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How To Explore & Enjoy Kinbaku Part 2

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How To Explore & Enjoy Kinbaku Part 2

I enjoy being tied up by people I have an attraction to. This attraction doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual in nature, but there has to be interest (from both sides) in being close and intimate with each other. So for me, I don’t really seek out to be tied by people who tie specific styles of Kinbaku; rather, I seek out specific people who I am interested in exploring our relationship together, whatever that relationship might be. Sometimes I am driven by lust, sometimes I like the way a person moves, sometimes it is somebody I would like to get to know better (like a close friend of a close friend), and sometimes it is to realize a deep friendship. 

That all being said, I do think there is a correlation between the people I am attracted to and the kind of rope they happen to do. I would say that I am a fairly intense and extreme person; in my Kinbaku exploration I have discovered how much I love to suffer (physically and mentally) and how much I love to be objectified… and as a former competitive athlete in sports that require intensive endurance training, I also find that my physical body craves to be pushed to a limit that it has been trained to be hard to reach. With these desires along with my personality, I naturally find myself tying with people who work a lot with the body, movement, suffering, and objectification. And often these people all kind of hover in the same circles, like-minded attracting like-minded. To name a few riggers I have had the pleasure to get to know through ropes and I think reflect what I am attracted to in ropes: Nicolas Yoroï, Kristina Marlen, Alex Nawa_Ronin, Felix Ruckert, Tamandua, Butterfly Bondage, and Pauline Massimo. These people and their way of tying speaks to me in ways that words cannot quite describe and I feel very lucky to have been able to meet them on a deep level both in and out of the ropes. Certainly, they have played a huge role in my development as a person who is tied. I also need to mention a rigger who I have not tied with but who has been an inspiration for me since the beginning of my rope journey, and that is Akira Naka. I have always been drawn to the beautiful, romantic suffering that is portrayed by him in my eyes.

There are also a few rope bottoms that I am inspired by, and I would like to mention Natasha Nawataneko in particular. We have known each other since I first started rope bondage and in so many ways we have accompanied each other on our journeys in rope bondage. She is one of the wisest and most genuine people I know, and these qualities poor from her soul when she speaks, breaks, and is being tied. I am totally inspired by her and her constant ability to stay honest and present with what is going on insider of herself while still remaining a considerate and generous human being. Being around such inspiring rope bottoms as Natasha certainly affect how I am tied and the experiences I invite into a rope bondage scene.

So, yes bondage is not about styles or collecting experiences. It is about people. And I like the style of the people I am interested in tying with, on either side of the rope. And often that style as more to do with the way they move and how they are as a person, and how we attract each other, rather than anything to do with the ropes themselves.

Photo and rope by Pauline Massimo

What You Should Know Before Trying Out Rope Bondage

I would say that they should spend time thinking about the why. Why do you want to do rope bondage? You might want to do it because you saw a pretty photo on the internet and it inspired you. It might be because you have been having fantasies about being tied up for a long time and you would like to finally try it out, or you might  have absolutely no idea! But there is something about it that makes you curious. There is no right or wrong answer. But it is good to constantly evaluate this question (and the answer might keep changing, or be totally different depending on who you are tying with and what you want to do).

I think it is important to constantly evaluate this question because it will help you to better find the rope bondage experience you are looking for with a person who best matches your intention. If you are not interested in doing rope for sexual reasons, then it is best to recognize that and seek a partner whose intention matches yours… because how awful would it be to start doing rope with somebody whose intention was to be sexual when that is not what you want! No matter how good of a person you both might be, it likely would end up in an unpleasant situation to say the least, for both parties involved. When we can be honest with ourselves and our own desires we can do a better job of taking ownership for our own experiences and making sure they are what we want to have. This can apply to everything from finding rope partners, teachers, and spaces that feel good for you and help lift you up and make you feel comfortable enough to dare to be dangerous.

I would also strongly recommend people who are interested in learning to tie or be tied to seek out guidance in person. Online material can be a great sub-element for your learning and development, but it does not provide you with the important nuances that come with learning a practice that is kinetic. Seeing how the rope can affect another, having somebody there to guide you and explain how it could work for you and your body, and provide a safety net… all in person… is invaluable. Humans understand the emotional and reactions of other humans best in person. And this is exactly what rope is about. We need living examples, and meeting others who share such an edgy interest in person help us to build a network of people we can relay on and gain experience from… and furthermore can serve as a safety net we can lean on when we need others who understand to talk to about our experiences and make sure we are all safely being dangerous together.

Lastly, I would also like to emphasize that there is skill and development in being tied. Contrary to popular belief, it is not the rigger who magically creates an experience for the rope bottom to enjoy. It takes two to tango, as we say in English. We create an experience together. A dynamic. A scene. And both parties need to be present and aware of their own bodies, reactions, and feelings. There are not just things that a rigger should learn; there is also so much out there to learn for somebody to would like to be tied. Go to bottoming workshops, talk to other bottoms about their experiences, and find perspectives and techniques that work for you. Invest in yourself, and in the people who you would like to be tied by. If you come into a session expecting to be served an experience, then perhaps rope bondage is actually not for you, because if you aren’t willing to put energy, presence, and responsibility into a session then you are not doing your part in contributing to a mutually safe and rewarding experience for you or your partner.


Saara Rei – A Stockholm-based performer, rope artist, and kink educator with a professional background in modern and ballroom dance, as well as teaching and public speech coaching. She has been practicing Japanese-inspired rope bondage, often referred to as Shibari or Kinbaku, since 2014.

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Saara Rei

Saara Rei is a Stockholm-based performer, rope artist, and kink educator with a professional background in modern and ballroom dance, as well as teaching and public speech coaching. She has been practicing Japanese-inspired rope bondage, often referred to as Shibari or Kinbaku, since 2014.

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