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When can I have sex again after giving birth?


When can I have sex again after giving birth?

Have a question on your mind about sex or seeking advice? Ask us on any topic and we’ll provide you with the answers from an expert. Send them in to

For today’s questions, we’re delighted to have sex educator Darleen Proud share her answer below.

Is the decrease in frequency of sex between couples with newborns or young children normal and how can they bring increase it to what it was before?

Many couples do experience a decline in their sexual activity after the arrival of a baby. There are many reasons why this happens.

From a female’s perspective, new mums are often really tired. Their sleep patterns are completely thrown out, they are up several times during the night feeding and settling bub. Lack of sleep leads to a lack of energy and this often leads to a drop in self-esteem, we forget who we were before the baby arrived and we are just mum, wife, housekeeper, shopper and cook.

Our sexy self fades into the background and those desires are just not there anymore.

For the guys… some are very understanding and know that their beautiful partner is just dog tired. Some guys may be worried about going back ‘down there’, especially if they were in the delivery room and witnessed what happens to us during delivery!

Doctors usually recommend at least 6 weeks with no sex. This is the time it takes for the pubic and reproductive areas to repair enough for intercourse. This is assuming it was a relatively regular delivery. If there were stitches required, it may be a little longer. For ladies who delivered via C-section, it is more about the body repairing the abdominal muscles and fighting off infection when she is under duress with her new sleep patterns (or should I say lack of any real sleep?).

So what can couples do to try and get back to ‘normal’?

Firstly, talk about how you both feel. Do not accuse your partner of anything, use ‘I feel…’ to start your sentences.

Second, there is no going back to where you were, life after children will always be different, so trying to achieve a status quo with a new human in the mix is unrealistic. You have to aim for a different sex life that takes your new addition into account.

I highly recommend the occasional weekend away once breast feeding has finished. Plan a trip, have something to look forward to, it gives you purpose and focus.

It may mean that sex is less frequent until those weekends come around, however this is why you need to talk, work out a schedule when you are both up to it, but also be prepared to change things at the last minute.

Making time for each other is crucial to maintaining intimacy, it does not always have to be sex either, a good naked snuggle may be enough to keep the embers burning until you have a little time and energy.

Perhaps you may have to try morning sex instead of bedtime sex? When is the new mum most energetic? Grab that moment and go for it!

Visit Darleen’s profile below and all the links to her website

Her course for Guys who want to have sex more often…

Coupon for 50% off her Udemy course – Bedroom Skills for Guys… become a legend in the bedroom.

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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Darleen Proud

Healthy sexuality education is my passion. How did you learn about sex, how to navigate relationships and intimate sexual situations...? My Name is Darleen Proud these days... for a while I was Darleen Rankin and I was born Darleen Irwin, in Sydney Australia. I grew up in a great family environment, there were no tragedies to speak of and my parents remain happily married to this day. The eldest of 3 kids, I was my parent’s first chance to try out their skills. I think they did a pretty good job! I could not wait to leave school, I finished year 10 and never went back. I have worn many hats in my 40 odd years of life and in work. While I was growing up, I always felt older than my birthdays indicated and my interest in Human Sexuality has been there for as long as I can remember... I have two fantastic daughters, now teenagers, and enjoy the challenge of parenthood, I married an amazing man a couple of years ago, who shares my motto… Life is an Adventure! I have been involved in relationship building in a business sense for many years, and found those skills easily transfer to teaching and helping people with their sexuality. Having completed my Master of Health Science – Sexual Health at the University of Sydney, I have created a blog and I’m working on several books and webinars for all kinds of people to become more informed about a range of sometimes difficult topics. The books and webinars will be fun and informative, working on many facets of life. Your sexuality is only a part of your life balance, but it is an important part. The books and webinars will help you feel better about yourself and your comfort with your sexuality and relationships, and give you a better global understanding of human sexuality. I look forward to sharing those with you. If you would like me to keep you up to date on what is happening in the often taboo world of Human Sexuality, like my Facebook page. It's great to have you hear, I do hope you enjoy reading my blog and my book. Let me know if there is anything in particular you would like me to write about. You can email me through the contact page. Warmly Darleen


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