Category: Kink

  • 50 Shades of Shame

    50 Shades of Shame

    Many of you at this point have read the book or seen the movie 50 Shades of Grey. And many of you have also read the myriad of criticisms about the story’s problematic messages about romantic relationships and BDSM. Many critics are doing a really good job at pointing out why it is really problematic to view or read 50 Shades of Grey not for enjoyment, but as a “how to” guide for BDSM. Some critics are making really important points about the problems behind having heteronormative, white-washed, undeveloped characters and the message that people who are into BDSM always have abusive childhoods or are otherwise “damaged.” But after reading (and agreeing with) these critiques, I am left feeling unsettled by something. It was not clear to me at first what was unsettling, because I support the arguments and I understand the perspectives of the people who have a problem with the story and the messages it sends to viewers. I realized that the unsettled feeling I was having was shame…because I enjoyed parts of the book and the movie.

    And when I take a closer look at what is making me feel ashamed, I realize that many of the critiques leave me with the message that if I do read the book or watch the movie and I enjoy it, that means I do not understand what healthy sexuality looks like and I need to question why I am turned on by this particular story. If I found some pleasure in reading about how Christian Grey essentially stalked and emotionally coerced Anastasia Steele into being his submissive then I must be a really horrible person, right? This, I believe is why I feel uncomfortable with some of the reactions to 50 Shades of Grey – especially those written by professionals in the field of sexuality. Because in a field where we often do our best to fight against a power that tries to dictate what is sexy and what is “acceptable” or “immoral,” it feels like we are doing the same thing here. And while I am all about critiquing movies, books, and other pieces of pop culture – especially those where I feel like someone is trying to represent ME and is doing a poor job – I am not about making people feel ashamed for reading or watching something for pleasure.

    Critiques where this shaming is present (and it is definitely not in all of the critiques I have read) can lead to discussions about the “danger” of reading or watching something because of how it will influence someone’s behavior. Just this past week a male college student was arrested after sexually assaulting a female student claiming that he was acting out a scene from 50 Shades. So, do we blame the book/movie? If the story had represented a BDSM relationship in an accurate way would this student have acted differently? This is a decades-old debate and one that will likely continue to surface any time someone who commits a crime references a movie, a musician, or a video game in order to account for their behavior. There was an article recently titled “Sex toy injuries rocket after release of Fifty Shades of Grey,” and I thought maybe I am wrong, maybe this book has had a greater impact that I could have imagined. Then I read the subtitle, “Injuries involving sex toys has doubled in the US since 2007, according to new figures, with a particular jump since the release of Fifty Shades of Grey.” Well, I know that the book was released in 2011, so the title is already a bit misleading, right? And then I went on to read further down the page “there is no evidence the two are linked, but the bondage-themed novels have been read by tens of millions of people.” Okay. So there has been some measuring of sex toy injuries and they have increased in the past 7 years or so and maybe there is a connection between some of those injuries and individuals who have read the book. I don’t know about you, but that idea does not fill me with the same sense of panic that the title originally implied. In general, I think this idea that a book or a movie will cause catastrophic damage and dangerous behavior does not give most people enough credit. I hope and actively want people who read or view 50 Shades who have had no previous “exposure” to BDSM and become curious about engaging in kinky behavior will do some research, talk to someone about it, and negotiate safety and consent with their partner. I can promote that (and I do), but ultimately it is not any of my business if they do that or not. And I also think it is possible for someone to read or watch something, be aroused by it, and not want to act it out in real life.

    Someone recently asked me how I would talk to a high school student who had read the book or watched the movie. My response was I would tell them that BDSM and other kinks are one way that some adults engage in sexual activity and relationships and while the story or behavior in “50 Shades” might be entertaining or exciting (and that is okay!), in reality I believe that is not what a healthy, consensual relationship looks like. The characters and story are like those in many books and movies – created for entertainment, shock, and dramatic value and NOT as representatives of what makes for a pleasurable and satisfying experience in real life. If BDSM is something they find interesting and they want to learn more about it they should seek out information online from experts in the BDSM community (depending on my role at that point I would either give them names or just encourage them to seek better information in general) and understand that safety and consent are at the core of these practices and should not be tried until all parties involved are capable of establishing both, which is why waiting until you are an adult is a good idea. I explained that these would be my main points apart from asking them if they have any specific questions that they would like answered. I would not discourage them from reading it or watching it and I would tell them it is okay if they enjoyed it.


    Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to SHARE on SimplySxy?
    Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • Forced Bi: Myth or Real?

    Forced Bi: Myth or Real?

    Why do I ask if it’s a myth? Well, I have long made jokes about guys who ask to be made to suck cock…accusing them of just being cowardly bisexuals who needed a nudge to cross that line.

    A mountain of personal experience is finally starting to convince me that straight guys DO exist who have no interest in gay activities without a female present. They have no desire to hook up with a guy online, go to a gay bathhouse, get drunk with a buddy and play hide the salami, watch gay porn, etc. They absolutely require a female they’re attracted to there…preferably in control and encouraging them to put that penis in their mouth…or lick those balls/ass, eat that cum, etc.

    2
    It’s like a FemDom version of ‘Bobbing For Apples’!

    These days we are certainly learning that sexuality is not black and white. Gay, straight, bisexaul, pansexual, gay-situational, male, female, transgender, sissy, kinky, vanilla, Dom, sub, switch…on and on.

    So folks, it’s complicated. It’s unfortunate that we get locked into labels & our feelings about those labels. I know many guys are really conflicted and confused about aspects of their sexuality. They really love women & are only attracted to women…yet really want to feel a dick in their mouth…maybe as an act of submission to the larger cock that gets to fuck the female of their desire (talking about a cuckolding scenario here).

    Whatever the deep psychology of it is (I’m not really a therapist, I just play one in weird porn movies) I have met enough straight guys who want to suck dick (for me or with a woman present) to know they do exist. I can no longer deny it. Or mock it, as I’ve been known to do with a lot of eye-rolling, implying they were just closeted bisexuals who needed a shove.

    So let your freak flag fly if you’re one of those guys…or whatever kind of freak you are. Thanks to the internet you can find others like you. The more we accept and even celebrate our differences the sooner we can ruin the hotness of feeling like we’re into some dark, twisted, taboo stuff that makes us a secret pervert, like a super hero secret. Wait, what did I just say? Yeah, that’s the flip side of all this information sharing…there was a time when secret inclinations explored on the down-low was a major part of what made it sexy. Overall I think it’s better for things to be out in the open…but there is a part of me that misses the days when I first started to explore kinky stuff & thought I was special. When I felt a bit of shame for being so perverted. Like chasing the dragon, you can never go back to your first time.

    On that note…if you’re into Forced Bi stuff it’s a genre I’ve done a lot in. Why? Because it sells like crazy! Obviously there’s a huge demand for it. But also because I really enjoy it. A lot of women watch gay male porn or get aroused seeing two guys gettin’ freaky. I also get a thrill pushing men to do extreme things FOR ME, especially if it’s their first time. Hey, I can’t get a lot of my “first times” back (remember the chasing the dragon thing?) so I live vicariously through my puppets who experience new kinky things at my hands.

    You can search “Forced Bi” on my clips store but I don’t use the word ‘forced’ on my members site (the payment processor doesn’t like it) so I call it ‘encouraged bi’…which really is more accurate anyway. The search function on my site works great:

    3 copy
    See the handy search field there? “Encouraged Bi” will lead you to all my “Forced Bi” stuff since I can’t use the word “Forced” on my site.

     

    4
    You can see the search field on my clips store too…you can also search the category “Forced Bi”

    xo
    Mistress T

    This article and all associated images have been republished with permission from Mistress T.
    Please visit Mistress T’s website to view original post and more of her work.


    All images courtesy of Mistress T
    Join SimplySxy’s forum discussions now on
    Society
    Do not miss another article on SimplySxy!  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for our latest updates!

  • What Makes a Good Submissive?

    What Makes a Good Submissive?

    There are many types of submissives crawling around out there begging to be dominated. Some of them hold executive positions and some depend on a provider for their income. There are meek submissives, just as there are bold ones. A submissive can come from anyone who strives to be one, however I have noticed some attributes among certain submissives that I admire. Not only have I noticed these characteristics but, more importantly, I see the these people continuously working to better themselves in these areas. Submission can always be improved.

    Before I go into the attributes, I must say that for submissives to be their best at submitting, they must be in optimal conditions. If they are not in the right kind of relationship (e.g. an abusive relationship) or if they haven’t found someone they want to better themselves for, they will not flourish. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t good at being submissive, it just means they need to keep searching for a partner(s) that better fits them.

    First and most importantly, they communicate. It important to share fantasies and desires, wants and needs, and even something as simple as what kind of day they had, but it is dire to share concerns, when feelings have been hurt, and uncomfortable parts of their past—just to name a few. If one cannot communicate they will find themselves walking down a dark and lonely road, which does not make for a good submissive.

    I feel like while being honest and trustworthy ties in with communication, they deserve a separate mention. If a dominant can’t trust what their submissive is saying, or can’t trust that they are saying all that needs to be said, the relationship has no ground to stand on. No if’s, and’s, or but’s, the relationship will not work if there is no trust and honesty. Please note that if trust has been broken it can be repaired, though it does take time.

    Patience, a need to please, and flexibility (no, not physically flexible … though that could come in handy) also plays a big role in a submissive’s life. Personally, I do not feel that one is submitting if they are getting their way all the time, or if they only do things that please themselves. For instance, there might come a time when they don’t want to put a plug in their butts, or they might find they want to kick their dominant for telling them to do the dishes at the most inconvenient time, or at some point the submissives might be told they have to wait for something they want right now (none of which has happened to meahem—I don’t know why you were thinking of that), but when that person does whatever it is they don’t want to do (without kicking!), because it will please their partner, that is when they are exercising submission. Of course there are exceptions to this, even when the submissive wants to bend or wait, it’s not always possible, in which case that should be respected and not frowned upon.

    Not only do submissives need to be forgiving of their dominant, they need to be able to forgive themselves as well. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. Sometimes forgiving doesn’t come easily, but to be at our best it must be done.

    Finally, I feel that a submissive is also strong. It can get complicated conforming to another, and it doesn’t always leave a warm and fuzzy feeling. This style of relationship isn’t easy—it takes a lot of work and a lot of time and even though the rewards are magical, it takes a strong person to keep at it.


    Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?
    Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • The life of a submissive wife

    The life of a submissive wife

    So … my life.  Well … today …

    I made breakfast for my kids, drove them to school, stopped to sign one up for soccer, stopped at the ophthalmologist to pick up contacts, went to the hardware store to get paint, came home and painted my child’s room. A friend brought lunch over to my home and we chatted and then I went back to painting. I picked up my kids from school, made dinner, took a shower, drove to a child’s activity, and got the kids to sleep. It’s now 11:30pm and I am relaxing and typing this.

    Oh but wait, this was about the life of a submissive wife.  Well … ya, that’s my life … and I am a wife and I am submissive.  Note, the above day—today—didn’t include noted interactions with my dominant husband. Well, he’s traveling for work today so my interactions were texts and a couple phone calls.

    So for me, the differentiation between my life now, as a submissive wife—not just a wife and three years ago when I was a wife who was a switch (for those that don’t know that term, it means that we switched dom and sub roles back and forth) with her husband of over two decades is almost imperceptible to the outsider, but meaningful to us. I typically wake up before my husband and stroke and suck him as a wake-up call.  As he finishes dressing to go to work, I slide out of bed, sit naked on the ground at his feet and put on his shoes and socks. I typically call him Sir, though sometimes not in public. He will tug my hair or grasp it tightly if he is choosing to be inconspicuous. He has no qualms about swatting my bum as I pass by or if I’m getting out of line.

    Last Wednesday, Sir came home to a very UNsubmissive wife. He walked in the door and I was frustrated with the kids, with the dog, with him … frustrated. Sadly, that meant that I was sassy and disrespectful the moment he walked in the door. It took all of about four minutes and he looked at me … with a hardened look in his eyes, he took a firm hold of my upper arm and marched me to our room.  He calmly shut and locked our bedroom door before taking me over to our bed and lying me over the side of our bed. When I tried to stand back up, he firmly put a hand on the small of my back and commanded me to “Stay here, Fiona and silence yourself, NOW.”  He had THAT tone in his voice and immediately spanked me, HARD, rapidly and all in ONE spot. He does that when he wants to make a point. It hurts and is in no way erotic in nature. He spanked me until my body responded and I no longer fought him …somehow he knows when my mind is better, when I’ve been able to let go, when I’m repentant, and when I’m settled. When he’s done, he requires a proper apology and acknowledgement of what was wrong, and he forgives and we move forward.

    What isn’t seen by others is that in private, I will frequently call him Sir or Master. As long as he is home, there are spankings frequently, at least once a day but frequently more and many with a crop or cane, not just his hand. There are sometimes choices in my clothing that he will dictate—i.e. “Wear no underwear today, or wear your cupless bra today, or wear this outfit today, etc.  I must ask for permission to masturbate and to cum.  He will frequently lift my shirt and play with my nipples or otherwise fondle my body. If I’m out of line and disrespectful, he will correct my behavior immediately. We have a very active sex life and it frequently involves toys, be them the new spreader bars He recently made as a gift for me, or a crop or flogger or nipple clamps or dildo or … I sleep naked with him and there are frequent fondles in the night.

    Through ‘Ds’, we have strengthened our bond. We had a good, strong marriage before, but in the three and a half years we have changed to having consistent D(Sir) and s (me) roles, from switching, we improved our communication, we are sexually more active, more creative, and more satisfied than we ever have been. He is so much more in tune with me, my needs and desires and I am much more in tune with his.

    To the outside world, we simply look like any other normal, straight-laced couple.  No one would ever believe that we are a Ds couple.  I am a strong, independent, smart, mother and wife. I also happen to offer up my power and my body to my husband, my Sir, my dom, my Master.


    Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to SHARE on SimplySxy?
    Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • Important advice before getting into the Slutwife and Swingers lifestyle

    Important advice before getting into the Slutwife and Swingers lifestyle

    Besides enjoying it and having fun, should you decide to embark on the slut wife lifestyle, then what I consider to be the most important advice anyone could offer would be to be safe.

    Obviously sexually, use protection, don’t ever take anyone’s word for their sexual history. People when motivated by lust or wanting, tend to lie. It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment … and then regret it when it’s too late. There are many STDs and there’s always AIDS, do not think that because it doesn’t get as much news coverage as it used to, that AIDS is not as active as it was. It is and it can devastate your life. Don’t wrongly assume that AIDS only affects gay men. It doesn’t; it affects everyone, and you need to know this.

    If you’re going to meet someone, take condoms and lubricants with you, don’t rely on them and if you’re going to meet someone alone without your partner, meet somewhere where people are about. Do not, and i stress this, do not assume because you’ve swapped a couple of emails or texts, or had a few phone chats with someone, that you know that person. You don’t. They may appear the nicest sweetest person in the world, but you do not know them and i speak from experience here.

    I got talking to a man i met online, we swapped emails, eventually deciding to meet for a coffee. It went well, we met a few more times, then we started having sex. He was a businessman from the other end of the country, who’d previously lived close to where i live. We’d been seeing each other for six months, everything was fine. He used to have a thing about me dressing up a bit like a tart, which i didn’t mind … short skirts, stockings, strappy high heels, too much makeup, all that kind of thing, and he used to like sex either outdoors or in the back of his car, when we weren’t back at his hotel room.

    This particular time, we’d driven somewhere late in the evening and were walking around, me dressed up like a whore, when he spotted an alley, so off we went down it as we had done a few times before. We had a bit of a kiss and a grope, same as always, and then, out of the blue, he hit me. Punched me hard in the face. I still remember the shock, like it was happening to me now. I don’t remember how many times he punched me, in my face, my stomach, everything was a blur. I just remember a lot of pain, tasting my own blood and thinking he was going to kill me.

    He didn’t, he stopped to fuck me while I was bleeding and half unconscious lying on the floor. Then he was gone, leaving me just lying there. Luckily, I still had my phone and was able to call my hubby to come and find me when i could finally pull myself together and manage to think straight and stop sobbing. I survived obviously, otherwise i wouldn’t be here now telling you this. But it left scars and I don’t mean just emotionally. I lost a couple of teeth and needed dental work to repair others. My nose and cheek were broken and I couldn’t open my left eye for about a month.

    Up until this point, everything had all been fun. No sense of danger, no indication of any danger, and then like the first punch, reality hit. And believe me when I say, it hit very hard indeed. I learned the hard way a lesson in trust. Do not make the same mistake i did.

    Now i only see men i know or who I get to know very well before hand. But there’s still doubt, there probably always will be. The reality of this is that you’re stepping away from safe zone, the life and people you know and trusting someone else. Some may say that I got what I deserved for living what they define as a promiscuous lifestyle. Maybe they’re right, who am I to judge?

    What I do know is that sometimes you’re going to meet some people who are not very nice and bear this in mind because they don’t come with a sign. Some hide it very well indeed. Just like him. For months. Think on that. So do be very careful and like special agent Mulder used to say in the X-Files: ‘Trust no one!’  At the end of the day, stay safe in whatever decision or lifestyle you decide to follow.


    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?
    Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • Recommended restraints for BDSM play

    Recommended restraints for BDSM play

    If you’re controlling your man’s orgasms then preventing him from touching himself when his chastity device is removed can be very important.  It can also be a huge turn on for him to feel helpless while you tease and edge him. Here are a few suggestions for some restraints that I’ve got to know intimately and would wholeheartedly recommend to others.

    First of all you need to know that I’m a struggler—if I’m put in restraints then I’m going to test their limits and try to escape. I’m not devious, it’s just that I like the feeling of very strict and secure bondage so I need to know I can’t escape. Anything that is used to bind my limbs needs to be strong and secure, otherwise it’s useless.

    Police-style Steel Handcuffs

    This type of restraint is very strict by design—caution needs to be used because soft-tissue damage can occur if the bracelets are too tightly applied or allowed to close tightly in use. Handcuffs are not designed to be comfortable in use but do give the dominant a very quick way to restrain their partner’s hands. I get restrained in two different sets of handcuffs and enjoy the different ways they feel.

    Hiatts Speedcuffs

    We have been using these cuffs for several years—they’re the same ones as the UK police force use and are very strict restraints indeed. When applied with the hands back to back and with the locks pointing towards the body, it’s almost impossible for the restrained person to escape even with the key. Because they’re rigid cuffs, the customary way to apply them is with one arm above the other in a ‘stacked’ configuration; this reduces the risk of damage to the restrained subject. It’s also advisable to use the double locking function—not for security but to prevent the shackles from tightening.

    When put in these cuffs, the subject feels very securely restrained and the cuffs themselves feel pleasingly heavy when on. The fact that they’re rigid prevents a lot of arm movement which feels very restrictive and the non-rounded edges of the shackles remind you that you’re wearing serious restraints—I’ve worn quite a few different sets of handcuffs and these are my favourite for the secure feeling they give.

    Smith and Wesson Model 1 Hinged Cuffs

    Hinged cuffs give the wearer a bit more movement and can afford a little more comfort whilst not compromising on security. These cuffs are also very strict restraints and the bigger shackle size means that they can fit a bigger variety of wrist sizes. These Model One cuffs also feel nice and heavy when put on.

    The problem with steel handcuffs is that when I’m cuffed with my hands behind (there’s no point cuffing a chase male to the front if you’re trying to prevent him access to his penis), it can be very uncomfortable to be made to lie on my back. The cuffs dig into my wrists and back which is also potentially harmful. Luckily, there is the perfect restraint available for keeping control of a chaste male’s arms and it’s available from the recently re-opened Sub-Shop.

    Leather Restraints

    Who doesn’t like the combination of security, strictness, comfort and safety that leather restraints offer?  I love pulling against a leather restraint and feeling that there’s no give at all and no chance of escape.

    Subshops’s Behind the Back Obedience Trainer

    Here it is being modelled by the beautiful Autumn:

    This restraint is absolutely perfect to use with Male Chastity because it comfortably and securely keeps his arms where you need them to be while you edge him and deny him orgasm for as long as you want. If you’re running a strict regime which requires his hands to be secured when his chastity belt is off then this is a must-have restraint. The only thing that you may want to consider is that his hands aren’t completely restrained and he could possibly struggle free. The next recommendation takes care of that:

    Top to Bottom Leathers Padded Fist Mitts

    I am a huge fan of Top To Bottom Leathers and their products. We have quite a few of their restraints and they are of the highest quality, no amount of struggling is going to break them. The optional locking buckles are a very nice touch. These fist mitts are made to size and once buckled on and locked, there is very little opportunity to escape.  Actually I’d go as far as to say that once these are on me and the mitts are linked behind they’re inescapable under supervised conditions.


    This article and all associated images in the article have been republished with permission from John.
    Please visit John’s website to view the original post and more of his articles.


    Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?
    Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • How Fifty Shades of Grey Saved My Marriage

    How Fifty Shades of Grey Saved My Marriage

    It was a beautiful hot summer day and my wife and I were driving to a local wine festival in our community. There was nothing particularly special about this day except for my wife’s willingness to visit the wine festival due to her not having a fondness for the taste of wine.

    Little Kaninchen and myself blend right into the crowd at events such as this. We are both in our early 40’s, athletic and both of us are successful professionals. Our children were just beginning to become mature enough that we could venture out without them in tow, just the two of us again. We hadn’t been on a date in ages, maybe even since pre-children, as sad as that truth may be.

    As we strolled from one winery to the next, tasting almost every wine imaginable, we began to relax from the everyday pressures of life in general. About halfway through the event, we steered for a large cluster of Clumped Birch trees that were running along the center edge of the festival. The trees were offering some desperately needed shade from the scorching summer sun.

    We laid on our backs in the cool shade cast below the Birch Trees, eating and drinking and laughing for almost an hour. It was the best time that I can remember having with my wife in years.

    And then suddenly out of nowhere my wife said that she was no longer happy in our marriage.

    LK and I have always been that ‘perfect couple’… I am sure that you have met others like ourselves, high school sweethearts that have been together since we were 15 years old and married at the tender age of only 18 years old. We were supposed to celebrate our 23rd wedding anniversary that year.

    For once I was completely speechless. I had thought that we had a wonderful marriage or at least a typical loving marriage.

    LK went on to explain that she had read a book and that the book had really spoken to her. She went on to confess that this book has given her the courage to be honest with me but even more importantly, that it has given her the courage to be honest with herself in regards to her true desires and the life that she wants to live.

    Again, speechless… I was certain that she had already planned, in great detail, her departure from our marriage without even allowing me a single opportunity to make things right.

    My normally well calculated thoughts were now in disarray and confused. Before I could even utter a word, LK went on to say that her repressed desires were to submit to me sexually. If I was in a state of confusion at the onset of this conversation I was completely disoriented now and was almost positive that she didn’t know what she was saying to me.

    I believe that quite possibly for the first time in our entire relationship LK had the floor, she was doing all of the talking with literally no response from myself.

    It would be revealed during this conversation that the book that encouraged my LK to confront her true desire of submission was none other than the popular Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. While reading FSOG she began to discover the many similarities between the main characters and herself.

    Little Kaninchen had spent most of her life trying to be what society would consider ‘a good girl’, which has an entire different meaning to us today.

    The FSOG trilogy was not a how-to guide for a BDSM relationship but it did allow her to be introduced to a non-judgmental world within the confines of it’s pages.

    My wife was drowning in our vanilla relationship that had become stagnant for many reasons over the years, all of which I will personally take responsibility for. Fifty Shades of Grey encouraged my wife to realize that she could confront the societal pressures and prejudice placed on what a loving relationship is supposed to look like. And more importantly what a ‘good wife’ is supposed to be.

    Mr. Fox

    Visit husDOM™ at https://husdom.com/ or click on the icons at Mr Fox’s profile below to find out more!


    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?
    Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • Crossdressing, Sissification, and Genderf*cking

    Crossdressing, Sissification, and Genderf*cking

    Cross dressing is not in itself an act of submission. It has different meanings for everyone who puts on (or gets put in) typically feminine clothing. It is a mask for some and a reveal for others. The particular way I enjoy playing with it is through the lens of dominance and submission. I would like to share what I do and what I get out of it, and what I imagine my partners get out of it.

    I like to make male identified people (referred to as men from here on) wear girls’ panties. A man with no clothes on is still a man, but when I begin to dress him, his masculine identity melts away. Of course the newly minted she has no experience being a girl, so it is up to me to train her, give her tips and tricks on being girlish. In this play I use the word ‘girl’ to mean someone inexperienced, naive, and fairly dumb. She has no power, she is a flimsy stereotype, and she is very slutty.

    Lace garters and dainty stockings frame and perk up her bum so sweetly. A corset defines her waist, perhaps shoes are slipped on to lengthen and slim the legs. These clothes are confining; they restrict and streamline movement to force her body into a more female pose. Sometimes make up is necessary and depending on the mood of the scene, I will paint her face carefully (the elegant missy) or crudely (the sloppy tart). Wigs have an incredible effect on framing and softening an angular face. What used to be considered male genitalia, I know refer to as a deformed or engorged clitoris. There are a rare, dedicated few who will take the extra step to receive a temporary—and very safe—breast augmentation with a saline infusion.

    The man has disappeared completely. He is locked behind the identity I have forced or coerced him into. She is my sissy.

    As I dress and powder the girl, I talk her into a state where she understands what her duties are: to be demure and polite, to obey whatever demand is made of her, and know that she deserves whatever she gets. She is “asking for it” by looking the way she does. It can feel very humiliating.

    Anything can happen from here, from runway coaching to gestures, seduction techniques to slut training. We may simply sit in the parlour and have tea. I may want to see them spread themselves out before me. Wherever the scene goes, the underlying idea is that I have transformed a man into something I find pleasing and quite amusing, and I am using her as my plaything.

    If this is something you’d like to explore for the first time, I recommend starting with underwear. It’s easy to find and quick to take off if it gets uncomfortable. If the notion of getting a hold of feminine underpants is not where you or your partner are at, start by playing with language. Wiggle those hips and play on.

    Mistress Isobel is a lifestyle and professional Dominatrix from England. She is living in Toronto, a gloriously kinky town. She has been exploring BDSM for 6 years and is always learning new ways to get into people’s heads via their body. With a respect for strict traditions and a spirit of cheeky fun, she whispers to the secret part of you that wants to stretch out and play.

    Visit www.IsobelHerself.com for more writings and information on live sessions. Mention this article and get a complete cross dressing session at a loyalty rate.

    Follow Mistress Isobel on Twitter @IsobelHerself


    Feature image courtesy of Mistress Isobel
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?
    Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • A “Scening” Female Led Relationship

    A “Scening” Female Led Relationship

    Hi, I’m Julie (not my real name), and I write a blog concerning the kinky play that my husband and I get up to (that we call “Scening FLR”). The blog is “Strict Julie Spanks!” Please visit!

    FLR stands for “Female Led Relationship” where the woman takes the lead and the man obeys. In the kitchen, in the laundry room, and especially in the bedroom. The woman has full rights to punish her man for misdeeds, for poor attitude, or just to periodically remind him who wears the pants in the family.

    I understand that many times the FLR is full-time and for real; however, my husband and I practice a different type of kinky FLR that we call a “Scening FLR”. Most of the time we are a completely normal couple in all regards, with equal division of duties and responsibilities, and always mutual love and respect. However, while neither of us want to live full-time in an FLR, both of us enjoy pretending to from time-to-time!

    You see, my man gets off on being dominated by a woman in a domestic setting. Not by a leather-clad woman in a dungeon wielding a whip; but by his jeans-clad wife, in the home, wielding a hairbrush, ideally while his wife’s sister or friend looks on with a “tsk-tsk” expression on her face. My husband admitted this aspect of himself to me only several years after we were married. I was angry when he told me so, not because he’s a total perv, but rather because he took so long to tell me! I was only too happy to pull down his pants, put him across my knee, and blister his buns with the back of my stout wooden hairbrush.

    While it was nice of me to do that for him, I found that I really enjoyed it at the same time. I enjoyed the power of making him suffer across my knee. Especially as he was so grateful afterwards, despite (or because of?) the state of his poor little bum, and would literally get down on his hands and knees and kiss my feet for doing it. Power trip! And it’s the sort of power trip that makes me tingle “down there”. So much so, in fact, that it made perfect sense to me to drag him to the bedroom, force his face squarely between my legs, and make him lick me until I was very well satisfied.

    After that pivotal event, I started quizzing my man on his little kink. Turn ons, turn offs, and that sort of thing. I learned of his deep excitement over being dominated in a domestic setting, and of being humiliated to a certain extent (in a “loving” way, for “his own good”), and especially how the thought of involving other women in our play greatly excited him. I started surfing the web and finding all sorts of material out there, and learning that my husband falls into a certain “class” of kinky guy, all of whom display remarkably similar characteristics. I also found that all of it just plain turned me on as well, and offered us the chance to really turn up the heat in the bedroom.

    We started putting time aside for “scening”. This is where we discuss what we want to do, get into character and go to town. It’s just role playing, really; although, we don’t role play as nurse and patient, or teacher and student; rather, we “role play” as wife and husband (albeit engaged in a kinky FLR).

    We evolved from putting time aside and discussing in advance to where we are now: I “turn it on” at any time, at any place, entirely at my discretion. He has no say in the matter and does not want any.  After a scene we always debrief so I can learn what he liked and what he didn’t, and out of that comes variations that I might reserve for next time. I also get ideas from the web and spring it on him. If I cross any boundaries, he’s to let me know and I will desist. However, it seems that he wants to encourage me further and has been pushing his own limits so as not to disappoint me.

    So what is a typical scene?

    “David! This kitchen is a mess! I want you to go upstairs, get into your schoolgirl outfit, and then get back down here and scrub this kitchen clean. After that, we’ll have a nice long session across my knee with the hairbrush for neglecting your chores!”

    Let’s analyze that.

    Cleaning the kitchen is not really “his job”. We are both responsible adults sharing a home, and we naturally take turns at it. If the kitchen is not clean, it is equally my fault as it is his. But if I notice it needs cleaning, and if we both seem to have the time and inclination for a scene (he ALWAYS does!), I may as well use that as an excuse. Bonus: I get to sit on the couch and surf my iPad while he is cleaning up the kitchen, and doing a really thorough job to boot!

    Let’s analyze it some more. “Schoolgirl outfit?” Yup. My man is not at all a cross-dresser. But he does crave humiliation at the hands of a dominant woman. What’s more humiliating for a macho man than to be made to dress the part of a schoolgirl? Oh, and it’s a “sexy schoolgirl”: stockings, garter belt, lacy panties, lacy bra with breast forms, white blouse tied so as to bare his midriff, and a short plaid skirt. None of that outfit is his doing. He blushes three shades of red while wearing it. And did I mention our inclination to involve other women in our scenes? Yup! He’s been witnessed like that! Ha Ha!

    And on that point, where do I get that stuff in his size, you may ask? Why, we go out shopping together. Several very memorable trips to the lingerie stores where the sales girls are told who it’s for. For example, we bought bra and breast forms at Victoria’s Secret. The sales ladies were extremely accommodating. We had three in fact. He was measured, and he had to try the bra on over his T-shirt. It was the shop lady who suggested the breast forms (good salesperson!). David blushed, stammered, and looked at the floor so much during that scene that I thought he would die from humiliation. We had a changing room, but the three sales ladies kept going in an out, and seemed quite careless regarding leaving the door open so that multiple women shoppers got an eyeful of my husband trying on his pink bra. It was hot! (you can read all about that on my blog at “Bra Fitting at Victoria’s Secret!“) I also learned that I enjoy putting my husband through his paces in front of other women: “He’s mine! Look what I can make him do!”

    But I digress. Let’s get back to the scene.

    After the cleaning he stands at attention while I inspect. It better pass muster or he’ll get a belt whipping to his sorry little ass after I’m done with the hairbrush! I’ll then drag him by the ear to the living room where I have set up a straight-backed wooden chair with my hairbrush lying across the seat. He gets scared when he sees that hairbrush and with good cause! I pick up the hairbrush, sit down, and pull my naughty little “girl” across my knees. Then it’s skirt up, panties down, for a nice long hard hairbrush spanking that has him howling (he is perfectly capable of staying silent, but I told him I like it when he “lets it all out” like a baby). Then it’s over to the wall where he must stay, holding up a coin with his nose, for fifteen to thirty minutes. During this time, his skirt is up above his waist and his panties are down around his ankles. I’ll typically sit there and surf, from time to time looking up and enjoying the shades of red I painted onto his posterior.

    And if the coin were to drop? Well there’s a rule for that and it must always be consistently applied. In that way, the woman in an FLR is much like a parent to their child. If they are going to make a rule and set out a consequence for breaking it, they better be prepared to follow through with consistency. If the coin drops, it’s back across my knee for a repeat of the hair brushing, and then he must re-start his time out RIGHT FROM THE VERY START.

    After that it’s usually up to the bedroom where he’ll first lie face down on the bed, hips raised, for a whipping from a doubled up leather belt if required. From there it’s a lot of lube, a big fat strap-on dildo, and a long and hard session of anal intercourse. Only after taking that will he get the privilege of using his tongue on me.

    How about spanko boy, you ask? Sometimes after a session like that, I’ll allow him to jerk himself off while I watch, whispering in his ear how much fun it would be if I invite my sister over next time he fails in his kitchen duties … 🙂


    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?
    Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

  • Slutwife fantasy: Telling my wife

    Slutwife fantasy: Telling my wife

    Be subtle, take it gradual. Read the signs. I would say think about what you’re thinking about doing very carefully, because once you do it, there’s no going back. It took us years, yes we used to talk about things as sexual foreplay, and it excited us both. But going from the fantasy to the reality didn’t happen overnight and neither was it planned that way.

    Look at how strong your relationship is. Seriously, if your relationship means anything to you, then consider how deep the love between the two of you is. The last thing you want is for one partner to use this as a means to end a relationship which they weren’t committed to anyway, and to use this as an excuse.

    I think maybe a lot of people reading this will find this talk of love between two people, while contemplating sleeping with other partners a little strange. But at the heart of all this, is the emotional and physical relationship of the people involved, it really is. The reality of this is that while it can be sexually exciting and thrilling, and rewarding, it can also end up wrecking marriages and ruining relationships. If you have a family, please, please think about them, and put them first in any decision.

    I’m probably coming off as a little negative, but you really do need to consider everything.

    Having said that, often there can be surprises the other way too. How often do you hear of wives who you would never in a million years, think of having affairs, having a ‘fling’ with a work colleague? Or of having been involved with another man for a longer period of time without anyone’s knowledge?

    What I’m saying is, you never truly know as much about the other person as you possibly think you do. Who knows what a wife or partner truly thinks or what she wants as well. I’ve spoken previously about the ‘slut label’ and it’s an implication for many women. How society shapes the way we think about ourselves and what others think about us and because of that, the way it limits the way we think we should be or act. So how do you really know what reaction to expect to anything unless you pluck up the nerve to approach something … having thoroughly thought through the consequences before hand. Life is short, sometimes you need to consider this too, because no one knows if this is the only life you live and if it is, then sometimes you need to overcome fear and know that if something is important to you, that at least you tried, even if sometimes what you try doesn’t succeed.


    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
    Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy?
    Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!