Foreplay. I hate the word. It sounds mechanical. Perfunctory. A bland set of must do acts that we all endure to get to the point of laying naked together. I struggle to define it even if sex is my business. It has life and vitality and is staggeringly important. My pre-sex routine is dependent upon on whom I am with. There is no set repertoire of actions that comes into play. My body responds to the individual person, to his touch, needs and wants and at the same time to the sex ultimately I want played out. Foreplay sets the pace of the sex you will have. Sex is theater and foreplay is the opening act. I have been extremely fortunate to enjoy my body and the bodies of some noteworthy men. I can safety say that I will not get to the end of my life and wish I had enjoyed more men. I have had some intense sexual encounters and to be able to give someone else pleasure is a pleasure in its own right. It is an honour to be able to mesh and fall into each other; to be the giver of ecstasy is divine. Foreplay is a way of showing the man you are with that you enjoy your sexuality.
Too few tell you to enjoy your sexuality, especially if you are a woman. That it’s a gift. No one ever tells you that fucking is not the end game, nor is counting the number of orgasms had (or faked). I consider myself fortunate to have had life, mind and body-affirming sex. The sex has been wonderful and I have learnt many things from the remarkably unremarkable sex as well.
I am a tad old fashioned when it comes to being fucked. I can hold my own but in the bedroom, I am very much inspired by the bohemian lifestyle of Henry Miller and Anaïs Nin. She shaped my view of men and moulded my approach to the opening of sexual encounters and adventures
The way you fuck depends on the way you first play. For me, the thrill is in the seduction, the tease. Making him aware that he knows how much you want him, that you want to make him ecstatic and arrive at the point of post coital stupidity where a man forgets who he is out of pure bliss. I adore watching a man’s face when he has an orgasm.
Foreplay is an attitude and a confidence. This is not a definitive must do guide; it is what I find works for me. Foreplay can be any sexual activity that precedes intercourse but it needs be emotional as well as physical as it is the moment that you create the intimacy. It’s about enhancing sexual desire and it creates the trust between two souls and from this stems intimacy. Intellectualise it, politely fuck with his head so to speak.
There are however, a few tricks that you can employ that will make him look at you like it’s the first time he has seen you, make that man drop to his knees at your front door and have him breath you in.
I will start by saying that I don’t consider oral sex to be foreplay. It is more than that. At the very least, it’s the lovely interlude just before being fucked. I do not subscribe to Bill Clinton’s theory of sexual relations. I view oral sex as sex (the hint is in the name) as unlike Mr. Clinton, I believe that sex is anything that involves a penis and as oral generally involves the penis, then its sex regardless of what Hillary chooses to believe about her husband. Foreplay is something a little more indirect; it is about encouraging the penis, not involving it directly.
Eye contact. I cannot stress enough how much this works in setting the tone. Eye contact is key to intimacy. Look into his eyes when you open door and hold that gaze and then smile. Kiss him. Everything you do should be done looking into his eyes. Unbuttoning his shirt, rubbing his penis though his jeans to get him hard, when you unbutton your shirt or unzipping your dress. Eye contacts is all about exuding confidence and it’s that confidence that is the turn on. Look into his eyes when he is about to kiss you, when you tell him how much you want him inside of you. If you are a bit shy, then just dart your eyes away before coming back to him
Kissing. Kissing is important. It’s the key to foreplay. It’s more intimate than sex itself. It’s the most requested service a sex worker gets asks to perform. Why? Because of the closeness it brings. When your mouths fit effortlessly together, it’s a sure-fire indicator that the sex to follow will be awesome, in my experience if your mouths don’t sync the sex will be off. So, learn how to kiss. Its an art, a learned skill that takes practice. Gently bit his lips. Kiss him as soon as you see him, allow him to gently hold his hands on your face whilst kissing. Walk backwards as you are kissing, gently (or not so gently) slam him up against the wall. This is what lovers do. They fuck with passion and that passion stems from the kissing. If you really want to tease him a bit, hold back a little before your mouths touch and say ‘how much do you want to fuck me right now’ Yes, do this while looking into his eyes.
Wear. You don’t have to dress up if that’s not you. You just have to be yourself. If matching bra and undies are not your thing, then don’t force it. There is perfection in imperfection. Messy bed hair, understated make up, mismatched knickers. Wear something that you can slip out or hike up whilst you straddle him. Let this be a lesson learned, no one looks sexy trying to pull a leg out of skinny jeans. You also need to be able to kick off your heels or keep your boots on. Go sans knickers if wearing a skirt, go braless and with just hold ups, undies and a cardigan. Just give him a hint of your boob. Invest in wonderful vintage inspired stocking and suspender sets. One of the most erotic experiences I have ever has was with a man who pulled out of me mid-sex, stood over me as he sat me up on the edge of the bed, then pulled up my stockings up and re-clipped the belt straps looking at me as he adored my stockings.
Enthusiasm: Your man needs to know that you are into him, that you enjoy being caressed and fucked. You do this, of course, by touch. You do this by moving your hips. You need to grind your pelvis into his. Rub your hands over his penis, get him hard through his jeans, rub his inner thigh and his arse. Please do not forget to touch him. He needs to feel that you are into him. Suck on his fingers whist looking into his eyes then, without too much subtlety, guide his hand under your skirt and into your pants and ask ‘can you feel how wet I am?’ Sucking his fingers gives him a healthy clue as to what is to come next.
Free his nipples. Please do not ignore his nipples. A man’s nipples are almost always ignored. They should not be. They are a good and unusual focus of your attention. He will adore having his nipples tweaked, flicked, licked and lightly bitten … you get the idea.
Sex Worker Tip: Lastly, a sex worker tip from a pro. If you are worried about not being turned on because of your nerves, put a little lube on before he arrives. Trust me when I say that this, when he feels how wet you are, he will be so that you will forget your nerves.
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