SimplySxy

Tag: Men

  • 7 Quick Tips on How to treat Women on a Date

    7 Quick Tips on How to treat Women on a Date

    Gabriel Lamur, the best quality escort Companion for women, Sydney, interstate and worldwide, shares 7 quick tips on how to treat a woman on a date.

    1. Before you start thinking about the actual appointment, you need to understand exactly what you want from the girl and what she wants from you.

    2.  Do not let her wait for you at the first date.

    3.  Be polite

    4.  Be a gentleman

    5.  Be a good conversationalist  as well as a good listener

    6.  Compliment her

    7.  Be self-confident and mature, offering a single rose on arrival followed by a compliment to the lady. I have a good connection with women and to me they all beautiful.

    Interested in finding out more about Gabriel?  Visit his website at http://themalecompanion4woman.com or follow him on twitter @Gabrielescortau

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  • My Approach to Building an Amazing Dating Life

    My Approach to Building an Amazing Dating Life

    Hey guys. I’m Colin, and I’m here to help you guys with your dating and social lives. From here on out, I’ll have a question and answer column, where you can ask whatever you like, and I’ll attempt to give you useful solutions.

    These solutions might be in terms of what you can do next and what are the next series of steps you can take. But more importantly, it is about how you can structure your own learning and development, and what tools and techniques you can use to fly though that learning structure.

    In most cases, what we discuss will be applicable to your entire social life and often, even more than that. A lot of skills and understanding involved in improving your dating life are transferrable between many other areas in life. Conversation skills, for example, are of utmost importance when it comes to dating and are also extremely important in business and work.

    I am predominantly a helper of men but if you are a woman, please don’t let that deter you from asking questions. Also, questions from those who already are in relationships are also welcome. With that, lets get started. Today, being the first post, I’ll just give you guys a quick run-down of the approach that I espouse to having the kind of social and dating life that many men dream of.

    After that, please feel free to ask away!

    My Approach to Building an Amazing Dating Life

    There are many ways to improve your dating life. You could learn how to approach and interact with women. You could start by practising conversational skills. You could also get the ball rolling by working on your physical appearance such as joining a gym for example.

    In my experience however, the best approach to take hands down, is a holistic one; a top-down approach.

    1) The Holistic Approach

    You need to start from the top and work down. This usually means that the quest for change starts with yourself.

    When it comes to dating, attraction is really the gateway to a deeper and more fruitful relationship with a person. So really, the main aim for any man or woman, intent on creating a enviable dating life, is to start with the creation of value.

    People with value are attractive. Yes, value can be subjective, what one woman looks for in a man, may be different from what another does. But, without citing scientific research, I think we can all agree that women in general, are attracted to very similar things. Think in terms of movie stars, prominent businessmen and other high-status males.

    Its really simple. If you want to be competitive in the world of dating and given that you acknowledge that women are attracted to certain types of high-value men, than you need to create value. Think in terms of a commodity and that commodity is you. If you have a valuable product, no one can take that away from you and you will always do decently well in the realm of dating.

    2) Building your Knowledge Base

    Understanding, really is the cornerstone of being great at just about anything. If you want to have an amazing social life, full of beautiful women or good-looking men, than it is your business to understand.

    At least at a basic level, men need to understand women, and women need to understand men. Drawing parallels to the world of business and sales—you should always know who you are selling to !

    Here are some simple questions you can ask yourself:

    Do you know what women want ?
    (In a very general sense, you should have some idea)

    Do you know how to further develop yourself from whatever you are presently?
    (You need to have a basic game plan)

    Do you understand more technical things like why the girl you were talking to at the bar got pulled away all of a sudden by her friend ?
    (Understanding social dynamics is the key)

    There are countless gaps in people’s knowledge base, that once filled, makes things so much easier. So I will attempt to be as informative as possible. You should also work in your spare time at filling in those gaps (if you aren’t too updated on social related knowledge).

    3) Winning the War, NOT just the Battle

    If you are one of those guys who have decided to improve their dating lives by buying a book titled “How to Pick-Up Women”, or something similar, I totally understand where you are coming from. However, it isn’t necessarily the best way to go about things.

    And this is really in line with what I’ve been talking about with regards to the holistic approach. You see one of the problems with learning some quick “tricks” or techniques and going out to practise them, is that they often won’t work. This is becaus it often isn’t just what you say, or what you do that matters, but how you say it, how you do it, and a host of other things that women are very apt at picking up on. I’m talking about micro-expressions, subtle twitches, a mild quiver in your voice.

    Things that can be changed, but not in the most intuitive way. You see, you can try to change that anxious look that you give, or the slight quiver in your voice that gives away that you are secretly pissing yourself. But at some point, it becomes a very fruitless endeavour. The amount of improvement you get from micro-managing these things that make the difference between a second-date and an outright rejection, is often not at all commensurate to the amount of effort you put in.

    A macro approach is my opinion, is how you can get the biggest bang for your buck. Focus on developing a lifestyle, becoming a more confident person, and all those nervous ticks, all those micro-movements will correct themselves. At some point, they start to convert to micro-movements and subtle body-language that becomes a boon to your presence.

    Even if you do successfully pull off a few successful attempts at picking-up women, it frames you in a way where you are making a woman too much of a prize in the long run. It puts you in a very needy state of mind. Being a prowler, traversing the streets and shopping centres trying to pick-up woman is in general, not a good way to see yourself if you want to build confidence and pride in your own value.

    Its all about not missing the forest for the trees. That means sacrificing little wins for big victories. Build your worth and then realise it before talking about cold-approaching skills or other more micro endeavours.

    Parting Note

    So there you have it. As quick a summary as I could get about the approach you should take to really bringing your dating life to the stratosphere. I think this post may be a bit lengthy for some, but you know, like most people I have a pretty short attention span. But what I hate more than taking time to learn or understand something, is not having any way to learn, understand, and ultimately improve.

    If you have a sub-par dating life, if you’re life isn’t full of amazing women and is not satisfying you, YOU CAN IMPROVE IT. And, you can do it now. So keep heart, read and re-read this post, and start reaching out. Connect with me, ask, ask and ask some more. Fire away !

    Colin

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  • 3 Secrets to Understanding Women

    3 Secrets to Understanding Women

    Women are some of the most complicated creatures on the planet. For a man, women’s level of complexity can be compared to the magical and intricate world of quantum physics: almost nothing follows contemporary logic. Unpredictable as they may be, women are some of the finest creatures, if not the finest creature God has ever made in the entire universe. They are incredibly smart, beautiful, sensitive, and creative, and as much as some men may curse women at times, men can’t live without women. So as part of the male population and admittedly once a clueless being in interacting with the other half of the population, allow me to help lift the veil in the convoluted world of women.

    1.  The Thrill of the Hunt

    Women love to hunt. Society along with all the other conformists would claim that a man should always go after a woman. At a certain stage, this idea is correct, but pop culture thinking might lead someone in the wrong direction. Usually, a man would take the woman of interest out on a fancy date, complete with flowers, gifts, and/or chocolates. Stop right there; this line of thinking will get a man in trouble. What men don’t usually know is that women love to hunt. The thrill of the chase keeps them hooked and intrigued. There’s a reason why women are cat people. Look at a lion pride. The strong, dominant male lion stays under the comfort of the shade while the female are out to hunt. The king of the jungle has never offered food as a gift to any lioness of the pride to get her attention. The same rules apply to men and women.

    Sure, a man can take a woman out on a nice date but do not think for once that the date alone will do the trick. What will do the trick is to take the date as an opportunity to stimulate the ravishing lioness inside. Do not show too much interest. Qualify her and let her know that she can be cut off if she doesn’t meet a certain criteria. Take a step back, and never give the ball to her court. Understand that she’s willing to work just like a lioness is willing to stalk and sprint under the heat of the sun for the sustenance of the dominant lion. This is counter-intuitive and may be hard to comprehend at first but with practice, one would certainly understand that women love to hunt.

    2.  Women are Social Creatures

    Women love to talk. People would have you believe that women are only attracted to good-looking and/or wealthy men. Some may even suggest that the aggressive and dominant type will always catch a woman’s eye. Although these statements are true to some extent, a woman will always have a thing for a guy who can handle a good conversation.

    Women love to talk. They are interested in all the smallest details of a subject that don’t matter to men. A guy who can stimulate the mind of a woman will always have a special place in her heart because the art of conversation seems to be lost to aggressive, good looking, or wealthy men. As much as men are attracted to and are stimulated by visual cues like a woman’s curvy shape or her pretty face, women love it when their minds are touched, stirred, and challenged.

    Currently, the problem is that men usually do not even attempt to hone the art of conversing with the opposite sex. A lot of men talk too much while some talk too little. If a man has no idea how to spark up an opener and maintain a woman’s interest, a surefire way to keep a woman intrigued is to ask questions. In any situation, one can always hold a woman’s attention by asking her questions that are relevant to her experience and interest. Don’t ask mundane and mind-numbing questions like what she does for a living or which school she graduated from. Ask her about her passions, her dreams, her accomplishments, her childhood, her friends, or her relationship with her parents, especially her dad. Chances are, only a few people have cared enough to ask these questions that would reveal a lot about who she is. If asked correctly, a woman would almost always open up to take about these things.

    Remember, women love to talk, and they love it if a man would shut up and listen to her speak about her deepest feelings and ideals. After she responds with a short narrative about her passion, ask her what she’s doing to be aligned with her passion. If she’s far from it, challenge her to go back on track. She would definitely love the challenge and will not forget the person who dared her to pursue her dreams. Ask questions, and let her do what she loves: talking.

    3.  Drama is a Necessity

    The last thing that some men need to understand is that women enjoy drama. For them, drama is a part of living, a way of life just as men look at sports or competition an integral aspect of their existence. Although it sometimes drives relationships to the point of no return, drama is a very powerful force that brings women together. A lot of women build friendships and relationships based on drama as much as men would have a set of friends to play a particular sport with.

    Unfortunately, some men don’t understand a woman’s need for drama, which seems to be the primary reason why men think women are complicated and difficult to be with. But just as boys settle their differences and express their anger in a fistfight, the same is true for women. After the fight, young boys would usually become friends again and all those emotions that started the fight are long forgotten. In comparison, after a woman gets her emotions off of her system, she’ll go back to that sweet, loving and beautiful human being that she is.

    It is important that a man understands not to take a woman’s drama or call for attention seriously. The best thing a man can do in this situation is to let her talk and listen. Allow her to express herself and let her enjoy the process of releasing her emotions. She’ll appreciate the thought which could lead to a favorable outcome later.

    Summary

    Complicated and unpredictable as they may seem at first, being with women may not be so challenging after learning these three things. Women love to hunt, so let them do the hunting. They also love to talk so ask questions, and let them do the talking. Finally, drama is part of their life so give them the space they need to express their emotions. A woman’s universe can be convoluted from a man’s point of view, but like the stars in the night sky, these tips can be used as guides to have a better perspective of a woman’s world.

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  • The “Hard” truth about Erectile Dysfunction | Part 2

    The “Hard” truth about Erectile Dysfunction | Part 2

    Although there are many various types of sexual dysfunctions, one of them is considered especially significant: erectile dysfunction, caused by an inhibition in the sexual excitement phase during the male’s sexual response. It is defined as a permanent, occasional or recurring inability to develop or maintain an erection required for one to successfully engage in sexual activities and complete sexual intercourse.

    Apart from the first instance of the 85-year-old man who abstained from sex for 3 years following his wife’s death, I once had another client with erectile problems. He came to see me some time after his divorce, which was caused, among other things, by his passive role in marriage and pathological jealousy. His then-wife ended up cheating on him (a self-fulfilling prophecy), which he had a hard time getting over. Despite feeling angry and bitter, he would not accept a more rational understanding of love and sex. He remained a victim of his immature thinking, which manifested itself sexually. After divorce, he tried to have sex with younger women, but he failed—except with the drug Cialis, although even with it, the sex wasn’t that great.

    His poor sexual functioning was not caused merely by his “scar” of being cheated on and divorced; in the sense of distrust towards women, but also by his wrong expectations. Even though we worked on his problems for several sessions, he failed to accept the responsibility for his own sexual exchange. Being desired by young girls flattered him; he stopped having panic attacks, took some anxiolytics, antidepressants, and felt confident in verbal communication. However, sex was still an issue. I suggested that he try to find a more serious woman, who would understand his condition and be tolerant of his current erectile dysfunction. However, I could not “cure” his ego, which caused him to keep spiraling down. In the end, he fell in love with his friend’s daughter, telling me that the two of them had a close encounter without sexual intercourse, so he required that I give him an instant solution for sex. Seeing that psychosexual therapy does not offer that kind of help, I told him that only an injection may stiffen his penis, and sent him to a urologist. He later informed me that the urologist didn’t give him the injection, but only Cialis and some anxiolytic powder, and admitted that it was not the right way, but also that he could not “let that girl go”—because she was too good looking.

    All of these indicate that erectile problems are not that trivial and it often turns out that many men do not wish to engage in proper relations with their partners, where they will show their true face, but instead they build false, shallow relations, full of lies and deceit, only to fulfill some societal ideals and satisfy their egos. They may believe that women appreciate and respect those men more, but that is no excuse. Those same women will sooner be disappointed and leave them when they realize that these men are not how they have presented themselves. This is why I advise men to take a risk and be more honest when meeting women, because in the end they always get more out of it. Maybe they won’t have as many sexual partners, but what they do get will undoubtedly be more meaningful and fulfilling.

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  • The “Hard” truth about Erectile Dysfunction | Part 1

    The “Hard” truth about Erectile Dysfunction | Part 1

    Although there are many various types of sexual dysfunctions, one of them is considered especially significant: erectile dysfunction, caused by an inhibition in the sexual excitement phase during the male’s sexual response. It is defined as a permanent, occasional or recurring inability to develop or maintain an erection required for one to successfully engage in sexual activities and complete sexual intercourse.

    Freud classified impotence as a type of neurosis, and only with the arrival of Masters and Johnson, as well as Kaplan, did impotence receive a nicer name, free of pejorative meaning and negative self-evaluation, which is erectile dysfunction. Another discovery then was that not every man with sexual problems is necessarily neurotic, suffering from a personality disorder or another psychopathological disorder. One can be completely “normal” and be unable to develop or maintain an erection, without it meaning anything other than (most commonly) an inability to initiate or maintain sexual excitement during one of the phases of the sexual response cycle. Therefore, a satisfying erection cannot be achieved without positive sexual excitement, although, in rare cases, certain fears may lead to an erection (e.g. when men were forced to rape women at gunpoint during the war). Generally speaking, fears have an adverse effect on sexual functionality, although uncommon fears such as the fear of being discovered by others (e.g. while engaging in sensual contact in the bathroom at a friend’s party) may increase excitement.

    The first research of all types of impotence was conducted by Kinsey et al. in 1948, when they established that there was a relatively high percentage of “total impotence”, both psychogenic and organic in origin, on a sample of over 6,000 men. They determined the percentage to be 2–4% at the age of 35 and 77% at the age of 80. More methodologically valid tests were subsequently conducted, indicating a percentage of 7‒10% (Hawton, 1985). In 1993, the National Institutes of Health found that there was a high prevalence of erectile dysfunction in the United States and that between 10 and 20 million men over the age of 18 suffered from this disorder.

    The article proposes to discuss two examples of such:

    An 85-year-old man, after abstaining from sex for 3 years following his wife’s death, experienced several failures with a woman who accepted to have sex with him (mostly due to financial aid on his part), and approached us, demanding that we enable him to have a hard penis when he takes off his clothes so that she could see that he is “ready to go” and a “real” man. He would not accept my suggestions that things did not work like that even in much younger men, but he still, somewhat foolishly, hoped that there was a drug that would “raise him from the dead”. Prejudices of this type are not uncommon in men, who often expect that their penis should function regardless of their psychophysical condition, and the pharmaceutical industry relies precisely on these myths when it produces drugs for potency. This perspective disregards any ideas about necessary conditions, good relations with the partner, erotic surroundings, etc., as unimportant.

    Your partner may be Monica Bellucci or Claudia Schiffer, but if you are not “there”, are absent-minded, have not provided your necessary conditions, do not have a positive sexual excitement, are not in good relations with your partner, you will not have a satisfying erection. No drug can give you that.

    Therefore, an erection only means that your penis is hard. Whether you really want sex, whether you are indeed a real man, whether you find your partner attractive, etc., depends mostly on your assessment, your feelings and current circumstances. It would certainly not be a good idea to want to act upon your erection caused by looking at your best friend’s daughter

    (to be continued …)

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  • Single Ladies: Should You Put a Ring On It ?

    Single Ladies: Should You Put a Ring On It ?

    Having coached so many single women who are above the age of 30, a burning question frequently asked is: How will I know if he is the right guy to marry and if he is ready to marry me? To answer this question, I would ask them to answer the following 3 simple questions:

    1. Does he take you home to meet his family?

    While others may think that this is a trivial matter, it speaks a lot on whether your guy is ready to marry you. Your introduction to his family is a milestone in your relationship as your guy acknowledges you as a part of his family (to be). More importantly, when a man brings home the girl to meet his family, you know he is prepared to love her and settle down with her for the rest of their lives. Your guy’s family will also understand that this is the special girl whom he treasures and is taking their relationship seriously. Furthermore, this is a good opportunity to score points with his family members. You would want to focus your energy on the person who has the most say, as this could potentially help boost and smoothen your progress with him, towards marriage. What’s more, there’s definitely no harm in establishing good connections with the family too! This is also a good time for you to assess if this is the “kind” of family you want to marry yourself into.

    2. Is he comfortable about showing you to his social circle?

    In order to live with someone in the long term, your guy has to be comfortable, if not proud of showing you around. If he is not treating you like how he would treat a “trophy” girl, you are not his girl at all. You should be and feel like his most valued prized possession. Some ways to know that your guy is proud to have you as his girlfriend include the following:

    • He should be excited whenever his friends mention your name.
    • He should be proud to introduce you to his colleagues because it validates his great taste.
    • He would gladly invite you along (as a plus one) for social or friends gatherings so that you can get to know his friends and won’t feel left out in future.

    3. Has he let go of his past baggage?

    Try having a conversation on his past relationships. How does he react? Does he shun your question or get angry when you try to continue the conversation? Does he still struggle with guilt or anger from the past? It is important to note that someone who has fully let go of the past will be cool to talk about it and is able to rationalize what happened. You also see that he is willing to take part, if not full responsibility of what had happened. He acknowledges the mistakes made and strives to do better in his present relationship, with you. In the midst of sharing and opening up himself to you, you understand more about his mindset and perspectives towards relationships. Ultimately, you will be able to realise that he has grown and matured over the years and is ready to lead and guide you in your relationship with him.

    If you have the same question, tick off all these checkboxes now, and you will know if you both are ready to take things to the next level and to welcome a new beginning.

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  • Honey, I am HIV Positive

    Honey, I am HIV Positive

    Today, we talk about the subject of disclosing one’s HIV status. Many have already done so since HIV has been around since 1979 or so, when it was called GRID (gay-related immune disorder).

    How does one disclose to a potential partner that he/she is HIV positive or has an STD? A good way to disclose is either in a public setting that is relaxing or private in a space that is special to you. Just ‘being yourself’ lets the person know you are real and that you are honest. Never talk down about your being HIV positive. Keep your head up and show the love for yourself and others by disclosing.

    Remember, disclosing will be a lifelong process.  Disclosing one’s HIV status before having sex with a partner is the law in some states and countries.

    Practice over a mirror. Just like you, the people you tell will need support as well. Don’t expect that just because you love someone, they will be able to support you after your disclosure. You may need to support them with this new information before they can be there for you. It is a good idea to have on hand a few telephone numbers of places they can go for support.

    Groups of individuals that one may have to disclose to often include the following:

    • Family—can be painful and you don’t have to disclose to them until it feels ‘right’.
    • Friends—easiest.
    • Your children—consider their age before you doing so.
    • Husband or wife— hardest, they will have to be tested for HIV positivity!
    • Doctor—easy but worrisome.
    • Workplace – you do not have to tell. Know your rights!
    • Needle users—easy to do so at times and you must!

    Tips for disclosing
    Many have also found the below list to be effective when disclosing their status:

    • Trust your instincts, disclose when you are ready.
    • Think about what you’re going to say ahead of time.
    • Choose your time and place; don’t be rushed into it.
    • Share with people whom you trust.
    • Use your own words.
    • Tell two friends so that they can support each other and not need to lean solely on you.
    • If someone has lots of questions, ask him/her to do their own research. This will ease the pressure on you to “know it all”.
    • Ask for what you need: a shoulder to cry on, space to think about it, practical help when you need it.

    When should I disclose my HIV status?
    With some people, this happens only before sex or intimacy. For others, it may take place even before dating. However, always do so when sharing needles for you are the one responsible for yourself. In addition, children should be old enough to understand before being told. Although there is generally no particular ‘right time’, you should tell only when you feel ready or when you are legally required to do so. If you haven’t told anyone beforehand (as you should have), inform your sexual partners as soon as possible so they can be tested because there is now a chance of functional cure in cases of early treatment and detection.

    Why should you tell?
    It’s your duty to disclose under some laws and morally, it’s just the right thing to do! Moreover, it is both very therapeutic and liberating to be totally honest by letting others know your status. Take it slowly—you will be living with HIV for a long time, and your first responsibility is to yourself and to finding the support you need.

    Disclosure can be scary, embarrassing, or painful.  However, frank conversation usually leads to better decisions and better sexual relationships. There is great freedom about telling the truth and letting people know who you really are.If we disclose when we should and protect ourselves, we automatically protect others. This also means that we slow down the spread of new HIV cases. Though, this only works through the ones who know that they are HIV positive.

    Have self-respect, love who you are! Get tested! Know your HIV status!

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  • Mistress

    Mistress

    So, you want to be a mistress? Or maybe you already are.

    Life as a mistress has its ups and downs like everything else in life. The ups are that if your man is wealthy, he will buy you gifts, set you up in an apartment and even buy you a car. The down side is that you never know when you will see him, and those lonely days and nights lying in your bed wondering what he is doing might drive you crazy. Then there is the wife. Has he told you he will leave her for you, or are you just a little toy he keeps on the side for eternity or until he gets bored. Does he have a string of mistresses around? How would you know?

    There are certain ground rules to become a mistress. First, you have to be willing to share him with his wife and maybe another mistress. Two, always be happy. A man who wants a mistress has issues at home. Maybe the wife is nagging at him; maybe she is not as good looking as she used to be. There are many reasons, but they all have something in common, they make him not want to be at home. When you see each other, you always have to be smiling and have a positive attitude. That might be hard if your day is going bad, but it’s what he expects from you. Three, you can never become possessive with him; never ask where he is going, or where he has been. After all, YOU are the secret. You can never call him to his house or his cell phone; he might be with his family or another woman. Even if he has a special phone just for you, you still have to be careful. The wife won’t know about it and if he by accident, forgot it in his pants and his pants are hanging in the closet, and you call. Guess what, busted! The wife will hear it if she is at home.

    I have been a mistress a couple of times. Not because I wanted to, but because the man I met didn’t tell me he was married or engaged, or had a girlfriend. He kind of “forgot” to tell me that part.

    What to do if this happens to you? Go home, sleep on it and the next day, decide if you want to get into the situation, or if you prefer a simple life, without the stress.

    “But, he loves me,” you say. Sure, he does, at least that’s what he tells you. If you think about it, he is cheating on his wife or girlfriend, what says he won’t do the same to you when you are officially together?

    If you want to know how to make him happy, ask him what he doesn’t like about his wife or girlfriend. Let’s say he hates the way she cooks, make sure you can cook at least a few good meals. If he doesn’t like the way she gives him a blow job, make sure you know exactly how he wants it.

    I have learned that most men cheat, not because they don’t love their wife, but because they want something she doesn’t have or can’t provide. Be it better and wilder sex, or just conversation, but it is always something you can put your finger on.

    If any men are reading this, be straight with your mistress. If you just want to have fun and hanky panky, tell her. Don’t leave her hanging and wondering if you will get that divorce or not.

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  • Are Men Really From Mars?

    Are Men Really From Mars?

    It has been ingrained in us since birth that men look for sex and find love and women look for love and find sex. For example, take every romantic comedy/romance novel ever written, women are often portrayed as the romantic saps whereas men are testosterone-filled and often sexually motivated. Research on attitudes toward sexuality and relationships supports this idea. For example, studies suggest that men report a stronger desire for casual sex, more permissive attitudes toward sexuality, and more sexually-oriented expectations for relationships as compared to women (Clark & Hatfield, 1989; Petersen & Hyde, 2010; Schmitt, Couden, & Baker, 2001).

    Despite these well-supported gender differences, most of the research has relied on self-reports, which measure explicit attitudes/preferences. These explicit measures are not very reliable because people can easily fake or enhance their responses to make themselves look better.One way to get around some of these concerns associated with self-reports is to assess implicit attitudes. Implicit attitudes are attitudes that exist just below awareness. They are the attitudes that people hold that they are not necessarily aware of. Thus, because these attitudes are subconscious, people are unable to fake or distort their responses.

    The most common way to capture these implicit attitudes is to use a computer test called the Implicit Association Test (IAT). In a recent study of mine conducted at the University of New Brunswick (UNB), myself and a colleague did just that. In particular, we were able to use the IAT to assess people implicit attitudes toward sex and romance (Thompson & O’Sullivan, 2012). By showing 182 UNB students, 68 men and 114 women, images of couples engaged in various sexual activities as well as images associated with romance, the IAT revealed that BOTH men and women displayed an implicit preference for romance as compared to sex. Meaning that men AND women preferred images portraying romance over those portraying sex.

    Although these results may come as quite a shock, it is not completely unheard of in academia. In fact, some studies have indicated that men may be just as romantic as women if not more. Specifically, the latest findings by psychologist Marissa Harrison (2011), from Pennsylvania State University in the US, determined that men fall in love quicker and take longer to fall out of love when compared to women. In fact, it was found that men were three times more likely to declare their love before women when involved in a heterosexual relationship.

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  • How is Grindr Changing Gay Men’s Dating Culture?

    How is Grindr Changing Gay Men’s Dating Culture?

    For gay men active in the age of smartphone, installing Grindr on your phones seems to be a mandatory step to socialize with other gay men, or even meet your potential soulmates. Now in its fifth year and serving more than 5 million active users worldwide, Grindr has been dramatically transforming the dating culture for gay men. According to Vocativ, the app has been downloaded more than 10 million times since its launch in March, 2009. Its unique geolocating feature allows gay men to locate and interact with other peers in their area. It makes hookup or dating more convenient and often times, efficient than ever before.

    As a young gay man who only started using this popular app six months ago, I have to say that while Grindr has completely changed my understanding of gay men’s dating culture, it also has me worried about its negative influences on our community as a whole. It’s common to see gay men browsing different profiles on their phone, trying to find the ideal person for a hookup or date. Due to the nature of this app, most profiles will contain either headless torsos or topless hunks in a sexy poses. In a way, Grindr provides a perfect forum for those who enjoy the comfort of secrecy. For the majority of those who use it as a hookup tool, Grindr is a virtual closet where they can have fun while keeping their identities unknown. Silly as I am, I choose to challenge the popular trend by putting a clear picture of me on my Grindr profile, with the subject line clearly announcing my wishful thinking of meeting friends or lifelong partners. I ended up receiving mostly silent responses or even someone telling me that Grindr is not a place for me.

    What’s scarier are incidents where gay men were raped, robbed or even severely beaten or killed after meeting strangers found on Grindr. In the case of Dino Dizdarevic, the 25-year-old chemical engineer from Philadelphia who was viciously beaten and later strangled to death by a stranger he met on Grindr. When police found his body, Dizdarevic was already unrecognizable after the brutal assault. Incidents like this send warning signs to gay men, whether they use Grindr or not, about the dangerous nature of the app. With convenience and novelty comes the risk of turning yourself into a potential assailant or killer. While Grindr has benefited those who seek the short-term pleasure of hookups, it somehow leaves a negative impact on regular users like me, who now reconsider alternative options to socialize with other gay men. Fear of falling into traps, gay men might turn back to more traditional and reliable ways of socializing with other gay men. The uncertainty and risk reflect through Grindr’s convenience have planted the seeds of doubt and suspicion into gay men’s dating culture.

    But will gay men stop using Grindr eventually? Probably not. The convenience displayed by Grindr has been favored by many loyal users. While risk remains high for active users, I believe self-awareness and caution will convince most of them to keep enjoying Grindr’s connection-making ability. After all, not too many apps can satisfy many of their desires through simply tapping on a profile you like and starting a chat. Over time, a more refined and sophisticated version of geolocating dating app could emerge to bring gay men’s dating culture to another level.

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