SimplySxy

Category: Lifestyle

  • Sexy Getaways For Two Or More

    Sexy Getaways For Two Or More

    So you are thinking of a sexy getaway with your significant other, or maybe a group of swinger friends are wanting to hang out together and “play”. Well let me give you a quickie overview of some of your options.

    Hotel: Grab a room (or five or a whole floor) in a local hotel. If there are a few of you, they may give you a better than normal rate. Bring some candles (tea lights travel well), lighter, some wine, music, and sexy clothes or lingerie to wear. If possible get two of the rooms to be adjoining ones, that way you can have everyone together in those rooms to make it the “party suite”.

    Regular Resort: On your own, this can be a hit and miss option. My suggestion would be to at least pick an adults only resort. That way you do not have a bunch of screaming kids running all over, this is supposed to be a getaway for the two of you isn’t it? If you have a group of friends joining you, I would still suggest an adults only resort at the minimum. Make sure when booking that you get a block of rooms together. That way you spend less time running from room to room.

    Lifestyle Resort or Cruise Ship Takeover: There are more of these to choose from than ever before. It used to be that you had to go to Hedonism II in Jamaica to be able to hang out on the beach with like-minded people. Now you can also go to Mexico, Dominican, along with other various resort takeovers and also cruise ship traveling to multiple locations. Resorts which cater to swingers have the advantage that you can just kick back and watch others partake in the sexual fun (bringing out the voyeur in you), jump into the action yourself in a group area (let go the exhibitionist), or meet up with another couple and head to the privacy of your own room. The choice is yours.

    Lifestyle Convention: These conventions take place all around the world, but mainly in the US. At a “Swingers” convention there will be activities designed for you to be able to meet others, hopefully with similar interests. There are designated “play rooms” where all the “action” takes place. There are also regular social activities available, so if you are not sure that you want to take things to the next level you don’t have to worry about being pressured into doing something you are not comfortable doing.

    Obviously, this just touches the surface of the different options available to you. If you want more information read about the different resorts and group trips at http://www.TrystTravel.com, where we specialize in Erotic vacations for Adults. Till then, enjoy your vacation 🙂

    ~ Sandi
    www.SandiOnSwinging.com
    www.TrystTravel.com

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  • My First Daunting Time to a Gay Sauna Alone

    My First Daunting Time to a Gay Sauna Alone

    Recounting my first visit to a gay sauna alone and ending up in a bar.

    About 3 months ago, I took a train and returned to a capital city I previously lived in. While I was living there, I was still heavily in the closet and in denial. I used to walk past the gay venues from a distance and would curiously turn my head.

    So being back and alone on familiar ground this time months after my conversation with R and my first gay bar, I decided to take the opportunity and spend it as an anonymous gay tourist in order to open up myself even more and see where it leads me. Although the risk of running into people I know in this city is fairly high, but somehow rather the urge to throw myself out of my comfort zone is much higher as my personal development takes priority at this moment.

    Hence, in the spirit of progress and “making an effort”, I did some research and decided to visit a gay sauna this time. All of the exact emotions, thoughts and anxiety from my first visit to a gaybar last year came rushing back, except that this time it would require triple the amount of courage along with the fear of rejection and being stupid. Again I was nervous and in order to take the pressure off, I told myself that I was not me. I’m a nobody and I’m anonymous.

    Arriving at the reception, I kept cool, acted like I’ve done this before, paid the entrance fee and went in. The locker room was the easiest part as I took my time to strip down to just a towel around my waist before leaving the neutral zone. The sauna was indeed very spacious as it had everything, from a huge jacuzzi to seating areas and secluded cubicles for “activities”.Not knowing how to begin, I started by wandering around the complex while observing my surroundings in order to learn about the practicalities of cruising. Throughout the whole time, I felt extremely anxious and awkwardly out of place. But I wasn’t going to let my insecurities ruin my plan. Therefore even if nothing was ever going to happen, at least I’ll know I made an effort by exploring my possibilities in a gay sauna.

    Walking around, I was actually very surprised to find a much older crowd which wasn’t at all my expectation nor very exciting. In fact, it was awkward. After much hanging about, I started chatting to the only young guy in his 30s, whom after some conversational warm up, thought he might help a clueless guy out (even after my failed attempt to cruise him).

    He asked:
    “So what are you doing here? What are you looking for, what do you like?”

    Me:
    “Erm, I don’t know. It’s actually my first time here, I have no idea!”

    He:
    “Do you like older men? Younger guys? What are you looking for?”

    Me: [smiling]
    “Hmm… I don’t know! But I like guys like you!”

    He: [smiles]
    “Then what are you doing here? This is not the best place to be.”
    “Look, you’re really young. Go! Go have an ad-ven-ture!” 
    “I know if I were in your shoes, I would.”
    “Here, check out this map…” (With some free brochures and publications in the seating area, he pointed me to places I should be going.)

    He: [smiling]
    “So now you’ve got your map, you’ve got your places… Go!” 
    “Go have an adventure!”
    “And I’m gonna leave you now to go wander around for a bit. You take care now!”

    Then came a moment while looking at them, I was drenched by a tide of emotions as I felt sad about my own struggles and how things were not going well on my side despite me trying to make an effort. It was a moment of vulnerability as I almost teared up with the urge to talk and open up about all that I’m going through. At that moment, I didn’t see them as strangers who happen to be at a bar, but rather like-minded guys who would understand me. However, it seems like advanced gay guys are so comfortably confident with themselves nowadays that they no longer remember what it feels like to be diffident, inadequate and inexperienced in the past.

    A friend of mine once told me to understand that these guys are probably done with whatever struggles they previously had and are now way ahead from the early stages of self-discovery and assimilation into gay life. Hence even if they might be able to relate or sympathise with all that I’m going through, all forms of expectation should now be thrown away because it’s not their job to “hold my hand”, even at moments of vulnerability. Nevertheless after an enjoyable evening, we exchanged contacts as the night ended with me feeling more positive about myself and gaining a bit more confidence as I planned my visit to another gay sauna the next day.

    This article has been republished with permission from M.  Visit M’s website to read more of his works.

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  • How I began writing erotica

    How I began writing erotica

    The only romance novel I have ever finished was 50 Shades of Gray, and I didn’t like it very much. I read it because some of my friends were ecstatic about it and I figured I might as well find out what the big deal was. I never figured it out. So, if I have only read one romance novel, how did I begin writing erotica?

    I began with a regular book I wrote using a pen name and uploaded it to Smashwords. I have taken it down since then, but I might publish it again one day. I waited and waited, but there were no sales. I did what others did to market it, but nothing. Meanwhile, I read a lot about self marketing and publishing e-books on the internet. I realized that sex sold and people were much more successful writing erotica or romantic novels than regular books.

    I sat down and opened a new document on my laptop and stared at it, and it stared back at me. I had writer’s block. This was late spring so I went for a walk and ended up on the beach. I sat there and looked at the people around me and tried to get some kind of idea. There was a single young woman to one side and when a man asked her what time it was I heard her accent was American. I wondered how she had ended up alone on the Island and where she had been before. Then I realized I could use a similar woman in my book. That’s how the Nat Smiley series began.

    After publishing Work Experience I got some sales, but it was not much. I began writing the second novella in that series, Room Service. I had read an article about niche erotica and that was something I thought I could do. I used google and searched what others searched for and what came up was; pegging (strap on sex), Incest fantasies, and transgender stories. I looked at my notes and thought, wow, I know nothing about this. I began doing research, signed up for forums and I spent about a month reading and talking to people on the internet. The research produced; TGirls, Family Affairs, and Strap On.

    At this time, I had left Smashwords and signed up for KDP, which is an Amazon e-book platform. To me, the biggest difference between the two, apart from Amazon being much bigger, is the technical side of how to get your book out to the audience. Smashwords is easier with less paperwork for us foreign writers, but they have extremely tough formatting rules. Amazon asks for more documentation and it takes a bit longer to set up your account butonce it’s done uploading books is much easier than Smashwords.

    Now I use both platforms and Amazon is where I sell more books, but Smashwords let me market my books for free for as along as I want. Since then, I have written parts two and even three of my best selling books. I believe if people like something you should give them more of the same.

    What is next? I will write more and as I mentioned on my blog, I want to write a stand alone story with Alex Malone from the Strap On series, I think she is a strong character that can carry a novel length story. Nat smiley will be back in a new adventure this year. I also write on Literotica as NTsarina. It is a free site, but I use it to get feedback from readers and they do a lot of that. Much more than KDP and Smashwords readers combined.

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  • The Gay Asian DJs

    The Gay Asian DJs

    When you are dancing your heart out in the club, how aware are you of the DJ up there? I find myself saying “Oh, I like this DJ” or “I don’t like this DJ”. Who are these people behind the music? Does local DJs have what it takes to hold a global audience when masked behind a westernized beat? In the upcoming SongKran9 circuit party, we have three DJs who are all more than well qualified to be opening DJs: DJ Louis T from Malaysia for Wicked party, DJ Head from Hong Kong for Neon party and DJ Spectrum K from Thailand for Pharaoh party. SimplySxy takes the time out to get to know them better.

    SimplySxy: When did you start DJing—and what or who were your early passions and influences?

    DJ Louis T: I think probably 10 years ago and during that time, my influences were Danny Tenaglia, Peter Rauhofer, Victor Calderone and DJ Paulo too. I was in love with progressive house and tribal music. The tribal sound back in those days was different than current one.
    DJ Head: I started DJing 6 years ago, and I attribute my early motivation to a dear friend and mentor, Mr. Tony Moran.
    DJ Spectrum K: I love music at a very young age and have collected a lot of CDs. From CDs and music, I learn to speak English.

    SimplySxy: What do you personally consider to be the incisive moments in your artistic career? 

    DJ Louis T: There are a few moments. The first of cause is the moment when I saw how my music brought joy to people, that always makes me smile. I will start to take pictures and videos to capture those moments. Secondly, whenever I am hired for a big party or gigs like Mardigras 2012 in Sydney Australia and even my first SongKran party in Bangkok. During these parties when I see people enjoying themselves, it makes me jump up and down with them as well.
    DJ Head: The publication of my first compilation by NERVOUS RECORDS.
    DJ Spectrum K: In every (artistic) process there is an incisive moment. When you get the feeling that everything seems to make sense that is an incisive moment. Like when I look forward to go to work, feeling happy about my work and seeing a happy audience. It reminds me that my career in the music business is the right one.

    SimplySxy: What are the main challenges as a DJ and producing your own music?

    DJ Louis T: My main challenge is to manage my time between DJing, making music and my day job. I often exhausted flying around, come back and start work the next day. But when I am on my deck doing my stuff, everything else stop. I am totally focused and push all other worries aside. The music energizes me and I am not tired. I just want to play good music to the crowd. Plus the crowds keep me going the whole night.
    DJ Head: My main challenge is to maintain a good balance of giving the crowd what they want and what I would like them to hear.  Producing music is like cooking a meal, no matter how good your food is, your ultimate satisfaction comes from sharing.
    DJ Spectrum K: My main challenges as a DJ is to know how to please my audience without changing my style. I would like to produce my own music if I find the time and the right moment. At this point, I am just happy to see my happy audience dancing with me rather than lock myself alone and do music.

    SimplySxy: Do you believe in the possibility of “reading an audience”—and how do you put it into practice? Is the relationship with the GoGo dancers a collaborative one or a battle? 

    DJ Louis T: It is important to read the audience and play what makes them happy but it is also important to make sure you stay within your style and to play a set that you yourself enjoy. I always believe if I myself do not enjoy the music, then the set sucks. With the GoGo dancers, we need to have connection and communication. It is important too to play the right sexy beat so they can do their best to make the night great. It is never a battle, it is a collaboration. Usually we talked about this before the night, and I am a friend to most of them. I love them.
    DJ Head: Reading the audience is necessary, which is why you want a live set.  As for GoGo dancers, it really depends on the production. I work with organizers to make sure that the performances would enhance the set but if say, the timing, frequency or lighting etc. is off then it could be distracting to say the least.
    DJ Spectrum K: All this should come naturally when you are in the club, you can see people how they react. The main focus is the body language whether people are happy, dancing and enjoying. All this will show on their face. As for GoGo boys, it is mostly collaborative but sometimes, a GoGo show changes its mood when they want to perform other types of music or the show is running too long. That makes the audience lose their rhythm and the DJ has to restart the uplifting mood again, unless the GoGo dancers are the professional ones who are able to dance hand in hand with the DJ music style.

    SimplySxy: How much, do you feel, is the club experience shaped by cultural differences? Do you, when travelling, take these cultural differences into consideration when DJing?

    DJ Louis T: There will be cultural differences in different countries of course. I often find the Asians love their vocals and tribal, not much After Hour. In the West, lesser vocals, more After Hour, stronger tribal and they love to be teased (in music form). Traveling helps me to experiment new styles that fit these cultures but I often try to stick back to my style as much as possible.
    DJ Head: Cultural differences are not as big as one may think in this subject, although I do get inspired by different cultures in different cities and also at different times.
    DJ Spectrum K: When I get asked by friends “Where are you travelling next?” and I may say Seoul, or Guangzhou “China” (to name a couple). Their replies are always “Wow, do they have a scene?” or “Do they have clubs?” or “How do they know about dance music?”, or the best one is “Do they dance differently?” It’s funny because people learn and change. At first, Guangzhou’s side seems quiet and people don’t know how to dance but eventually, they learn and start to appreciate the music. With the social media, no city is left far behind for long. You can always find people who know how to party and appreciate good music in each city. So yeah, culturally speaking, festivals and clubs worldwide are slightly different. Some are more vocal than the others (yelling, screaming, enthusiasm) or they might allow smoking or not, or drinking or not, or age limits on entry. But this is everywhere, and I don’t see it so much as a cultural thing. Living and working in Bangkok allows me to try different things and being able to stay in touch with social media lets me get the latest music information. Due to the social media, almost everywhere is the same. Everyone knows each other so there is no great difference where you spin or work with different crowds.

    SimplySxy: How or what do you feel is the difference between DJs from Europe and USA as compared to Asian DJs or yourself. What edge do you feel that Asian DJs might have? 

    DJ Louis T: In my opinion, Asian DJs are very adaptable to different genres of music. Europe and USA DJs are very loyal to their roots and style. Asian DJs are also experimental.
    DJ Head: The circuit scene is dominated by music from USA and Europe so an Asian DJ does not really have so much an edge other than his fan base.
    DJ Spectrum K: Most Europe and USA DJs are well appreciated and respected compared to Asian DJ or maybe Thai DJ. I guess it’s the branding and how they market themselves. Most people will think that since the DJ is from overseas, he/she has got to be famous or popular. It is sad that Asian people don’t really support their own local DJs. Although I might not as popular as other European, American DJs, I do have fans who do appreciate me and I do consider myself blessed.

    SimplySxy: Since this article is for Simplysxy, what is your definition of Sexy?

    DJ Louis T: On people? Charisma, communication and talent. On music? A Sexy bass line.
    DJ Head: Profundity is sexy as I believe the art of seduction lies in enticing the object to further exploration.
    DJ Spectrum K: Everyone has a different definition of sexy but my sexy is all about good attitude and letting yourself go and have fun, stop being uptight, let your hair down, be humble and be nice. Leave the attitude behind when you are in the dance floor and that is what I called “sexy”.

    Check out our next Songkran9 article on the 10 Things you need to get ready for the Songkran9 Pool Party!

    https://soundcloud.com/dj-louist

    https://soundcloud.com/dj-spectrum-k

    Image courtesy of gCircuit
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  • Are You a New Mom? Coping with Baby Blues

    Are You a New Mom? Coping with Baby Blues

    Yup. That’s what I had to do when I became a new mom.

    I remember those sleepless nights, shapeless body, and that helpless me. My priorities changed drastically. I realized I had little or no time for myself and my focus was just my baby. The newborn occupied a lot of space between me and my partner, leaving no room for us. And, the worst was my shape—it was round like an ‘O’. Everything else fell by the wayside.

    You might have thought of having a baby is going to thrill you. But right after the baby’s birth many mothers feel sad and ask themselves:

    “What’s wrong with me?”
    “Did I make a mistake?”
    “Oh! I was much happier before?”

    You face the best of times and the worst of times.

    Don’t worry. These are mommy blues. A passing phase.

    Here’s how to fight back?

    Although best source of recovery is the support from your partner and family but this may not be practical every time. They may not understand your state of mind as a new mom.

    What to Expect from the Partner? I know, as a new mom, you yearn for a lot of emotional support from your hubby.
    But give him space as well. He too has just turned into a new father, handling very new things. And he may pin up a lot of expectations on you. But as a new mom you too, are unsure of yourself. However, being a man, he may not even understand what you are going through mentally and physically. Ground realities are always different from our thoughts.

    Stay calm friends, here you need a lactation expert. Take 2 or 3 sittings from her. Or talk to the gynecologist about the problem seeking a solution. She may help your partner understand your condition and help him cope with you.

    Talk to Friends of Your Age-Group. It really helps you realize that everybody is sailing in the same boat. And, it’s just a temporary phase.

    Allow Yourself to Make Mistakes. Don’t panic while making a mistake or failing to understand the child. Unless you won’t do that how will you be ever able to understand the kid? Proximity with the baby through thick and thin helps you get his or her habit as well.

    Be More Patient with the Baby. Small babies trouble a lot. Act maturely with them. Just think about their helplessness—they can’t express their feelings and problems. So, you need to help them, instead of venting out your anger at them.

    Move Out of the Homebounds. This is important as it helps to heal a lot. Even if it means going to a nearby shop. Also, move out with the little one for a nice evening stroll.

    Exercise Regularly and Correctly. Ask your doctor about this and learn the correct ones from her. Regular and correct exercises are good healer. You even get back to shape soon. Sounds exciting! Isn’t it?

    Pamper Yourself with a Good Body Massage. A new mom deserves this after a painful delivery. Continue the body massage with coconut or almond oils for at least 4 to 6 months. If you feel the need later, go in for a nice massage again. It takes time to recover.

    Relive Romantic Moments with the Partner. Well, that’s important. You need time with him. He too will feel better. Go out with him for a much-needed break. If there’s no one at home to take care of the little one, take him along.

    Don’t worry friends, beautiful experience is here to come. As days and months pass by, you’ll know your child more than anyone. It is a lovely feeling realizing you are a “window to the baby’s world.” Everything heals with time.

    Relish every moment of motherhood! It will never come back. Have patience and fight it out.
    Believe me! It pays beautifully, if not sooner, then later.

    I’m Daisy, a writer by profession and a globetrotter. Check out my latest posts  on http://daisy-kumar.blogspot.in/, follow me on https://www.facebook.com/daisy.kumar1 or twitter.com/daisykmr2.
    Share your views, opinions or simply your comments on this post with me at daisyraji2010@gmail.com.

    SimplySxy welcomes articles written by our readers on any topic of their choice.
    Each submission is edited and published the same as from any of our Sexperts and Contributors.

  • Sex in the Hospital

    Sex in the Hospital

    It was the summer right after graduating high school. I was newly 18, ready for college, and deeply in love with my boyfriend. We had been together for almost two years and in that time had sex in a handful of public places, from parks to museums to busses. But sometimes we tried to push further, merely because we could. However this time the August heat was a contributing factor.

    If you don’t live in a big city, then you can’t imagine the kind of traffic a person runs into at three in the afternoon. Add extensive heat and every single human emotion flairs up like a hot air balloon and it has to escape somewhere, somehow. Luckily we were in a city bus that was merely sprinkled with riders. After initially content to escape the heat, the frigid air conditioner quickly chilled the bus as we waited in traffic and I huddled against my Henri for additional warmth.

    But I never just cuddle.

    My hands wandered inside his pockets, at a time when he only wore boxers and it made it so easy for me to play with him. I buried my nose into the nape of his neck and nibbled slightly, causing him to smile. My heart warmed to see that smile, and for me was always a sign of encouragement. I whispered to him all the things I wish I could do if no one was here; how lucky he was that I couldn’t strip him of his clothes right then and there; and how slick and wet I was thinking of the possibilities…

    The bus pulled into the next stop and finally the road ahead of us was clear of cars for the remainder of the ride. We were on the way to see my doctor, but she was the last thing on my mind. The touching never stopped, and we were so anxious to have a moment alone. Entering her office, I was unusually giddy, and my doctor took this as sign of me being completely smitten. Yes, I was completely in love. But I was also sticking to the wetness on my panties and sitting next to him, not being able to touch him as I wished, was an excruciating feeling. I had to keep my legs crossed while he was there, the sound of his voice and the heat he emanated kept the flow of wetness consistent. When he was asked to wait for me in the waiting room until the appointment, he softly kissed my lips and his voice dipped low and rough to say

    “I’ll be waiting for you…” in that way that only he and I understood.

    I was impatient. I was hormonally desperate to escape this place and go somewhere, anywhere for us to have sex. But where would we go? The sun was still too bright outside to discretely find a spot in the park. And by this time the bus would be over flowing with people. We always found a place…

    After I was done, I crossed the hall to find Henri sitting quietly, flipping through an old magazine. We stood in what was supposed to be a children’s waiting room, equipped with its own half kitchen and half bathroom. For months it had remained unused in the middle of a supposed reconstruction. The blinds had been turned down, and in the darkness the toys and books left behind gave the room a creepy abandoned house feel. I wanted to leave, but I wasn’t in a rush to enter the heat again.

    “Are we leaving?” He was just as uncomfortable with the appearance of the room.

    “Hold on, let me go check my hair in the mirror before we go,” and I headed to the small bathroom. The tiny toddler toilet was emptied of water, and the privacy curtain lay limp to one side of the bathroom, attached by two metal rings. Unused waiting room chairs stacked on top of one another completed what could have been mistaken as a storage closet save for the small clearing that remained in front of the sink and mirror.

    “Trust me babe, this place has looked a lot better—” my lip gloss fell and in bending over to pick it up, I saw Henri’s feet approaching.

    “Do you like the view?”

    I received a hard smack across my bottom as a response and I laughed when he grabbed onto my haunches and bucked himself into me. “Are you getting hard, baby?” I did my little girl impression, pushing into him, slowly gyrating my hips and feeling his bulge grow under his jeans. He unzipped his pants while he locked the door behind us. My shorts were hardly settled at my ankles by the time he shoved his cock into me. He thrust hard, rotating his hips in wide circles; I covered my mouth with my hand to stop myself from screaming as he stretched my pussy with each rotation.

    We heard chatter and footsteps approaching the room. We were initially frozen, but he slowly continued, pulling far out and rotating his cock in tiny circles on the nub of my clit, then entering me slowly, reminding me in a muffled whisper not to make a sound.

    We heard the two women retrieving items from the refrigerator. Henri was relentless with his tease, and in the mirror I could see a mischievous smile on his face and the warmth of a hand moving across my back side. His thumb rubbed circles on my anus, adding various points of pressure here and there, moans managing to escape the prison of my fingers.

    I didn’t know if the women were still there or not, but for a moment the sound of the world disappeared and all I heard were the sound of our heartbeats synchronized with the huffs of our breaths. He went faster and my cunt felt the expansion of his cock and his cum filling me inside.

    “Oh my goodness, did you hear that?”

    “What the hell was that?! Hello? Is someone here?”

    The door handle jingled, but we remained silent. The beads of sweat falling from my temple and my heartbeat sounded the same while I stood bent over the chair.

    “Hello?! Jeez Lisa, this room gives me the creeps!”

    “I agree, let’s get out of here. I’m keeping my lunch in my office from now on…”

    We heard the footsteps fade away and fixed ourselves, withholding our laughter until we were safely outside in the August heat.

    “Did you enjoy being ghosts for a while?” I asked Henri as we waited for the bus that took me home.

    “As long as I’m inside of you, I will be anything, anywhere.”

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • What’s in a Gay?

    What’s in a Gay?

    Once upon a loneliness I decided to try something different in order to distract myself from that feeling inside. ‘That’ feeling I had incorrectly identified as loneliness. I have discussed loneliness here on SimplySxy before so I won’t go into it again, I will just reiterate that sometimes loneliness is what it is – and we must address this feeling and make changes in our lives (and in ourselves) that result in us feeling more ‘together’ as individuals and as couples/friends/whatever … and sometimes this ‘loneliness’ isn’t loneliness at all. It’s an itch that we need to scratch. An intuitive sense that something deep within is yet to be satisfied and explored…

    Do you know what heterosexism is? Heterosexism is where society, the media, magazines and mass belief conditions you into assuming that everyone is heterosexual. This results in the gay and bisexual man or woman, often, becoming confused because everywhere they look they are surrounded by images and stories that depict what is ‘normal’.

    The gay man or woman is being exposed to this mass media depicting white, heterosexuals often with a baby selling everything from holidays to shaving foam. Think about it. Think about looking at an advertisement, a magazine, a movie and thinking ‘where am I in all this?’

    How does it feel?

    It is all too common for this heterosexism to result in the gay man or woman (especially when they are younger) to start thinking: ‘There’s something wrong with me’ and ‘Where do I fit in?’. It’s almost as if you are invisible because your sexual preference is invisible.

    Now…..

    I am going to flip that entirely on its head:

    The same applies if you identify as gay and yet you have this heterosexual itch you have yet to scratch. In your gay world of gay magazines, gay movies, gay scene – gay gay gay – there is no room for you to suddenly decide that you want to taste pussy.

    Well fuck that – I did taste pussy, last year, and very nice it was too. Allow me to elaborate…

    The last thing that a gay man would do is eat pussy. Just as the last thing a straight man would do is suck dick. Either preference might dabble on the other side of the fence by fondling, mutual masturbation or voyeurism but in the main – the oral act is the least attractive when talking about performing this on the opposite gender you usually perform it on. So the moral of the story is, although I predominantly would describe myself as ‘a gay man’ – I’m clearly not, by definition.

    So: what’s in a gay? A human being. It really is as simple as that and last year a lady booked an appointment with me (I’m a Sex Worker) and it was a queer (pun intended) turn of events because my website is clearly aimed at men and I promote myself as a ‘Gay Escort’ and ‘Gay Masseur’ so why would a woman want to book? She liked my picture, loved the fact that I am also nurse trained and called me to ask if I would make an exception. It seemed fate was giving me a nudge.

    I pride myself on being as honest as I can be so told the lady that I was very inexperienced with women but would give it a go. I told her that I couldn’t promise bringing her to orgasm (because I had no idea how to do it), that it would kinda be an experiment and that I obviously would charge her less than the advertised price. I couldn’t say fairer than that.

    Later that day…. the female client is on the massage couch, legs akimbo with my face happily buried in her beauty…. my internal thought process went literally like this…

    ‘Oh!  It self-lubricates… wow it tastes so sweet…. hmmm: well I can’t be gay!’. Period.

    There are two sides to every coin and here endeth the lesson in ‘What’s in a gay?’ but you can easily apply it to yourself if you’re straight. Does it really matter that we have itches to scratch and how can we work with our own needs to make this happen? How can we step aside from the heterosexism of the mainstream and the homosexism of the sub culture to just, well, be ourselves?

    Answers on a postcard….

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • My experience on Ashley Madison

    My experience on Ashley Madison

    How my Ashley Madison adventure began.   I was simply banished to the upstairs TV one night when the rest of the family was watching some musical movie like Oklahoma that I was just not in the mood for. I was watching CNN and Noel Bitterman was being interviewed. As is typically the case with his interviews, he was being skewered by the host. Yet he was so affable I started to focus on him even though it didn’t really occur to me for some time what he was talking about. I finally caught the term “married dating” and then understood what the topic was. At first I wasn’t interested as I was never really interested in “swinging.” “Swinging” always seemed like some deviant activity from some raunchier episode of All in the Family. But the guy, Noel Bitterman, seemed so calm and positive about the site and his service that it occurred to me, given my life circumstances, that perhaps I should check this out when I could.  I barely caught the name and the next day at work I googled “Ashley Morgan,” getting confused I think with Katy Morgan (the HBO porn star). I finally did latch onto the Ashley Madison site via an article by Dr. Phil. By the time I found it, I just had to try. The site is very welcoming and easy to get into and easy to navigate. Once you start clicking it really is rather seductive.

    I wrote about my first time logging onto Ashley Madison here:

    http://regularguygonebad.blogspot.com/2010/12/april-2nd-day-will-live-in-infamy.html

    A typical Ashley Madison profile and what the kind I am into

    Well what I’m looking for is a profile that says I’m Jennifer Connelly with Sarah Silverman’s humor and am really just looking for a middle income mid-40’s guy who loves to quote music lyrics!   🙂

    But in truth, as I have learned, you have to be honest with yourself. Who am I? Who am I likely to attract? What do I want, what do I enjoy? Knowing that I simply look for the profile that entertains me. I guess I inevitable use my wife as a gauge for who I can attract. I typically do an advanced search for women between 5’2” and 5’10”, from 110 pounds to 150 pounds who are listed as “in a relationship.” I typically don’t write to women who have not personally written out anything in the notes section of their “personal preferences,” “what turns me on,” and “what I’m looking for.” I also tend to shy away from women who have uploaded a picture. What I have learned is that when a women uploads a picture, particularly a sexy picture, you are now one of about 300 messages in her inbox. If a woman has not taken the time to write out her personal wish list then she is probably just peeking into the mirror and not likely to engage with anyone who writes.

    At that point I really just concentrate on the lady’s profile. Again, is this someone who will be attracted to me? If it’s not, it really isn’t important how interested I am, it ain’t going to work. I don’t go for the dominatrixes or the women who seem to feel a need to tell how talented, smart, and powerful they are. It’s not that I don’t like that in a women, but if that is on the front end, then they are likely to be keeping a score card and that’s not for me.

    What I tend to go for and who tends to like me is the outdoor, down-to-earth, laid-back, slightly flaky girl that is interested in talking about literature sometimes but is likely to stop mid-conversation about Shakespeare if she sees a cute puppy. I’m probably a bit like Ben Stiller looking for a goofy Jennifer Anniston in Along Came Polly or Ben in the Heartbreak Kid looking for a funny Tom-boy Michelle Moynihan; hey why can’t Ben just get it right the first time so he doesn’t have to spend a whole movie ditching his bitchy wife!

    What’s “right” way to create an AM profile or is everyone guaranteed a hook up?

    Well of course we are guaranteed a hook-up as long as we plop down the $249 Premium Membership “guaranteed affair” plan from good old Ashley Madison! I’m not sure if anyone ever actually collects if they don’t hook up? It may be too embarrassing to admit that so I have always viewed that guarantee kind of like those supposed “winners” from that Arnold movie the Running Man.

    That being said if you are honest with yourself and spend time finding the right person, navigating away from the Ashley Madison “online hosts,” and writing good letters you really should get responses and eventually meet someone if you are willing to find the time to make it happen. Now that might take 10, 20, or even 100 notes but like selling a house, you only need to be successful once, right!

    Tips to share on what to put in a profile for a successful hook up.

    Now, how to get to that hook-up; that’s the big question. And I’m probably the last guy to be qualified to tell you what to do, but I’ll take a shot.

    But, in my typical fashion I’ll digress first. I’m a sports guy and love a good sports analogy. I was once reading an article about (I think) John Calipari (coach of the Kentucky Wildcats). He said his agent once asked him, “What is your brand?” Odd question, he thought but the longer he thought about it, the more it seems really relevant.

    I think it’s very relevant to Ashley Madison. What is your brand? I mentioned that Human League song above, “Here Comes the Mirror Man.” On Ashley Madison a lot of mirror men are going to be coming at each lady. I’m a pretty good looking guy with a decent chest and (at least) an average schlong. But amid the masses on Ashley Madison, I’m sure after 100+ messages my chest and schlong are no better and certainly no more interesting than the first 100 chests and schlongs a given lady has seen.

    So I ask myself, “what is my brand?” Is my brand to be a “mirror man?” Is that what my target niche is looking for? Read the profile, probably not! Watch some TV, does Don Draper snap selfies in front of the mirror without a shirt on (I mean if Polaroid had made that a fad in 1968)?

    No, I am looking for an “alternative 3rd place to be enchanted and beguiled and to find sexy fulfilling adventures.” I suspect most ladies who might be interested in me would be likewise. And so perhaps a photo of me on top of a mountain, running along the river trail, in front of the Eiffel Tower, or overlooking a pair of crocodiles during last spring’s Wild Africa Trek at Disney (that’s me!) would be more seductive than to see my chest. That says I’m well traveled, I’ve experienced a lot, I know of the finer things in life. In short, I’m interesting; you’ll want to be with me, I’ll make it interesting for you! In business you want to have a high “perceived value.” On AM, make your brand, yourself, have value! The mirror man on the next message is like that WalMart ad, cheap and common. Be Brooks Brothers, and let the ladies enjoy getting to reveal you. Oh, and you have to let them see you smile? They don’t have to see your eyes at first. Really, showing your entire face right off the bat says “I’m crazy and likely to get us caught.” But women like men who make them smile, so show them your best pearly whites!

    So read their profile and say things that demonstrate that you have in fact read the profile. Be funny. Even serious ladies like funny. Don’t be brooding and don’t be angry. Don’t say no for her, be confident.

    In the immortal words of Mr. Rourke “smiles everyone, smiles, smiles….”

    A memorable Ashley Madison encounter.

    After one year on Ashley Madison I had met four women, had sex with three. One woman only once, one woman twice, and one woman I had seen intermittently for about six months. I had really enjoyed spending time with Sandra but life was making it difficult for us to meet. I had started my blog and to some degree was more interested in that than have an affair. We stopped seeing each other, not officially but by just not communicating anymore; no harm, no foul. I had pretty much decided to stop.

    Then one day I saw a profile that really caught my eye. I just wrote from the heart so to speak which means I was super silly. She wrote back. We just kept writing. Something about her was captivating and yet I didn’t think it was ever going to happen.

    The funny ironic thing is that Sandee was never actually planning on meeting anyone. She enjoyed playing a bit with the men and I suspect enjoyed the attention. I, on the other had, really didn’t have anything to lose and got increasingly curious. I was going to find out who she was and meet her no matter what crazy stuff she threw at me, and she threw a lot of crazy funny stuff at me. At one point she said she was actually 26 and then later said she was in her 40’s. But she was never scary crazy or threatening; just fun!

    Finally we met and she was so gorgeous! Funny too, even more so in person. We have been seeing each other off and on for over three years now. In some sense I feel like she could be the soul mate I have never met. Most of the time I’m just happy to be around her. I’m pretty sure she feels the same way.

    Sex is fantastic. We are equally into each other. No person is the dom or the sub or any other character just two people who are attracted to one another and enjoy one another.

    Was there any follow up from the encounter?

    Yes, always! Sandee and I are the best of friends and hopefully will be forever regardless of what happens. We hope to live in the same retirement community and get married in our 80’s!

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Sex Culture in South Asian Countries

    Sex Culture in South Asian Countries

    A culture of dogmatism and fanaticism, together with a high level illiteracy and lack of cultural expansionism leads to the ill growth of any society. On the other hand, the access to education is exactly what is needed for a man to elevate to greater heights in the midst of eking out a living leads to one sacrificing his/her daily pleasure in life.

    In most South Asian countries, it is a very common for a woman to be dominated by the male partner and this results in her losing both her sexual pleasures and source of happiness. In such a society, no one cares for her level of sexual contentment as she is under the heavy iron feet of a man and this is almost equivalent to ‘the lands of kama sutra being crushed’. In addition, a lack of sex education, the conservative attitude of parents towards sexuality and the equally zealous attitude towards religion in these societies is a pervading force which further reinforces parental dominance over one’s upbringing. It is not surprising that this leads to the subsequent lack of knowledge about the couple’s own preferences and dislikes and their inability to relate their sexual desires and emotions, and such cultural tightness has plunged their sex lives into an abyss of darkness while their sexual fantasies (if there are any) are condemned to be locked up in iron chambers.

    It is a great pity that South Asian societies do not encourage the freedom of sexual liberation and women who seek to express their sexual independence are met with corporal punishments, social boycott, or even labelled as prostitutes. It is inevitable for such oppressive subversion of sexuality to give rise to a glandular dysfunction of the society and leading to the proliferation of eve teasing, rapes, unhealthy addiction to pornography, sexual perversions and sex crimes. To make matters worse, scant attention is paid to sexual education and the practice of sexual hygiene and there are even individuals out there who are ignorant about the basic anatomy or physiology of their sexual organs.

    This results in the misconception about sex whereby its purpose deviates far from the physical enjoyment of each other’s companionship and to explore and respect one another’s sexual preference. What one merely pays attention to is the necessity to achieve orgasm and ejaculate with the next few minutes or even few seconds. Sex becomes a functional role to be performed for the purpose of reproduction. Ah … such is the irony for the great land of kama sutra.

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Public Sex, aka Dogging, why it is a turn on

    Public Sex, aka Dogging, why it is a turn on

    Dogging is a slang that basically involves having sex in a public place with people watching and even sometimes joining in the fun.  The excitement and thrill of having sex outdoors is undeniable and some have even gone on record saying they’ll only reach orgasm from dogging. Who better than Tia Bell, Ireland’s famous dogging queen to answer a few questions we have.

    What’s the best thing you love about dogging?

    I think dogging is great to meet new, same minded people who love that lifestyle . I hear from so many single males and couples who would love to try that lifestyle and I think it is great that so many people are interested in it, and it also connects people through exchanging experiences and making many new friends.  And some people simply love to have a kick when having sex in public areas.

    Where have you tried dogging?

    I myself have tried dogging in Ireland, Holland and Germany which made me popular in those countries.  We (my boyfriend and I) also get many invitations from all over the world right now as people would love to have us attending their dogging and gangbang parties. I always have my boyfriend with me as we love to film it too and we are on almost every porn site in the internet with our dogging movies.

    How popular are your dogging movies?

    I’m very well  known on the internet as the “Irish Dogging Queen” as I believe I’m the only women who loves dogging in Ireland and also films it at the same time (as far as I know).  Some woman I know do dogging in Ireland but don’t do any filming.  My bpyfriend and I are on xhamster.com (http://xhamster.com/user/irishcouple2131), xvideos.com (http://www.xvideos.com/profiles/real-tia–bell) and other sites.

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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