Ah, the vagina. That mysterious piece of art between a woman’s legs. Few men dare to venture their faces too close, and those that do, regretfully, don’t quite know what they’re doing down there. Fortunately, I’m here to shed some light on this magical unicorn of sexual pleasure. Starting with…
1) It’s not an all you can eat buffet.
The goal here is not to plunge your face in and gobble up everything in sight. This isn’t some cheap Chinese buffet—it’s a delicate, gourmet meal. Start out slowly. Even foreplay needs a little foreplay, and everyone likes a little tease. Start out with little kisses leading the way, or just barely brush her clit with your tongue to get her warmed up. No need to dive right in; you are a respectable gentleman, not a cocker spaniel.
2) NO TEETH.
For some absurd reason, a few of the guys who I’ve had the unfortunate luck to sleep with think it feels good when they rub their teeth on my clit, or use their teeth as part of the “experience”. Now, I don’t speak for the entirety of women here, but it stands to reason that if you don’t want my teeth digging into your cock, then don’t be digging yours into my clitoris. Seriously, that shit hurts. Tongue and lips only, please!
3) Use your fingers!
We women are extremely lucky in that we have two main spots of pleasure in our genitals. One, the clitoris, which hopefully at this point you’re taking care of with your tongue and mouth. But often, a world of pleasure is ignored when you don’t use your fingers on the g-spot. Pleasure her orally for a little, get her nice and wet, and then slide two fingers inside her all the way and move your fingers up and down. It’s a win-win situation ; it’ll feel amazing for her, and you won’t end up with lockjaw ’cause she’ll come way faster.
[Side note : Please trim your nails before attempting any penetration of a vagina with your fingers.]
4) Don’t be afraid to suck.
By this, I don’t mean don’t be afraid to be awful at cunnilingus. Be very afraid of that.
What I’m talking about in this case is actually using a little sucking action on her clit.
My absolute favourite move, and one that I’ve only just recently experienced, is having the guy suck my clit into his mouth (LIPS ONLY. See #2.) and while sucking, run his tongue over and around it. Absolute perfection! Don’t be afraid to add a little suction action to your repertoire of pussy-eating skills. If your lady is anything like me, she’ll love it—and maybe return the favor. And I’m almost positive you won’t mind having a little suction action on your cock, right?
5) When in doubt, ask.
So, the time is here, you’re “headed downtown for some lunch”, your face is buried in an all you can eat pussy buffet … and you’re getting nothing. Not a moan, not a squeak. What are you doing wrong?
Well, the only sure fire way to find out is to ask. I’ve had guys go down on me who didn’t have the slightest inkling what I liked; and it’s not like they were going to read my mind to find out. Every woman is different, we all like slight variations on the traditional pussy-eating technique. So simply ask. “Do you like it when I do this?” “How do you like it baby?” Most of the time, you’ll get a very specific answer. We know what we like and for the most part, we’re not afraid to tell you. We will literally give you a map to the Kingdom of Orgasms—you just have to follow it. Easy, right?
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