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Tag: swingers

  • Secrets to Getting Your First Invite To A Swingers House Party

    Secrets to Getting Your First Invite To A Swingers House Party

    So you want to get invited to a house party designed for swingers. Well, I have to warn you that it can be both easy and hard at the same time to get that elusive invite. Don’t worry, I know it sounds confusing, but you have me to help you through it!

    The easiest step is to get things started. All you have to do is find a swinger who is hosting a swinger’s party, or simply someone who is going to attend one, and then convince them to let you tag along. Okay, so that first step is exactly not as simple to accomplish as it was for me to write it down.

    Let’s start with meeting someone first.

    Always keep a lookout for the outgoing couple as they usually get more than the average of number party invites. Guess having a fun personality is something people want to be around. Go figure. So next time you are at a swing club, don’t be that wall flower hiding in the corner. Instead, why not take a seat at the bar? It is so much easier to meet other people when you are at the bar; everybody will want a drink at some point throughout the evening so there is a good chance they will end up right beside you. Now, get the ball rolling by saying something really ‘interesting’ to them like … “Hello”, keeping in mind they are there to meet compatible people too. By just saying hi, you have made yourself open for them to speak with you as these very people may be a little nervous as well, so do your best to keep the conversation going. For all you know, you might just end up chatting the night away with someone really interesting. The more people you meet the more likely you will find someone compatible.

    During such conversations, be sure to mention that you are thinking about attending a house party, that you have never experienced one and that you are curious as to what to expect. Never be aggressive, just inquiring. Showing an interest can be the one thing that will get you an invitation. Remember that although there are swinger house parties that take place on a regular basis, the group of people you are talking to may not have one planned out at this point in time. Be patient and you will be on your way to your first house party circuit. In the meantime, do continue to enjoy yourself at the club and strike up friendship with some of these great folks.

    House party attendees generally consist of a good mix of seasoned veterans and newbies. A lot of hosts like to help beginners get started in a low pressure atmosphere, which is precisely what a house party is. Tell the people you meet that you are new (that is if you are—it is not a good idea to lie) and the odds are that seeing you are a newbie, someone will definitely ‘jump on you’, so to speak. In fact, what I am saying is that since everyone has been a beginner at some point, we all aim to help the “newbies” out, which is what you will be called for a little while. Don’t worry though, it is not that bad and you will grow out of that label really fast.

    Congratulations! You now have a friend or two in the <a href=”http://www.SandiOnSwinging.com“>Swingers Lifestyle</a>. Now, we are off to your next swinger’s house party or … you can also come visit me and maybe you will  <a href=”http://www.SandiOnSwinging.com“> meet other fellow swingers </a> too … Enjoy! 🙂

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Let’s Introduce Your Partner to Swinging

    Let’s Introduce Your Partner to Swinging

    So you have been thinking that you and your partner should trying swinging. Why not? It sounds like a lot of great (sexual) fun, doesn’t it? Well … there are a few things you should know before you dive right in.

    First, you need to approach your partner to see if she or he is even interested in having sex with another couple. I have suggested to many people who have contacted me for advice on this, that I feel the best way to approach the subject is while both of you are in bed. A great way to bring this up would possibly while making love, you could take the opportunity to tell your partner, “So imagine that there was someone else here with us, doing … to/with you”. Later on, you can ask them if they found the thought of someone else in your bed erotic and exciting and then you have your answer as to their interest level.

    We’re both interested… Let’s have sex!
    Not quite yet.
    Next, you need to make sure you two have talked about it in details. Finding out what limits your partner should be a priority. You should set some ground rules with your partner first to be sure you are on the same page, otherwise you could run into problems when things get down and dirty so to speak. Don’t worry; you should totally expect your rules to change and evolve as you get more comfortable in the swinging world. Just don’t force your partner or anyone else for that matter, into doing anything they don’t want to do.

    Many people, especially men, tend to want to dive right in and start having sex, lots and lots of sex. But things will turn out so much better if you take things just a little slower.

    So ground rules are set… Let’s have sex!
    Still not just yet.
    Now you have the challenge of finding other couples to play with. You can approach friends (I would not recommend that unless you are willing to lose them as friends-and possible have word get out that you two are swingers). You can go to a swingers club (good way to meet a lot of people in a shorts period of time). You can also post a profile on any one of the many swingers sites out there (takes some effort on your part to fill out your profile and reply to other members). All three of these options have their pros and cons and you have to try to figure out which method will work best for the two of you. That said, don’t feel that you are limited to one, try all three ways to meet other swingers if you want.

    So what else before we can have sex?
    Actually, that is the basics of what you need to know. If you want to learn more before jumping in, I would suggest you visit my www.SandiOnSwinging.com site and read some of the info I have posted there especially for new swingers just like you. I will also be going into more details here on this site, so keep your eyes out for my next post. Till then, enjoy yourselves … Sandi

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Sexy Reads – My Life on the Swingset

    Sexy Reads – My Life on the Swingset

    Starting with a first date with a couple of swingers, followed by working through social anxiety and shyness, recognizing the importance of touch in life, evolving feelings about love and expectations, having threesomes, orgies, and prostate orgasms, going through a divorce, and leveling up in life and sexuality. For five years, Cooper S. Beckett has written for Life on the Swingset, here he has collected personal essays, stories, erotica, and prescriptive “how-tos” into this memoir of his life on The Swingset. He speaks honestly and earnestly about a unique way to live life, one that allows for sexual and loving growth and experimentation, a strong sense of community, and the ability to do what we all crave whether we know it or not: Be honest with ourselves and others about what we want sexually, and out of life.

    Excerpt

    Sex is Sex is Sex
    With or Without Penetration

    Somehow, I managed to achieve that elusive disconnect between the traditional notion of sex (i.e. me putting my penis into things other than mouths) and the word “sex.” Dan Savage recently said that if there was one thing the heterosexual world could learn from the homosexuals, it’s that sex is any form of sexual congress. This concept ensures that we’re not simply stampeding to the perceived goal line, and don’t feel we haven’t achieved something if there isn’t penetrative penis-in-vagina sex.

    I felt that way for a long time.

    Recently I wrote about a party where I consciously tried to change this concept. I made myself aware of my pattern, which would be to try to blow my way through interactions to get to the sexual finale in order to be able to play with as many of my friends as possible in a short amount of time. It never had anything to do with not respecting the time I spent with each of them, I loved all of it. I care deeply about those women whom I manage to spend quality sexy time with at parties, and since many of them I only see at parties, it makes it all the more important that I find the time.

    This line of thought was detrimental, however, because it caused me to put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself, perform giving oral, perform receiving oral (but don’t fucking come!), and then perform sexually all the way to the goal line. Often by the second tryst of the evening I was already beginning to struggle. Beyond that, all involved were lucky to get half-mast.

    This, as an aside, is what caused me to go from pretty good at digital stimulation to exceptional. I know that sounds braggy, but there are few things I am good enough at to brag with such confidence, as fingering. And, I can provide references if needed.

    So, why did I do this?

    If I was shortchanging myself by not being able to relax and enjoy things, and if I was shortchanging my partners, what was it? It just made sense to me, because that’s what you do as a full swap swinger, right? You swap and fuck. Rinse, repeat. Was that an ookier colloquialism than I intended?

    Hmm. It’s because I’d convinced myself that this was what was expected of me. When I start something (say, putting my hand down there and feeling her response) I ought to see it through, right? Right?!

    Then I began to recognize that these notions I had about swinging at the beginning (most told to me by my “swinging sire” about whom the less said, the better) were, perhaps, incorrect…or at least misleading.

    Early on, I painstakingly shaved every inch of my genitals because I was told that this was how things were done. That no one would play with me if I wasn’t immaculately groomed. That if I wanted it licked, it should be bare. I shaved daily, despite my skin clearly having a problem with this type of attention. It took my doctor asking me why on Earth I keep shaving when my body clearly doesn’t want me to for me to wonder about the logic of what I was doing.

    So I stopped shaving, and nobody cared. Nobody who mattered, anyway. In my attempts to live up to the “swinger standard” that was sent down from on high, I didn’t see what was right in front of me. Rules only have value if you, and those around you, feel they have value. It amuses me (and horrifies in equal part) that a group of people such as we swingers, so hell bent on ignoring that which we “should” be doing (i.e. being monogamous, sticking with one gender or another) could get so caught up in other “shoulds.” You should always come, you should always get it up, you should always reciprocate, you should always fuck. Why the hell would these ideals always line up?

    Well, the short answer is that they don’t. And that we’re often sheep. We reject one dogma to follow another and get swept away. In the past, I’ve also felt somehow shortchanged if events didn’t progress, if I “only” got a hand job. I stop and think about how amazing and disgraceful a thought that is, and how my 16 year old self would conspire to have me shot if he knew I’d even considered that thought. I was jaded, and had a bad case of “the shoulds.”

    But perhaps I’ve achieved enlightenment. Things certainly feel different. I’m currently flying the final leg of my trip back to Chicago from a week in paradise at Desire Resort & Spa, the first Life on the Swingset trip to Desire. At the resort I decided to no longer focus on penetrative (penis-in-vagina) sex. It was like a weight had been lifted. The removal of expectations about what things would become allowed us to concentrate instead on what things are.

    To live in the moment, for a change.

    I focused on whether I was giving or receiving pleasure. I could make out for a while with someone. I could perform oral on others. I could allow an urge to simply do one single thing with someone be paramount. And just as when I stopped shaving, nobody pitched a fit and banished me. In fact, everybody I was lucky enough to encounter seemed to be as excited about what was going on in the moment as I was. Never was there a “We’re not going to fuck?” or “Why aren’t you hard?”

    I realized that I’m far more interested in the pleasure of others than myself. I spent the week giving pleasure to those open to receive it; orally, digitally, nJoy Elevenally.

    “Cooper, you braggart,” you say, “you think you’re better than me?”

    Not at all, random voice guy who interrupts my essays sometimes. I receive as well. I had some truly spectacular moments of orgasmic bliss. But because I was not focused on when we would complete the transaction and I would insert my penis into her (or his, I’m equal opportunity) nether regions, I was able to see every bit of sexual interaction as the glorious experience it truly is. Nothing makes people want to please you more than putting yourself out as a giver of pleasure.

    And isn’t that a wonderful way to live?

    So, mark the date and time. My last party was not an isolated incident of emotional evolution on my part. That was just proof of concept. Desire represented physical, emotional, and (dare I say) spiritual growth within me.

    My heart is full of joy.

    Find out more and purchase My Life on the Swingset at:

    Informational page for book, and purchase from the author: http://my.lifeontheswingset.com

    Purchase in paperback: https://www.createspace.com/5055218

    Purchase on Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/My-Life-Swingset-Adventures-Polyamory-ebook/dp/B00R07TZQ6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1422488473&sr=8-1&keywords=my+life+on+the+swingset

    Image courtesy of Cooper Beckett

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  • Important advice before getting into the Slutwife and Swingers lifestyle

    Important advice before getting into the Slutwife and Swingers lifestyle

    Besides enjoying it and having fun, should you decide to embark on the slut wife lifestyle, then what I consider to be the most important advice anyone could offer would be to be safe.

    Obviously sexually, use protection, don’t ever take anyone’s word for their sexual history. People when motivated by lust or wanting, tend to lie. It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment … and then regret it when it’s too late. There are many STDs and there’s always AIDS, do not think that because it doesn’t get as much news coverage as it used to, that AIDS is not as active as it was. It is and it can devastate your life. Don’t wrongly assume that AIDS only affects gay men. It doesn’t; it affects everyone, and you need to know this.

    If you’re going to meet someone, take condoms and lubricants with you, don’t rely on them and if you’re going to meet someone alone without your partner, meet somewhere where people are about. Do not, and i stress this, do not assume because you’ve swapped a couple of emails or texts, or had a few phone chats with someone, that you know that person. You don’t. They may appear the nicest sweetest person in the world, but you do not know them and i speak from experience here.

    I got talking to a man i met online, we swapped emails, eventually deciding to meet for a coffee. It went well, we met a few more times, then we started having sex. He was a businessman from the other end of the country, who’d previously lived close to where i live. We’d been seeing each other for six months, everything was fine. He used to have a thing about me dressing up a bit like a tart, which i didn’t mind … short skirts, stockings, strappy high heels, too much makeup, all that kind of thing, and he used to like sex either outdoors or in the back of his car, when we weren’t back at his hotel room.

    This particular time, we’d driven somewhere late in the evening and were walking around, me dressed up like a whore, when he spotted an alley, so off we went down it as we had done a few times before. We had a bit of a kiss and a grope, same as always, and then, out of the blue, he hit me. Punched me hard in the face. I still remember the shock, like it was happening to me now. I don’t remember how many times he punched me, in my face, my stomach, everything was a blur. I just remember a lot of pain, tasting my own blood and thinking he was going to kill me.

    He didn’t, he stopped to fuck me while I was bleeding and half unconscious lying on the floor. Then he was gone, leaving me just lying there. Luckily, I still had my phone and was able to call my hubby to come and find me when i could finally pull myself together and manage to think straight and stop sobbing. I survived obviously, otherwise i wouldn’t be here now telling you this. But it left scars and I don’t mean just emotionally. I lost a couple of teeth and needed dental work to repair others. My nose and cheek were broken and I couldn’t open my left eye for about a month.

    Up until this point, everything had all been fun. No sense of danger, no indication of any danger, and then like the first punch, reality hit. And believe me when I say, it hit very hard indeed. I learned the hard way a lesson in trust. Do not make the same mistake i did.

    Now i only see men i know or who I get to know very well before hand. But there’s still doubt, there probably always will be. The reality of this is that you’re stepping away from safe zone, the life and people you know and trusting someone else. Some may say that I got what I deserved for living what they define as a promiscuous lifestyle. Maybe they’re right, who am I to judge?

    What I do know is that sometimes you’re going to meet some people who are not very nice and bear this in mind because they don’t come with a sign. Some hide it very well indeed. Just like him. For months. Think on that. So do be very careful and like special agent Mulder used to say in the X-Files: ‘Trust no one!’  At the end of the day, stay safe in whatever decision or lifestyle you decide to follow.

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  • Interview with Roc Solid on Interracial Sex, MILFS and BBWs

    Interview with Roc Solid on Interracial Sex, MILFS and BBWs

    Roc Solid is an up and coming male pornstar from Philadelphia, PA who loves interracial sex, MILFS, and BBWs.  SimplySxy takes this unique opportunity to find out more about his interests!

    SimplySxy:  What do you think is behind the phenomenon of interracial sex involving a BBC that makes it so fascinating?

    Roc Solid: Well for me I truly believe that colour contrast is largely behind this phenomenon between a black male aP1370270nd a white, Asian, or Latina female. Not only is it a wonderful sight to see but the fact that black males have bigger dicks is what I think really turns a lot of women on. I have gotten plenty of compliments on that and also that our stamina is better than other males. Women love the fact that we can go for long hours at a time. For me, I love to add that dynamic in my films because people enjoy seeing a women getting pounded relentlessly. I also think that porn has had a lot to do with turning peoples attention to interracial sex, some good and some bad. I would say the common misconception is that everyone thinks that all black men are very well hung and that is NOT true. You see in porn films black men that are 10” and more, and plenty of women will tell you that taking a dick that size does not feel good all the time. I truly think that it’s how we fuck that women love so much.

    SimplySxy:  What is it about the Swingers lifestyle that turns you on?  Can you give our readers who are keen to host a swingers party, tips to have one that does not disturb the neighbours or rooms next door?

    Roc: The swingers lifestyle has been very good to me these past couple of years. I have been able to meet plenty of ladies who would be considered your “next door neighbour” but when they get behind closed doors turn into freaks. I also think that the “Hotwife” dynamic has played a huge part in how I am able to meet so many wives. Lets face it.  Husbands love seeing their wife fucking a black man and are very happy with them doing it. Nothing turns me on better than seeing a husband sitting and watching me fuck his wife and her cumming so many times because of it.

    Well the huge tip that I would give is that if you’re going to host at your place, to do it at night and in a place where your neighbors won’t hear it. Also if the woman is a screamer, then playing music in the background is a great option.

    SimplySxy: Can you share a kinky and memorable sexual experience and how it came about?

    Roc: Well for me, it would be finally meeting Creampie Cathy last year when she came to visit Philly. We had been talking for quite some time and she does these road trips a few times a year. Now going into this, I had no idea what to expect since seeing her movies she goes all out. When I finally did arrive to shoot our scene, I realized that she is even more beautiful in person, and man can she FUCK. I am able to say that I ROC’d her for sure and giving her a signature creampie that she loved. If any of you ever get the opportunity to meet her during her travels, please do so because you WILL NOT regret doing so.

    For more information on Roc, check out his blog at http://rocsolidxxx.blogspot.com/. He can be reached anytime at bbcrocsolid@yahoo.com and follow him on Twitter at https://twitter.com/RocSolidXXX

    Images courtesy of Roc Soild.

  • Swinging as a Single Male

    Swinging as a Single Male

    Swinging is a fantastic lifestyle if you know what you are looking for and know what you are hoping to get out of the lifestyle. For me, that is the wonderfully diverse and usually great fun sexual encounters with a great group of open-minded people who see sex as something to be thoroughly enjoyed. It is not just the sex act itself, although that is the driving motivator behind why we swing, but it is the chance to be around other like-minded people who view their sexuality and sex in a positive and pleasurable light. When in regular society, can you be talking about what turns you on and how you enjoy different sex acts within minutes of meeting someone? The swinging world affords you the ability to connect with people who think just like you do about sex. People who believe that openness, variety, and social sex can be enjoyed without jealousy or negative emotions.

    Swinging as a single male does create a unique set of challenges, but those challenges can be completely overcome if the single male embraces the lifestyle and truly understands where he fits into the swinging dynamic. Many single males fail as swingers and cause couples in the swinging lifestyle to swear off most single males because these single males just don’t get it. Frankly, they come across as assholes who seem to be only thinking about getting laid. These single males fail to realize that they are being allowed the privilege of providing fantasy fulfillment with a female or couple, and they need to understand how that is done. It’s not by talking to a female or couple and asking, “do you want to fuck?”  It’s by being a gentleman and understanding the nuances of what the female or couple are looking for as part of their sexual fantasy. It’s by listening to what the female or couple has to say; it’s by picking up subtle verbal and non-verbal clues; it’s by communicating clearly; and it’s by thinking with your big head instead of your little head. I get mad when I see some of these jerks who profess to be swingers because I understand that these guys are why single males sometimes get a bad rap. I also understand that the bad rap is well deserved by the way some of these guys act. And, I understand why it’s sometimes hard to overcome the stigma of being a single male swinger.  Because, many times, it’s well deserved.

    Single males need to understand that not every female or couple wants to be with them. That is okay. I’ve gotten to know some great couples in the swinging lifestyle, and I’ve never had sex with them. Maybe I don’t turn them on, or they don’t turn me on, but that hasn’t stopped us from having some fun open conversations and enjoying the lifestyle all together in a group setting. Early on, I figured out the formula for being a successful single male, and that was don’t be an ass; listen to both the husband and wife or the single female; and adapt to what they are looking for. That doesn’t mean be a phony. You should always be yourself; be honest; and be open about what you like and what your desires are. However, re-prioritize your need to get laid and get off with their needs and desires. Trust me, you’ll still end up having a great sexual time and cumming more than you can imagine; just don’t make your pleasure the priority.

    Successful single male swingers understand that no means no; not everyone is attracted to each other; not every woman wants to have sex the minute they meet you; and that each female and couple has their own unique set of boundaries, fantasies, and openness when it comes to swinging. Again, single males need to understand where they fit. From my experience, that is they bring extra diversity and pleasure to the female.  Single males also need to understand that they need to be non-threatening to the male half of a couple. You’re there to add to their pleasure, not try to date or steal the wife. At the end of the night, you go away. You play by their rules. Understand that most males in the couple enjoy seeing their wife deriving pleasure from another guy. Maybe that’s what makes me a successful experienced single male swinger. I’ve been part of a couple. When I and an ex-girlfriend of mine went swinging, I loved to see her get fucked by another guy. I loved to watch her have orgasms with him. I loved to talk to her about how hot she looked taking his cock or how wet she got while he was licking her pussy. Swinging is about sexual pleasure for all involved, but single males have an added responsibility in understanding how they fit into the equation. It’s not just about the single male’s pleasure. It’s more about the female or couple’s pleasure that they are with.

    At the end of the day or night, the single male will have plenty of fun too. I have been swinging for 19 years and I can hardly think of a bad experience I’ve had. I’ve been part of one-on-one sessions; with couples; and part of wonderful group sex. I’ve been to hotel parties, house parties, swing clubs, and met individually. Each experience is different, but each brings its own enjoyment in that they all center on sexually open people being able to be honest and open about what they enjoy sexually and not being afraid to show it. The swinging lifestyle is not for everyone, but if you are an open sexual person, you probably want to give it a try.

    Find out more about Darren Swinger and some photos of his sexual encounters on the next page!

  • Steamy Underthings for Swingers

    Steamy Underthings for Swingers

    While you are happy in your relationship and feeling quite secure, one day you may discover that you and your partner are craving and have a hankering to turn up the heat and share in something new and erotic. While you long to make the acquaintance of someone new, truth be told, you are envisioning fornication. You are both open to discussions all the while communicating your secrets, your most inner thoughts and the fascinating illusions of what might transpire from this. You decide to head out to an adult club to try a hand at something new. There are a variety of clubs and they all have rules, so do check in first with reference to the dress code.

    Regardless of what street clothes you’re wearing outside of this adult night spot, you’ll most definitely be leaving them behind shortly after reaching the door so make certain that whatever you have on, as Shakira once sang ‘underneath your clothes’ is the bomb-diggity of sexy because all eyes are going to be on you and if you are looking provocative and perhaps even a bit even risqué, all heads will definitely turn.

    Finding the right piece of lingerie is key to feeling confident and sensual. You want to look like eye candy. Not only are you eager to step outside of the box, you are preparing to be the icing on the cake, the dessert of all desserts, the crème de la crème. With this in mind, the right piece of lingerie is crucial. You want to engage in this gathering place and get to know new people and you want to make a statement. Your goal is to give them a peek and allow them to harbor erotic thoughts of lust for you.

    Remember, this isn’t something that you’re wearing for your partner alone in the bedroom tonight, and he/she is not going to be the only one undressing you with his/her eyes. Tonight, all eyes are going to be on you so be prepared to stand out looking everything from alluring to voluptuous.

    Regardless of your gender, the array of lingerie both for men and women can be quite seductive. Looking sexy is one thing, nonetheless you must feel sexy just as well and this all comes from within by being confident. You don’t want to just look like everyone else there, you want to stand out and give them something to fantasize about, all the while they are already conjuring a way to meet you and get cozy.

    What to Wear:

    Guys, heading in, you can wear collared shirts or a polo shirt, just not t-shirts. Some clubs allow jeans as long as they are notsexy man baggy and way down your crack, which needless to say is tacky and will probably get you turned away at the door. Remember, ideally you want to come across as classy. You do not want to walk in looking like a member of the boy band Kris Kross. Do remember a nice pair of underwear such as boxers, boxer briefs, and or perhaps a pair of boxers and a satin robe. You can also wear sexy role-play costumes to draw ones attention. This will show your playful side.

    8504-CHAM-F-365x547Ladies, you want to be the cats’ meow. Looking desirable enough to eat is a prerequisite of your dress ensemble, nevertheless, keep in mind that most men still like it simple. This outfit and lingerie selection that you make is going to play a pivotal role. Wear a dress or skirt with stockings and do wear heels. There is nothing in this world that men love more than to hunger for a woman draped in sexy clothes, especially when this choice includes stockings and garters. Be selective, most definitely.

    When you make your lingerie choice, make certain that the color choice is as flattering on you as is the lingerie itself. Make sure that it is in the right size, never too small or too large. Allow it to hug your curves and expose every crevice. You want to be the eye candy that every couple there craves.

    If you are seeking sexy lingerie at discounted prices; might I strongly suggest a few of our favorite selections for gals and guys? Whether it is lingerie undergarments or a sexy bedroom costumes, you’ll look succulent. At Simply Delicious Lingerie, we offer an assortment of sexy intimate apparel that is sensational.  Click on the following images to find out more!

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    Image courtesy of Simply Delicious Lingerie
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  • How to have a Threesome

    How to have a Threesome

    So you have decided to fulfil that fantasy and have your first threesome but where do you start? Well, finding a possible playmate to join you in the bedroom is the next step, but as a couple you have to decide on the method that suits the both of you in order to achieve it. Whether you hire a professional like myself who specialises in couples, join an online adult site, attend a swingers event, or even a meet and greet; just keep in mind that some methods of meeting someone can be long and drawn out, therefore can be frustrating before you eventually cross a threesome off your list.

    If your fantasy is to have a guy join you and you partner, this may be easier to achieve than finding a single female to join in the fun. Single females in the swinging scene are a commodity and the rarity of these women means they can be picky about who they spend their playtime with. In any case, if it’s a guy or a girl you want to invite into your bedroom, then it’s very important to find someone that you click with, who you can feel comfortable with and also are sexually attracted too. Organising a private play date will be harder to arrange as you will need to meet lots of possible play friends before you find the possible candidate. Attending a swingers club, depending on the day, would be the quickest way to have a threesome, but it also depends on whether you are comfortable in the exhibitionist & voyeur environment of the swinging scene. There could be many possible playmates in the one place and this could be a much simpler option, but most of the time you will probably not develop any friendships outside the evening and the lack of possible future play dates will mean you have to start at square one for your second experience.

    1. Discuss the expectations each of you have about the night. While I always suggest going in with no expectations and going with the flow, there is always at least one person who gets disappointed because things “didn’t turn out”, which suggests they had a way they expected or hoped for it to go and they obviously didn’t communicate them. Communication and understanding what each other wants for this experience will ensure everyone is happy at the end. So get all potential expectations and hopes out on the table before the big event so you know what you are both expecting from each other as well as the third person, that way you can both lead the night in the same direction.
    2. Decide how the third person fits in, also known as the play rules or boundaries. Is the third person purely for one of you or do you want their attention to be on both? And if you want it on both, is it ok for their attention to be on just one for a little while? As that sometimes happens. Also, are there any actions you aren’t comfortable with the third taking or being involved in? If it’s your first threesome experience, you might prefer it to be play only and no actual sex, or perhaps it just for a bisexual exploration so the sex with the third is only with the same sex partner. Once you work out how you want your third to participate, let them know your play rules or boundaries otherwise they will just go with the flow and may inadvertently try something one of you isn’t comfortable with.
    3. Have a safe word which everyone knows when you need a few moments or to discuss something before going further, you know, a “time out”. With it being your first threesome experience there is one thing you can’t really plan for and that’s how you will actually cope emotionally when it’s all happening. To create an extra sense of security (which is the best feeling to go into this with), agree to have this, so emotions don’t impact their enjoyment of the night.
    4. Decide how you are going to end the night. If you are at a club, well that’s easy. It simply ends when the event ends but for a private event that you may host at your place or hotel, you will need to decide how the event will wrap up. Are they sleeping over or would you prefer that they hit the road? Have you got a separate bed for them or are they sleeping with you guys? Let them know the options so they can decide what they are comfortable with. Also, for the sleeping over option, would be good if too much alcohol is consumed. Though I don’t recommend drinking too much before a threesome, as it effects judgement.
    5. Remember this is your first time and just like when you had sex for the first time or had your first serious relationship, you didn’t get those 100% right either. To minimise potential issues, stick to what you both agreed to for the night in terms of your boundaries but know that you can’t plan for every scenario so if you haven’t discussed something, assume it’s a “not ok” and discuss it in the debrief. After the event, discuss how it made you feel, what you liked, what you didn’t, etc. And to be honest, the basis of a solid relationship and especially with couples that swing is honest communication.
    6. Clear communication is the key to success in this and you can’t do enough of it; between yourselves and with your playmate/s so you are all on the same page. I hope this gives you an outline to start planning and making it awesome. If you would like me to help make your fantasy a reality, then contact me. I have lots of information on my couples page and I would love to meet you both. If you are single and want to experience your first threesome, I can arrange this for you too as I have lots of sexy girlfriends available for invite and play; do check out the information on my playmates page. If you would like to attend a swingers event with me, check out the information on my swingers page.
    7. Good luck and above all have fun, remember SEX is to be enjoined and in the moment.

    Kellie xx

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  • Swingers Lifestyle Revealed: Our Unusual Relationship

    Swingers Lifestyle Revealed: Our Unusual Relationship

    Our relationship is a strange one. When people ask us what we like to do, we often need to take more thought than a “normal” couple would and censor the answer just a bit. We do enjoy things like drinking, dancing, going to movies, etc. But in the whole scheme of things, we are often bored by those normal activities. We found a lifestyle that better suits us. A lifestyle that allows us me meet fun, like-minded people, and to explore limitations within ourselves. We have an open relationship, or as some call us: swingers.

    My wife and I met when I was deployed to Germany for Operation Enduring Freedom. I am 12 years older than she is, and when we met she was only 18. She had only had one sexual experience to that point and it was not a good one. She had written off sex as something that people do, but that she would never enjoy. Once our relationship developed to that point, she realized that there was a lot of fun to be had that she had never tapped into, and I realized that I had awakened a side of her that she had never seen. I decided that I wanted her to be able to explore this new sexual fondness, so then began the conversations about whether to make this fantasy into a reality.

    Our first experience was with a single male. As awkward as it was, it made both of us realize that this is a lifestyle that we can both really enjoy. From that first experience, it has grown into an open relationship in which we both are able to play with couples or singles, alone or together. And even as most people do not understand it, after being in this lifestyle for over 8 years, we are closer than ever with one another. We love the new opportunities and adventures that this has given to us, but even more than that we cherish the new friendships that we have been able to make.

    Probably the most common question that we are asked is “how do you two make such an alternative lifestyle work?”. Our answer is actually the most obvious: honesty. We always tell each other what we are going, and make sure that the other is good with it. We help each other fulfill fantasies, and always share our experiences with one another. Rules have to be in place, always followed, and understanding that different situations can bring about different rules at any time. We have had a few bumps in the road, but overall we have had great experiences and wouldn’t want to live our lives any other way.

    Scott and Rachael

    Rachael is 27 and bi. Scott is 39 and straight. We have been married for a little over 6 years. We are on SLS at ohiocpl23 and Rachael has her Twitter https://twitter.com/sharedwife23

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  • You Have More than One Partner? : An Intro to Non-Monogamy

    You Have More than One Partner? : An Intro to Non-Monogamy

    Girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, and wives, generally when we picture these relationships in our minds, we think of them as including just two partners.  Ah, but that’s where we may benefit from expanding our lovey imaginations.  These types of “typical” boyfriend-girlfriend, girlfriend-girlfriend, and boyfriend-boyfriend etc. relationships are called monogamous relationships.  However there are several other relationship styles that people choose to participate in that include more than two partners, these are called non-monogamous relationships.

    When someone says they are in a non-monogamous relationship, that could mean one of several things.  They could be in a casual, open, swinging, polygamist, or polyamorous relationship.  There are several other variations of non-monogamous relationships, but for the purposes of this article, we will just stick to these five common types.  Everyone has different definitions to go along with these types of commitments, but here is a general definition break down of all the ways people get their lovin’:

    Monogamous – Most of us are pretty familiar with this one, but just to be clear…a monogamous relationship is a sexually and emotionally exclusive relationship between two partners where there is an agreement that the partners will be committed to each other and have no outside partners.  If there are outside partners, this is generally considered cheating or being unfaithful.

    Casual – Generally, there is no sexual, emotional or romantic commitment in casual relationships.  However, there is at least an emotional or sexual bond or attraction between the partners.  In short, the partners get along together really well and are sexually and/or emotionally compatible; they just don’t expect commitment from each other.

    Open – This relationship style is a bit more flexible such that its definition can change depending on the couple.  A good rule of thumb definition is this: an open relationship is between two partners who have decided that they will both have outside sexual partners while remaining emotionally exclusive with each other.  Some choose to have a “don’t ask don’t tell” or a “not in our house/bed” policy about their outside partners, but again it depends on the couple.  Also, things such as STDs/STIs and sexual safety concerns are also generally talked about regularly within open relationships.

    Swinging – Can sometimes be known as “partner swapping” and/or a social activity, where a committed couple has decided to have sex with other single partners or couples; sexually engaging with these outside couples generally happens as a couple.  Often, swinger couples find like-minded play partners through swinger meet up groups or websites.

    Polygamy – This type of relationship has seen a lot of attention lately through the reality shows such as Sister Wives or My Five Wives. Polygamy generally consists of one person (typically this person is a male) who has married several spouses (generally females), this specific type of polygamy is called polygyny (man marrying multiple women).  A rarer form of polygamy is polyandry (woman marrying multiple men).

    Polyamory – This may be the most complex of the non-monogamous relationships because polyamory tends to take on more of a fluid/flexible approach to relationships, while also having its own set of boundaries.  Simply, polyamory can involve an individual who has multiple sexual/emotional/intimate partners with none of those partners taking priority over the others.  Another form of polyamory includes primary and secondary partners; where a couple is each other’s primary partner, and both of them date secondary partners.  Of course, there is the possibility of primary partners becoming secondary partners and vice versa, or having an intermingling of lovers and partners.

    There you have it, your first introduction and glimpse into different types of non-monogamous relationships.  Gives a new meaning to the more the merrier, yeah?

    Nicole Nelson, Freelancer