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Misconceptions of A Male Provider

Sex Ed

Misconceptions of A Male Provider

My personal views towards escorting and sex work in general are that it’s like any other job. In one form or another, we trade in labor – which is our bodies. There are intimate aspects of what we do that distinguish it from other labor. But I ultimately view escorting and sex work as a job whereby consenting adults have agency over their persons to make money in the  manner that they see fit. Some people are carpenters. Some drive buses. Some are physicians. Some are escorts and sex workers.

As a cisgendered male, I am in the unique position of not having the work that I do be stigmatized as much as my female counterparts. That’s largely based on how society views male sexuality versus female sexuality. Archaic norms suggest that men have more sexual agencies than women, which isn’t true. Mature, consenting adults can and do enjoy their bodies in the same ways regardless of gender. However, culture dictates that male sex work and escorting isn’t as stigmatized simply because society doesn’t make attempts at policing the male body the way that it does women’s.

How I Got Started Into Sex Work

I got started in sex work over 10 years ago. I did as it was a means to allow to initially make extra money, but also afforded me flexibility in my schedule to pursue some of my passions, hobbies and other interests.

I wasn’t in any sort of financial rut or hole in my life. The idea presented to me and it was a fun and enjoyable way to earn extra income. It’s ultimately afforded me opportunities to travel and to pursue some of my outside interests so it’s worked out well to date.

How Are Male Providers Viewed Differently From Females?

Male providers are viewed differently than female providers in myriad ways. But two that standout to me the most are regarding agency over our bodies and choices to engage this work, and also how much we earn.

When discussions surrounding decriminalizing sex work are ever brought up, there are always the voices that assert themselves regarding “saving” or “rescuing” women from sex work. There’s the notion of sex work somehow being “degrading” or more “dehumanizing” than any other form of labor. But this is a trope that is specific to women.

Rarely are male sex workers branded with the need to be “rescued” from this type of work. And that is a reflection on societal hypocrisies related to women’s agency and sexuality. Male sexuality is championed from a young age. Our sexuality and “prowess” are often lauded, whereby ideas of female “chastity” are ingrained across cultures for centuries.

The other way in which male providers are viewed differently is almost a continuation of the same cliches regarding libido. Whereas women are viewed to be more “chaste” and sex is some sort of  “task” or obligation – regardless of the type of relationship – men are viewed as insatiable and always on the prowl. This in turn has a direct impact on what is suggested that male providers can earn. The trope is a simple one: Why would I pay a guy for something that the majority are itching to give away? On average male providers earn significantly less. And where I once thought that as empowering for women, I now view it as an extension of the same attitudes that police women’s bodies and sexuality. It infantilizes women by suggesting that they don’t have the capacity to enjoy sex and intimacy in the ways that men do. So it’s a contradiction in a lot of ways that is readily embraced by never given any critical thought.

My experience is that most of my female colleagues with a sense of self view themselves as sex positive are equal to me in regards to their own sexuality. They enjoy sex just as much as myself or any other male counterparts. But the myth that there should be no value in male provider services because there’s such an abundance of men willing to “give it away for free” is pretty common. It has a direct impact on how people view rates for male providers.

Misconceptions Of Male Providers

Perhaps a typical misconception that you hear regarding male providers might be aggression and attitudes towards female clients. I say it’s a misconception, as it doesn’t relate to me or any of my male colleagues that I’ve met over the years. Whether that I know personally or in passing.

They all exhibit professionalism and kindness as well as the being respectful of boundaries. That’s important for all parties involved, both clients and providers.

Tips For Aspiring Male Providers

My advice to anyone interested in pursuing this sort of work is to know yourself and your boundaries. It’s important to know what you are comfortable with and what you might enjoy prior to embarking on this sort of work. The money can appear enticing, but money isn’t everything. Having a strong sense of self will keep you grounded and help to avoid any pitfalls. That holds true in my of life, but where we mix intimacy and commerce I feel that it’s key to consider.

Your interests can certainly change and grow as you become more comfortable or are exposed to more aspects of sex work. But always remain aware and certain regarding your boundaries. This type of work can be lots of fun and also a good way to explore and engage the human condition. But being grounded in oneself prior to embarking on this work has proven to be a key.


David Williams – I am both a Male Dom as well as an escort/ companion. I see all genders and all body types. I also offer companionship for those seeking company in a more traditional capacity. You can find out more about me at my website links.

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www.theblackdom.com

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Photo courtesy David Williams

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David

I am both a Male Dom as well as an escort/ companion. I see all genders and all body types. I also offer companionship for those seeking company in a more traditional capacity. You can find out more about me at my website links.

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