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Under Pressure to Perform During Sex


Under Pressure to Perform During Sex

So my name is Jakeb Arturio Braden and I have been writing articles and vlogging for many years now on the issues that affect my gay and bisexual brothers.

So I am bearded and masculine and would classify as a bear of sorts and I have been and seen a lot of changes in things over the past 23 years since I first came out as gay.

I enjoy sex, good sex, horny sexy feeling that deep connection with another man. I can’t help but think though that as gay and bisexual men we may put too much value in it as a way of expressing ourselves and connecting to each other. Especially in the bear community, every Bear film, photoshoot etc seems to always depict that sex is easy to come by. Always horny and we’re always ready for action at the drop of a hat. I recently watched Bear City 2 and Where the Bears Are Season Three.  Both these showed a parade of hot bears having porn style sex etc. Yes, Iain Parks is horny and physically my ideal bloke even though there are many sexy blokes in Where the Bears Are.

Now I am not saying that this is necessarily a bad thing! I can’t help but wonder if we put ourselves under undue pressure in regards to our sex lives; what and how sex should be. Perhaps having unfair expectations of ourselves and our sexual partners. I am amazed at how many times guy lose interest because I am not going to turn up at their homes and perform like a porn star. Instant gratification much? Personally, I find the build up as much fun as actually having sex.  What is this really about? Have we really as a community just become a porn film or stereotype forced on us by the Gay Media?

What is wrong about wanting a bit more from sex? Wanting a sense of connection.

I am sure that actually, the intense passion and abandonment is more likely with someone you have spent some time to get to know than with someone you feel pressurised to “perform” for!  I’m not saying that it has to be all hearts and flowers, yet don’t we owe it to ourselves and each other to treat each other with a bit more respect than purely seeing each other as sexual objects?

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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Jakeb Arturio Braden

Coach, Blogger, Trainer, Facilitator, TV Interviewer and LGB&T consultant. I have 20+ years of working in and around issues affecting gay and bisexual men, everything from nude photo shoots for sexual health promotion to running LGB&T training awareness course. Currently I am involved in a LGB&T TV production company.


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