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How To Get Started Into BDSM

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How To Get Started Into BDSM

Alternative lifestyles are fun and exciting and I could not live any other way. I honestly believe that people who live normal, boring lives by subscribing to society’s standards are truly missing out on all sorts of debauchery that they could be enjoying. Of course, to each their own, but once I fully embraced what a weirdo I truly am, my life became meaningful and fulfilling. I would encourage anyone who knows deep down that they are not like other people and want to live their own life for themselves should do it and see where life takes them, whether it be exploring new kinks or living in a van down by the river.

As far as kink goes, kink has made such a difference in my personal sex life and my career and I am eternally grateful for discovering it. I think it’s a great tool for escaping the humdrum monotony of life without relying on mind-altering drugs, though endorphins can be quite powerful. I truly believe that sex is an important facet of life, as it helps with mental health, building and sustaining relationships, and having fun (which every adult needs). Kink can be essential in providing the stepping stones to a fulfilling and satisfying sex life, as it’s important to try new things with your partner(s) to keep the flame going. It can be scary and exhilarating at times, which makes the outcome all the more worth it!

How My Interest In BDSM Began

I had had an interest in BDSM since age 6, having fantasies of being tied up and forced to do naughty things. I first experimented with blindfolds and handcuffs with my first girlfriend at age 13, which I loved. Other than some light choking and spanking with a partner of mine in my later teens, I didn’t really get to try out BDSM until age 22 (I am 27 now), when I started dating a woman who fully introduced me to the BDSM world by doing both dominant and submissive scenes with me. We went to play parties together and I became acquainted with the local BDSM community as well.

How Will Someone Know If BDSM Is For Them?

The only way to know is to try it and see if it does anything for you. Having an interest in watching BDSM porn is a good starting point, but actually doing it is kind of a different ballgame. Playing with someone who shares similar interests and whom you trust is important, as consent is the most important aspect of BDSM.

Ways To Explore BDSM & Get Into It

You can create a Fetlife account, which is essentially a kinky Facebook (except with much less censorship). In other words, it’s a social networking site for kinky people. This is a great way to meet people in your area with similar interests. In addition, you can discover local events, like munches, which are get-togethers, usually at restaurants or cafes, for kinky folks to meet new people and ask questions. I would definitely recommend munches to any newcomers to the scene. From there, play parties are also a great place to get into the community, though I would recommend going with another kinky friend and observing for your first time since it’s important to understand how these parties function first before diving into it. Some play parties will even have an introductory session before the party begins for newcomers to explain guidelines and expectations.

If you’re not quite ready to be open and social about your kinks, buy some porn from creators that make BDSM porn that piques your interests. This will give you lots of ideas and help you discover what interests you. You can explore the world of BDSM porn and whatever catches your eye, you can learn more about through Wikipedia or BDSM Wiki (as a start), basic Internet searches (there is a wealth of knowledge on the Internet nowadays, but be careful that you’re not getting advice from a novice – perhaps look for articles written by professional Dominatrixes), and books (not Fifty Shades of Grey). Once you’re ready, going to a munch is a great place to expand your horizons.

 

What Beginners Should Know Before Exploring BDSM

BDSM covers so many kinks and it can be a little overwhelming at first so starting with the basics is usually a good way to begin your journey. Also, if you think real-life BDSM is anything like 50 Shades of Grey, you will be sorely disappointed. Like I mentioned earlier, consent is the most important aspect of BDSM play. Having a safeword, checking in with your partner periodically throughout the scene, respecting boundaries, and aftercare are essential to safe and fun BDSM play. Safety is a key concern during play, especially with impact play, breath play, and bondage, just to name a few kinks.

BDSM can be dangerous and it’s important to start slowly. An important term regarding safety used in the BDSM community is RACK, or risk-aware consensual kink, which is a safety philosophy that permits risky play so long as the participants are fully aware of the risks involved. Risk-aware means being aware of the risks (and hopefully minimizing risks as much as possible). Consensual means that both parties are in agreeance with the activities taking and about to take place. And kink is the actual act of play or scene. There is also SSC, or safe, sane, and consensual (is it a safe thing to do? Is it a sane thing to do? Are both parties consenting?).

Lastly, there is PRICK, which stands for personal-responsibility, informed, consensual kink. The idea behind this philosophy is that all parties should take personal responsibility for their kinks, understand the inherent risks involved, and consent to the kinks and risks themselves. This is only a brief explanation of these philosophies and I highly encourage anyone who is willing to put some time into delving into BDSM to figure out which philosophy fits their ideals best, as there is no right answer.

But I think it’s important to note that the general public can at times have a skewed impression of what BDSM really looks like because of movies like 50 Shades of Grey or even Secretary. Movies like these totally disregard how important it is to establish boundaries and consent during BDSM scenes. They also fail to show aftercare, an important aspect of ending a scene, in which the dominant actor steps out of their role as the top to pamper and nurture the bottom, as some scenes can be quite intense for the bottom and induce vulnerabilities.

So if you decide to try your hand at some kinky sex, keep an open mind and you may find that BDSM can be a rewarding, fun, and exciting way to express your sexuality.

Favorite Fetishes I Have

That’s like asking someone what their favorite movies are… but I would have to say bondage, impact play, and power exchange. Bondage is the act of restraining someone during play with a physical instrument or by instruction, which can be done with leather restraints or rope bondage, mouth gags, or complicated devices that restrain the whole body.

Impact play varies depending on the instrument used, but it involves hitting someone with tools like floggers, canes, or paddles, or with body parts like hands or feet. Power exchange, a broad term in the grand scheme of BDSM play, means a dominant and submissive relationship of consensually relinquishing control as a submissive in exchange for dominance from another partner. Impact play, for instance, is a type of power exchange, as the dominant person holds power over the submissive by hitting them.


Ruby Riots – Ruby Riots is a professional switch, an independent fetish clip creator, and an alternative, fetish model. She was recently in a film titled Chelsea Submits by TroubleFilms, which was nominated for best BDSM film of the year by both XBIZ and AVN Awards. She has been published in Féroce Magazine and Sour Magazine. Ruby identifies as a punk and pansexual, and she is also a musician, artist, and writer.

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Ruby offers BDSM sessions in Oakland and San Francisco, CA.


Images courtesy of Ruby Riots

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Ruby Riots

Ruby Riots is a professional switch, an independent fetish clip creator, and an alternative, fetish model. She was recently in a film titled Chelsea Submits by TroubleFilms, which was nominated for best BDSM film of the year by both XBIZ and AVN Awards. She has been published in Féroce Magazine and Sour Magazine. Ruby identifies as a punk and pansexual, and she is also a musician, artist, and writer.

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