Love and Comparisons: Why do we compare ourselves to other people?
You date. Find a great guy. All goes seemingly well. Then he dumps you. You are devastated. You are a strong woman, and you know you’ll go on. But what does that take and how the hell do you do that?
Cut to, a few weeks later. You see his new squeeze. Your ass is devastated.
Does it ever benefit you to compare yourself to another woman? Ever? Ever? But damn! She’s so pretty, outgoing, and funny…You’re either one second off to committing suicide, or dating her. You don’t even know which to do first.
Of course, you’ve guessed that this is art imitating life. You are damn straight. One thing I’ve always tried to do, is give back to the world what I feel I am missing. So, kind souls, this is my contribution to society. Thank me later.
So why do we compare?
I actually have no good answer for this. I don’t know why we do. We just do. Maybe it’s our EGO, a impression of people’s reactions to us. If they hate you, you hate you. If the world, or a guy thinks someone else is better than you, then you, unfortunately think someone else is better…This is not ever true.
Or, you accept the other person as better, because the person you dated chose them. You respect the other person’s values so much, that you think: “Wow, he chose her, and he’s amazing. So, maybe that other person is better than me.” A pretty dangerous way to think.
No matter how you do it, comparing yourself to another person will always F-up your self-esteem. Don’t do it, ever. I love you. Don’t do it=)
What has helped me in this circumstance, is thanking the universe for presenting a dilemma like this to me. Somewhere, deep down inside, I want to grapple with this. If I didn’t, I would have never been triggered. The rewards of dealing with difficult situations are usually far reaching, so having this assignment – I welcome it.
I also learned that it’s better to compare your new self with your old self. As opposed to other people. Why? Because we will never win at comparing ourselves to others. We simply can’t be them. But one thing we can do, is to be exceptional, kick ass, and magnetic versions of ourselves.
Look at who we were before this situation. Make a list. What did we do a year (or more ago) that we absolutely don’t do now. Really think about it, and be thankful for who we are now, and where we’ve come. If there is anything, we still want, GET IT. Take care of your body if you want to, rid yourself of unsavoury relationships and people, if you feel that’s essential to your betterment.
Lastly, It’s helped me to ignore everybody! Ignore all opinions good and bad, because they say “you’re never as good as people say you are, and you’re never as bad as people say you are.” You’re somewhere in between, and if you rid yourself of outside validation; If you don’t live within the opinions of others…. You’ll never fall victim to dreaded comparisons. Relationship or otherwise.