Category: Lifestyle

Embracing the inner pervert

After interviewing various men with rubber fetish for a piece I am working on for LGBTv (www.lgbtv.co.uk), it got me thinking about all the different types of fetish.

I recently bought a pair of leather trousers, to go with my leather waist coat and shorts, however sadly it was stolen while I was recording these interviews. I wonder if rubber is a fetish or could it be fashion? For some it is merely a fashion statement, I would imagine they will get a shock if someone pissed on them, lol. For many others it is a fetish, either enjoying how it feels or liking watersports or both. Personally I quite like seeing guys wet their pants. That is a big turn on for me and I am quite happy to openly admit it. However many guys do not openly admit their fetishes, whatever they are. I have also recently re-embraced leather and aim to get myself fully kitted out including a paddle. I like a bit of S&M as well and again not afraid to admit it.

So is it wrong to have a kink? Enjoy a fetish? Well as long as you’re not imposing it on someone or it’s not overtaking your life in some way then of course not.

I am sure we all have our own little or big kinks, so why not enjoy them and talk more openly about them without judging ourselves or other for having them.

Explore them either with yourself or someone else and see where it leads to. Sex is can be and should be fun as well as bringing two people together and exploring and trusting someone with sharing our kinks and fetishes with someone is a good way to this and of course very enjoyable as well.

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May 6, 2015
Mama Rainbow: Interview with Fan Popo

Fan Popo is a prolific film director and activist from mainland China. His latest documentary film Mama Rainbow (2012) features six mothers, from all over China, who openly and freely talk about their experiences with their gay and lesbian children. They are helping to redefine the Chinese family dynamics in a period where the LGBT community has little space for expression in China. Fan Popo is a rising star in LGBT China and his work has been recognized by international community. In mid April this year, Fan Popo was awarded “Visual Inspiration of the Year” at the Asia LGBT Milestone Award 2015 (ALMA) held in Bangkok.

This is my interview with the winner.

Patrick Huang (PH): Hi Popo, first of all congratulations for the win and we are truly happy to have you here. I already refer to you a little bit in the introduction. But, I’m pretty sure that you have some more things to say.

Fan Popo (FP): Hi Patrick and everyone. I am now a full-time filmmaker and also organize screenings for the LGBT films in China. I have been filming documentaries on LGBT issues since 2007. I am also a committee of Beijing Queer Film Festival and Beijing LGBT center.

PH: Great!!! What does the overall situation about gay communities in China look like? Compared to when you were young, is the situation improving?

FP: In my school years, I was keen on looking for books in the library to really understand my (gay) identity and found that the situation has changed a lot over the years. Since 1997, being a gay person in China is no longer criminalized, and since 2001, being gay is no longer considered a mental illness. The unit of family is important in Chinese culture. Today families are more tolerant to other gay people, but they are still not willing to accept if their own children are gay. There is still very strict censorship on LGBT media too. All of my films are banned for the big theaters. I can only show them in, like, a small café and even for Mama Rainbow. (sigh)

PH: Well, it is not at all unpromising. At least your fans can watch it online, right? What website can your fans go through?

FP: Yes, you can watch through www.queercomrade.com or if you are outside China, you can do it through YouTube. Just search with “Mama Rainbow”. (grin)

PH: Well, is there any film you are shooting now?

FP: ….Well, now I’m spending most of my time on Papa Rainbow. We have to find several fathers (whose children are gay) throughout the entire China. That is really amazing. Besides that, I am also working on a documentary. It is about the same-sex couples who took wedding pictures on street in 2009. Yes, I follow 2 couples and it will be on screen in 2019 approximately. That is also a good time to celebrate their 10-year anniversary, I think. (grin)

PH: Great!, I’m not sure if you can tell us a little bit of how Papa Rainbow will look like. What is the difference and similarity, compared to Mama Rainbow?

FP: Papa Rainbow will be special and different from Mama Rainbow. I don’t want to duplicate to what we did to Mama Rainbow. However, I would like to keep it secret for now. (giggling) But, I can tell that it will be done within this year.

PH: Oh!, I can’t really wait to see it and I hope your fans are looking forward to seeing it too Great!!! Now what do you want to say to your fans?

FP: To my lovely audiences, without your support, I would have not been able to accomplish to such a great extent. To me, film is the most substantial tool of communication. I hope you will continue to follow LGBT issues in China and support the independent films. (smile) Also thank you very much to Patrick for putting this interview together.

PH: Thanks Popo and please let us know when Papa Rainbow is out. (hug)

Image courtesy of Fan Popo

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April 30, 2015
Lesbian Funeral Gone Viral

The cancellation of a lesbian funeral in Denver, Colorado, in Jan 2015 has gone viral over Facebook and the web in general. This raises interesting views over LGBT ‘choice’ and religion, a hotly contested topic. The debate is often centered around homosexuality being a choice and a lifestyle supported by big-name celebrities like Lady Gaga and Cory Monteith (RIP). The debate is further complicated by association with a dominant LGBT agenda, gay marriage. This particular newsbyte is a nexus of the above issues.

It may be argued that many countries protect the rights of individuals to exercise free choice. It is said that just as many of our LGBT brethren live in a world where their ‘choice’ is supported, the choice of other people like Pastors Gary Rolando and Ray Chavez not to service LGBT families because of their religious beliefs should also be respected. To illustrate the context of this article, some followers of some religions, including Christianity, interpret religious teachings to say that homosexuality is unnatural or violates those teachings in some way. This has presumably caused Pastor Rolando to reach his view.

It is not the intention of this post to enter into the LGBT ‘choice’ vs ‘nature’ debate. That debate has gone on for many years with proponents on both sides and is too lengthy to fairly deal with here. I, personally take the stand that LGBT is entirely natural. Of course, I am a Western educated, LGBT lawyer with my own preconceptions. My reflections below should be taken in that context.

Free choice is a funny thing. It is a double-edged sword in which it can be empowering and yet dis-empowering at the same time. It can empower LGBT rights activists to fight for the choice to love and marry. It can simultaneously take away the rights of our LGBT brethren by saying, well no, your sexuality is a ‘choice’ therefore you have to bear the consequences of that ‘choice’, namely abuse and rejection by your family, friends and even third parties at your own funeral. What happens if your ‘choice’ to be LGBT clashes with a fundamental cornerstone of society, religion, who for many involves a ‘choice’ to subscribe, as is the case here? With respect to this article, I would say if you truly respect a person’s free ‘choice’, you do not impose or impact on someone’s basic right to have a simple funeral. The Pastors were not asked to approve the LGBT couple’s choice to marry or have children. The Pastors were also not asked to make a theological stand whether LGBT ‘lifestyles’ should be recognised. The Pastors were asked to preside over a ceremony to celebrate a life unfortunately cut short. The family was grieving here over the loss of a wife and a mother. I would say that LGBT debates aside, there are fundamental rights of respect, decency and sanctity associated with the death of a human being that are cherished by most societies. This was denied to Ms Vanessa Collier.

You could also suggest that Pastors are held to a particular higher standard in the community. They are respected as spiritual leaders whom the community looks to for guidance in yes, spiritual and theological matters relevant to their respective religions, but also in fundamental rights of respect, love, decency and sanctity. Even if a Pastor disagreed with a particular ‘choice’, he/she would be more respected if he/she was seen to uphold these fundamental rights, despite his/her own personal views.

But, no, the Church here did not refuse the funeral completely, at least initially. They only requested that the video of the deceased and her wife kissing be removed. That’s reasonable, right?

In my view, this is splitting hairs. How can a funeral be conducted without a memorial of a person’s life, however they ‘chose’ to live it? This seems to be a case of imposing one ‘choice’ over another ‘choice’, over a circumstance where both sides should bring their defences down temporarily in furtherance of higher purposes of love, respect, decency and sanctity.

Thoughts?

xoxo

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April 27, 2015
Understanding the hidden male emotion

It all comes down to Biology.

Our brains have two emotional systems that work simultaneously; males seem to use one system more and females seem to use the other system more. As men reach puberty, their emotional empathy is not the same as a woman’s and that boundary is there to prevent men from being influenced by others. Whereas women take into account what others think of them, men do so less, and this makes men seem less empathetic.

Men have had to, for the purpose of survival, do what they think is best and act on it without waiting for others approval. Women’s survival at a primitave level depends on others as a group process, and therefore they developed more empathy towards each other. As men and women age, the gap of this emotional thinking seems to change in many ways. While men, as they age, become more aware of others emotions, women become less dependent on the approval of others, especially after children are no longer young and dependent on them. As men age, they begin to want the emotional intimacy of their wives, but are not used to expressing it in words or emotions on their face.

Developing healthy communication with your spouse is one way to bridge the gap between the two of you. Understanding that just because a person does not always respond the same way emotionally as you do, that does not mean that they don’t feel it. For a woman, learning to ask more direct questions to her husband about what she may need or want will help him get the job done without having to try and figure out the meaning behind the question. Men get confused and frustrated with women because women are sometimes not direct and think that a man should know what they want. The truth is that unless women tell most men what you want, their brains are not wired to pick up on those subtle ques like a girlfriend or sister may sense. Listening to men having conversations with each other can give women a clue as to how direct they are with one another; when they want something, they don’t beat around the bush.

The same is true about a woman; she is not wired to be as direct biologically or socially, so if she is trying to tell you something and you are getting frustrated, repeat what she said back to you. For example,”You are telling me that you are tired at night and when you wake up in the morning and the kitchen is not clean, it stresses you out?” It will let her know that you heard what she said and also give you time to ask a more direct question. “Do you want me to take out the trash, sweep the kitchen or put dishes away? What do you want me to do?” Be direct so that she does not have to and can just answer your question.

Both men and women can use the communication techniques of asking the question back. It is one way to pay attention, let the person know that you heard them, and it gives some time to defuse a potential negative comeback.

This article has been republished with permission from Dr. Dawn Michael.

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April 26, 2015
Pixie Dust in the Air: SongKran9 Review

There is no dance floor big enough for gCircuit. Two weeks has pass since SongKran9 and the music is still beating in my heart. The biggest gay circuit party in Asia has truly lived up to its name and hype. The three day event spanning from 10th to 12th April includes three night parties and two pool parties. With an estimated six thousand party goers a night, I would describe the experience at SongKran9 a supersized “a night at the club”; the music was definitely spectacular, the crowd partied harder and the air was cleansed with pixie dust.

When you stepped onto the SongKran9 red carpet you are greeted by hot models from the different partners and sponsors of the event. From Atlantis Cruise, which does gay cruise in US and Europe, to Jack’d, one of the most popular global gay app, your eyes can’t help but wonder. Three booths stood out. The first was testbkk.org. They had an impressive boxing ring themed booth in sleek black and gold complete with sexy models in boxing attire. Their motto “Suck, F*#K, Test, Repeat” is a coy reminder that even though many of us are indulging in the process of sucking, f*#king, and repeating, we cannot neglect the importance of testing. For an NGO of HIV and STI awareness, they have an impressive PR campaign.

Next was Pure Bliss Weddings, a wedding planning company for LGBT that is based in Phuket. Not only was taking pictures in their beach themed booth fun, talking to the planners about the different weddings that are taking place in our region is an eye opener. It gives one hope that the society is progressing even though we do not have legalised marriage for our community in Asia yet.

Lastly was SongKran9’s own booth where you have the chance to meet and greet the GoGo boys who will be performing. The month leading up to the event, one only gets a sneak peak of who the GoGo dancers are from gCircuit facebook page. However, to have a chance to meet them is another thing altogether. The highlight is being able to meet SongKran9’s brand ambassador Peter Le. Despite the star power shrouding him, Peter is a very humble and stand up man. The way that he carried himself and interacted with his fans was nothing short of impressive.

Upon entering the dance floor, you will be amazed by its sheer size. Being there early, I was able to see how the void began to slowly fill up with the heat from party goers, the thirsty for fluids and the need for a rad beat. The opening DJs were fanatics. My personal favorite was opening DJ Louis T. He had the right mix of tribal music that could keep me going for hours. After experiencing the beat of the opening DJs over the three days, I feel that each and every one of them have the qualities to be a main DJ at the next big circuit party.

It was only when the dance floor was packed enough then did the performance for the WICKED party began. All the dancers and models who we meet earlier came on stage with more than enough confetti to ignite the night. From the elevated view of the VIP, one could see the intricate tango between the main DJ, the GoGo boys and lights show. Even the WICKED party was filled with the excitement excited of a virgin experience, the NEON party which is the second night’s party you can see that the GoGo dancers are really up their game. They brought about more energy than the night before and were able to maintain the high energy level dance after dance. Placing NEON party as a leader in the running for the best party of the five. However, the prediction was pre-mature. This is because the opening sequence of the PHARAOH party was the most erotic thing I have ever seen in my life.

The GoGo boys were dressed like Egyptian Kings.
They had sexy servants waiting on their every hand and foot.
These Gods dance sensually with each other in a vessel that descended from the heavens.
While their servants bathed them in milk.

The first thing that came out of my mouth when the performance ended was , “I think I just wet myself”. It is hard to determine which party was the best as each one was different. Even the pool party has its own set of fun. It was a nice break from dancing in the dark. The pool party encompasses the vibe of the water festival element of the actual Thai New Year. Having hundreds of topless guys in sexy swim trunks playing with water. Who can ask for more?

However, no party is perfect and if one were to look around, one would be able to find some unhappy and bored party goers. The SongKran9 teams still works tirelessly to put up a good show. At the front of the house, one can see the Drag Queens, Miss GiGi and Siva entertaining the new party arrivals. Even the PR director, Jom, has made it a tradition to come all dressed up in Drag. Much credit also goes to Yoss who designed the beautiful outfits for the GoGo Boys and Drag Queens. The countless tech and backstage crew were instrumental in ensuring that everything ran smoothly. Together with Tom and Oui, it is unquestionable that these folks are serious about partying and definitely know how to run a good show. With a successful ninth year under their belt, you know that when SongKran10 comes along next 15th to 17th April 2016, it is sure to be bigger, better, bolder … and a ton more of pixie dust in the air.

*For event pictures, refer to the following links
Day 1: WICKED Party
Day 2: NEON Party
Day 3: WASH and PHARAOH Party

Image courtesy of gCircuit
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April 25, 2015
Bondage Crossdressing and why it turns me on

Thanks so much for having me here. Well, yes, I’m a crossdresser and a huge bondage fetishist. For me, the two interests have always been there for as long as I can remember. For me, crossdressing and bondage are primarily sexual fetishes. They turn me on. And the style of bondage that I prefer the most is damsel in distress bondage, which as the name suggests has an element of danger or peril in it, though quite often it can be done in a rather tongue in cheek manner. The things that turned me on as a boy were detective movies and TV shows where a smartly-dressed woman ended up tied up and gagged. I always identified with the damsel and wanted to be her. I didn’t want to see her actually being hurt or raped or anything really bad happening to her, but the element of danger and the sense that she was in a situation where she might be forced and used or come to a bad end was terribly exciting. Sometimes I would see these shows as a child and pray that none of my family there in the den with me could pick up on how fascinated I was by these images on TV.

So from an early age, I was intrigued by and attracted to women’s clothes. I didn’t have a sister, but like many crossdressers, when I was a teenager I would sometimes try on my mother’s clothes when I could get away with it and remember it being a huge thrill. I know it sounds, well, I hate to use the word creepy, but yes, some people would see it that way. But believe me, if you’re a “CD” you have to find the clothes somewhere when you’re starting out, and if the opportunity arises you’re probably going to act on it, especially at that age when all the hormones are racing.

Many CDs will deny that there’s a sexual component to their dressing and for some of them I think that’s true, that it touches something else in them, or perhaps they have a stronger feeling of being transgender or gender dysphoric, (basically deeply dissatisfied or uncomfortable with one’s “assigned at birth” gender). But for me it definitely has its roots in fetishism. I think that’s why I now try to take sexy pictures, because I’ve spent a lot of time looking at these kinds of fetish images and imagining myself in the role of the damsel in distress.

As for gender, yes, I’ve certainly had those thoughts wishing I’d been born female, especially when I was younger. I can’t say that I’ve ever been thrilled to be male, but at the same time it hasn’t tormented me in the way that a trans person likely experiences. But so much of my dressing started out as a sexual thing so it’s pretty clear to me that I’m a crossdresser or to use the clinical term, a fetishistic transvestite. There is that whole other question – do crossdressers fall on the trans continuum? Some days I’d say yes, some days no. And in the trans community, where there is very little agreement about much of anything, you can safely say that opinions vary. One thing I remind myself though whenever I wish I’d been born female is that females for the most part are not fetishists – it’s pretty much a male game, although there certainly are women who are into bondage, some heavily into it. But they’re not into the clothes the way that a CD or transvestite is. So obviously if I’d been born female, this whole website thing most likely wouldn’t be happening for me.

As for the clothes themselves, I’ve always been drawn more to clothes that are “dressy”: skirts and blouses, stockings and high heels, and my favorite look is probably the sexy secretary or sexy librarian. I know these are clichés and some might argue that I’m just objectifying and fetishizing women, but that’s what happens with desire. We get focused on something that turns us on and there’s no arguing with it as to whether it’s objectifying or not, or politically correct. And well, I love to be objectified myself. I find it very sexy if I know someone likes my pictures enough to get off to them. That’s really my goal. And some of my favorite fan mail is to hear from guys who say, “You know, I’m a straight guy who’s never had any interest at all in crossdressers but I get really turned on looking at your pictures.” That’s just the best!

Image courtesy of Sandra Gibson
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April 24, 2015
Trannies in Trouble

Well, for many years I had fantasies of modeling for bondage pictures, so it’s been a long path to finally get to Trannies In Trouble. I’ve been around quite a while and plan to continue on as a bondage photographer once I feel I’m too old to be in front of the camera. But when I was young and in college, I used to go to adult bookstores to look at bondage magazines – this was really before the internet had become popular – and I remember what a thrill it was and how forbidden and even risky it felt to go to these stores. The first time I saw a wall of bondage magazines in an adult bookstore, I was stunned. It was like, OMG, I’m not the only one who’s into this stuff. Nowadays erotic material is so easily available that it’s really lost some of the charge that it had back when you’d have to go to a special naughty bookstore and summon up the courage to walk through the door, usually hidden around back.

But even back then I wanted to pose for bondage pictures and take photos of other girls and other CDs. There weren’t many images of CDs in bondage but there were a few and I remember wondering if I could look good enough to take some nice pictures someday. I started rather late with dressing more seriously, and probably didn’t have a halfway decent “look” put together till well into my mid-thirties, and then when I finally moved to L.A. back in 2001 I met up with a nice group of people who ran the website “SweetTies,” which is still online. I was able to pose for some photos for them a few times, and then when they moved away, I started taking pictures on my own. It sounds crazy but I actually came up with ways to tie myself up and take photos of myself with the camera on a tripod, using a remote control. It was very crude and took forever but some of those photos are still on my website and some of them were pretty effective. I’d like to think that I’ve improved some since then and I’ve certainly met many excellent photographers and models over the years who have helped out so much, especially my friend Delilah Knotty, with whom I’ve been shooting for years. She no longer models on my site but that girl still ties my ass up tight!

But basically the whole concept of Trannies in Trouble was just to do damsel in distress style bondage but feature crossdressers as the stars of the show. This is a very narrow niche, obviously, and there are very few websites in this genre. There is some overlap though, of course, with damsel in distress sites featuring women, as many of my customers enjoy seeing both women and CDs in bondage. But like I say, it’s a fetish and many of the guys who like these sites are crossdressers themselves, or trans, or guys who simply identify with the image of a woman tied up and in danger.

Images courtesy of Sandra Gibbons

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April 19, 2015
Where do we go from here?

No, this is not merely a reference to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical – it is a question that has been bubbling under the surface of the gay and lesbian community, to varying degrees, for quite some time now.

Same-sex marriage has become almost an inevitability across the Western world. Horrified to learn that Australia is now behind even Texas in affording gay and lesbian people the right to marry, I was recently bouyed by an article suggesting that health care was the next frontier in the fight for queer equality. It would seem to me that, once our community overcomes the marriage barrier we have been banging our heads against for the better part of half a century, we must open ourselves up to a much larger, more diverse, but infinitely more complex set of issues to overcome.

I use the term ‘gay and lesbian community’ above intentionally, because these are the people who inherently frame where the debate goes from here. Having all but entirely succeeded in securing the right to marry, we are faced with either resigning ourselves to the white picket fences of our matrimonial dreams or continuing to stand up to queerphobia in every facet of society. Many, I would argue, will see no need to keep rallying, writing letters, picketing homophobes (indeed, some do not see even the need right now). Many will think that equality has been achieved, and that queerphobia is all but dead in the dust as the last vestiges of the older, conservative, bigoted generation slowly fade. This, unfortunately, is very far from reality.

Trans people have known where we should be heading for a while now. In a time when there have been eight reported murders of transgender women in the US alone so far this year (and it is only February); when the suicide of a trans teenager highlights the crucial need for education, parental acceptance, and access to physical and mental health services; when studies find that between 40 to 50 percent of trans people will attempt suicide (14 times higher than their cisgender counterparts); when over 80 percent of transgender youth report being bullied at school. We cannot ignore that queer youth – trans in particular – are being oppressed to the point of illness and death for not conforming to social ideas about gender, and what it means to be a ‘real’ man or woman. We simply cannot erase the fact that this is the same kind of queerphobia that gay and lesbian people have faced for a long time, merely in a different form.

That is only one tip of one iceberg. Queer refugees across the globe are fleeing torture, corrective rape, and execution. This, in the face of countries such as Australia testing the ‘gayness’ of refugees by asking them about their promiscuity or gauging their knowledge of cultural tropes like Madonna, Oscar Wilde, and Bette Midler; or Germany reportedly advising refugees that Uganda (home of the ‘Kill the Gays’ legislation) is a safe place to live for queer people; or the United States deporting a queer refugee, who was then tortured and executed in a Honduran prison. We cannot ignore the fact that we live in a very ‘privileged’ society – one that does not condone our torture, rape, or execution based solely on our gender or sexuality. We owe it to queer refugees to, funnily enough, provide refuge from that level of violent, lethal queerphobia.

As a community, our fight extends beyond the white picket fence. Our straight allies have stood with us in the long, arduous battle to gain rights, whether they be to marry, to adopt, to surrogacy, wills and estates, powers of attorney, or to be free from discrimination in the workplace and the schoolyard. Now, it is our turn – our duty, really – to show that same level of allyship to those in our own community that are facing some of the most abhorrent forms of queerphobic oppression. Oppression that is resulting in their deaths by the droves.

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April 16, 2015
Gay Circuit Party Finale: WASH and PHARAOH

All good things must come to an end….

Image courtesy of gCircuit
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April 13, 2015
Gendering Outside the Lines (Part 2)

Read Part I here

Some of the terms I used in my introduction to describe my gender identity and gender discovery journey are likely unfamiliar to you. Here’s a quick vocab lesson to go with my first post:

Assigned Female at Birth (AFAB), also Assigned Male at Birth (AMAB): these terms acknowledge that the gender that ends up on your birth certificate is determined based on external examination of your genitals and assigned by someone other than the person being born. That assigned gender may or may not correspond to the gender identity that person eventually recognizes for themselves. So, in my case, when I was born, everyone in the room (other than me) took a look and decided I was female.

Transmasculine is a term used to describe people who are AFAB and identify as masculine in some way and/or are masculine in appearance. Genderqueer is a term some people use to describe identities that are not male or female, but perhaps a combination of them or transcending them entirely. I use genderqueer as a shortcut to describe my gender identity which is a combination of male and female, though I do not specifically identify as either.

Because I’m genderqueer, you can also say that I don’t identify with the gender binary. Another term you might have seen is ‘trans*’. This is a term some people use to broadly describe people who identify as transgender, transsexual or other gender non-conforming identities. I sometimes describe myself as a trans* genderqueer butch. Be aware that in some circles, this is a controversial term, however it is one I use to describe myself and other nonbinary identified people.

‘Non-binary’ is another term we should explore and we’ll do that by first talking about what binary means. A binary system is one with two choices, like on/off or black/white. When we talk about the gender binary, we’re talking about male and female being the only two terms we have when describing gender. For most of my life, I didn’t question that system or the limitations it imposed. Our culture uses the gender binary to define what roles, characteristics and appearances are acceptable for everyone based on their perceived gender. When I identified as a butch female, I was gender non-conforming. That means I wasn’t playing by the rules for being a female in American culture. I didn’t wear dresses, or keep my hair long and feminine. I embraced masculinity and put me outside the gender norms. Even as I chafed at the limitations assigned my gender, I still didn’t question the binary itself.

Sit for a moment and imagine living outside that binary, imagine not being constrained by male and female. Can you do it? Can you think of a time when you didn’t feel intrinsically male or female? Even for people who are trans* identified, it can be a challenge. Most people relate to the gender binary in a positive way, for example trans women who identify as female or trans men who identify as male. But I am becoming more and more aware of people like me who occupy that gray area in between (or maybe outside) the binary.

I first discovered this gray area through blogs and essays and eventually met some nonbinary people in person. I had a growing realization that this way of seeing gender, outside the restrictions of the binary, resonated with my internal vision of myself. I began to identify as genderqueer and tell people about the way gender intersected in me. The ongoing challenge is that it is really hard to explain not being male or female to binary identified people. Typical reactions are confusion, disbelief, even mockery – maybe you can relate to one of those.

This being my first post here, I don’t want to go on and on, better to leave something for the next time. In my next installment, I will address a couple more things I spoke about in the second paragraph – my pronouns, name change, testosterone and how that reconciles with not being male.

If you have questions for me on the topics I’ve raised here or questions you hope I’ll address in future posts, please leave them for me in a comment. You can also find more on these topics (and more) on my blog, Butchtastic.

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April 12, 2015