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Category: Sex Ed
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The Truth About Teen Sexting
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6 ways to Connect Intimately in a Long Distance Relationship
Long distance relationships have been difficult for many couples, especially when it comes to being intimate with one another.
With the invention of Facetime, Skype, and other ways to interact visually it has helped many couples communicate face to face but it still leaves the body without being touched.
The loss of intimacy that happens when in a long distance relationship, can be difficult. One way to help couples stay connected and enjoy sexual pleasure is to find a way for both of them to interact with one another without the other person having to be physically present. The idea is for each person to be sexually stimulated by their partner without their partner touching them. This is now a possible in a world where technology is being utilized by people in all areas of life.
In 2012 Chen, a 27-year-old marketing major from Taiwan, came up with a novel idea to experience intimacy long distance. He invented LovePalz, a gender-appropriate sex toy that conveniently works with an iPhone or other mobile device.
Chen describes it as a “Wi-Fi-connected love machine that lets both the top and the bottom stimulate some sexy time.”
The two gadgets—Hera, which is designed for women; and Zeus, more for males—produce sensation and motion “in real time” via an Internet connection, according to the LovePalz website.
“When I was studying abroad, my girlfriend and I were apart and had a long-distance relationship, sex wasn’t something we could achieve,” he told ABCNews.com. “So I thought, why can’t we have something that can help us spike up our relationship when we are not around each other?”
Since then the sex toy industry has caught on and invented many new toys with apps such as We-Vibe® 4 Plus where couples can connect in new and exciting ways. Her partner through the phone app, can tease her, and play with her until he is ready to watch her orgasm with the push of a button.
One of the newer sex toys on the market that can be fun at any time is the OhMiBod vibrator, place it in her panties or his briefs and let the games begin … This Bluetooth enabled, wearable massage is discrete and can be worn at any time, making a playful moment between the couple a welcome surprise. The idea is to keep your partner guessing as to when you will be sending them a love vibration. This is one fun way to stay mentally and physically connected when not in each others company.
The Idea is to:
CONNECT over long distances to control your partner’s vibration from anywhere!
ENJOY five different control modes while connected to your iOS or Android device
FEEL an insane array of vibration patterns
EXPERIENCE your partner’s vibe with an iconic blue heart that blinks and throbs in real-time to sync with the vibrations they are feeling
CONTROL the intensity of the vibration patterns within each functional mode simply by adjusting the volume on your device
INTENSIFY the experience with in-app sexting while you play
This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.
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Genideals: Perceptions of Women’s Ideal Genitals and Reconstructive Surgery
What does the term “Designer Vagina” mean to you?
No, no, it’s not the new up-and-coming punk rock band, good try though!It is actually a newly coined term used to describe the “ever-so-popular surgically manipulated vagina.” That’s right, in recent years, female genital reconstructive surgery has become an increasingly popular trend. In fact, vaginal cosmetic surgery is one of the fastest-growing cosmetic procedures in the western world. As if that is not CRAZY enough, plastic surgeons attest that the vast majority of their patients are physiologically normal, with nearly all of them presenting with your average, everyday genitals. In other words, women with medical concerns relating to their genitals are often not the ones seeking genital reconstruction, it is women with healthy, well-functioning, “run of the mill vaginas.”
So, why are so many physiologically healthy/normal women seeking vaginal cosmetic surgery? Well, it is likely because women are comparing their genitals to an “ideal vagina.” But where are these notions of “ideal vaginas” coming from? Anecdotal evidence suggests that the media may play a large role in women’s perceptions of their genitals. For example, with the recent, rapid, and widespread uptake of new technologies in the past decade (the internet in particular), sexually explicit material is more accessible than ever and young women are seeing other women’s genitals (particularly porn stars) more frequently and in more detail than previous generations. Consequently, women are likely “sizing themselves up” to women in the adult film industry, which is often an unattainable ideal.
What exactly are these young women having done to their nether-regions? Well, for the most part, it seems as though it is the opposite of breast augmentation. In terms of women’s vaginas, less is more: smaller labias, less pubic hair, shrunken clitoral hoods, etc. In particular, there are two main surgeries performed currently, labiaplasty and vaginoplasty. Labiaplasties are designed to decrease the size of women’s labia through snipping and sculpting. Vaginoplasty, on the other hand, allows women to tighten and decrease the size of their vaginal opening.
Women’s dissatisfaction with their genitals is problematic because these insecurities can lead to a variety of negative consequences. For example, research suggests that women who report being satisfied with their genitals are more likely to feel comfortable undressing in front of their partner, have sex with the lights on, and initiate new sexual activities as compared to those who are not satisfied with their genitals (Ackard, Kearney-Cooke, & Peterson, 2000).
Although genital reconstruction may lead to greater genital satisfaction, this is likely not the appropriate plan of action to take. In fact, there are a variety of side effects accompanying vaginal surgeries (e.g., the loss of sensitivity or painful stimulation) that present too large a risk for an unnecessary surgery. As a society, we need to target these “vaginal ideals” in the media and change the way people view them. In addition, we need to change the discourse around discussing genital self-image and include genital self-image as a part of our sexual education.
In sum, vaginal reconstruction may be avoided by targeting the larger issue at hand: genital portrayal in the media and openness surrounding genital self-image. Further, women suffering from genital dissatisfaction may actually be struggling with self-esteem concerns and should be treated accordingly (i.e., counseling/therapy). So, if you really feel as though vaginal reconstructive surgery is the right choice for you, I want you to think: do you REALLY think the answer to your problems can be solved with the simple slice of a scalpel?
**This article does not pertain to those who have medical concerns relating to their genitals that necessitate vaginal surgery. This article refers to women interested in vaginal surgery due to esthetics, insecurities, and dissatisfaction with appearance.**
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My Valentine Sex List
What’s yours? ❤
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Japan’s Sex Industry revealed
I know people tend to have prejudice against sexual aspects. At least, however, I believe there are some meanings in writing about such topics, in a way that the Japanese government cannot and few people can.
Please allow me to start by introducing sex establishments in Japan.
Prostitution is illegal in Japan. Like many other countries, laws prohibit the management and solicitation. Whether you provide penetration or not is the biggest question. To come right to the point, Japan’s sex establishments don’t offer it because it’s illegal, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get it at all. You can enjoy full sex at sex clubs which are run legally. Doesn’t that seem weird? But that’s the reality in Japan. Things are different from place to place. Let me start by writing about what types of sex clubs Japan has.
Japan’s sex establishments fall into three categories: soapland, herusu, and soft services.
1. Soapland
Many call soaplands “the king of the sex business.” They have the oldest history. They are said to inherit hundreds of years of a tradition of brothels directly. Almost all of the soaplands in Tokyo are found in an area called “Yoshiwara.” It used to be a geographical name. You can’t find it in today’s maps. It strikes most Japanese as the biggest red-light district until the postwar period. There are a lot of movies about it.
They come with one whole building, which has relatively large private rooms
with a bathtub. Female companions offer service there. The service always includes “mat play.” It’s a massage using the entire body with slippery gel lubricant on a mattress like a raft and requires technique. Female workers have to take several training sessions to acquire the skill. Also, you can get full sex every single time. Women know. You don’t have to do or say anything. They let you in voluntarily. Tradition, mat play, and full sex. These are why people call soaplands the king of the sex business.How can soaplands continue to run despite the fact that they break a law?
They have a license as a special bathhouse. Customers rent a room
by the hour. Female workers help them take a bath, but staff cannot know what they do behind closed doors. That’s the main reason for them to put up a good front in a legal way. Everybody knows what’s actually going on inside while law enforcement agencies accept their claim.I guess there must be a backstage deal between police and gangsters. I don’t know a lot about it. Another reason is that while the government officials want to clamp down on sexual places from the bottom up, they are aware that’s impossible at the same time for sex business has always been around.
Thorough crackdowns lead to complete underground operation. That means a loss of control by officials, resulting in security deterioration and lessened authority. It’s a better idea for them to take control of the current position, even if it seems ambiguate in some senses.
Personally, I believe soaplands are nothing but brothels. When men say they went to soaplands, that means they enjoyed full sex, or they inserted the penis into the pussy. Some might say they’re only sex establishments, and it’s nothing serious. But staff are very serious about sales figures. Each manager has a pride in running a king of the sex business.
2. Herusu
It’s a Japanese way of pronouncing the word “health.” I think people should enjoy sexual things to the full for it, but it doesn’t directly have to do with the human health itself. Herusu comprises over half of the sex establishments in Japan.
There is one big difference from full sex: it excludes penetration. Blatantly, putting the dick into the pussy is prohibited. Other than that, you can get almost anything, such as kissing, blow job, tit job, or finger fucking, excluding sadomasohism and anal intercourse. As I mentioned earlier, Japanese law defines sexual action as penetration. That means service without it is deemed not illegal and managing sex clubs which don’t offer it is hence completely legal.
In fact, more than half of female sex workers do full sex with customers.
How can you know, when they do everything behind closed doors? Staff have many tips, like quest questionnaire, bulletin boards, or stories customers tell to different female workers. Police don’t say anything. They leave things ambiguous. Most herusu clubs operate as “deriheru.” It’s short for delivery health. I guess it’s almost the same with out call escorts overseas. It has no front desks, accepts orders and reservations via phone, and women are dispatched to clients’ rooms
.If you want to open new sex establishments from scratch, deriheru is the only choice today and as a matter of fact, such establishments are flourishing recently. Otherwise, you have to buy or rent existing licenses.
3. Soft services
The following soft services are pretty limited and the prices are very low:
“Sekukyaba” or “oppai pubs” specialize in breast molestation. Oppai means boobs. In a liminted amount of time, women sit on the lap and let you play with their tits as you like. The services are pretty limited, and the prices are very low.
”Pinsaro” offers blow job solely. The female workers suck at least ten cocks each day. Therefore, women who have experienced it are very good at oral sex.
”Tekoki” means handjob. Girls make you cum using the hand for a very low price. One of the advantages of such services is the leastchance of contracting STD.
”Onakura” or “Onanie clubs” is about masturbation. You can watch or show it.
There are more to add to the list if it’s alright to include ones which are totally illegal.
All of the abovementioned services are relatively unique to the Japanese and difficult to find abroad. In addition, each club has its own system. Furthermore, almost all Japanese cannot speak other languages. As such, it is hard for staff to explain these terms to non-Japanese customers and also to make sure they understand it. Hence, most sex establishments in Japan don’t accept foreigners in general but the tend is changing due to the long-term recession in the country and the growing popularity of these services among foreigners.
If you promise to keep the rules, I think any men have a better and better likelihood of enjoying sexual pleasure in Japan.
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Foreplay moves that will drive him wild
Foreplay. I hate the word. It sounds mechanical. Perfunctory. A bland set of must do acts that we all endure to get to the point of laying naked together. I struggle to define it even if sex is my business. It has life and vitality and is staggeringly important. My pre-sex routine is dependent upon on whom I am with. There is no set repertoire of actions that comes into play. My body responds to the individual person, to his touch, needs and wants and at the same time to the sex ultimately I want played out. Foreplay sets the pace of the sex you will have. Sex is theater and foreplay is the opening act. I have been extremely fortunate to enjoy my body and the bodies of some noteworthy men. I can safety say that I will not get to the end of my life and wish I had enjoyed more men. I have had some intense sexual encounters and to be able to give someone else pleasure is a pleasure in its own right. It is an honour to be able to mesh and fall into each other; to be the giver of ecstasy is divine. Foreplay is a way of showing the man you are with that you enjoy your sexuality.
Too few tell you to enjoy your sexuality, especially if you are a woman. That it’s a gift. No one ever tells you that fucking is not the end game, nor is counting the number of orgasms had (or faked). I consider myself fortunate to have had life, mind and body-affirming sex. The sex has been wonderful and I have learnt many things from the remarkably unremarkable sex as well.
I am a tad old fashioned when it comes to being fucked. I can hold my own but in the bedroom, I am very much inspired by the bohemian lifestyle of Henry Miller and Anaïs Nin. She shaped my view of men and moulded my approach to the opening of sexual encounters and adventures
The way you fuck depends on the way you first play. For me, the thrill is in the seduction, the tease. Making him aware that he knows how much you want him, that you want to make him ecstatic and arrive at the point of post coital stupidity where a man forgets who he is out of pure bliss. I adore watching a man’s face when he has an orgasm.
Foreplay is an attitude and a confidence. This is not a definitive must do guide; it is what I find works for me. Foreplay can be any sexual activity that precedes intercourse but it needs be emotional as well as physical as it is the moment that you create the intimacy. It’s about enhancing sexual desire and it creates the trust between two souls and from this stems intimacy. Intellectualise it, politely fuck with his head so to speak.
There are however, a few tricks that you can employ that will make him look at you like it’s the first time he has seen you, make that man drop to his knees at your front door and have him breath you in.
I will start by saying that I don’t consider oral sex to be foreplay. It is more than that. At the very least, it’s the lovely interlude just before being fucked. I do not subscribe to Bill Clinton’s theory of sexual relations. I view oral sex as sex (the hint is in the name) as unlike Mr. Clinton, I believe that sex is anything that involves a penis and as oral generally involves the penis, then its sex regardless of what Hillary chooses to believe about her husband. Foreplay is something a little more indirect; it is about encouraging the penis, not involving it directly.
Eye contact. I cannot stress enough how much this works in setting the tone. Eye contact is key to intimacy. Look into his eyes when you open door and hold that gaze and then smile. Kiss him. Everything you do should be done looking into his eyes. Unbuttoning his shirt, rubbing his penis though his jeans to get him hard, when you unbutton your shirt or unzipping your dress. Eye contacts is all about exuding confidence and it’s that confidence that is the turn on. Look into his eyes when he is about to kiss you, when you tell him how much you want him inside of you. If you are a bit shy, then just dart your eyes away before coming back to him
Kissing. Kissing is important. It’s the key to foreplay. It’s more intimate than sex itself. It’s the most requested service a sex worker gets asks to perform. Why? Because of the closeness it brings. When your mouths fit effortlessly together, it’s a sure-fire indicator that the sex to follow will be awesome, in my experience if your mouths don’t sync the sex will be off. So, learn how to kiss. Its an art, a learned skill that takes practice. Gently bit his lips. Kiss him as soon as you see him, allow him to gently hold his hands on your face whilst kissing. Walk backwards as you are kissing, gently (or not so gently) slam him up against the wall. This is what lovers do. They fuck with passion and that passion stems from the kissing. If you really want to tease him a bit, hold back a little before your mouths touch and say ‘how much do you want to fuck me right now’ Yes, do this while looking into his eyes.
Wear. You don’t have to dress up if that’s not you. You just have to be yourself. If matching bra and undies are not your thing, then don’t force it. There is perfection in imperfection. Messy bed hair, understated make up, mismatched knickers. Wear something that you can slip out or hike up whilst you straddle him. Let this be a lesson learned, no one looks sexy trying to pull a leg out of skinny jeans. You also need to be able to kick off your heels or keep your boots on. Go sans knickers if wearing a skirt, go braless and with just hold ups, undies and a cardigan. Just give him a hint of your boob. Invest
in wonderful vintage inspired stocking and suspender sets. One of the most erotic experiences I have ever has was with a man who pulled out of me mid-sex, stood over me as he sat me up on the edge of the bed, then pulled up my stockings up and re-clipped the belt straps looking at me as he adored my stockings. Enthusiasm: Your man needs to know that you are into him, that you enjoy being caressed and fucked. You do this, of course, by touch. You do this by moving your hips. You need to grind your pelvis into his. Rub your hands over his penis, get him hard through his jeans, rub his inner thigh and his arse. Please do not forget to touch him. He needs to feel that you are into him. Suck on his fingers whist looking into his eyes then, without too much subtlety, guide his hand under your skirt and into your pants and ask ‘can you feel how wet I am?’ Sucking his fingers gives him a healthy clue as to what is to come next.
Free his nipples. Please do not ignore his nipples. A man’s nipples are almost always ignored. They should not be. They are a good and unusual focus of your attention. He will adore having his nipples tweaked, flicked, licked and lightly bitten … you get the idea.
Sex Worker Tip: Lastly, a sex worker tip from a pro. If you are worried about not being turned on because of your nerves, put a little lube on before he arrives. Trust me when I say that this, when he feels how wet you are, he will be so that you will forget your nerves.
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A Little Goes A Long Way: Sexual Frustration and Haemorrhoids
What do you mean you didn’t know there was a connection? There is. Think about it. Think about where you feel sexual tension in your body—feel it—now think about where you feel tension releasing from in your body when you climax and now think about where in your body you can feel that build up … in your ass.
Many months ago I wrote an article called ‘Sexual Frustration Causes Haemorrhoids: Discuss’ on my blog that covered a very simple practice that you can do to re-circulate the energy associated with sexual frustration. Piles (haemorrhoids) are caused (energetically speaking) by stagnant sexual energy or ‘Chi’ as the Chinese call it. It stands to reason that if you circulate that energy this practice could, just could, help alleviate some of the symptoms associated with those grapey little suckers hanging down in an oh so unsexy fashion but wait … there’s a far more important point to this article … stay with me.
In Parts I, II and III of Masturbation: A Series on How to Get You Off we looked at new and intense ways to get to know yourself sexually by exploring your body in perhaps a fresh way. This builds sexual energy in the body. Just writing this to you now; I can feel it building. Can you feel it? Just by recalling those articles on masturbation I can feel it building, can you feel it?
Energy—whether sexual, physical, emotional etc—has to go somewhere. It must move in order to prevent stagnancy and to alleviate pressure. If our bodies start to swell, stiffen (no, not that kinda stiffening) or bruise then we know that something somewhere is stuck. So to get the most out of the previous articles (and to prevent/help symptoms* associated with piles) it really is best to work with me in getting into our bodies, ‘grounding’ ourselves even deeper into those bodies and, yes, doing some very important exercises to keep that energy moving which will … drum roll please … lead to better sex, more intense orgasms and an ‘earthier’ more complete climax.
So this maybe a little too practical for you and you might be thinking ‘God this is boring, I clicked onto SimplySxy for some titillating fun!’ but trust me on this one, it only takes a minute (or two, or three) and you really will feel the benefit if you keep this exercise up. In fact … for you men reading this, I can tell you how this exercise benefits me: it gives me stronger erections, helps me to last longer, intensifies my climax and gives me more control. Yeah … I thought that might get your attention. Ladies, I’m not a lady and don’t want to go making claims I can’t prove, you know, with the lawyers watching an’ all, but just humour me on this one and do feel free to report back … ready … steady … let’s go (some of what follows has been reproduced from my blog).
Firstly you need to know a little bit more about this sexual energy that I keep talking about. The sexual energy is housed within the perineum or ‘root Chakra’. We need this energy to circulate around the body freely, travelling up the spine, around the brain and down the arms, through the palms of the hands and so on.
This is needed in our everyday lives—not just when we are having sex.
You can probably feel it awakening now, reading this. You will most probably feel a tingle at the top of your head, a rush down your arms and maybe even a heat in your groin. This is your body responding to my words, the sexual energy resonating with the energy of my intentions as I share this information with you.
When the energy stops flowing and/or if there is a blockage preventing full movement of energy, this causes obvious sexual symptoms: loss of sexual appetite, impotence, dryness, frustration, premature ejaculation, inability to reach climax etc. It also causes a more physical build up of blood in the anus and rectum due to the lack of movement. The stagnant sexual energy has, quite simply, resulted in stagnancy in the blood circulation and this combined with vascular weakness/valve failure, causing piles (haemorrhoids).
The Solution:
Stand with your feet hip-distance apart, knees softened, limbs relaxed. Imagine a chord pulling you upright (keeping knees soft) from the centre of your head. Relax your jaw and close your eyes.
Now curl your toes under as if digging them into the ground. Now ‘pull up’ your anus and perineum. If you cannot maintain this tension (eventually, with practice, you will) just keep squeezing and pulling up. This will feel like a ‘pumping’ sensation. To maintain the squeeze is preferable, but pumping will do.
Now you will probably feel a heat from your perineum/anus rising up the spine. This is the stagnant sexual energy and you are now waking this up, drawing it up the spine.
Can you feel that heat?
Now visualise that you are THROWING this up and out of the top of your head—DRAMATICALLY. Throw it up in the air and let it disappear. Keep that tension in your perineum/anus and keep bringing that energy up the spine and throwing it out of the top of your head.
Relax your toes but maintain the anal tension. Continue to throw the energy up and out.
Now relax everything but stay upright. That completes the practice, dead easy or what?Now just to finish you off (pun intended):
VERY IMPORTANT—Ground Yourself: Stamp your feet, shout, scream (this releases energy, don’t ask, just humour me and do it) and then return to the initial knees-soft standing posture (without tensing your toes or anus) and visualise roots growing out of the soles of your feet. You might even want to go outside and do it or stand with your back against a tree and do it. If you are a wheelchair user, you can of course, do all the above in your own way and easily visualise growing roots out of the soles of your feet. You can back your wheelchair up against a tree, no problem.
The grounding after an exercise of this nature is important and also can be very helpful before and after masturbating. Try it and see what difference it makes. Put as much effort into your grounding practice as you did throwing the energy out of the top of your head.
We are now with this article and the series on masturbation, really getting to know how to work with our sexual energy. I ask this a lot and will continue to ask you: can you feel that heat?
Wonderful.
Matt xXx
Here’s to your intimate adventures…
*This article is written based on Matt’s personal and professional experiences and does not make any claim to be in replacement of treatment for Haemorrhoids or the symptoms of Haemorrhoids and makes no claims to improve sexual performance. NB Please seek medical advice before attempting the exercises mentioned in this article should you require this. Matt cannot be held responsible for any adverse effects experienced as a result of not taking this advice and this article is not to be used in replacement of medical, psychological or emotional treatment.
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The Lucky Number Three
Lucky Number Three: Young Adults’ Attitudes, Interests, and Experiences Relating to Threesomes
The topic of group sex is not uncommon among discussions involving university students, yet fairly little is known about young people’s experiences with and interest in group sex. Moreover, with some recent evidence suggesting that today’s youth are more sexually permissive than past generations, particularly with regard to casual sex, it is more important than ever to understand all aspects of young people’s sex lives, including experiences with and interest in group sex.
Consequently, a few students and I at the University of New Brunswick decided to develop a study designed to address the dearth of research related to people’s attitudes, interests, and experiences with group sex. As a starting point, we examined heterosexual university students’ attitudes, interest, and experiences relating to mixed-gender threesomes (MGTs; sexual activity involving three people where at least one member of each gender is present). In particular, we were interested in assessing young men’s and women’s self-reported attitudes toward those engaging in MGTs, interest in participating in MGTs (the influence of contextual features on their interest in MGT), and experiences with MGTs.
Our results suggest that about 12% of university students have experienced a MGT at some point in their lives, with more men reporting experience with MGTs as compared to women. Interestingly, men and women did not differ in their self-reported experiences with MGTs involving two men (MMF), but they did differ in their experience with MGTs involving two women (FFM). It appears as though young men report MORE experience with FFMs as compared to MMFs, SURPRISE SURPRISE! Now, how can this be? Is it that a handful of women are running around having MGTs with tons of men? Or is it, perhaps, that men have a tendency to over-report their number of sexual partners whereas women tend to under-report (my guess is the latter)?
Despite the relatively low number of young people indicating experience with MGTs, more than half of participants were interested, to some extent, in engaging in a MGT. Again, a larger percentage of men reported interest in MGTs as compared to women. Moreover, participants’ level of interest varied based on several contextual features. In particular, MGTs involving a romantic partner were rated as more desirable than those in which the participant would be the third person. Further, MGTs involving a friend were more desirable than those involving a casual acquaintance or a stranger.
When examining attitudes toward those who engage in MGTs, our results indicate that young adults’ attitudes are fairly neutral. In other words, participants did not judge those engaging in MGTs particularly positively (e.g., pure, moral, healthy) or particularly negatively (e.g., dirty, immoral, desperate). Furthermore, there was a gender difference in attitudes toward those engaging in MGTs, with men reporting more permissive attitudes than did women.
In sum, these data illustrate that young adults hold very neutral attitudes toward MGT participants, suggesting that young people do not consider MGTs to be an unconventional and/or stigmatized sexual behavior. Moreover, interest in MGTs, but not experience, appears to be widespread among young adults. Interestingly, interest in MGTs is influenced by contextual features (i.e., presence of romantic partner and relationship with third person), suggesting that the more comfortable we are with the potential sexual partners, the more interested we are in participating in a MGT. All in all, the results of this research are very positive. Now, I am not suggesting that everyone run out and start having threesomes, I am merely pointing out that young people do not appear to judge the character of others based on their sexual experiences/behaviors. Hopefully this trend continues in other areas of sexuality, resulting in the acceptance of people with a variety of sexual interests and sexual orientations.
** For more information, check out the following article on the accuracy of men’s and women’s self-reported sexual experience: http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2013/6/21/sex-lies-andbogus-pipelines.html **
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Do fetishes require a Health and Safety warning?
As a now qualified psychologist, and practicing psychotherapist, I believe it is an aspect of my duty as a sex and relationship specialist to inform my readers that some fetishes require such warnings. It has been well documented since the early 17th century that men are dying due to their passion for sexual fetishes and the accessing of their fantasies, which are subsequently being played out. Therefore, some of these fetishes are quite historic in nature.
I hear more and more in the British press that LGBT men and men from the greater community are not always taking into consideration that various fetishes are in fact dangerous, if not health threatening. Two come to mind, a 32-year-old BBC presenter Kristian Digby died in December 2010 from a sex game that went wrong. He accidentally suffocated himself while attempting to achieve a fetish known as an ‘auto-erotic asphyxiation’ (AeA a bondage sex game consisting of partial, or total wrapping in cling film ‘mummification’). Recently, a 47-year-old Alun Williams partook in a similar sex game, where he fully wrapped himself in the same material and suffocated in August 2014. The United States of America estimate that the total death rate due to ‘AeA’ falls between 500 to a 1,000 nationwide per year. Unfortunately, due to the taboo nature, the United Kingdom and North America do not hold actual figures.
Unfortunately, rationality goes out of the window when the sexual drive is all so powerfully active that one does not learn from others demise, and die in vein of similar fetishes. Of recent years, I have noticed various men contact me requesting advice on what fetishes they could attempt. This, of course, is quite a challenging prospect and consideration for me to take on as fetishes are individually founded in preference. Such a preference is driven by sexual arousal, imagination, sexual fantasies, and quite possibly, lack of adventure in everyday life.
If such drives are fundamentally conceived by a lack of adventure in one’s day, when sexual awareness appears limp in all states of carnal consciousness such as: physical arousal, spiritual arousal, and a cognizant arousal. Then, the unconscious will collect material from everyday experience and process it in order to be drawn upon at a later date. Of course, if one becomes aroused within the process of obtaining such material, then there is every chance one will be aroused when processing, however distorted the material might become. It is important to appreciate ones sexual desire (libido) derives from an innate motivational energy that consists of any of the following: predisposition, drive, want, wish, need, sexual attraction, lust, or urge.
There are three factors to consider, ‘Drive’, ‘Motivation’, and ‘Wish’. There are explained herewith: drive equates to the organic/ genetic element, for example, anatomically. Then, motivation, which equates to the psychological element, which when dissected, indicates one’s mental states, for example, their mood, their interactive states when with another, for example, their mutual affection, or dislike with the other, as well as their social circumstance, whether they are within a relationship, or a casual affair. Then finally, the wish, which equates to the cultural element. This, when dissected, would contemplate the individuals’ cultural idealisms, their value system, and conditioned procedures regarding the individuals’outer sexual expression.
To end on an informative note, I have researched the top 15 sexual fetishes, which might span from developing a mask fetish, drinking blood, acting out animalistically as a furry, and to nappy wearing. According to http://www.cbsnews.com (2014), this is the list in no particular order: Agalmatophilia: Mannequin Love, Ursusagalmatophilia: Plushies (furries), Partialism/Gas Pedal Honeys, Salirophilia: I Like It Dirty, Paraphilic Infantilism: Diaper Me, Hybristophilia: Criminal Love, Hematolagnia: Vampire Sex, Mechanophilia: Inspector Gadgets, Claustrophilia: Love of Tight Places, Odaxelagnia: Bite Me, Dacryphilia: Are Those Tears?, Masks: Blindfold Me, Autoandrophilia: Just Pretend I’m a Boy, Acrotomophilia: Amputees, and Somnophilia: Sleeping Beauty.
If this floats your boat, please research, enjoy, and recognise your fetish limitations. After all, sex is for the living and I can guarantee, you will not gain sexual enjoyment after your death.
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The truth about men and penis anxiety
For men, the penis is front and center, it can be seen by all who view it when his pants are down. Some men will cringe at the thought of this and others will become aroused. The thought of a woman looking at their penis, perhaps admiring it or laughing at it can arouse a man or destroy his ego. A man’s entire persona, ego, manhood, confidence can be located between his legs. Does it have to be this way, no it does not, but for most men it is!
In the book The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld Ph.D, it gives a perspective on what the male penis might say if given the chance to speak.
Often the penis complained mightily about not getting what it needed (a relaxed owner, a booze-free environment, proper stimulation, and so on) and resented the demands being made on it saying, “You never pay attention to me unless you want something, and then you want it exactly the way you want it, and get angry and threaten me unless I comply. Half the situations you get me into scare the hell out of me. I’m not at my best when I’m scared. I want you to know that unless you pay more attention and give me what I need like more appealing and less frightening situations, you’re getting zilch. And that’s that.”
In a world where men are now surrounded by pornography, as their first real introduction to sex education, many men are left with the feeling that they just don’t compare. They often forget that these men are professionals who have above average penis size and are not performing to a live audience. For many men the pressure to perform and get it just right, is can create a problem with erections and orgasm,. Often times a man can be with a woman that he truly does desire but is unable to get an erection.
Why does this happen?
The answer is blood flow, getting the blood to flow through veins that are constricted and the heart is pushing the blood to other parts of the body triggering the fight or flight response. The more nervous a man gets the blood just leaves his penis, and that can really make him feel small.
Facts:
Length of the male penis
The most accurate measurement of the human penis comes from several measurements at different times since there is naturally minor variability in size due to arousal level, time of day, room temperature, frequency of sexual activity, and reliability of measurement. Measurements vary, with studies that rely on self-measurement reporting a significantly higher average than those with staff measuring. However, the mean of an erect human penis is approximately 12.9–15.0 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length.
Erect circumference
Similar results exist regarding studies of the circumference of the adult fully erect penis, with the measurement taken mid-shaft. As with length, studies that relied on self-measurement consistently reported a significantly higher average than those with staff measuring. In a study of penis size where measurements were taken in a laboratory setting, the average penis circumference when erect was 4.8 inches (12.3 cm).
What does this all mean?
Men that feel bad about their penis, who are anxious about performing, who ejaculate too quickly or cannot get an erection or keep it, most are products of the idea that a man always has to be ready to perform sexually. This is the one defining factor that most men will feel when dealing with a sexual dysfunction. Once a man can understand that he is not supposed to always initiate sex, that he is not the one who has to perform all the time, or that sex has to be serious. Sex is, about having fun without the pressure to perform. For help with sexual issues there is, self-esteem coaching, sex education, and help from a certified clinical sexologist, these professionals can help with resolving these issues. Size is really a matter of how a man feels about himself, and the partners he chooses to be with. Size really does not matter if a man is not able to get or maintain an erection, because he is anxious about the size of his penis?
Understanding that sex is not just about penetration, but intimacy, love and feeling good, then the pressure to perform should be taken away. When the pressure is no longer there to perform than a man can be at ease knowing that if his penis is performing or not he can still give pleasure and receive pleasure…..and in the end his penis may just rise to the occasion!
This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.
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