When it comes to sex, I believe I can have my cake and eat it too. I want a loving committed husband and also the freedom to do what I want (sexually) with whomever I want and whatever I want. I believe that despite what society tells women, they can ask for exactly what they want and get exactly that – no matter how unfair or selfish it might seem to others.
All women should have the opportunity at least once in their life to explore their sexuality in a safe and non-judgmental place and that both women and men need to challenge and redefine the term ‘slut’ to reflect the beauty and power of the sexually empowered woman.
I also believe that sex and love can be and should be very separate things when it comes to ‘outside of the box’ kinds of relationship dynamics that involve non-monogamy, including cuckolding. Love (and sometimes sex) is for the cuckold boyfriend or husband, and sex which is just two bodies coming together for pleasure is for the bull (or bulls).
How I Became A Cuckoldress
10 years ago I began reading Dan Savage’s column “Savage Love” and that just blew my mind to learn that there were other types of relationships out there. I realized that there were so many more options other that the standard monogamy relationship and I was so curious to learn more.
I delved into the swingers community and was just in awe at how so many of the couples were able to have loving and successful relationships where jealousy and sexual possessiveness were off the table. I knew I wanted something like that but I knew that I didn’t want someone dictating rules, boundaries and limits to me – and that’s where I felt a bit hopeless because to me it seemed like I would never be able to find someone who would allow me to have total sexual freedom and yet not put any rules on me. It seemed so selfish and so unfair to him.
Then I happened to meet a guy on Tinder. He liked that I mentioned on my profile that I didn’t want monogamy. He was a cuck and I guess he thought I might be open-minded to it. Not long after we started talking he slowly brought up cuckolding to me. At first I was a bit puzzled about it – I didn’t believe that what he was saying was true but shortly afterwards I totally and completely jumped on board. I couldn’t believe that he was encouraging me to fuck other guys and that he loved me for it despite him being totally faithful to me. And because I loved him deeply, the experiences we shared were…this is where I struggle to articulate how incredible it was….absolutely magical. From that point on I was completely addicted to this kind of relationship.
Convincing My Partner To Be A Cuckold
I’m not married! But with my first cuck boyfriend he didn’t have to convince me much at all. I knew immediately that this was exactly the right kind of relationship for me.
Misconceptions About Cuckoldry
Cuckolding is widely misunderstood and I think cuckold porn is much to blame. Cuckold porn is garbage. It doesn’t reflect what this kind of relationship is about at all. In fact it portrays it mainly as femdom mixed with harsh humiliation and degradation. I think a lot of what’s online portrays cuckolding inaccurately and that’s unfortunate because I want more women to consider it as a legitimate kind of relationship. And that’s exactly what cuckolding is – a loving and committed relationship where the wife gets to be the centre of attention and the husband adores her and puts her on a pedestal. With cuckolding, it’s all about her. She is in control and she loves it.
There is a wide spectrum of practices within cuckolding and it’s just a matter of figuring out your comfort zone but regardless it really only works when it’s a loving relationship.
Unlike hotwifing, cuckolding always involves some degree of sexual denial (mild to harsh) and humiliation (subtle to overt). It doesn’t mean that cuckoldresses are mean spirited or hold contempt for men, it just means that both people involved get some enjoyment out of it and that makes it more of a loving gesture.
Within cuckolding, the husband gives his wife the gift of sexual freedom and in turn she gives him the gift of being involved in some way – it’s a two way compersion street. This could be him watching, listening, helping her get ready, hearing about it when she gets home etc. He gets turned on by her sexual adventures and she gets turned on by his reactions to her.
Another thing people don’t realize is that this is in many ways just a normal relationship with regular everyday things like work, time with friends, family functions, and time spent together watching movies, going out for dinner or going for walks. It’s not cuckolding all of the time.
What To Know Before Being A Cuckoldress
First of all I just wish more women would learn that cuckolding is even an option. For some reason there are very few women who are even aware that it exists. I do my best to reach women with my blog but so far it’s been a challenge. I would just like women to know that cuckolding is not weird or scary or some sort of fetish. It’s a real relationship that has the potential to be incredibly exhilarating and it brings with it immense connection, trust, and love. And it never gets boring – ever!
If a woman is considering becoming a cuckoldress, I feel like she should already have an above average sexual appetite and confidence and she should be able to clearly make the separation between sex and love. She has to understand that her bulls are simply for sex – not relationships – and her husband (if she has one) is who she loves and wants to spend her life with.
If a woman is curious to try it out or she is unsure of it, I would suggest she start slowly. Unless she is like me and figures out right away that it’s for her then I’d say dive in head first! You’ll love it!
Venus – A cuckoldress living and working in Vancouver, BC Canada who enjoys writing in her blog and contributing to the Keys and Anklets podcast. She hopes that by sharing her thoughts and experiences it will bring more awareness to women everywhere about cuckolding relationships.
Follow Venus on
Keys and anklets podcast: http://keysandanklets.com/episodes/8
Kinkycast podcast: http://kinkycast.com/archive/2017-archive/202—venus-queen—looking.html
Images courtesy of Venus and Shutterstock
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