I’ve been kinky for seven years now, professionally and lifestyle. Kink is highly misunderstood and extremely underrated as a therapeutic and growing mechanism to the general public. This is why I began doing visual Femdom Art through self-portrait photographs and directing My own short films in order to showcase a side to BDSM without words, just pure aesthetics — no acting, simply a fluid demonstration of how powerful I am in real life and in-person sessions.
Alternative lifestyles are so broad and that is exactly what I love about this world: There is no wrong or right way to do things; there is a matter of safety and consent of course, but after you enter the play arena, it’s pretty much based on the rules and negotiations of the participating parties. No one else needs to follow their rules unless they are a part of their lives in an engaging way. To each their own. It’s wonderful, it’s infinite, and worth every single moment of exploration.
Misconceptions About Dominants
Professionals who are also Lifestyle Dominants add such a huge value to those who are both new as well as seasoned players. Why? We play with so many different types of people in such a short span of time compared to those who are just Lifestyle. We grow at an exponential rate and adjust to every person we interact with by adapting to their fetishes and preferences. Money is great, but at the end of the day, it needs to be sustainable to become a full-time occupation.
I love playing. I delight in figuring out each person, solving which type of dynamic works best, making up protocol for those I am responsible for should they earn a place in My life. Dominants may be perceived as bitchy or that They get to relax and “just get served all day,” but NO. It’s hard work. Even more so for professionals: In the lifestyle, Dominants have to take care of the people they play and establish dynamics with; they are responsible for protecting their mental health, their physical bodies and awareness of medical conditions, improving their spiritual selves, and overall, making sure they have fun. It’s a literal relationship – it doesn’t have to be romantic, but it takes just as much effort in order to build something together that meaningful. Sure, it can be light and have no strings attached, but that doesn’t mean focus is not held for the duration of the entire playtime.
Professionals have to do all of this as well as become a business person such as recording their finances and redistributing those earnings to life necessities, marketing, possibly touring different cities, equipment for creating new content, and countless others. We have to remember each sub or fetishist and evolve together with their progress. It’s so much more than just being called “Mistress” or “Goddess” or “Domina” and having Our boots cleaned and giving punishments through impact.
Why A Beginner Should Engage Me As A Dominant
As a Professional Domme, I am able to hold a safe space without judgement while using an extensive rolodex of experience in multiple areas and scenarios. Being Lifestyle is a great way to exchange intimacy with someone’s skills no matter the difficulty. The latter is much more intense with higher work expectations, but more rewarding than the prior.
Being an artist makes Me even more versatile as I’m able to come up with creative solutions to situations that any kinkster may present Me. It keeps Me sharp and expands My own way of playing as I tend to make every scene unique even with regular players.
How Does A Beginner Choose Between Being A Dom Or Sub?
Some people have a disposition where they think they may stand either wanting to control a situation or wanting to be controlled in a situation. This can start as one thing and change to another. For example, for those in positions of power in everyday life – the entrepreneurs, corporate partners, and political leaders are in control most of the time – and that may not be what they want in private. They might crave the opposite and want to relinquish all responsibility to someone else they trust.
I’ve known Tops who have had many people go up to them wanting them to Dominate, but over time, they get tired and want someone else to take over for their own personal experience. For those who are just starting out, My advice is to go out and try both and see where you fall. I’ve seen subs become Switches, voyeurs become fetishists, and those in D/s dynamics give that up completely to just enjoy eroticism.
The Competitiveness Of Being A Dom In The Kink Community
In the last 5-10 years, kink has become much more popular in media through fan fiction that lead to Hollywood films, multiple televised documentary series that portray daily life with specific types of dynamics, and even fetish fashion penetrating celebrities’ wardrobes to red carpet events or their thousands of dollars worth of music videos. Social profiles are not just accessible to those who are tuned in the lifestyle, but EVERYONE. Sexuality has been so constricted by society, one is driven to break out of the conditioning we were taught since young. Curiosity drives people to try new things. It’s easier to do that when you see a famous person dipping their toes into alternative culture alongside local people to your city advertising kinky services.
I think having a brand of what type of Dom/me you are, not for the sake of show, but truly being niche in something no one else is doing or no one else can do but you helps you shine. What makes you different from the Dom/me next door? The public is quick to categorize people into race or by specialty. I’ve managed to step over those labels because instead of being the mixed Asian or Chinese-Filipina-Spanish Domme, I am actually known for being a nurturing Sadistic Sensualist specializing in hypnotic healing and impactful discipline through eroticism. Plus, I also create My own art Myself. Therefore, I am more.
Characteristics I Look For In A Sub
What I seek for potential subs is quite simple: Common sense, a sense of respect and reverence, and a willingness to be trained [by ME] – no matter how experienced they are. Good hygiene is also important – many come to Me freshened up or showered with even their best underwear on. Approach Me like you are applying for a job interview, but make it personal. I want to know why you want to serve Me.
Give Me a glimpse at your previous experiences. What are your interests? What are you curious about? What are considered your hard limits? Do you know Mine? They should after reading My website – all of My information is on there. If they read it, I will know by what they reference or what questions they ask. In My eyes, subs should be open to being molded into the most useful entity to their Dominant. Forget everything you learned previously if it no longer applies, or, use what you have learned previously and thoroughly research on how you can serve Me better. Offer yourself not just in play, but outside play to My needs.
Know My desires because you genuinely want to fulfill them and not your own fetishes. I mentioned skills previously: For subs who are seeking either professional or personal counsel, this means anything I can use that you are proficient at. This can include driving, bartending, website development, cinematography, video editing, etc. I will never let you forget you are here to serve Me, and the longer you stick with Me, the more you will be rewarded with becoming integrated into My Life.
I want to thank SimplySxy for having Me today and for asking these thought provoking questions. Questions about how I began My journey and what I specialize in can be found on My Publications page via My website at DOMINAMARA.ORG. My Youtube.com/c/DominaMara channel is an informative resource with many videos from when I first became independent and what I’ve learned: How to approach a Mistress, why I don’t Switch or sub, what My thoughts are on fetish wear, and much more. I still offer photo prints for any of My images found on My website, and any supportive donation is always appreciated as every creative output is funded out of pocket. If you cannot gift due to difficult times, sharing My content through forwarding, reposting, retweeting, collaborating, and featuring Me works just as well.
Catch the video version of this interview here –
Domina Mara – I hail from the heart of California with an exotic mix of Chinese, Filipino, and Spanish blood. My career began in 2013 as a professional BDSM player at a local dungeon in Los Angeles, and created a solid foundation for My knowledge of Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, and Sado-Masochism. As a Dominant Mistress, My greatest joy is watching you transform into the most humble and genuine submissive with PURPOSE.
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I am currently accepting select in-person sessions in Los Angeles as well as remote online text, phone, and cam sessions to play with My regulars and kinky newbies around the world. While I’m not playing, I am renovating My Home like many others during this lockdown time, and will be releasing the makeovers on my YouTube Channel [Youtube.com/c/DominaMara].
Due to the pandemic, My travels to the UK, Philippines, and Middle East were cancelled this 2020 and postponed until further notice. Sign up for My Newsletter via DOMINAMARA.COM to receive monthly updates on travel, Youtube videos, new photo sets, interviews, product releases, and other collaborations in the works.
Article images courtesy of Domina Mara
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