Most, if not all brothels, try to be accommodating to customers from any income bracket and social status and encourage their sex workers to do the same, if they can.

    However, a sex worker reserves the right to refuse service to a customer for any reason (and especially if they do not feel comfortable booking the party after doing the genital check). If the sex worker isn’t sure during the genital check, they may bring in a member of staff or another sex worker to help them come to a conclusion. If a customer cannot pass the genital check they cannot book any party with any sex worker in the brothel and are politely escorted out. As stated previously, if the sex worker and customer simply can’t come to an agreement, the customer is just brought back to an open common area to talk to another sex worker, or they’re free to grab a drink at the bar or just leave if they don’t feel confident they’ll get what they’re looking for (or only had their sights set on specific sex workers in the first place).

    Once a party is booked and paid for, the sex worker is given a “setup” (a large sheet to go over the bed, a couple of bath towels for the shower (or bathtub/jacuzzi), and a hand towel) and takes the customer to the room the party itself takes place in. Most brothels include a free shower for the customer as part of the party to wash off before beginning, and those that don’t, as part of policy, most sex workers include it. (“Shower parties” where the customer and sex worker(s) take a shower together and have fun are also something brothels and most sex workers offer, but has to be negotiated.) Sex workers are in charge of providing barrier protection (the condoms and even dental dams), lubricants, massage oils, toys, and any other party tools. Sex workers do not take or use condoms provided by customers for safety reasons.  If a customer has a specific tool they’d like to use as part of their party they don’t think the brothel has or sex worker can provide, they can always call the brothel ahead of time and ask if they’re allowed to bring it.

    Usually brothels are alright with that, but a member of staff may look it over when the customer comes in to make sure it’s safe.  Brothels and sex workers do not provide prescription or over the counter oral treatments for erectile dysfunction (if a customer feels they need that, that’s on them to acquire and take beforehand) but some might have lubricants/creams that may have sensation-heightening properties that help with such things. Then what goes on during the party stays confined to the party area. All completely private! Depending on the brothel, when the negotiated amount of time is up a staff member will call time either through a speaker or knocking on the door. A customer can choose to “rebook” (book more time) and if they do that, then in the party room they negotiate the extra time and activities and the sex worker notifies the staff to accept the payment.

    If everything is good and the customer is satisfied or just ready to leave (even though they wish they could be there all day!) they have time to get cleaned up and redressed. The sex worker then escorts them either to the bar/lounge/common area or to the exit depending on the customer’s request.  After a party, the setup used goes in a designated laundry area and the sex worker cleans themselves and freshens up before going back on the floor to see another customer. Overnight (or longer) parties and parties with more than one sex worker are not uncommon requests either.

    Ones with multiple sex workers, the negotiation must happen with all desired sex workers and they must all come to an agreement – one sex worker can’t speak for and decide for others. Overnights do tend to be priced on the higher side, depending, and extended stays beyond that usually have to also be discussed with someone in management to make sure everything runs smoothly to the customer’s satisfaction.  Sex workers in brothels also commonly see couples and single female customers as well – though that is at the discretion of the individual sex worker including how they price their rates for such parties. Some consider those specialties while others do not.  At the end of the day – everything is about customer satisfaction.

    Certain types of parties are permitted by law in some brothels but not in others. To legally offer receiving anal intercourse, the sex worker must get the additional testing of the anal region as part of their STD testing. And if one sex worker offers anal, all sex workers in the same brothel (whether they offer it or not) need to be tested. Not all clinics that service the brothels for testing offer testing for anal, so because of that, for some brothels it’s not legal for sex workers to offer receiving anal intercourse as a service – period. Also, some brothels have clear signs on display that their sex workers do not offer anal. The one brothel I know that tests sex workers to be able to offer anal is the Mustang Ranch (though as mentioned, even though it’s standard testing in the house, not every sex worker offers it).

    Another type of party that is legally offered in some brothels in certain counties and not others are “outdates” – where a customer can come to the brothel and negotiate time and activities with a sex worker where they go somewhere off the brothel property (but the sex worker cannot leave Nevada state lines). Whether on or off property, the sex worker still has to follow Nevada state as well as county laws with their services (so the condom law is the condom law, for example). Outdates must also be approved by a member of management at the brothel to ensure safety and security for the sex worker. Popular outdates tend to involve going to a nice restaurant for dinner, a show or a movie, or to a casino. When special events are in certain areas, customers also like to book outdates with their favorite sex workers to accompany them to those as well. Outdates however, are not legal to offer in all counties, so for a customer interested in doing that it’s always best to do some research and when in doubt – call the brothel. While the staff on the phone cannot disclose prices or give a full list of available sex workers, they can say if certain things are legally offered and available there or not. The office can also be called to inquire if a certain sex worker is currently there, as well as to set up an appointment to meet with and negotiate a party with a specific sex worker (or sex workers).

    The Mustang Ranch, where I work, because of how they’re setup and operate, allow sex workers to have some of the most varied and diverse menu options of any brothel, For customers looking for something specific that may not be standard, or just want to make sure all their bases are covered, the Mustang should be heavily considered. Its size allows it to have dozens of sex workers available at all times. The premises itself includes a variety of amenities. The location is very close to Reno, while still being in a county where it can legally operate. It’s the only large brothel with a non-smoking bar.  Every sex worker in house is tested for everything (including the anal test – whether the sex worker chooses to offer it or not). It is in a county that permits them to allow their sex workers to do outdates with customers. It’s also an older, established name and brand – recognizable to tourists. There are many reasons why I personally choose to work there.

    How much a sex worker makes, because it’s not the kind of job with set hourly wages or salaries, but depends on how many customers they see and how much they charge is hard to say. Even to pinpoint to how much is made in a week, month, or year – there’s too many variables. However, I can say those who take the work seriously, are patient, and are dedicated to providing optimal customer service tend to do quite well. But the same could be said for any job!


    Kitti Minx – A model, cosplayer, and adult performer who specialized in the niches of “Alternative”, “Geek Chic”, “Cosplay”, and “Fetish”.  She does photoshoots and a XXX video for a variety of companies as well as her own website. For one on one intimate experiences with fans she offers services as a legal luxury companion at the world famous Mustang Ranch in Reno, Nevada.

    Follow Kitti Minx on:

    Website: http://www.kitti-minx.com
    Blog: http://www.cosplaycourtesan.com

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/Kitti_Minx
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KittiMinxOfficial/

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kittiminx/
    Suicide Girls: https://www.suicidegirls.com/members/kittiminx/

    Upcoming Events: Kitti Minx is available for appointment at the Mustang Ranch in Reno, Nevada. Check out her social media to see her schedule! Also through her social media she shares Live Streams, videos, articles, and other content.


    Images courtesy of Kitti Minx

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  • Sex Work & Feminism

    Sex Work & Feminism

    For me, and for all the sex workers I know, sex work is work. That means that it is a job that is just as valid as any other job, with its definite pros and cons, and some people love their job while others hate it, just like in any other field of work. A lot of people who are not familiar with the sex industry tend to confuse sex work and sex exploitation.  The former implicates a choice to be in this line of work, while the latter implies coercion. All sex workers are opposed to sex exploitation.

    With that being said, my personal way of seeing sex work is one of exchange, connection, and intimacy. We all need to be touched and desired from time to time. What I am selling is not my body, but my time, my companionship, the way someone feels in my presence, and a true connection on a human level – all of which are key elements to intimacy. I like to describe myself as a professional fairy: I create a multi-sensorial bubble in which my partner and I are free to discover one another, and, sometimes, a little bit of ourselves.

    Misconceptions About Sex Workers

    One of the biggest misconceptions about sex work is, as I already mentioned, the fact that people don’t differentiate work from exploitation. In that line of thinking, there is a widespread theory among some types of feminism that states that any money transaction in a sexual context takes away the person’s ability to consent to said sexual activities. The problem is that kind of thinking denies all agency to sex workers, who are grown women who are otherwise perfectly able to think and decide for themselves. There is just as much violence in denying a person the ability to consent, as there is in not respecting that consent. (As a parenthesis, I just want to add that the vast majority of the sex workers I know are especially intelligent, strong and grounded people, able to stand up, speak, and provide for themselves, usually better so than most people.)

    Another misconception that is often encountered, is that sex workers have necessarily suffered abuse, or live with mental health problems. The thing is, some sex workers have had traumas in their lives, while others have not. Some sex workers do live with a mental health condition, but then again a lot of people who are not in the sex industry do too. It is also important to mention that we, as a society, tend to judge more severely women when they make a choice that is considered “risky,” and associate it with emotional instability, instead of bravery as we would naturally do with men.

    Why Is Sex Work Stigmatized In Society?

    As developed by Gail Pheterson in “The Prostitution Prism” and “The Whore Stigma,” the oldest form of prostitution is marriage.  Historically as societies, we have used marriage to keep women in line and we have put on them the whole burden of sexual, domestic, and emotional labor, expecting them to care for everyone in the household without any form of compensation. Nowadays, marriage has been replaced by the traditional monogamous heterosexual relationship, but the expectations towards women have barely changed. That is why, when a woman takes control of her own sexuality, and chooses to sell her sexual and emotional labor, we collectively feel like what she is doing is inherently wrong. We keep sex work as a taboo, we ostracize sex workers and clients (thus making their work even more dangerous), because on top of not offering all that labor to a single man, the women who choose to do sex work get an immediate and direct financial compensation for the work they do – how dare they, right?

    What I Love About Being A Sex Worker

    I especially love the freedom that sex work gives me. I am an independent courtesan, so I get to make my own schedules and choose the clients that I see. I am also a full time student and a writer, so a job that gives me both free time and a lot of inspiration is the best for me!

    Another positive side of sex work to me is the fact that it forces you to set limits for yourself. Surprisingly, I found that having to word out those limits in a professional environment made setting them in my personal life easier, thus making my overall sexual life healthier.

    Can Sex Work Be Empowering?

    Absolutely! As Virginie Despentes writes in her essay “King Kong Theory,” it is all about the mind state and the consciousness of what one is doing. For example, dressing up in a sexy way and wearing high heels, when done strictly to please men, or when done without thinking about it, can be considered a symbol of female oppression – because society forces that look on women and tells them that it is the only way to be beautiful and desirable, and the subtext of that tells women that being desirable to men should be their main goal in life at all times. But, from another perspective, if a woman is wearing heels and lingerie in order to get a direct benefit from it (such as money from a client) and she is conscious of it, the choice of clothing switches from being oppressive to being subversive. The same goes for body hair removal, makeup, or having phallocentric sex. When you are a woman, the act of consciously complying to a societal sexist imperative in order to make money off of it is in itself an act of rebellion, and should be celebrated as such. 🙂


    Léonie Stein – A professional fairy and independent courtesan from Montreal. Free-spirited, curious, and adventurous, as a full time student and writer I thrive on art and literature, as well as on pop and internet cultures. I am both easygoing and sophisticated, and human beings fascinate me. I consider myself a radical feminist and a sex workers’ rights advocate.

    Follow Léonie Stein on:
    Website:
    www.leoniesteinmontreal.com

    Eros: https://ca.eros.com/quebec/montreal/files/9342173.htm?wn=1

    Montreal Erotic Services: http://www.montrealeroticservices.com/author/leoniestein/

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/LeonieSteinMtl

    Check out Léonie Steins’ duo options at https://www.leoniesteinmontreal.com/double-tasting


    Images courtesy of Léonie Stein

    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • Experiences Of A Sex Worker

    Experiences Of A Sex Worker

    I love sex! I think sexual urges and fantasies are natural, and ever since fully embracing my own sexuality I’ve received so much more pleasure in life and through all the experiences that I’ve been able to have. I was incredibly shy throughout my teen years, and had the worst social anxiety. This actually led me to being homeschooled during high school. Despite my socializing problems at the time, I grew to really dislike the lack of being in a social atmosphere and/or stimulated by the conversation and thoughts of others. It’s made me appreciate the interactions that I now have with people much more. Homeschooling also gave me the time and opportunity to seek out my own interests and passions, subjects that never even stuck to me when attending public school.

    Once turning 18, and having been felt like a caged bird by the end of high school, I was ready to be on my own! I had a sugar daddy starting off when I first moved to D.C. During that, I discovered how much I loved the company of an older gentleman, and I found that I was able to really enjoy my conversations with them. I respected and valued the discretion, but did not like the feeling of it being more like a relationship instead of an open love that could grow and one that did not have to be defined. The sugar baby relationship lasted roughly 7 months, and I honestly just jumped into escorting. I started with an agency, and assumed that I would learn from them and from experience. I was fortunate enough to have a lady who helped and explained everything to me, and was really quite patient me. But by no means am I recommending that anyone jump right in! There are easy mistakes to avoid, and tips to learn; it would be much more beneficial to read and educate yourself beforehand.

    What I Love About Escorting

    My greatest passions are learning all I can about the world, and making others happy. This lifestyle has given me the amazing opportunity to do both! I’ve met some of the best guys, and made some of the greatest friends. I love the socializing, the intimacy, and the mutual happiness my clients and I bring each other – whether it’s only one encounter, or numerous! I meet the greatest dynamic of people; finding ways to relate to them is something that has not only furthered my social skills, but educated me on topics that my clients share through their own learnings  and life experience.

    I also love the traveling. I’ve always travelled even through my youth, and I don’t think I could ever call one place home forever. This lifestyle has allowed me to see some of the most beautiful places, all while doing what I love! This has become such an amazing opportunity helping me work towards future goals and dreams. The ability to support myself fully and to take care of any school debt in and of itself has been the most fulfilling feeling, but the people that I have met and the things that I have learned through this lifestyle are priceless.

    Screening The Clients

    There are various screening sites to further validate a client’s identity, but I would say one of the biggest ways I rely on deciding to see a client or not would be the trust amongst the SW community. I ask that clients provide at least two references (providers that will vouch for them saying that they are real, safe, and respectful). References and a screening handle is not enough to get through screening, however. I also require a photo of their ID prior to meeting along with their work information. All of this information is erased after screening is complete. Clients see enough of my presence online (through social media, my p411, and my booking site) to know that I am who I say I am, so me asking for the same validation in return should not be an issue for them and if it is, I don’t book. I value and respect discretion, and would not have the reputation that I have built if I ever abused a client’s privacy.

    Weirdest Client Requests I Have Received

    Well, one person’s weird is another person’s kink. But I’ve definitely had some odd requests – some that I agreed to, some I refused, and some I just couldn’t bring myself to do. One time in specific I remember a guy was just absolutely infatuated with my nose. The whole session he was staring at it, he was playing with it, and even in the middle of making out I’d feel two fingers in the shape of scissors slide down the middle of my face and just pinch my nose. The random nose pinches continued even during sex, barely making eye contact with me but instead staring at my nose; occasionally leaning in and putting his whole mouth on it as if he was giving my nose a sloppy kiss or something!

    One request I just couldn’t bring myself to do was a roleplay act. I initially should’ve known he had something up his sleeve cause he walked in with a Whole Foods bag. I was the innocent schoolgirl that apparently got caught blowing two guys in the locker room, and I was facing suspension. The only way to avoid suspension was to sleep with my principal..but first, had to “demonstrate what exactly I was doing to the two boy students”. He grabs his bag and pulls out a banana and a condom. He slides this condom so smoothly on the banana, I’m convinced his real job is a sex Ed coach. He then holds the banana out, looking at me. I am looking at him. We are just staring at each other for a solid minute before he again asks me to demonstrate how I gave a blowjob. I lean down, hovering over the banana, and all I am thinking is “I will never forget the time that I seriously gave oral to a fruit”, I licked the tip of the banana, then snapped away apologizing profusely saying “Sorry, I can’t! I just can’t do it, I’m a terrible actor! Can i just…. demonstrate on you?!” Not my sexiest way of denying a request… but looking back on the two stories now, it almost seems like the banana request should’ve been much easier to fulfill LOL.

    Preparing For A Date With A Client

    I am still a nervous wreck before every date, regardless of how many times I’ve seen someone. The whole time getting ready is me telling myself to not be weird. The nerves are every time, but I’d never want to feel indifferent or bored. The anxiety and build up is what makes the meet so much sweeter. I am typically sitting on my sink counter getting myself pretty..even if there is a vanity, a sink counter always seems to be a girl’s zen place. After the getting ready process, it’s an extensive amount of YouTube video watching that I always end up regretting, a minimum of 30 pictures taken all of which ended up getting erased anyway, and Mariah Carey karaoke. I also make sure everything is in place, and that my date doesn’t go without supplies! Once I meet my date, my nervousness eases and I’m filled with joy and excitement to see them. Every time is a new experience.


    Featured image from Shutterstock

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  • Are You Getting The Sex You Need? (Which isn’t always the sex you want…!)

    Are You Getting The Sex You Need? (Which isn’t always the sex you want…!)

    I’m a sex coach. There – I came out! It’s a weird title to have ‘Sex Coach’ because it conjures images of someone standing over you whilst you’re shagging and screaming ‘Yes! Great penetration! Keep at it!’ But a sex coach is simply a therapist who specialises in helping people to get the best out of their sex lives. I also happen to be a sexworker with twenty years experience under my belt. As with all careers mine has evolved and in the context of the job it is becoming more ‘hands off’ and more instructional, supportive and therapeutic.

    It’s an exciting place to be and I would love to share this with you.

    Over the course of my career I have helped men and women to get in touch with the real them, who they really are and what they really want from their sex lives. When I worked as a professional escort I of course attended hotels and client’s homes to offer what is called an ‘out call’ in ‘The Business’. These were also exciting times for different reasons, sneaking past hotel reception, identifying where the lifts are and being as inconspicuous as possible. Then there is the knock on the hotel room door – who will be on the other side of it? What will he/she want? How can I help him or her?

    There is little difference between that and the unknowing of the therapeutic relationship and I will tell you why:

    Some years ago I attended a party where the attendees were all sexworkers. The main topic of conversation was what happens ‘when the real session starts’.

    In the business, ‘the real session’ happens after the sex. This is well known within the industry. The real session is when the client tells you why they have really booked to see you – they may be lonely, they might be in a sex-less marriage or they might have lost all their sexual confidence.

    Reminding you of anything?

    The therapeutic relationship. I’ve been a (very loud!) advocate for sex worker’s rights and the sex worker’s valid and valuable role in society as sexual educators and informal therapists. It goes with the job.

    In ‘the real session’ the client becomes open, vulnerable (this often happens to us all after climax, it’s a biological and psycho-sexual response to orgasm) and very, very honest. It is at this point that the client moves from what they want(ed) to what they need. This process is both fascinating and saddening all at the same time.

    Why the fuck are we all running around grabbing at what we want when all the time what we really need is bubbling underneath the surface? Why have we just spent four hundred quid on being spanked for an hour when all we really needed was a hug? My hugs are free people, roll up…

    Notice the next time you have sex (or have a wank/a rumble in the jungle) how you feel before you climax and how you feel afterwards. A little therapeutic trick/identifier for this could be as simple as asking yourself ‘On a scale of one to ten, how relaxed am I?’ and then asking the same question afterwards.

    Now do you want to take this to the next level?

    ‘On a scale of one to ten, how lonely am I?’

    I bet you your bottom dollar that you find yourself feeling lonelier afterwards. Why is this? Because we often misinterpret sex for emotion. Now do not misunderstand me – sex is emotion and emotion is sex – but only if you are aware of this and/or you have a regular partner to make love to.

    I have said this before and I shall continue to shout this from the rooftops – you can make love on a one night stand.

    But….

    In order to do this – you need to recognise what you need, rather than what you want.

    The tips above will help you to take just one step towards achieving this. I am keeping this as short as possible to keep your attention. I’ll be back, with more help, advice – and love.

    Here’s to what you need….

    Feel free to get in touch, I’m at: www.sexcoaching.london.

    BIG Hug!

    Matt-at-Lotus xx


    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Wiping the Lipstick Off: The Silhouette Girl

    Wiping the Lipstick Off: The Silhouette Girl

    When I tell people I’m a sex worker, I know exactly what is running through their minds. Red lipstick, heels, fishnets, short clothing, long nails, and every other stereotypical thing that makes up the sex worker “ideal.” That is my life to them, even if I’m standing in front of them wearing sweats and a sweatshirt, hair a mess, nails chewed, and donning a pair of flip-flops. There seems to be a huge disconnect between “sex work Espi” and the Espi that is standing right in front of them. What most people don’t realize is that “sex work Espi” and the Espi they know are the same person. Sex workers are detached – another realm of humanity that the average person can’t grab hold of or put a face on. We are long-haired, long-legged, high heel-wearing silhouettes. When the average person comes to the realization that they actually know one of us, we become the test subject, and every ounce of our lives becomes theirs to put a magnifying glass over. So where is this disconnect? What makes us these shadows in the night, foreign to the average person? The answer is simple: nothing.

    When I tell people I’m a sex worker and that I make porn, it’s seemingly impossible for them to realize that my life is more than just shoving stuff into myself for a camera. It’s like people don’t want to see me as a person as “normal” as they are. They don’t want to hear about the cats I have to feed, the snake I have to water, or the family I’m visiting. They don’t want to know that I spend most of my time binge watching television shows, just like they do. To them, I am another silhouette figure, lying on my mattress covered in dildos with mascara streaming down my face and a camera recording my constantly sexual life at all times. With the release of the documentary, Hot Girls Wanted, I’ve thought a lot about what it is that makes society only want to see the parts of us that are our jobs. It’s rare I’ll watch a documentary about porn and see the people in the documentary expressing anything other than pornographic thoughts, and this new (and problematic, though that could be a whole new article) documentary is no exception. To some extent, I can understand why: it would be boring if people knew the truth about sex workers. If they knew that we do normal things and are normal people. However, this trend still reflects a greater, more troubling issue, and that’s the issue of the Silhouette Girl.

    The Silhouette Girl has no agency. In Hot Girls Wanted, she is presented through the lens of the people around her and what they think about her choices. The full service sex worker is typically presented through the lens of abolitionists and anti-sex workers. When an article was written about me, I was utterly silenced by those in the comments who used my story as a platform to explain why sex work was wrong. It does not matter how loudly we scream, we are always the Silhouette Girl. Looking at this trend and how it is reflected in the media, especially when it comes to documentaries, that is where we see why people aren’t interested in knowing who we are as people. If the average person is able to completely himself/herself from me and see me only as a walking sex toy, completely devoid of my humanity, their whorephobia and the crimes against me go unnoticed.

    The same can be said when people use the phrase “sell your body.” No one in sex work is selling their bodies. Only people in the underground organ market do that. What we sell is an experience – an allotted amount of time paid for by the customer where they have access to my sexual content. By using the phrase “sell your body,” it makes it okay when sex workers are sexually assaulted and killed. If we have been bought, we become property. If we are property, then our “owners” are able to do with us whatever they please. The Silhouette Girl is once again devoid of any sense of agency and any sense of rights.

    So how do we go from being viewed as the Silhouette Girl to being viewed as Your Average Person? Unfortunately for sex workers, that lies in the hands of the non-sex workers. It’s up to the non-sex workers to start viewing us as human beings and not like shadows on a lipstick-stained backdrop. It’s up to the non-sex workers to start making documentaries that expose our everyday lives instead of just the dramatized side of our lives that is our jobs (though in an ideal world, I would prefer those making documentaries to actually be made by sex workers). It’s up to the non-sex workers to ask us questions like “what’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?” instead of “do your parents know you do porn?” By limiting us to our sex work side, we are limited, too, in our ability to speak up and be noticed as individuals.


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