I am one of those men who believe that –
The sex act can be divided into three components: foreplay, intercourse, and afterplay.
Foreplay, about which volumes have been written, is the traditional lead-in to intercourse itself. Foreplay can last from minutes to hours, is limited primarily by imagination and creativity, and includes all activities that stimulate the sexual appetite for intercourse. I truly enjoy foreplay, unlike some men who just want to get down to the business.
Personally speaking, I love intense and insanely hot makeout session, caressing, heavy petting and oral sex. The passion of getting aroused by tantalizing kissing, touching and caressing erogenous zones, exploring each other’s bodies before penetration can be very satisfying.
Intercourse itself is what most people consider the pleasure of sex. However, what happens after intercourse can be just as meaningful emotionally and pleasurable physically. This post coital activity is known as “afterplay”.
This is what most men do after having sex-
1. Roll over and fall asleep.
2. Obsessive need to clean up after. Some men feel repulsed after orgasm and just want to clean themselves up thoroughly.
3. Light a cigarette. I know it sounds like a cliche’ but some men enjoy a smoke after the act.
4. Get up and leave. Their point is- “I am in for sex and not for after play or anything. Dude, we are not in a relationship or anything, Right?”
5. Cuddle, some men like to cuddle which reinforces release of endorphins and oxytocin. It maakes you feel good.
6. Finally there are those men- who like to clean up everything without using towel, if you know what I mean 🙂
Unfortunately, most men don’t believe in afterplay, and frankly not much is written about afterplay.
As far as I am concerned, I believe that afterplay is as important as foreplay. Ignorance of afterplay is common. Many people simply don’t realize that intimate ambiance can continue after orgasm.
Some universal perspectives on how to enjoy Afterplay
How should you afterplay? That depends on you as a couple. Many people prefer cuddling and snuggling. Hair brushing, back scratching, massaging, and caressing are also popular. Just lying together, savoring the touch, sight, smell, and taste of each other can bring intense emotional satisfaction and ready lovers for another shared intimacy.
To quote the fourth century Sanskrit love manual, the Kama Sutra- “If lovers spend time playing and caressing each other at the end of their loving, then their ecstasy and confidence increase. Love-play enhances pleasure.”
Afterplay should include some of the things that they enjoy and that brought them together in the first place, such as a bubble bath, sharing a glass of wine, or listening to music. Romantic, intimate conversation during afterplay can enhance the emotional aspects of sex and strengthen the bonds of the relationship, as can sharing an intimate laugh or joke.
Afterplay do’s and don’ts
It is important to remember that the time immediately after intercourse is a time of great vulnerability. If the intercourse is fast, furious, and unfulfilling, the partners–may feel “post coital depression.” This feeling of emptiness and resentment can be lessened by effective afterplay, especially with reassurance, embracing, and cuddling. If there was difficulty during sex, the ensuing awkwardness or embarrassment can also be relieved by good afterplay.
In his book Secrets of Better Sex, Dr. Joel Block provides five “do’s and don’ts ” for enjoying afterplay
• Don’t use afterplay as a “sexual postmortem.”
• Don’t air sexual grievances or complaints.
• Do use this intimate time to express sexual feelings, thoughts, and desires that you’ve not previously shared.
• Don’t discuss problems with your job, your finances, or your children.
• Do cuddle and caress for at least five minutes.
• Do say “I love you’.”
Want to prolong afterplay?
You can avoid the following: jumping up to “wash off,” turning on the television, making phone calls, criticizing your partner’s performance, or making comparisons to previous partners.
Another important consideration regarding afterplay is the timing of sex. If you usually have sex at night, your fatigue, in combination with the parasympathetic response of orgasm will reduce your energy for afterplay. Why not consider sex at different times of the day? Early morning sex is a great way to start the day, and “afternoon delight” is just that. That extra burst of energy may just allow you more room for dessert!
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2. Secrets of Better Sex, Dr. Joel Block
This article has been republished with permission from Deepak.
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