Category: Sex Ed

Does Circumcision Cut Penis Sensitivity?

Circumcision — it’s one of the most hotly debated sexual health issues in the medical community. In part that’s because in this country, and other developed countries, there isn’t any clear benefit to circumcise or not to circumcise, says Karen Boyle, M.D., director of male reproductive medicine and surgery at Chesapeake Urology Associates in Baltimore.

Intact men enjoy four times more penile sensitivity than circumcised men, according to the “Fine-touch Pressure Thresholds in the Adult Penis” article published today in the British Journal of Urology International. The study was conducted to map fine-touch pressure thresholds of the adult penis in circumcised and uncircumcised males to compare the two populations.

Researchers measured fine-touch sensitivity of the penis at 17 specific sites on the intact (non-circumcised) penis and the remaining 9 sites plus two scar sites on the circumcised penis. The results surprised the research team, according to Morris Sorrells, MD, lead researcher, who said, “The most sensitive part of the penis is the preputial opening. The results confirmed that the frenulum and ridged band of the inner foreskin are highly erogenous structures that are routinely removed by circumcision, leaving the penis with one-fourth the fine-touch sensitivity it originally possessed.” Five sites on the penis-all regularly removed by circumcision-are more sensitive than the most sensitive site remaining on the circumcised penis. Researcher pediatrician and statistician Robert Van Howe said, “Oddly, the most sensitive site on the circumcised penis is the circumcision scar itself.”

This was in fact reported by a Michigan State University study, that found that the most sensitive part of a circumcised guy’s penis is his circumcision scar. A possible explanation: After circumcision, “the penis has to protect itself—like growing a callus on your foot, but to a lesser extent,” says Darius Paduch, M.D., Ph.D., a urologist and male sexual medicine specialist at New York-Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medical Center. This means nerve endings are further from the surface—and therefore, may be less responsive.

Circumcised men prefer it rough – The study has received international attention. Politicians from California, for example, have been in contact with the researchers because they want to ban circumcision in their federal state.

There appears to be a very simple reason why circumcised men and their partners are having problems with their sex lives. The circumcised man develops a thin layer of hard skin on his penis head, which decreases the sensitivity. This means that in order to reach an orgasm, he needs to work harder at it, and that can lead to a painful experience for their partner.

Previous studies documented that circumcised penises are shorter; now researchers have compared and found them lacking in sensitivity, too. From their findings, researchers of this study conclude that circumcision ablates the most sensitive parts of the penis. These findings come several decades after Masters & Johnson said there is no sensitivity difference in a circumcised and a non-circumcised penis. Now their questionable findings have been disproved and the results of this study provide additional evidence about the importance of preserving the protective, sensitive foreskin.

It’s worth mentioning that women with circumcised partners are three times more likely to experience sexual pain than ladies with uncircumcised spouses, the study from Denmark found. “The uncircumcised penis is much glossier, a more velvety feel,” says Paduch. “So for women who aren’t lubricating well, they experience much less discomfort having sex with a guy who is uncircumcised.” He adds that guys who have their foreskin intact require lubricant far less frequently during sex and masturbation, since the skin of their penis in naturally slicker.

This article has been republished with permission from Deepak.

Please visit Deepak’s website to view the original post and more of Deepak’s works.

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March 30, 2015
Traditional Japanese Sex
This article is based on extracts from a very interesting and colourful book: Jina Bacarr The Japanese Art of Sex – How to Tease, Seduce & Pleasure the Samurai in your Bedroom, Berkeley CA: Stone Bridge Press, 2004

Modern Japanese porn, both gay and straight, is so widespread (no pun intended), given the reach of the internet. Names like Maria Ozawa and Coat define the genre for many males (and females!). Did you ever wonder how the Japanese did it in the days of yore? Perhaps you have seen shunga or have heard of the grandmaster Katsushika Hokusai. What in the world are shunga or Hokusai? Below are some that I have seen on the web.

© “Shigenobu – Man and woman making love – 2”. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons – http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Shigenobu_-_Man_and_woman_making_love_-_2.jpg#mediaviewer/File:Shigenobu_-_Man_and_woman_making_love_-_2.jpg

© “Shunga-Keisai Eisen” by Keisai Eisen – http://www.ukiyoe-paintings.com/Untitled-se7.html. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons – http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Shunga-Keisai_Eisen.jpg#mediaviewer/File:Shunga-Keisai_Eisen.jpg

However, traditional Japanese sex was not confined to the Edo-version of Penthouse. According to Bacarr, traditional Japanese sexuality was subtle. She notes that the Japanese geisha embodied many of the characteristics that defined Japanese sexuality. How?
1. Confidence: The geisha exuded confidence in their own sexuality which is the first step in seduction. They were not shrinking violets but were not nymphomaniacs either. They would cast subtle glances, and exchange eye contact. They would even go as far as to turn around carefully, to make a man think she had fallen in love with him. This is oddly similar to ‘cruising’ for gay men.
2. Posture: The geisha was careful about posture. Their clothing, along with mental and physical discipline, was just as important as maintaining their body posture. Translation: Slouching was/is not sexy.
3. Poise: Related to posture, the geisha never rushed or was out of breath. There was a certain elegance to their movement, folding their legs elegantly when they sat down.
4. Iki: Iki is a characteristic that is associated with. It embodies making an impact but at the same time not deliberately trying to be so. Bacarr notes that iki’s aim is to achieve a “simple, striking elegance of inner character” that is mirrored outwards in how you dress and carry yourself. The geisha flirted but with a controlled eroticism. How does this translate into sex? The geisha wore clothes that hinted as to their eroticism, an ‘accidental’ slip of a dress, the flash of a bare leg perhaps. For us modern times, this could be wearing erotic lingerie for your man. The geisha always spent hours dressing, doing her makeup in accordance with her own personal style.
5. Rapport: Geisha knew how to interact with their clients. They allowed them to talk about their interests, playing on an inherent need of many men to talk about their views on a subject. They bantered with the men on the topic of the conversation, fearless in putting forward their point of view. This captured the attention and ultimately the hearts of men, which often led to something further.
6. Sexual positions: Ok, enough about the teasing. Let’s talk about sexual positions. Bacarr introduces a number of suggestions, too many to include here. One called ‘Fish Eye to Eye” is where the lady and man lie facing one another, sucking each other’s lips and tongues. The lady raises one leg above his body while he spreads his legs slightly. With one hand supporting the lady’s upraised leg, the man enters the lady.
7. Playing together: Sex manuals from the Edo era introduced the double dildo, which was designed to work in simultaneous penetration. (For the uninitiated, the double dildo is shaped in the form of two penises joined together, pointing at opposite points). The lady can insert one end of the double dildo while the other end enters the man/ lady vaginally or anally whichever is preferred. Wonderful for threesomes.
Bacarr’s book is certaintly full of imaginative ideas for sex and sexuality (both straight and LGBTI) and is certainly worth a read.

© http://pixabay.com/en/geisha-retro-vintage-japanese-asia-439322/

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March 28, 2015
Is sex more enjoyable without condoms?

In the world of penetrative sex, the guiding wisdom follows that safe sex is the best sex. But is sex truly as enjoyable while wearing a prophylactic as when going at it bareback? This contentious issue has resulted in two polarizing camps: those who sing the gospel of suiting up and those who praise the joys of going raw.

Truth is, though, most reading this post will answer the question with a collective “duh.” Little else compares to the elation one experiences from the unadulterated sensation of a moist velvety smooth vaginal, anal, or oral cavity. No amount of extra-thin latex can produce the same sensation of going bareback. Still, there are too many risks involved with unprotected sex to outright promote the practice.

Nonetheless, sex without a condom is more enjoyable. I know it’s not a socially responsible answer to the question, but it is honest. There are circumstances, however, in which sex with a condom can be more enjoyable than while wearing one. For this reason, I contend that the answer to the question is that it all depends.

Many who promote the use of condoms at all times like to declare that sex is just as enjoyable, if not more so, than unprotected sex. They suggest sexy ways to incorporate condoms into foreplay. These condom proponents will often discuss the many product options available that allow for the same, if not better, sensations as experienced with unprotected sex. I agree that condoms can be incorporated into sex partners’ routines in a way that makes the experience quite enjoyable, but usually that’s due to a state of mind versus the physical sensations.

For the bulk of my extramarital relations, condoms were total boner killers. However, I once had a lover who recognized the effect the appearance of a rubber had on me and made it an enjoyable experience. She had oral skills that blew my mind. Within her retinue was the ability to slip a condom on me with her mouth without me ever knowing. We eventually stopped using protection, but the first time she slipped me inside her, I alerted her to the fact that I wasn’t wearing protection. She smiled down at me and challenged my assertion. I reached down past her bottom and felt that I did indeed sport packaged wood, but I never felt it go on. The condom was in place, and I continued to rock an achingly hard erection. The fact that she was able to suit me up so effectively only served to heighten the sensations in that round. During our next round, however, I grabbed a condom and attempted to pop it on. No such luck. I instantly limped. Being aware of the use of the condom killed my boner.

The start of the relationship with my most recent lover highlights what a difference the mental aspect plays in regards to the enjoyability of sex with a condom. We started out very responsibly. We never played without protection. I wanted to slide inside her bareback at some time in the future but was in no rush to do so. It got to the point that I began to become aroused at the sight of a condom. Condoms equated to tremendous extramarital sex with my lover. I knew it was only a matter of time before we ditched the condom, but it came quicker than I expected. I actually felt disappointed when we stopped using them. My erections even lost their full rigidity until I got a nice pace going. I still wonder why I had a stronger erection with her while using a condom than without. I inevitably came around and enjoyed bareback sex just as much without a condom as with one. But, how very perplexing it was to find sex more enjoyable with a condom. It certainly gives some credence to the condom-use advocates’ position.

Another group for whom condoms can make sex more enjoyable are the minute men. Here’s a fellow who gets to the point of penetrating his lover, manages a mere half dozen slow thrusts, and then… Pop! Game over. This man is not afforded with a chance to relish the experience and is often left with a feeling of inadequacy. There is a solution: wear a rubber. From my own experience, the staying power that comes from wearing a condom presents an obstacle to me hitting the finish line. For the longest time, I couldn’t cum if I wore a rubber. In this regard and unlike the minute man, this made sex less enjoyable for me. Luckily, I finally found a sweet spot and managed to find fulfillment while wearing protection.

In addition to often resulting in limpness, I’ve found using condoms also destroys spontaneity. I remember starting out bareback with my first lover after my wife and I opened our marriage. It took about a month before something clicked and she began to require me to wear protection. The thing about this lover and me is that we often engaged each other in random locations, and always on a whim. My cock would be granite, her pussy a lake, and the tip of my penis would be poised right at her entrance. Then everything came screeching to a halt as we scrambled for a rubber. By the time we found one and unpackaged it, the heat had faded. Even once I managed to sheathe my sword, and if it managed to stay fully erect, a good portion of the passion had dissolved and it became merely an action, not a celebratory act.

Overall, I will likely always find sex more enjoyable without a condom. It ultimately comes down to the preferences of individuals.

If done correctly and safely, sex with a condom can result in a higher level of intimacy than protected sex. To do so, though, partners must be honest with one another and communicate any hesitations they may have. Also, I highly recommend getting tested prior to entering into a condom-free sex life with your partner(s), with the understanding that testing doesn’t guarantee that you or your partner(s) are free of STIs. Done responsibly, scrapping the condom and going in bare is one of the most enjoyable feelings we as human beings can experience.

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March 27, 2015
Girls everywhere masturbate. So why can’t we talk about it?

This was the title of an article in the Telegraph which I found recently while browsing the internet.

The author, Rebecca Holman, doesn’t say anything about tantric sex or tantric orgasm, but just plain old masturbation. And it struck me that what she was saying was true.

Little by little, over the years, we have become more and more open about what we talk about and what words are allowed on television – and, as the author says, talk about vibrators is fine. We can go and buy them together, and it seems nowadays only a prude would admit to not owning a vibrator.

‘But we never discuss female masturbation on its own, without a purple, glittery, revolving phallus, without a man present, just for the sake of it.’

But men talk about wanking all the time – so why the double standard? It seems that it is the way we talk about it. It’s fine to discuss in sex education classes and in relation to products (toys) and messages regarding spicing up your sex life. But we don’t talk about how to masturbate. We are the generation that talks about ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING, but not this.

The author adds that masturbation is fine when it’s for the purpose of male titillation. But does female desire on its own, without a purpose apart from pure pleasure, make us uncomfortable ?

Intrigued by this, I found another article which this time, looks at male misconceptions about female masturbation.

Most men think we masturbate according to the way they have seen it done in porn films. If only they knew that we dont need to wear sexy lingerie to please ourselves. It is often done with bad breath, messy hair and wearing old sweat pants.

And we dont look at photos of male penises – we prefer to think of the person himself… masturbation for women often starts with an erotic thought, not a picture of a penis.

We dont masturbate in groups with our girlfriends, even though men may fantasise about this, and we dont do it standing in front of a mirror.

What we have found in our tantric tuition sessions, here at tantric massage in Kensington, is that very few men, when they first come for a tantric tuition session, really know how to pleasure a woman. Maybe this is a problem of communication. And if women dont talk to their girlfriends about masturbation, it is even less likely that they talk to their male partner about it. Maybe many women just dont know how to pleasure themselves. Or if they do, they do not dare tell their partner that he is doing it wrong. It really is time for all this to come out in the open.

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March 24, 2015
8 Questions You Should Stop Asking Sex Workers

Before I begin, I want all of the non-sex workers to realize that this article isn’t meant to be in rude or unkind. If you’re feeling a bit offended by this, just put yourself in our shoes. Being asked uninformed, annoying, and sometimes borderline offensive questions gets very old very quick. We just want you all to be informed.

Do your parents know about what you do?

To the naive eye, this seems like a harmless question. For some, it is. For others, it isn’t. Every family is different, and not everyone’s parents are open minded. For those people, it might be a very sore subject. Bringing it up time and time again can stir up some pretty harsh memories. It’s best to just leave it alone. If they’re open to talk about it, they will on their own, without strangers prodding about it.

Why don’t you get a real job?

Okay, we all know you’re not saying this out of curiousity because you’re straight up saying that what we do isn’t real work. That isn’t okay, and it definitely isn’t for you to say whether or not Sex Work is ~real work~. We pay taxes, just like you. We work hard every day, just like you. If you think otherwise, take a walk in our shoes for a day. Seriously, don’t ask this question. It’s hateful and rude.

What will you do when you get too old for sex work?

None of us were aware that sex work had an age limit. You should probably tell Dita Von Teese, who turns 43 this year. I’ve heard a range of different ages that people believe women should quit sex work. 50. 25. 34. 23. Seriously, stop. You never hear “what will you do when you get too old to be a Chef?” or “Don’t you think you’re a little too old to be a customer service provider?” now do you? Stop asking us this. Sex Work does not have an age limit, just in the same way that any other job doesn’t have an age limit.

How can I do what you do?

As someone who entered the industry with no help, started with no help, and gained a following with no help; I don’t understand the point of this question. It’s not rocket science. You join a site. You produce content. You market yourself. There’s no magical secret to it. You have to be independent, unique, and business savvy. None of us can do that for you and not a single one of us want to spoon feed you because none of us were spoon fed. Furthermore, nothing we can say will guarantee that you’ll even be successful because there are a lot of personal factors that come into play when it comes to being successful as a sex work. What works for me might not work for you. Stop wasting your time asking this question and spend a little more time doing personal research and getting into the field.

Is your significant other okay with you doing sex work?

Why do you care? Seriously, what compels you to ask this? Trust me, most of us wouldn’t be with the people we’re with if they didn’t approve. Furthermore, I’d like to add that NO ONE should ever allow their significant other to control their decisions (considering that they’re not harmful to them, which sex work is NOT, no matter how much people try to paint it otherwise). You need a partner, not a parent.

Do you like your job?

While a lot of Sex Workers love the job, not all Sex Workers are crazy about it or see it as a career. Some do it for survival rather than passion (which doesn’t necessarily mean that the two are mutually exclusive). Furthermore, why do we have to like it? Why are we required to enjoy our job when no one else is? No one bats an eye when someone working a Non-Sex Work job complains about their work, but when we even make the smallest complaints, we recieve such horrible backlash.

Does your job make you feel dehumanized?

Let me ask you; would you ask this of someone that worked a vanilla job? Why are we required to constantly explain to complete strangers why our jobs don’t dehumanize us? It almost seems like we’re always required to remind YOU that we’re humans. You wouldn’t even ask a non-nude model this, despite the fact that the job is exceedingly similar. Personally, I’ve never found the job dehumanizing, but I definitely find this question dehumanizing. It is rude, and it’s silly. It’d probably be best if you didn’t ask this anymore.

Don’t you think you’re too pretty for sex work?

Come on. A pretty big portion of the job is based on appearance. Do you really think this is a smart question?

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. These are only the few of the questions you should probably refrain from asking. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of us love talking about the job, but in a positive light. Most of the questions above can come across as mean spirited, and sometimes they are. Please take that into consideration before you attempt to ask us anything. Furthermore, I’d like to thank Espi Kvlt and AurraSing for their helpful input. You can check them both out on their tumblr pages.

http://espikvlt.com/

http://gothamswhore.tumblr.com/

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March 23, 2015
MisKnickers’ Sex Toy Tips – Buying Sex Toys
‘But I’ve Never Been To A Sex Shop…’

Since the advent of online shopping, sex toy sales have drastically increased, particularly from female buyers. In terms of anonymity, it’s great; there’s no bumping into another school mum when you buy online. It can also be really useful for replacing toys you already know and love.

However, visiting a sex shop will give you a new perspective on the toys, and your reaction to them. Never been before? Here’s some tips for starting out:
- Start with one of the larger chain stores that specialise in female visitors. These stores are generally stylish, open plan and well lit for browsing, with mostly female staff.
- Be curious. Ask questions. Be ‘wowed’. I’ve been working with sex toys for two years now, and just when you think you’ve seen it all there is something new to be amazed by. It’s ok to be dazzled by just how big some of these things are. It’s ok to wonder ‘how the hell does that even work?’ And it’s more than fine to see something you never knew existed and think ‘I must have it’.
- Touch things. This is something online shopping can never give you. The biggest benefit the sex shop gives is tactility. There are no written measurements that will make as much sense as the summation of your own hands; they know what feels good in them. With weight and ergonomics being such a major part of toy design for females, having a 3D sensory idea of what may work for you can be invaluable.
- Take a friend and just go to browse. Don’t put any pressure on buying. If something impresses you, be open to it.
‘I Wanna Buy A Vibe, But There’s Just Too Many!’

The range of vibrators these days is (figuratively) out of hand. Sex shop walls are lined with displays of all kinds of cock in a range of colours, textures, shapes, sizes and magic tricks for your clit. So let me refine this for you a bit…

One word: ‘rechargeable’. Yes, rechargeable toys are revolutionising the industry. There are several product lines who specialise in this technology, and although it costs a bit more, it’s a small price to pay to know your toy will last the journey without a battery changeover midway, or any loss of power. The motor isn’t limited by how many batteries the toy can carry so not only can these things GO, they do so in a quiet, efficient manner. Generally, a fully charged toy will run from anywhere between three to fours hours, and can take about the same to recharge. For mine, these are the most aesthetically pleasing vibes; sleek curves, smooth contours, zero veins. Don’t even bother looking at battery-operated vibes anymore.

‘What About the “Anal Stuff”?’

The best advice that can ever be given to someone wanting to explore anal play, is start small, go slow, and use lots of lube. On the most basic level, this ensures a greater degree of relaxation which is key to enjoying anal play. The growing numbers of people buying these toys seems to suggest people are finally feeling free of old taboos.

Enthusiasm for something new is fantastic, but leads to the most common mistake first time buyers make; choosing too arduous a toy. It could be size, shape or rigidity, but generally due to a wonderful want of sexual exploration, they try and take on too much. A great place to start is with silicone or jelly anal beads with progressive sizes. Anal beads are relatively inexpensive, and will give you a good idea of the sort of penetration you may like. Remember to partner them with a good quality lubricant that won’t degrade the toy material. Once you’ve got a sense of the size you’re comfortable with, experiments with buttplugs and vibrators can commence.

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March 18, 2015
How to ask about HIV status properly?

As a young gay man growing up in the wake of AIDS-related terrors, I was educated on the importance of practicing safe sex and knowing your status early on in my life. While the world has focused relentlessly on promoting sexual education, not much efforts has been put into teaching people how to ask about their partners’ HIV status properly. In some parts of the world, talking about HIV status is even considered a taboo. The question of how to strike the balance between protecting yourself and avoiding to offend others remains in many people’s minds.

I have had the luxury of dealing with this question in two completely different cultural settings. Growing up in Taiwan, I never had the opportunity and access to learn about HIV until I became sexually active. After a few disastrous sexual experiences, I finally forced myself to actively search relevant information online. I can still recall the amount of pressure and fear in my mind during the process of learning all about HIV. It was especially tormenting when I waited for my HIV results, because I knew how society would judge me if the results turned out positive. After I slowly got used to dealing with the pressure, I became more aware of how the fear of being denied by society prevents many sexually active people from learning about their status. This negative effect also contributes to the general reluctance of asking about their partners’ status.

Additionally, the cultural practice of not asking about people’s private matters further increases the awkwardness surrounding HIV testing. For most Taiwanese, unless you are forced to get tested and absorb more knowledge about sexual practices, the question of their partners’ status may never come to their mind. This not only increases their risk of exposing themselves to HIV unknowingly, but also strengthens the long-existing stigma surrounding HIV. In most cases, Taiwanese people feel offended when asked by others about their HIV status. The unhealthy mentality of HIV status inquiry equals to suspecting their sexual cleanliness remains common among Taiwanese people.

My eye-opening moment came during my days in the United States. Although it wasn’t a surprise that Americans possess a much healthier attitude toward asking about each other’s status, my experiences there do help me a lot in clarifying some questions. Not only was HIV testing widely available, but the relax atmosphere I felt while getting tested also helped me to be more comfortable with it. The open-minded attitude surrounding HIV helps Americans to feel comfortable sharing their status with those who ask about it. Throughout my dating experiences, there was never that awkward moment when we asked each other about our status. Unlike feeling confronted by suspicion in Taiwan, we consider it as a responsibility to both parties’ welfare. The reassurance that comes after learning about your partners’ status helps to ease my way into the romantic part of dating.

So it all comes down to attitude, mindset and social atmosphere when you ask others about their HIV status. An open-minded social atmosphere will help encourage the general public to adopt a healthier attitude to deal with HIV related issues. People are able to maintain a comfortable mindset while dealing with HIV inquiries if the atmosphere around them is encouraging and positive. All in all, it depends on how you choose to deal with HIV related issues, and also, how much you care about maintaining a risk-free sexual life.

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March 13, 2015
Things Every Girl Can Learn from Porn Stars

Hello everyone at SimplySxy.com! My name is Rachael Madori and I’m an adult performer from New York City but will soon be relocating to Los Angeles for my career. I’ve been in this line of work for about seven months which seems short but seven months is a good amount of time to learn the ropes and get a good grip of what this job entails. Personally I’m a low-key kind of girl. I enjoy my time away from shooting porn by working out at my gym, reading whatever book has caught my eye and exploring the ever changing city of New York with my boyfriend. I’m also a serious foodie and avid blogger. I’m really excited to be writing this piece because I always say that my favorite thing about being an adult actress is that I can speak on many subjects surrounding this industry. I want to speak to the women who are not in front of the camera. Hopefully I’ll be able to clear up some rumors, squash some misconceptions and bring to light some things that every girl can learn from a porn star.

I’m going to start off my talking about some of the misconceptions that have been brought to my attention and that I myself had developed from watching porn before I became a part of the industry. First let’s talk about pubic hair. As I was growing up, I always thought it was disgusting and the opposite of sexy to have any pubic hair between my legs. Porn made me think so. However, there is so much porn showing women sporting little patches or full blown bush. As my manager and many directors are saying nowadays: “Bush is in!” Whatever your preference is for your vagina don’t ever let the idea that clean shaven is the only way to look sexy. I have been as smooth as a baby down there ever since I was fourteen years old and in the past few months I’ve been sporting a cute triangle patch and have never felt more hot. It’s honestly a preference and I’m strangely proud of my hair down there. I feel about my bush the way men feel about their beards. So whatever your preference is: own it and feel sexy.

The second misconception I want to bring to light is the truth about foreplay. I feel as if men will watch porn and obviously the sex doesn’t happen an hour into the video, it happens within the first few minutes most of the time. This creates a weird idea that in the real world when a man and woman are ready to have sex he can just finger jam you for a few seconds and then stick his dick inside of you. Foreplay isn’t necessary in porn. It is in real life. Men and women alike need to understand a pussy isn’t always ready and a penis isn’t always up and running. The illusion of zero foreplay in porn exists because while the camera isn’t running that’s where the foreplay is. The male talent is getting his dick up and hard while I’m getting my vagina wet and willing. If I’m not feeling it that day there is a magical thing called lube that you don’t see me use on camera but honey, a porn set without lube is not a porn set. So let’s nip the idea that foreplay isn’t needed in the butt. When I’m having sex in real life, off set, it’s the time before I let him inside me that is really hot. The anticipation. Your job of pleasing him. His job of turning you on. It’s very important.

This next idea that porn makes people drastically underestimate is anal. I don’t know how many times I’ve met men that think having anal sex in real life should be just as easy as it looks in a porno. I’m sorry but I love anal in my personal life and it is no where near what I experience shooting it on set. Some people aren’t even aware that you must use lube when putting anything inside of your ass. In porn, there is so much preparation before an anal scene. We use butt plugs going up in size to make our butt more comfortable with having large things put inside of it. We use enemas to clean out our assholes and make sure there isn’t a mess. This isn’t always the case either. Accidents happen. When you start sticking things in odd places that technically weren’t meant to have things stuck inside them you can’t be surprised when someone shits on you. The difference is when accidents happens in porn you don’t see it in the video. When accidents happen in real life, you can’t yell cut and have your personal assistant clean up the mess. Anal takes time, practice, a lot of lube and a lot of trust. Don’t ever let someone expect you to take a dick in the ass like an anal queen on Brazzers.

This one is for anyone interested in penises. One of the biggest misconceptions porn brings to people outside of the industry is penis size. I’m sorry but eleven inches is not the average dick length. I’ve met women and men alike who see a seven inch penis and consider it below average and small. Not only are there drugs to keep dicks going strong for hours on end but the pool of men in porn are not the “average” guy. Also, the idea that only a giant cock can please a woman is so far off from the truth it upsets me when men become self-conscious because of the types of men I work with on set. Being confident in yourself is the number one way to have great sex. Watching porn and comparing yourself to a small pool of men who happen to have larger than average dicks is only detrimental to your self-esteem and pretty illogical.

The last thing I want to talk about that seems great in a porno but not so great in real life is the sex positions. I’m a little torn on this subject only because I think it is extremely important to not keep doing missionary every time you have sex. Personally I think if you do this it will end up boring one or both of you. However, if you watch porn and think your girl will take your dick in a pile-driver position for half an hour, you’re also wrong. The thing about porn is if I’m put in a difficult position to hold such as reverse cowgirl or wheel-barrow I am only holding that motion for five minutes, tops. So, although it is very important to keep sex fun and engaging please don’t expect your girl or guy to hold an absurd position for too long because you see them doing it in a porno. Remember I get to cut camera, stretch it out and return to the position later. You don’t.

Now it’s time for me to talk about some truthful things that porn can teach you. The first and foremost thing you should learn is the women and/or men in the video are confident in their abilities and you should be too. I don’t have the perfect body, I don’t suck dick the perfect way, I can’t ride a dick perfectly and I’m not always that great at doing a sexy strip tease. The important thing is I am still confident. Porn has taught me to love my body and to love all the things it’s capable of. So what if you can’t deep throat an eleven inch penis? You would be surprised at the lists some performers have of what they can’t do and they don’t beat themselves up over it. The women and men I’ve met in the industry have confidence to them even though they know they aren’t perfect. You have these men and women getting in front of dozens of people in a room and exposing themselves to the most invasive and personal form of criticism. If they can do this, you can be confident enough in yourself and non-judgmental of your partner.

The next thing porn shows that is truthful is variety! No, not all the positions are easy or even doable for an extended period of time but the point is to spice things up. You never see the same position through an entire porno. That would be boring to watch and it’s boring to do. You don’t have to go crazy and have your man screw you doggie style while you hang halfway out of a window but it’s important to keep things interesting. You and your partner could watch a porn and find a new position you’ve never tried that doesn’t look too difficult. Tell him you want to try it out and you won’t be surprised when he gets excited. Being adventurous and willing to try new things in the bedroom is a huge reason I love creating the porn I create. Sometimes I picture a couple watching one of my videos and being inspired by something I do which leads them into the bedroom. Sex is such a raw and natural phenomenon that finding new ways to experience it is beautiful. Maybe you could buy a new kind of toy for him or her. Experiment with different lubes, dick rings, vibrators, blindfolds or handcuffs. You never know what freaky desires you’ll find deep inside yourself and your partner.

Another truth that you don’t see on camera but I feel inclined to talk about is sexual boundaries. Whatever happens in a porn video is consensual and agreed upon by both the man and woman. This is always how it should be in real life. Just as I’m never afraid to stand up and make very clear what I am and am not okay with, you should feel equally as convicted about your boundaries. I would never let a fellow talent, director or producer push me to do anything I wasn’t willing to do or try. You should always know your worth and your limits. It’s extremely important when engaging in anything sexual. Your body is the most personal thing you have and it shouldn’t be taken for granted. I love trying crazy new things but there are always safe words, a mutual understanding of what exactly is too far and there is trust. Make sure this is the case in real life too.

Now let’s talk about dirty talk. If you think dirty talk is just for the porn stars, you’re wrong. We talk every minute of every day. It’s our form of communication. Why wouldn’t we use it to our advantage while we do the most personal thing in the world? A lot of my girl friends that are not in the industry tell me: “I know you dirty talk on video, but you don’t do it at home with your man right? It’s just porn talk.” That’s not the case! Don’t feel weird shouting the things that come to your mind while you’re having sex. I mean as long as it’s not someone else’s name. Personally I think dirty talk drives men crazy but I’m not a man so I can’t vouch. Even if it’s not dirty talk don’t feel weird telling them to keep hitting the same spot, move to the left or smack your ass. I don’t shout a script in my videos, I say what my body wants me to say. Embrace your ability to communicate!

The last thing porn can teach you is HAVE FUN. Unless you’re watching a very hardcore and dominating scene everyone in the video is usually having a steamy good time. Let that slutty side come out in the bedroom. Embrace your inner carnal instincts like the ones you see on camera. Don’t feel weird yelling out, scratching his back and getting lost in each others’ bodies. Porn should be sexual inspiration not a video reminding you what you can’t do. I love the movies I create because I’m giving my fans and anyone who watches it a fantasy. Sex is nothing to be embarrassed of, nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to feel weird about. Whether you’re prude by nature or a down right slut: own who you are. The porn stars you see have completely accepted their natural feminine sexuality and embodied it. You are no different in this aspect! What a girl can learn from porn stars is that wether we’re on camera or behind closed doors our sexuality is undeniable, it deserves to be explored and it is nothing to be ashamed of and you are just the same.

I really hope I’ve cleared up some things about porn and porn stars. It’s really important to me to break down the negative stigmas surrounding the sex industry and bring to light that porn stars are normal women too. We’re not here to make others feel inadequate, we’re here to inspire sexuality. Let’s not forget that pornography is filmed and edited, real life isn’t! Be proud of your body, your abilities and don’t judge your sexual partner too harshly. We’re all here on this Earth, enjoying each others bodies and our own.

More of Rachael’s works:
“Barbarella XXX: an Axel Braun Parody” for Wicked Pictures: Coming soon!
“Down The Throat 3” for New Sensations: Coming out 2/26!
“Back Up Plan” for Porn Fidelity: Out now!
“Let’s Try Anal” for Mofos: Out now!

Image courtesy of Rachael Madori
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March 12, 2015
The chastity belt … for him !

He has been a naughty man and needs to be put into chastity, because he is not pleasing me …

Can you imagine that this handsome man would want you to put him in a male chastity device and control his orgasm?

This may sound barbaric or even unrealistic that any man would want this, but to some couples it can be a way to add excitement to their sex life. Male chastity is one topic that is not often talked about or exposed. The reason why is that there is such a psychological component to it that is difficult to understand. Sexuality is not just about a physical release but to some people who like to have their minds stimulated along with their body they crave more advanced sexual play.

Placing a man in chastity can give the woman control over his orgasm, but not only that it can be a way for the man to be dominated. He knows that he cannot touch himself even if he wanted to, and now he is left with pure sexual energy that he has to channel into his work day.

Denial of orgasm for a period of time is more psychological than physical. Men have expressed to me as a clinical sexologist that just knowing the device is on them gives them the ability to concentrate better at work and become more successful at what they do.

Some men that have experienced erectile dysfunction in the past or a fear of not being able to please their partner sexuality, find that by wearing the device is their punishment. The reality is that the punishment is also their excitement. Men have practiced denial of orgasms for centuries, but understanding the reasons why they do it is not always understood, even from the person who may be practicing it.

The human body and how people release their sexual energy is not entirely about the end result of the release but the tease of getting to the orgasm. Male chastity is just that, a tease for many men, and for some a way to escape the pressure of performance in the bedroom.

For more information on male chastity go to TheHappySpouse or contact Dawn for an appointment (805) 732-7847

This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.

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March 11, 2015
Who should you have your first threesome with?

Who to choose for your first threesome is daunting a question that couples face when planning their first threesome. Is it a friend or stranger? The answer will impact the experience and possibly the relationship.

A friend is someone who is known, such as a: colleague, co-worker, acquaintance, or close friend. As a choice, a friend offers a degree of predictability, they are easily accessible, and the choice provides a sense of security. Choosing a friend means minimizing a lot of vetting and the taken time getting to know each other. It can also mean that the sex is more intimate and meaningful.

At this point, choosing a friend seems like the perfect choice? What about a stranger? A stranger is someone that is met for the sole purpose of having a threesome. Sometimes they may be become a friend but the foundation of the relationship remains that of group sex. Meeting a stranger for a threesome can be scary since it means speaking with someone who is unknown and before the threesome happens, it means building enough trust for sex to occur.

Properly vetting a stranger offers many things a friend cannot. The biggest advantage for choosing a stranger is privacy. There is less of a risk of friends, your employer, and family discovering your experience. Also, I believe that choosing a stranger offers another advantage and that advantage is a lower chance of emotional attachment.

This leads to the question, is a friend really the best choice? Granted a friend means having a threesome will occur faster and more likely be more enjoyable. However there is still one remaining question regarding choosing a friend, how does the friendship continues once the threesome ends? Are you willing to lose a friend to have a threesome?

If they have an attraction for your partner is it likely they will pursue them or is there a chance of emotional involvement that will lead to the destruction of your relationship with your spouse? At this point, a stranger seems a more obvious choice. However, do you believe they are trustworthy? Do you feel safe around them?

Speaking from experience, using both friends and strangers for a threesome, I lean towards choosing a stranger. Let me explain from a first hand situation experienced a several years ago whereby we had invited a friend. My wife knew him and he was someone with whom she had a curiosity. We agreed that if it was going to happen, it would be a one-off situation. After a quick phone call and a few hours later, the evening was probably the hottest night of my life thus far. I watched him fuck her and watched his cum dripping out of her. Up to that point, everything went perfectly. However, we eventually lost him as a friend and she suffered remorse afterwards.

In contrast, we had another experience several months prior to the above-mentioned. This time, it was with a stranger and it took a few months to happen. It started innocently with him flirting with her. Slowly their interest in each other grew and we talked about how she would like to fuck him. The talk began as a fantasy and how it would feel for her, if he did fuck her. Then, as time progressed, the conversation shifted from being a fantasy to a ‘what if,’ conversation. She was still hesitant about going through with it and I was happy keeping it as a fantasy. One day after returning from flirting with him some more, she told me they were talking about wanting to fuck alone. We set some basic rules and it finally happened. When she returned, it was quite arousing for the both of us.

From my own personal experience, if I am to answer to the question as to who I would recommend for someone’s first threesome, my answer would be to invite a stranger. A stranger can take longer to arrange because a level of trust needs to be built and the initial sexual enjoyment may be lesser. However, the arrangement can be less complicated and easier to end. This can mean a more stress free experience for all involved.

Web Site: http://www.3somes.info
Books: Diary of George and Melissa: Complete Edition
Please Share My Wife with Me
Battling for Melissa

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March 10, 2015