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For today’s questions, we’re delighted to have sex educator Darleen Proud share her answer below.
Is the decrease in frequency of sex between couples with newborns or young children normal and how can they bring increase it to what it was before?
Many couples do experience a decline in their sexual activity after the arrival of a baby. There are many reasons why this happens.
From a female’s perspective, new mums are often really tired. Their sleep patterns are completely thrown out, they are up several times during the night feeding and settling bub. Lack of sleep leads to a lack of energy and this often leads to a drop in self-esteem, we forget who we were before the baby arrived and we are just mum, wife, housekeeper, shopper and cook.
Our sexy self fades into the background and those desires are just not there anymore.
For the guys… some are very understanding and know that their beautiful partner is just dog tired. Some guys may be worried about going back ‘down there’, especially if they were in the delivery room and witnessed what happens to us during delivery!
Doctors usually recommend at least 6 weeks with no sex. This is the time it takes for the pubic and reproductive areas to repair enough for intercourse. This is assuming it was a relatively regular delivery. If there were stitches required, it may be a little longer. For ladies who delivered via C-section, it is more about the body repairing the abdominal muscles and fighting off infection when she is under duress with her new sleep patterns (or should I say lack of any real sleep?).
So what can couples do to try and get back to ‘normal’?
Firstly, talk about how you both feel. Do not accuse your partner of anything, use ‘I feel…’ to start your sentences.
Second, there is no going back to where you were, life after children will always be different, so trying to achieve a status quo with a new human in the mix is unrealistic. You have to aim for a different sex life that takes your new addition into account.
I highly recommend the occasional weekend away once breast feeding has finished. Plan a trip, have something to look forward to, it gives you purpose and focus.
It may mean that sex is less frequent until those weekends come around, however this is why you need to talk, work out a schedule when you are both up to it, but also be prepared to change things at the last minute.
Making time for each other is crucial to maintaining intimacy, it does not always have to be sex either, a good naked snuggle may be enough to keep the embers burning until you have a little time and energy.
Perhaps you may have to try morning sex instead of bedtime sex? When is the new mum most energetic? Grab that moment and go for it!
Visit Darleen’s profile below and all the links to her website http://darleenproud.com/.
Her course for Guys who want to have sex more often…
Coupon for 50% off her Udemy course – Bedroom Skills for Guys… become a legend in the bedroom.
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