Tag: Men

Making Love vs Shagging

Matt-at-Lotus on a common dilemma we didn’t know we had

Once upon a time in a gay sauna somewhere on the outskirts of the Midlands, sex was taking place or rather something mysterious happened between myself and a stranger who to this day, I have no idea what his name is. I do know that he is from Leeds. If you are a guy reading this, you may well be giggling to yourself because you know that it isn’t that unusual to have anonymous (the clue is in the name) sex with someone and never even get to the exchanging of names, let alone numbers. Who cares? Well, about what a person is (name, job, etc) I don’t give a damn. About who they are—I’m in.

So allow me to paint you a pretty picture of this meeting of sweaty souls: I see the guy standing against the wall in the dark corridor of the sauna. He was, of course, wearing only a towel. I am pretty forward and impatient by nature so I simply nodded to him to follow me into the ‘rest room’ (the clue is not in the name) and we locked the door behind us. Then something amazing happened.

I lay on top of him. There was no penetration except for tongues in mouths. Our breath was laboured, bodies sweaty and spines on fire. We rhythmically moved in unison. No speaking, climax, sudden climax in unison and then, then—it happened: we both burst into tears.

I’m gonna give you a minute to process that …

Want to know what happened there? We made love. Simple. As. That.

No need for penetration. No props required. Just two guys (or souls, if you are that way inclined) sharing their nakedness on every level. We did not need to speak about the tears, we just lay there holding each other quite happily until we didn’t need to hold on anymore. Then we exchanged pleasantries (which is probably when I discovered he was from Leeds) and went our separate ways. I wasn’t left with the urge to marry him, stalk him or bum him.

I was left feeling content and, wait for it: completely sexually satisfied.

So, dear reader: making love or shagging?

That is entirely up to you.

Until next time …

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June 22, 2014
Top 5 Tips for Having Sex with A Transsexual
Adult Star Venus Lux shares her tips for having sex with a transsexual on SimplySxy!

As you all know, the world is always changing especially when it comes to sexuality. Sex has no color, age, race, or any prejudice. With so much accessibility to pornography via the internet, people are now more willing to explore untouched territory especially when it comes to sex with transgender women. Sex should never be hard but sometimes when it comes to something unknown, useful information from a professional can put you on the right track! These are my top 5 tips to approaching sex with a transgender woman.

1. Low expectations

Don’t get me wrong, having expectations are awesome! But to really have a good experience, it’s always best to know what you like but don’t expect your life fantasy to be all fulfilled in one instance. This is applicable both in life and in sex.

2. Research

Please do your homework and don’t hesitate to watch transsexual porn, so that you can get a better sense of what you like and what you may not. Along with understanding some of the sexual terminology such as (Greek, rimming, cuckold, missionary, creampie, top, bottom, etc). And if you are planning to be a bottom, understanding how to properly cleanse yourself for penetration is highly advised!

3. The meeting

Just like anyone else, always approach a transsexual with respect and common courtesy following the usage of proper address. You would hate to ruin the mood by calling a transsexual a man, gay, or a shemale. Like my friends say, “if the person is wearing a dress, address the person as a female”. Also, just because a transsexual may or may not have a penis, make sure you are sexually mutual beforehand. (Don’t hope to bottom if the girl isn’t into it)

4. Sexual courtesy

As a guy, maybe you don’t want to get a finger up your butt or get choked during sex. Of course, everyone should address their comforts and limits beginning and during sex. But if you plan to take on more of the power role in bed, always consider your partner’s needs if you want to continue the momentum. Below are some key tips about transsexuals:
- ask if you can touch their hair (Keep in mind of extensions)
- ask if you can touch their face (Some girls take pride in their makeup)
- ask if you can touch or suck their cock (Some girls like it, some don’t)
These are just a few side notes to think about.

5. The moment

I’m sure at this point, your cock is already throbbing. No worries! This is the time to enjoy yourself and to lose yourself in “the moment”. Be playful and try some new things. Be warned after the first time, you are just going to want more and better!

P.S. A transsexual can’t get pregnant but always play and think safe! Safe sex can still always be fun. For me, Trojan bareskin condoms and kiwi strawberry WET lube always does wonders!

Venus Lux has become one of the top transsexual performers in the industry in the brief two years she has been in the adult industry. Since joining the industry in 2012, Venus has established herself as an experimental and dynamic performer, shining in an array of noteworthy scenes with men, women and transsexuals. The busty bombshell has attained numerous nominations and awards including a nomination for Transsexual Performer of the Year in the 2013 and 2014 AVN Awards. Venus currently holds the 2014 XBiz Award for Transsexual Performer of the Year and was named XCritic’s “Must-See Girl of the Month” in March 2014. At the 2014 Tranny Awards, the multi-talented star took home three awards for Best Scene, Best Solo Website and Hardcore Performer of the Year. The Asian Goddess has also shown that she is a skilled businesswoman with the launch of her member’s website Venus-Lux.com, which stars some of the hottest adult starlets and is one of the few independently run websites for transsexuals. Venus writes a popular column for AIPDaily called “Venus Rising” where she shares her opinions and news in the adult industry. With multiple awards and several mainstream projects under her belt, it’s clear that this alluring performer isn’t going anywhere and it won’t be long before Venus Lux is a household name.

http://www.starfactorypr.com/venus-lux-bio.html
http://wwww.starfactorypr.com/venus-lux
http://www.Venus-Lux.com
http://twitter.com/VenusLux
http://instagram.com/VenusLux

Images courtesy of Venus Lux
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June 21, 2014
5 Ways To Pleasure A Woman

XXX Adult Star Derrick Pierce shares on SimplySxy, his secrets on how to pleasure a woman. Read on!

Before we even head down this road please understand that you are fighting an uphill battle. It can be won, it will just take some doing on your part. Don’t be afraid of a little hard work. Trust me, she will appreciate it.

1. It’s called communication

This should happen WAY before any actual physical activities. Want to get her going before she hits the bed? Start that little text conversation. Make small sexual advances throughout the day. Nothing too over the top, unless you have already established these parameters. It can be more suggestive than anything else. The real trick is to get her to text you nasty things of her own accord. You can do this by making a small suggestion such as “I love the way you taste on my lips”. If you make it about her, she will usually be into it. Once she takes the bait, don’t reel her in. Let her run with it for a bit. If she responds in the affirmative, then ask her what she likes about it. Keep it about her as much as possible.

2. Ready for action

Be clean! Pretty simple and straight forward. clean doesn’t only mean a shower. It means having a shave if needs be. Trim your nose hairs and pubic hair too! No need to shave it off, unless you are into that, but trim it back. Ladies don’t want a mouth full of hair in their mouth if they feel like trying to swallow you up. Most men don’t like the amazon rainforest in between the pillars of heaven either. Show some initiative and get your lawn in order.

3. Ready … set … slow down

Once you are prepped for battle—that is well groomed—there is no real need to rush into the thick of things, unless it is supposed to be a quickie. Even then, you can take a minute to survey your surroundings. Don’t rush to get her naked. Clothes can be fun. Pull a few things to the side. Leave on her shoes, unless they are Uggs or flip flops … those things have got to go!

4. The Bermuda Triangle

Most men think women are an upside down triangle with the nipples being two points of contact and the vagina being the final resting place of the third. Wrong! We have fingers, hands, arms, toes, feet, legs … you get the picture. While those three points end up being a “final resting place” as the action goes on, it does not mean that all other areas are off limits. Grab her from behind, talk to her, tell her what she is in store for. Speak slowly and close to her so she can hear you. Use your hands to touch her whole body. Kiss and nibble on places that you normally would pass up. When you are going to go down on her, lick and touch everything except the clitoris. Save that for last. Keep licking her around and around slowly, ask her what she wants. I can near guarantee that she will all but beg you to lick her whole pussy. After that, you would have to work really hard to go wrong.

5. Keep her coming back

Don’t think because you busted a load in a rubber body bag or you made finger paint art on her stomach, that you are now done. Make sure that she has a big ass smile before you call it quits. If you can, chill out with her for a few moments. Pillow talk and some cup caking goes a long way. If you can’t, hit her with a message that is kind of sweet after you have left. It lets her know that even if it was a “hit it and roll out” you did think about her in the aftermath. That will give you an open invitation to have those lines of communication at a later time.

Prior to joining the ranks of the porn elite, XXX hunk Derrick Pierce was a certified personal trainer and martial arts instructor. The “Bad Boy of Adult” has coached and cornered some of the most acclaimed professional MMA athletes from both WEC and UFC. Derrick has performed in a multitude of roles ranging from hardcore BDSM to feature adult films. The handsome stud has worked with every established adult production company and plays the convincing villain in Axel Braun’s comic book parody films such as Wolverine XXX, The Dark Knight XXX and Captain America XXX. Derrick was awarded Best Actor in a Couples Themed Release for his directorial feature movie release with Wicked Pictures’ Tuff Love, a film centered around his passion for MMA. Derrick also received nominations for Director of the Year, Male Performer of the Year, Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor in the 2014 XBiz Awards and Best Supporting Actor in the 2014 AVN Awards. Derrick recently launched the first mobile crossfit affiliate, Crossfit Drop and already has his hands in several production ventures. Derrick has launched his first member’s website BangingPornstars.com, which follows Derrick’s adventures in bedding some of the hottest starlets in adult. The Herculean performer has proven his talent behind the camera. With his own production company, Primal Productions, and directorial releases including Hustler’s 40th anniversary Hard And Fast, he now looks to make a name for himself as the next XXX producer to watch.

http://starfactorypr.com/derrick-pierce
http://starfactorypr.com/derrick-pierce-bio.html
www.Twitter.com/DPierceXXX
www.Instagram.com/DerrickPierce
http://BangingPornstars.com
http://CrossfitDrop.com
http://twitter.com/CrossfitDrop
http://instagram.com/CrossfitDrop

Images courtesy of Derrick Pierce
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June 19, 2014
Sex Under the Influence of Jack Daniels Vs. Sex Under the Influence of Mary Jane

First off, this article was written for the sole purpose of scientific inquiry. We understand that cannabis use has not yet made that leap towards international legalization, and while that’s a shame, we discourage use of illicit substances. Having said that, let’s move forward to the heart and soul of the article. I have my own share of experiences having sex after a night of heavy drinking and a few nights making love under the influence of cannabis. Sex alone, no matter how lousy, is a magical experience. How wonderful can it get if I was to add a substance to enhance the experience?

Complex Intellectual Functioning

In my experience of smoking pot and in my experience of drinking alcohol near my level of tolerance, I noticed that higher levels of brain functioning was no longer available. In both experiences, I could not think straight, I wasn’t very rational, and I lost the ability to think ahead. Nonetheless, who needs rational thinking when you’re about to have sex?

Anxiety

Personally, I experience a bit of a performance anxiety when having sex with someone for the first time. At the back of my head, I know my performance today might affect my chances with other girls in the future because girls talk a lot, and they talk about everything. Alcohol made sure those nasty thoughts in my head were gone. Likewise, anxious thoughts had no space in my cannabinoid-surging brain. In both experiences, my tendency to be anxious was addressed.

Extended Plateau Phase

One magical thing I noticed under the influence of either alcohol or marijuana was the extended plateau phase. I was less excited by visual cues such as a woman’s full breasts, curvy body, toned midsection, and flawless skin among others when tipsy. I was able to last longer and enjoy the experience rather than thinking of disgusting things just to hold it a little longer. The same was true when I smoked weed prior to sex; I was living in the moment. Thinking of nothing else and fully taking in every stimulus presented by each moment led to a fascinating experience. Under the influence of marijuana, paradoxically, I felt like I was letting go and letting the experience come yet I felt like I was in complete control. Being in this state of mind gave me the pleasure of extending the plateau phase for as long as I wanted.

Motivation

The motivation behind wanting to have sex under the influence of alcohol was different from my motivation when I smoked pot. After consuming a few beers or a few shots and I was with someone, my desire to take her clothes off and do unspeakable things would usually consume me. With my heightened libido, I could not wait until my woman and I were behind closed doors and closed lights so that I could get the bed rocking and creaking. In retrospect, I was motivated to have sex to satisfy my need for pleasure and release. On the other hand, the motivation to be with someone under the influence of cannabis was to be able to touch and feel a woman’s body. I wasn’t burning with desire; however, my skin wanted to feel the skin of the woman I’m with. I found intense pleasure in pressing my body against my lover’s body. As opposed to using a woman’s body to gratify my sexual desires, my main motivation under the influence of weed was to enjoy and share my body with my lover. There’s a huge difference in terms of experience when I was out to get something versus when I was out to share something.

Sensual Acuity

Under the influence of alcohol, I noticed I was less sensitive as if my entire body was covered by a huge condom. I was still able to enjoy a woman’s soft and delicate body, and I could still feel her warm and lubricating lady parts but it was not as intense as compared to when I’m sober. The loss of sensitivity can also be a factor in extending the plateau phase of the encounter. On the contrary, a sexual experience enhanced by marijuana can be strong, passionate, and intense. It’s as if every part of my body was coming to life. I was extra sensitive, but I wasn’t too excited. My attention was not confined to my manhood; I was aware of every sensation from my hair down to my toes. Words fail to completely describe the beautiful experience.

Partner in Crime

Having sex sober can also be a mind-blowing experience. However, if my partner was a little tipsy or has elected to take a hit or two, the tryst can drastically change for the better. After sharing a few drinks with my woman, the approach to sex took a different form. Instead of the usual slow and calculated movements along with an incredible amount of gentle foreplay, tipsy sex can be rough, beastly, and desecrating. Both of us couldn’t wait to tear each other’s clothes apart. Once the clothes were on the floor, every action was directed by impulse. Hickies and scratches were unavoidable because of the irresistible urge to follow basic instincts. On the other hand, having sex when my partner and I smoked pot was the epitome of lovemaking. The need to have our bodies close and pressed against each other was insatiable. I couldn’t get enough of kissing her, and she couldn’t get enough kissing me. I wanted to lick and suck every inch of her skin, and she wanted to do the same to me. It may sound like spiritual mumbo-jumbo but once I was inside of her, I experienced the hallucinogenic property of marijuana. It felt like I was making love to every woman and all women in the world at the same time. The encounter was transcendental as I was able to go beyond my body, and her body acted as a conduit to a greater experience. I have no idea if she felt the same. I hope she did.

Like I said before, sex alone is a magical experience. Add a substance and the experience can go to another level or take a different form. Sex under the influence of alcohol is amazing and the wonderful thing about it is that consumption of alcohol is legal everywhere. I can’t say the same thing about weed because only a few states have allowed its recreational use. If you are lucky enough to be living in this state, what’s stopping you from taking advantage of its effects?

SimplySxy does not advocate the use of any form of drugs and illicit substances.

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June 17, 2014
Oohhhh … Tantric Sexual Massages

[vimeo url=”https://vimeo.com/95166258″ autoplay=”no”]

It frustrates me that when it comes to carnal desire. I so often hear people charge men of only being interested in one thing, Sex! But this is so not true. Yes men do love to have penetrative sex; its primal; its immensely satisfying when good and ultimately, it can secure our genetic line and because of this it is clearly what biologically we as men are programmed to enjoy as often as possible and with as many (females) as possible. However, what many don’t appreciate—and I include many men in this—is that most men also enjoy and actually need the physical intimate touch that come with the sex as much as the sex itself. In fact, many men find it difficult to perform as confidently as they want to if they do not feel an intimate connection with their partner, be it a female or male.

There is no doubt in my mind that the adage “women have a higher threshold of pain than men” is correct, childbirth makes this necessary but I would go on to say that it appears to me that men have a “lower threshold of pleasure than women”. I have to date, given over 5,000 sensual massages to men and some 200 to women and I can confidently say that from my experience in the arousal states, male bodies generally react and get aroused faster to touch than female bodies.

With the male body I find that it is usually after only 5 to 10 minutes into the massage and often see the clear evidence of arousal. Gentle moans or movements of the body and of course a developing erection is a clear sign and as the massage unfolds, the man will become even more aroused and reactive. These bodily reactions to my touch are immediate when I stroke his back, scratch my nails on his bum or inner thighs or even simply massage his scalp, all of this will make him spontaneously respond with pleasurable sounds or movement. But I believe that there is far more to this than just sexual arousal.

It is clear to me that as the massage unfolds and as my touch stimulates the skin’s sensory nerve endings, triggering the Pituitary gland to release Oxytocin, the hormone cutely called by some, “the love hormone”, the man experiences arousal and erection is usually the result. What I have also noticed is that arousal takes place and so manifests his need to create and intimate connection with me. This may simply be a hand touching my thigh, arm or body or somewhere even more intimate. So I figure that similar in relevance to nature programming pain thresholds to be higher for women to be able to endure childbirth, that this need and desire in men for intimate (reciprocal) touch has also been programmed into the male physiology and psychology for a similar reason. No, his hand reaching out to touch me should not be viewed simply as a predatory sexual approach but more of a genuine desire for connection and to receive approval and acceptance from another.

Most men know that to become completely and fully aroused, most need to feel connected, entitled and wanted of by the other person, be it female or male. Having his own touch welcomed and acknowledged and then reciprocated, particularly when received and given to sensitive and genital areas (the scrotum, perineum, anus) a man unconsciously feels he can trust and feel safe and it is this feeling of safety that triggers his nervous system slide from the fight or flight mode to the rest and relax mode thus removing anxiety, allowing total relaxation of the muscles and mood and consequently give him maximum arousal.

My experience when giving male-to-male massage is that it is this dynamic of intimate connection between men that is as pleasurable as the arousal and eventual orgasm itself. Conversely, when I give sensual massage to female clients after an initial quiet period, I find many women explode into an almost sexual abandonment where they let go completely of themselves to the erotic nature of the massage. For example, in the male to male massage, the effect of cupping and gently stroking his balls and scrotum produces in the receiver not an erotic response but more of a bonding, caring and almost paternal emotion. Tritely, I often say that to test my theory about what men really want, I should stand in Trafalgar Square with a sign offering all the men there two options a) the option of having either a 5 minute fuck or b) to enjoy a 90 minute full body sensual massage that would of course, include and orgasm by hand but not include any penetrative sex. I truly believe that the majority of men, certainly those over the age of 25, would opt for option b!

Demure Debutante to Erotic: The Female Time Bomb

[vimeo url=”https://vimeo.com/94660900″ autoplay=”no”]

When I give a sensual massage to a female client, the dynamic of the massage is quite different. Initially, the response to my touch is much slower and more sedated, there is very little display of movement or sound. In fact, the female who does immediately display any response is the exception. However, it is after about 30 minutes that I begin to see quite quickly, the effects of my touch and maybe some movement and moans. But when I start the more erotic touch genital stimulation that is when I see and feel what I call the female “Flip” as the demure deb explodes into the erotic animal. Light sighs become groans of pleasure, gentle movements becomes trashing and straining of limbs and the gentle response to my intimate touch become grabbing and pulling as her energy and attention become rooted in her erotic journey. Again, this is proof of the effect of the oxytocin at work. It causes an initial arousal process but when released into the female body it creates at first a tempered effect, a kind of wariness and an “I like of what you are doing but let me check you out first” feeling, it is only when this passes and when the touch has been assessed and accepted that the decorum deserts, reticence rolls away and is replaced by a full-on primal sexual reaction.

Don’t let it ever be said that women are less sexual than men. If you believe it is men who hold the erotic trump card, you will be wrong. It has to be said that after giving some 200 sensual massages to women, I am still in awe of this experience. Beware guys! Today’s female is changing fast. No longer is it the prerogative of men to be the sexual overseer and it’s not just the young nubile female of the 21st century who is taking control and expressing her deeper desires but in my experience, it is the ladies who are over 35 years old who are the powerhouses of sexual energy. Like a ready time bomb; once the female who has been historically suppressed by cultural, religious or simply social controls lets these fall away, what is revealed is her womanhood in its true glory. But this is not new, only our times and understanding of the female sexuality have changed. During the Victorian era more than 100 years ago; female sexual desire in particular, was just as apparent. The women in the 1850s felt no less sexual desire as a woman of today, but today we understand that for her arousal, orgasm and sexual satisfaction is an essential part of being a female human being. It is not a sign of mental disorder; it is not an indication of being morally corrupt or sacrilegious. It is a simply sign of being a woman and men should embrace and encourage this without question and both parties to enjoy the results.

So go for it girls, reclaim your sexual territory but remember to let the men enjoy being the intimate animals for a while. Given them some tenderness, caress, stroke and care for them and then in return, they will give you all you want in bundles (as long as you show them you want it).

Colin Richards www.massage33.com / www.intimacymatters.co.uk
If you have yet to watch the videos, you can view them at https://vimeo.com/95166258 and https://vimeo.com/94660900.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
Video courtesy of www.massage33.com
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June 15, 2014
Are YOU Getting It?

Spilling the Beans from Inside the Sex Industry

I am going to say something controversial. Brace yourself. Before you brace yourself, allow me to introduce myself—I’m Matt Chase, my work name is Matt-at-Lotus. I am a sex worker (although I prefer to be called a ‘sexpert’, go on, please …) who gets paid to have sex with mainly men but this sometimes depends on, you know, wind direction and the like (wink wink). I’m also a writer and trained in therapeutic interventions including counselling and psychotherapy. Now, are you bracing?

Sex workers get paid to make love to their clients.

I told you I was going to say something controversial.

You see, I believe that you can make love on a one night stand. I also believe that you can pay for a lovemaking session and yes, I believe passionately that you can be paid to make love to someone. The thing about me is that I genuinely enjoy my job. As with all professions, some workers will just go through the motions for money and others will be doing the job of their dreams. I am doing the job of my dreams. Why? I am a man who gets paid to do what he loves to do—make love, teach guys how to have body orgasms (yes guys it is possible, call me), have sex (it’s slightly different from making love), massage sexually, share a laugh, have some fun, give some compassion and be a shoulder to lean on—everything I was born to do.

I have always been very highly sexed. I was born with an innate gift of empathy and I have always had a knack of knowing just what another wants and needs between the sheets (or on the floor, up against the wall … you get the idea). Sex workers, it seems to me, get a bum deal (pun intended) when it comes to exactly what the world at large thinks we get up to.

Actually, they have no idea.

Once upon a Christmas, I was at an ‘office party’—a gathering of sex workers at the annual party thrown by the guy who runs a well-known Escort Listings site—and the conversation of course, moved onto our work. “I always find the real session starts after the sex, that’s when I become the client’s therapist” … “I love the elderly clients who have only just found the courage to accept themselves as gay” … “My disabled client last week told me an escort had turned him away! That’s so unprofessional” … “I love being an escort, there’s no job like it” … and the comments continued rolling from my colleagues’ tongues as I proceeded to make mental notes, you know, being a writer and all.

The thing is, I have a confession to make. The Christmas party as mentioned was going to be my ‘goodbye and farewell’ to the industry as I prepared to concentrate on my ‘other’ lives of writing and doing odd jobs but then something happened. I fell in love all over again.

I fell in love with my colleagues; the most professional, respectful and genuine people you are ever likely to meet. I fell in love with my job; a job that has never bored me, has always been safer than my other jobs (I was attacked with a knife when I was a nurse, bullied by my boss as a therapist, I could go on …) and yes I have to admit, pays very nicely thank you. I fell in love with my rebellious nature for you have to have balls to do this job and stand tall in a world where all sex workers are tarred with the same stigmatised brush. I remember once when the trainer in the gym asked me what I did for a living. “I’m a sex worker”, I replied. The poor man almost fell off the treadmill.

What is it about sex that makes us so shy? Is it the sex? Or is it the intimacy? I say it again. Sex workers get paid to make love to their clients. Is it the make love bit that makes us so uncomfortable?

I can feel a cause coming on. I can sense a heat burning from within and no, it isn’t a bladder infection. It’s rage—passionate, soulful, society-changing rage. Why?

Because ‘they’ are trying to change the law.

The ‘powers’ from within the corridors of representation (yes people, we elect them to represent us) are attempting to manipulate the system in order to criminalise men and women who pay for sex.

So I say it again. Sex workers make love to their clients.

Oh there’s nothing wrong with sex, don’t get me wrong and yes I do see very clearly that I do work a little differently than most sex workers, but I am deliberately pushing a point here. You cannot legislate against human emotion. You cannot do it. You also cannot legislate in order to control other people according to your own inhibitions. Society as a whole should not be given the power to stigmatise an entire profession on the basis of how they appear to be. Hence, the reason as to why I have written this article that shows you how it really is for me and my colleagues.

Yes, there are many different aspects of prostitution and yes, there are serious issues such as exploitation, trafficking, drug use, among others that need addressing but there are already laws put in place to protect people from this (if it isn’t their choice) and there exist laws intended to protect children and vulnerable adults but they are not working. Introducing new laws—which equally will not work—has been challenged by academics, liberty groups and sex workers but their arguments are falling on deaf ears. A knee-jerk reaction by out-of-date governments is not the answer. It never was.

If you do what you always did, you get what you always got. Find another way. If you would like some help in finding another way, why not ask a professional sex worker for some advice? Because we probably know more than you do. No offence intended, but let’s get to the root of the problem here: ignorance.

I do the job I do because I am good at it. I am not female. I am not trafficked. I wasn’t abused as a child and I don’t use drugs. Well, apart from too much coffee but you gotta give me something …

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June 12, 2014
Fan Submissions: No Finesse Whatsoever

“Is this water or silicone based lube?” Mike questioned from the bed.

I stared back at him from the bathroom sink. “Um, silicone.”

“Oh, well I thought you couldn’t use silicone lube with silicone toys, something about it messing up the toy’s surface.” Mike responded quizzically.

“Oh, Fuck. I don’t know.”

I pulled the string of pale purple anal beads from the sink of warm water and pinched them slightly.

“Pretty sure they’re just rubber.”

My relationship with Mike grew out of a shared interest in spirituality, whatever the fuck that really means. I was searching for a way out of my vapid sorority saturated college experience and he was available, ready and willing to lure me into one of the strangest relationships I’ll ever know. So, what began as a bond formed over hot coffee and discussions of The Secret, turned into a weirdly fulfilling sexual conquest and bout of experimentation. It’s also what led to my ability to give one hell of a blowjob. I can say that with confidence because I probably gave the kid over 200 blowjobs. I was also taking tips from Sasha Grey videos. He unfortunately, ate pussy like a real amateur. No finesse whatsoever. He treated the whole ordeal like a medical procedure, nerve-racking and tedious. Nothing worse than revealing in a state of post orgasmic bliss and seeing your significant other’s face pull away from your pussy in twisted confusion and fear.

Despite the excessive exchange of oral sex, our sex-ationship held an experimental element that resembled a Masters and Johnson type affair. Our sex had purpose, outside of meaning and intimacy, which it was virtually devoid of. We were pioneers on a sexual frontier conquesting through the use of sex toys, amateur YouTube videos and shared fantasies. Originally, it was all his idea. One night early on, he pulled out a drawstring bag from beneath his bed as I was reading a compilation of Buddhist fables. Without speaking he dumped the contents onto the bed, smiling coyly like some perverted Santa Claus delivering gifts on Christmas. Strewn across the red sheets lay brightly colored cock rings, anal beads, Velcro handcuffs, strange squishy blue dice with words that read “suck” or “pinch” or “kiss”, and a shiny egg-shaped vibrator. “My bag of toys, for you.” He remarked, playing even more into the perverted Santa Claus role. Truthfully though, I loved them all. Each toy brought on a new challenge. I became obsessed, in a way, with the excitement it provided. I felt empowered.

I certainly had my own sexual interest too. They developed mostly out of watching consecutive episodes of True Blood. Something about the erotic subordination of humans during vampire sex that caused me to raise an eyebrow with investigatory excitement. The way this translated in the bedroom was far less fantastical. It involved Mike choking me during intercourse to act out the domineering role of a hollow hearted and sex driven Bill Compton. Most of our fantasies played out that way, providing fleeting enjoyment that fell short due to lack of intimacy.

The relationship will always be memorable despite its lack of meaning. In its aftermath, it helped with many things. It led me to finally buy my own vibrator: fitted with ten pulsating speeds and a waterproof technology that really made bathing a worthwhile endeavor. I grew to know what I like; where, when and how. It made me comfortable to have sex with myself and ask subsequent partners to partake in what I most enjoyed. While the sex-ationship was doomed to collapse but in a serendipitous and realistic way, it’s moments were fun and exciting albeit also deeply embarrassing.

“Ok, well either way, rubber or silicone, bring them over here.” Mike responded decidedly.

“So the video said that if I put them in before I eat you out and then sloooowly pull them out as you’re coming, it will intensify your orgasm or something.”

“Will do.” I replied laying my head back onto the pillow, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply. “Here we go,” I thought. The process itself was mediocre, as it usually was. A combination of inconsistent tongue flicks and infantile sucking that seemed more like a series of muscle spasms than anything else. Eventually though, through the powers of pelvic muscle tightening and nipple stimulation, I began to reach my plateau. I bore down into the bed, arched the small of my back and exclaimed hurriedly, “Ok, I’m about to come.”

As the rush of feeling flowed through my lower half, I barely noticed the gentle motion of beads being pulled slowly from within my ass. And then … shit. Literally. I didn’t really smell or see anything but it became evident that female ejaculate was not the only fluid I secreted at that particular moment. Mike pulled away with force but surprisingly his expression was less exasperated then it was after most instances of pussy-eating. He rushed to the bathroom, beads in hand and quickly threw them into the sink. I laid there, paralyzed, and not in the post orgasmic way I usually enjoyed. “Did I just shit on the bed?” I thought to myself in a moment of sheer panic. I sat up suddenly and looked down. Nothing there. Thank god. The last thing I needed in that moment was to resemble a puppy caught in the act of soiling the Persian rug in the living room. Suddenly Mike reappeared.

“Well, I’ve got to go to work.”

“That didn’t turn out very well did it?”

He smiled. “Could have been better.” He kissed me on the forehead. “Might want to let those soak for a little while.”

I smiled back meekly, feeling my cheeks redden like I was in a Charlie Brown cartoon.

After he headed out, I drudgingly walked into the bathroom. Still unaware of whether I had excreted shit on the beads, I tossed them into the trash. They really didn’t intensify my orgasm anyway.

SimplySxy welcomes articles written by our readers on any topic of their choice. Each submission is edited and published the same as from any of our Sexperts and Contributors.

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June 11, 2014
Getaway Sex

It’s 1 a.m. I lay beside a sleeping man, my boyfriend. He’s sprawled out on his back, deep in slumber.

I’m horny.

Now maybe normally, if we were at home, I’d just make myself go to sleep. We’d both have long days to face ahead of us—him, with his work running a hostel and me with mine of teaching English to elementary kids. We’d need our energy, which means we’d need our sleep.

But this isn’t normally. We’re on day two of a four-day holiday, and that means we can use our energy and how we choose to. Either tomorrow … or tonight.

So I start to give him head.

I remember years ago, a boyfriend I had asked me why I never woke him up for sex. The thought had genuinely never occurred to me before, and while I could see where he was coming from, I didn’t see its appeal.

“I wouldn’t want him waking me up for sex,” I thought. So I just did what I do in those situations and agreed with him while simultaneously shoving that in the “things I’ll never do” mental file.

But tonight, some nine years later, I pick up that thought and move it to my “good ideas” file. Yes, this is excellent. And I can tell by the way he’s moving under me that he agrees.

I haven’t had a lot of serious boyfriends in my life and over the years, I’ve become really stingy with how I spend my time. I often make it a priority to share any special moments (like holidays, birthdays, or trips), with friends and not guys I’m seeing so that later, those memories are about times I spent with friends—not about how Johnny X came/didn’t come through.

So this is the first time in years and years that I’m spending a getaway with a boyfriend. I was apprehensive at first—I know travelling with a significant other can sometimes result in Richter-scale level fights, and I just assumed those fights would find me and him.

But this trip has been nothing like that. Instead, getting away and getting out of the context of our normal lives has shown me how well we reinforce each other. He’s been like my backbone and mind reader this trip. We travelled to Samcheok, a beach in Korea 3 hours east of Seoul, with 2 other couples, and he and I have never been more in tune. When someone suggests something we’re not into, we only need to look at each other—and then he speaks up.

These are my friends, so he’s agreed to take the loss and be the disagreeable one so I can keep the group harmony (and I didn’t even have to ask).

And we spend the entire day with him whispering in my ear “I want to fuck you right now,” which means that the sex on our trip has been some of the best sex we’ve had since we first got together.

Going on a mini-vacation together showed me that I picked a partner who is well-suited to me and we flow well as a couple. It not only spiced up our sex, but also reinforced our mental and emotional connection. For couples who are considering traveling together or experiencing a little bit of a lag, I definitely recommend a mini-vacation as a way to spice things up/see your relationship more clearly.

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June 7, 2014
What is ‘Love’ ?

Love. Doesn’t it seem that ‘love’ can have a life of its own? Love seems to change, grow, shrink, dissolve, or even fade away at times. Sometimes it seems to just simply vanish or disappear? Why it that? And why does ‘love’ seem to be so elusive for so many people?

Yes, sadly it is the case that when you first meet that other person who will be (or is supposed to be) the other 50% of your relationship, they usually put up what I call ‘the representative self’. By this, I mean you see the better side of that person … usually. After a while when you get to know them a little better, that mask can come off. Some people of course, have the ‘what you see is what you get’ and if you don’t like it, you can leave any time you like. At least they’re honest right? No false pretenses, no bling bling, no image to maintain, and no representative self.

Ok. Now back to “love”. How many times have we heard, “Yes, but I love him/her!” Or how about, “I am so in love”? On the flip side there’s “I don’t love him/her anymore. I want out of this relationship.”

Whenever I hear anybody talk about ‘love’ in relationships such as marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend etc, I wonder what that person’s actual definition of ‘love’ is? Have you ever wondered that? Have you ever asked yourself that question and given yourself an honest answer? Sometimes, getting the answer involves peeling off some layers of what you are and knowing your likes and dislikes. It also involves knowing your own shortcomings and being honest enough with yourself to acknowledge them. Before any change or changes can be made, one first needs to acknowledge those areas where one can improve upon. Of course, there are those individuals who believe they are perfect and need to change nothing about themselves. My advice is to not get too close to such individuals because nothing is ever their fault.

Take a moment and think about the following. If you were mugged on the streets, would you ‘fall in love’ with that thief? Of course not. Why? Because that person did something that was not pleasant to you. Remember, we like/love those things that please us. In other words, we like/love what fills our wants and needs.

Now this is where it can get a little tricky but it can be much much easier if you go into a relationship knowing your ‘self’, your likes and dislikes, and what your wants and needs are. This can also be applied to all other circumstances in life. It can help you to avoid toxic relationships or to make better career choices, hobbies, special interests, and to create a productive circle of friends.

So once you have established just what you like and dislike for the individual ‘you’, you can begin to lay the foundation of your definition of ‘love’. Hopefully it is not superficial in that you are only focused on what that other person can do for you. A relationship will fail at some point in time if it is all take and no give. And hopefully it is not based upon materialism or helping to prop up an image for yourself. A healthy relationship is made of gives and takes while growing and maturing at the same time.

A very important aspect of a healthy, loving relationship is when one feels great pleasure in doing something for the other. If one simply takes, takes, takes, and offers nothing or next to nothing in return … then I would have to say that that is not ‘love’. That is simply a ‘what can I get out of it?’ and it is built on very shaky ground. Some may even call it usury.

So, is there a universal definition of “love” that can be used as a foundation in relationships? I believe there is. I know my definition and I’d like to hear yours or any comments from you, the readers.

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June 5, 2014
The Intimate Thoughts of a Crossdresser

The truth is that there is simply no straightforward, one simple answer as to why men crossdress. If there was, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article: the discussions on this taboo subject would have been settled a long time ago and many men would be free to express their femininity without fear of ridicule and rejection.

In my personal experience, the fascination with woman’s clothing started when I was very young. I must have been about 5 or 6 years old, and I remember going to great lengths to get access to my mom’s lingerie. My most vivid recollection goes back to my teenage years, anxiously and secretly purchasing pantyhose from a local shop and then wearing them under my clothes while walking home. I felt and still feel to this day, a need to wear woman’s clothes almost on a daily basis, whenever I can find the private time.

To be honest, I can’t quite explain where these feeling come from or why they started in the first place. Many times I find the feeling hard to control, especially if I go a few days without dressing up. The mass media likes to reason that crossdressing is a sexual perversion, and so they naturally see the desire to crossdress as purely for sexual gratification. The problem with this theory is that when I (and most other crossdressers) first felt the desire to crossdress at a very young age, we didn’t know what sex really was or had any sexual feeling. I often would go to sleep wearing my homemade stockings and carefully taking them off in the morning under the bed sheets and hiding them in the drawer under my bed before my mom would walk into the room.

There are many misconceptions and stereotypical views about crossdressers, one of them being that most people believe crossdressers are homosexual and desire to be with other men. Although there are cases where this is the fact, the truth is that most crossdressers are heterosexual men. A lot of them are married, have families and lead regular lives. For many, crossdressing goes through several evolution stages and sometimes ends at the point when the crossdresser desires a transition to living full-time as a female. Many crossdressers describe the need to crossdress as ‘feeling more comfortable wearing woman’s clothes’.

This is sometimes coupled with the desire to be seen as a woman. To not simply dress like a woman, but behave like one as well, to wear make-up, lingerie, shoes and otherwise, pass as a woman. Then there are others who crossdress purely for sexual excitement. Crossdressing covers a wide spectrum and therefore it is hard to define them as any one group. Some men crossdress because they are unhappy being men and wish to escape the male role.

Let’s face it, women have way more selection when it comes to fashion and are allowed to express themselves in many distinct ways. Just walk into any women’s fashion and beauty mall and then walk in the men’s section and you’ll know what I mean. For me, I love feminity! I love the feeling of being a woman and wearing all the gorgeous makeup, soft sexy dresses, high-heeled shoes and exploring the female realm. It’s such a real thrill for me and countless other crossdressers. I highly admire women and their beauty and their many feminine qualities. I regard the female physique as a work of art. There are also others who don’t mind the male state, but like to put on women’s clothes occasionally. Some men crossdress simply to make a passing social or fashion statement, and some because they have emotional needs that can only be met by the comfort that wearing women’s clothes gives them.

Sex, particularly with other people is not the main reason why most men crossdress and masturbate because they are now themselves, the ideal woman, and the man no longer has to fear rejection, criticism or disappointment which might come with attempts of intercourse with a woman. The fact is that women crossdress all the time and are free to wear men’s clothing without fear of ridicule or turning heads. It is not uncommon to see a woman walking down the street wearing men’s apparel.

Men on the other hand are supposed to fit into a very rigid gender role and are not able to freely express their femininity beyond maybe, crying at the movies. The true reason why men crossdress remains somewhat of a mystery to this day. Crossdressing is an intensely personal activity for many men, often done in secret, late at night and sometimes guilt-ridden.

Crossdressers usually will do this in secret when the wife and kids leave the home. They have their day planned! They will even go so far as to shave off their body hair, take a hot, perfumed, bubble bath, and dress in something silky. However, many crossdressers just enjoy the feeling of certain material against their bodies and go no further than dressing up as a woman. More and more crossdressers are “coming out of the closet” and if lucky, their wives will accept the way they are as long as they keep it private and away from friends and family.

In my particular case, my girlfriend knows that I crossdress and she has accepted it, which I am very appreciative of her for doing so. Apart from my girlfriend, no one in my family knows to this day, and this can be psychologically challenging for me at times. For the past 45 years, I have done a good job of concealing my other self. Most crossdresses become very good at being Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Today, I enjoy being Marcy whenever I can and have taken many steps to perfecting my female persona.

Marcy’s biggest goal is to be as passable as a woman as possible. I haven’t ventured out of my house as a female but strongly hope that one day soon, I will be able to freely be Marcy in and out of the house in a place where I will not have to fear weird stares, ridicule and rejection. I’m optimistic that as our society grows more accepting of diverse gender expression, we will see more crossdressers stepping forward to share their stories and feel more open about discussing the topic of crossdressing with family and friends without the need to justify their behavior, and are no longer shamed by everyone.

I know some people out there will mock me and say that I need help.
I say to you, you have never have never walked in my high-heeled shoes.
Judge me if you want, it makes no difference.

Marcy Simpson

Founder of Crossdresser Society.com

Featured Image courtesy of Marcy Simpson.

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April 29, 2014