Tag: swingers

How To Get Started Into Swinging For Couples

In the last 20 years, alternative lifestyles and relationships other than traditional ‘monogamous heterosexual’ marriage has gained acceptance and popularity. Adult porn stars, such as Jemma Jameson, have become household names. Movies such as Eyes Wide Shut was a box office hit, and the 50 Shades of Grey series started an entire movement, where people felt free to openly discuss subjects once thought of as taboo. The internet has a never ending supply of access to free porn, and the content has shifted from big budget productions, with actresses that 90% of the population cannot relate to, and replaced with amateur and reality porn.

Sex is no longer such a taboo topic, and people are now comfortable enough to share their desires without the fear of being judged. We have so many different types of relationship dynamics today, and it would be foolish to think that traditional, monogamous relationships are ideal for everyone. For some, exploring the options outside what is considered the ‘norm’ can teach you things you never knew about yourself or your partner by opening up the channel for communication, challenging perceived sexual and personal boundaries, and strengthening the relationship with oneself and your partner.

How My Interest In Swinging Began

Several years ago, I shot about a dozen adult films in LA and Miami. I became good friends with one of the male actors, who happened to live in Dallas, and we quickly became close friends. He was a bartender at several venues, and one was the upscale swingers club in Dallas. I was asked to promote/host one of their events.

I was brand new to the industry, and I was met by a packed club of half naked people, waiting in line for my autograph. I became fast friends with the owner and his wife and several other couples, but there was one couple in particular, that developed into a deep, loving relationship. I was their girlfriend for almost 2 years, and we shared a very special friendship. I am still good friends with them, the club owner, and several of the same couples I Initially met 10+ years ago.

Reasons For Couples Who Explore Swinging

Well, there are the right reasons, and the wrong ones LOL, and I have experienced couples in both situations.

The lifestyle is not a bandaid for a failing relationship. If your relationship does not already have a strong foundation of trust, mutual respect, and open, honest communication, you are setting yourself up for failure. Both parties must be willing participants and should never be forced or guilt tripped into this scenario. Ground rules and boundaries MUST be discussed, agreed upon, and upheld, and the line of communication should always maintain open.

If you are scared or uncomfortable openly communicating with your partner or others your needs, desires, and boundaries, a counseling session with an intimate coach would be a better course of action for self improvement and strengthening your relationship.

How Does One Bring Up The Idea Of Swinging To Their Partner?

Again, honest and open communication is key. One way to bring up the subject to gauge interest is to watch an adult film together, involving a scenario with more than two participants. Comment to your partner how much the scene turns you on and why…..ask if this is something they would ever be open to trying together to gauge interest.

If you need to convince your partner to engage in adding an additional person/persons to your bedroom, then you should not pursue this lifestyle. Both you and your partner must be willing participants.

3 Tips For New Couples To Try Swinging

1. Open, honest communication: I’ll say this again, because I can not stress enough that this is KEY to a positive experience

2. Set clear rules and boundaries: Have a discussion of your ground rules for what each of you is comfortable with, and what is off limits

3. Take your time: Many couples new to the lifestyle make the mistake of attending a lifestyle event with the mentality they need to hook up. They create unnecessary pressure on one another, as well as creating an aggressive vibe that most will find off putting. Relax, really take the time to talk to people and get to know them before thinking about taking your clothes off. There are several lifestyle websites where you can create a profile, and get an opportunity to chat online. For first timers, I highly suggest hiring a professional such as myself, with years of experience meeting with nervous couples.

Hayden Hightower – A petite blonde playmate based in Dallas TX. Hayden is a TER Dallas TOP 10 provider available for luxury Companionship and VIP Concierge services for men, women, and couples. She is highly regarded for her Couple’s encounters and her authentic NURU Bodyslide encounters, in addition to her one on one girlfriend experiences. Hayden is an avid fitness enthusiast and works in the health/wellness industry helping others achieve a healthier lifestyle. In her free time, she enjoys working out, relaxing at home, and spending time with her boxer, Tank.

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September 24, 2020
What It’s Like To Be In A Swinger Lifestyle

We were married with children at a young age, Angie was 16 and J was 18. We didn’t have much of a life together before we became parents. We didn’t really know how to be a couple without our kids. We feel that this lifestyle has brought us together and improved our relationship, sexually and emotionally, 100%.

When we were first married, we had separate hobbies that we did alone, such as softball and video games. The hobbies were never something that we did together. Since being in the lifestyle, we still have those hobbies; however, we have added fun adventures that we do together within the lifestyle community. It gave us a life that did not necessarily revolve around our kids, that we had not realized was even missing.

Why We Got Started Into Swinging

Everyone’s appeal when they first start in the lifestyle is to enhance their sex life with their partner, or in general, if they are single. Most start out looking for that fantasy they have talked about with their partners. Most couples start out looking for a single female, the elusive Unicorn. However, some couples just want to see what the Swinging Lifestyle entails.

Once in the lifestyle, you gain a new knowledge of how friendships can develop. It starts out wanting to just have sex with other couples, but then you realize that these are open, honest, and fun people to hang out with on a regular basis. Honest communication in the lifestyle is really the key to success. Of course, honest communication is the key to any friendship/partnership.

We started in the lifestyle with ZERO idea of what we were stepping into. We were very young and had no idea that there was such a thing as a “Swinging” lifestyle. We have made almost every mistake you could possibly make in the lifestyle; however, we no longer look at those as mistakes but as lessons learned. Our very first experience did not go well. We got drunk and had sex with the only set of close friends we had (we were very young parents). We never discussed what/if something would happen, we just went with the flow.

During the ‘play time’, Angie did not like what was happening and realized that she suddenly wanted to be done. Needless to say, she left the room in tears and went to shower. Jay had to tell the only friends we had to leave. After they left, we talked for a bit then ended up having sex multiple times that night. We realized that this was something that we needed to discuss in more detail because the group sex clearly turned us on.

Common Misconceptions About Swingers

One of the most common misconceptions is that the lifestyle is just a bunch of people having group sex. That does happen, but not all the time, unless you are luckier than us!

Another misconception is that people in the swinger lifestyle are hot, fit, above average looking people. This is not true. We are a very diverse community and that’s what makes it more fun! There is someone for everyone.

Lastly, a lot of people believe that what we are doing is cheating. They believe that since we are married and have sex with people other than our spouse that it’s cheating. In our opinion, cheating is the lie you tell, not the act that is committed. We believe that feeling like you must keep a secret from or tell a lie to, that one person you choose to share everything, with is cheating. Granted, cheating does happen in the lifestyle; however it’s rare. Consent is an extremely huge part of our lifestyle. Like communication, it is another important key to the lifestyle.

What Is It Like In A Swingers Party?

There are multiple types of swingers’ parties. We have listed them in an order, that we believe, is ease of availability.

Lifestyle clubs are the most popular. They are your typical nightclub with a few amenities. Some clubs have playrooms if they are “on-premise”. All clubs have separate social areas, dance floors, and bars. The clubs which are “on-premise” are not allowed to sell alcohol; however, they allow you to bring your own drink and purchase mixers at the bar. In our opinion, lifestyle clubs are more fun because the people who attend are much nicer and more respectful than your typical nightclub.

Meet and Greets, or as we like to call ours Minglers, are another type of swinger party. Most Minglers are in a vanilla establishment such as a bar or lounge. (By vanilla, we mean non-lifestyle). They are set up in a way to distinguish swingers from vanillas with some type of wristband, beads, special color shirt, etc. We encourage new people to attend these before any other party, simply because there is less stress of what they believe is expected of them. They don’t have to worry about seeing people run around naked or having sex. They can come and go as they please and there is generally no cover to get in to a Mingler. It’s just an easier way to meet others in the lifestyle.

House parties are generally more personal. Homeowners usually only invite certain people to attend. This is a good way to become more intimate with another couple whether it be with sex or just making new friends. They are just like your normal everyday party, however, there is usually some sex and nakedness involved.

Hotel takeovers are a combination of a lifestyle club and a Mingler. There are not many complete hotel takeovers. Usually there is just a few floors zoned off as “private parties”. We have only been to two complete hotel takeovers. The one most recently was in Houston with Couples Xcape. Our absolute most favorite hotel takeover is Naughty in Nawlins or shortened to NIN. This is a swinger’s convention and has been going on for over 20 years. We heard about it seven years ago and have been going every year since. The crowd gets upwards of 1800 people and is considered the largest swinger event in the world.

Advice You Should Follow Before Going Into Swinging

The most important advice we can give is that our lifestyle is not for everyone. This lifestyle is not a “fix” for another problem in your relationship. If you are having trouble in your relationship, they will be magnified tenfold. This lifestyle enhances what is already there. On a positive side, if you are just looking to spice up your already wonderful sex life and partnership, this lifestyle will take you to a whole new level of experience emotionally and physically.

Another bit of advice. Do your research. Years ago, when we started, there was not much information readily available for swingers to get started and what to do and who to ask questions of. There are tons of podcasts such as yours truly Average Swingers – if you are looking for a good laugh, Swinger Diaries – if you are looking for a more disciplined approach, and for a combination of the two, Swinging Down Under. There are also blogs, books, websites, YouTube, etc. Google It!

Once you decide to jump into the wonderful world of swinging, just remember that there is no “criteria” that you have to meet to be considered a swinger. In our opinion, being a swinger is a mindset. If you are open minded, respectful, and want to have fun with other open-minded people, then you are a swinger.

Last but not least….there is no finish line. There is no rush. You don’t have to hurry up and play to get that first time feeling out of the way. It may be there every time you play or every time you are with a new couple. There are many spaces in which to be a swinger. There are voyeurs, soft swap, exhibitionist, and full swap just to name a few. One space is not more important or more advanced than the other. The spaces you are in, are where you want to be as a couple or a single. No one should convince you that you are not yet advanced enough to be a swinger. If you are a couple, this is not a race between you and your partner. Go only as fast as the slowest person.

Hi! We are Angie and J. We’re just a couple of average swingers. We are not the hottest, most intelligent (J brings the IQ level way down ;)), funniest, and we sure as hell are not the richest couple of swingers you will meet. We are just an average swinger couple, hence the show name. We’re doing a podcast because it’s fun. When it stops being fun, we will stop doing it.

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Kasidie: Average Swingers

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September 14, 2019
What It’s Like To Be A Swinger

I think swinging can be a great thing, if the privilege is not abused. It is not something to be taken lightly and should be talked about extensively by both parties involved. You can not be a jealous person and you have to trust your partner 100%. Make sure that your rules, if you have any, are understood and agreed upon.

Now that the not fun stuff is out of the way, swinging can be fun and a way to let loose. Cheating can be an big issue in many relationships and is one of the leading causes of divorce. I think swinging can help with that, why cheat if you don’t have to? Makes sense I think. It can also help with body image. A lot of women, in particular, struggle with their body image. Most swingers are very accepting and friendly people.

How I Got Into Swinging

Many years ago I dated someone who told me they did not care if I were to have sex with others. He told me this after he asked me to be his girlfriend and I told him I needed variety and I didn’t want to cheat on anyone. He was not into it for himself but was totally cool with me having sex with others. He didn’t care, who, when, where and how many different people I was with. Fast forward, we broke up and everyone I met after him was not into it at all, yet some ended up cheating. That made no sense, like I said above, why cheat when you don’t have to.

I ended up just basically fantasizing about it after that. I met my fiancé a few years ago and he was into it and said he wanted to do it but could not find anyone else who was into it. So we have been into the lifestyle pretty much since the start of our relationship. Our rules we made in the beginning have since been relaxed a bit. We were told that would probably happen and it did.

How Popular Is Swinging?

I think it has always been pretty popular but not as accepted as it is today. Don’t get me wrong, we still have a long way to go, but it is more accepted now than ever before, However, it does seem to be more popular in the past couple of years, as many so called alternative lifestyles have.

Ways To Explore The Swinging Lifestyle

Do your research. Talk to others in the lifestyle. Visit a swingers club. You do not have to do anything, just go and watch, most swingers do not care. Speak to people there, most are very open and honest will answer any questions you have. It is a big decision so be as informed as you can.

Research! Only do what you are comfortable with, never be scared to say no. If someone is not respecting you, most clubs are very good at taking care of things and kicking people out if need be. Join swinger friendly websites. We joined SLS and met a really nice couple who helped us transition into the lifestyle quite a bit, they were also our first swap.

What You Need To Prepare Before Swinging

Like I said above, just know what you are getting into. That is the most important. Research, research, research. Be ready to watch your partner with others. If you don’t think you can watch then you don’t have to, you can always play in separate rooms. Be ready to for a lot of feelings that you may have never experienced before.

If you go to a club, you will probably see lots of other people having sex or being sexual and at the very least, naked. If you are not used to that, it can be quite a bit to take in at first. Just keep an open mind no matter how you are feeling. Once the shock is gone, you will see that it can be a very hot and sexy time. Last, but certainly not least, make sure others are aware of your rules and boundaries.

Use protection and get tested!!!!!

Miss Pink Sugar – Educated and smart Milf, BBW, Bi-sexual swinger with pink hair! Sarcastic and sweet. Still not sure if I like all the attention I get, but I do secretly loving showing it all off! Please come and check me out. 😊

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September 12, 2019
How Swinging Enhances One’s Sex Life

For us we enjoy swinging, maybe not the title so much as it seems to be a bit outdated. It is amazing to meet so many people that share our non-judgmental thought process. Swinging has brought us closer together and taught us how to communicate effectively in all aspects of our lives.

How We Got Into Swinging

Jen had started questioning her thoughts towards women, after being raised to believe it was taboo to have an attraction towards the same sex. So we ventured out to a swingers club for their Bi-girl night. A few of the ladies asked if they could help her out and see if this was for her. This was the night she realized that she was definitely Bi.

How Swinging Enhances Our Sex Lives

We love the people and the relationships that we gain from it. We love the fact that it has taught us to communicate in ways we never thought we could. Through this new level of communication it has allowed us to try new things sexually, which has totally enhanced our sex lives.

One Common Swinging Myth

Swinging does not mean it’s a giant orgy, or that people are just running around naked touching you.

Tips For Couples To Get Into Swinging

Communication is the key here, make sure to discuss any boundaries before and understand that at any point you can say no. For us we found a couple that basically help guide us, answered questions and help us learn the ropes.

Ben and Jen Escapades – We are Ben and Jen Escapades, we have been married for 27 years and in the lifestyle for around 7 years. We host a lifestyle podcast about our escapades in the swinging lifestyle!

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Twitter: @ournaughty

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January 19, 2019
What It’s Like Swinging In The UK

We think the lifestyle (as it’s often known) can really enhance your relationship and bring you closer together. It’s not just about the sexy experiences, though they can be incredible. We’ve found that it’s really helped us focus on communication and explore what we desire as a couple.

There’s quite a stigma attached to it though – so many people think of keys in a bowl from the 60s and 70s but the reality is really quite different. For us, it’s been much more about building relationships, having fun and making friends. And, of course, consent and understanding boundaries is a huge part of that.

How We Got Started Swinging

We actually started out watching sexy movies and documentaries as part of our own little date nights. That led us to a reality TV show from Playboy called Swing, which explores the lifestyle with new couples entering a house of swingers. That sparked conversations about exploring Mrs H’s bisexuality and having lots of fun in the bedroom.

We hit fabswingers.com and started looking for a Unicorn (that’s a single female) for us to play with. Since then we’ve tested our boundaries and started playing with other couples too.

The UK Swinging Scene

It’s a lot larger than we ever expected – with clubs and meet and greets up and down the country. When we first started looking for play partners, we had no idea there would be real swingers that are less than a mile away!

There are some amazing clubs out there – and all have been very welcoming so far, which is great for people just starting their adventures.

The scene is generally quite healthy – and seems to be growing in popularity. However, there does seem to be quite a focus on the British wanting to turn up and just crack on with having sex (often with asking for consent being a forgotten process). It’s simple enough to navigate – you just have to know that saying ‘no thank you’ is OK.

Popular Places To Meet Swingers

Most major cities have their own meet and greets (where people can turn up, have a drink and meet – without clothes coming off). It’s a great way to get started and to make arrangements to meet couples one on one.

Clubs are also popular. These do come with membership fees and the like – and many are a bring your own bottle affair. However, they often offer private rooms, things like dungeons (for anyone into BDSM play) and hot tubs. Quite often there will be a dress code – with some requiring a little more nudity in play areas too.

Advice For Couples Looking To Swing

It’s really important to talk about it with your partner – communication is absolutely key. Also keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes on their journey – it’s about keeping calm, taking yourselves away from the play and having a sensible conversation if you can (emotions can run high).

It’s also important to know what you want from the adventure, what you expect and to share any rules you might have – will you play in the same room as your parter, how far will it go (soft swap – which is everything apart from penetrative sex or full swap) etc.

We’d suggest going to a meet and greet and just chatting to people already in the lifestyle too.

Of course you can listen to our podcast (bed hoppers) or plenty of other excellent podcasts out there such as We Gotta Thing, Normalizing Non Monogamy or Swinging Downunder. Shows like Playboy Swing or books like the Ethical Slut can also be a valuable resource.

Mr and Mrs H – It’s us, Mr and Mrs H. bed hoppers is our podcast about our adventures in the swinging lifestyle.

You can find our weekly podcast on iTunes and other providers – or head to our mini site at: https://shoppes77.podbean.com

You can also email us at bedhoppersuk@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter at @bedhoppersuk

Article images courtesy of Mr and Mrs H, featured image from Shutterstock

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January 3, 2019
What It’s Like Having A Swinger Lifestyle

Sex is a wonderful thing! I think it is important for adults to explore their sexuality and maintain an active (safe) sex life. It is great for your physical, mental, and emotional health. When I’m having great sex, my life improves in all areas!

What It Means To Be A Swinger

An open-minded person who pursues fun, playful, and flirtatious friendships, which are often, but not always, of a sexual nature. Swingers understand that sex and love are not the same thing and can be enjoyed separately and without jealousy. For me being a swinger lets me open up about sex and celebrate it instead of being ashamed.

I got into swinging through my husband who was in the lifestyle before we got together. We were best friends for about 4 years before we got together so I already knew about his sex life and he knew about mine. At first I thought I could never be with anyone else or see him with anyone else but we talked about it a lot, and he never pushed, and eventually I found myself wanting to know more. Right before we got married we slowly starting easing into the lifestyle.

Rules & Boundaries In A Swinging Lifestyle

First of all honesty!

Second, if you have problems in your relationship, that is not the time to start in the lifestyle. Other than that each couple comes up with their own rules. When we first started, we had a no kissing rule and we only played when we were both present.

Now our only rule is to wear condoms NO MATTER WHAT! We would not do anything without discussing it with the other person first but that is kind of an unspoken rule. I also think it’s best to not have sexual relations with anyone you see in your everyday life.

How Swinging Has Changed My Life

Before swinging I was not very open about sex. I would keep my fantasies to myself and I wasn’t as open to trying new things. Swinging has made my marriage so much stronger! We have this incredible bond that is so special to us. We have amazing trust and communication. Plus, there is nothing sexier than seeing your partner please another person, or them getting turned on by hearing all about your slutty adventures.

Advice For Beginners Into Swinging

My advice would be to go at your own pace. Explore and find out what you both like and are comfortable with. There are a lot of parties that allow you to be voyeurs (just watch). Majority of swingers will not be pushy and will work with your comfort zone. Make sure you have established rules before you begin and you can re-evaluate regularly.

Ivy Secret – I am a new adult film actress and fetish model. I’m loving every minute of this new and exciting journey. I love sex and everything that goes along with it.

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I have a lot of amazing shoots coming up and clips coming out! You can see what’s coming on my Twitter! Look for me at Fetcon!

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September 27, 2018
Things To Know About Swinging

Swinging is sometimes our Saturday night. My husband and myself have been swinging for quite a few years. This December we will celebrate 10 years being married. Many of these years we have celebrated with adding some “strange” to our relationship.

Swinging is a positive way to express sexuality with multiple partners who want to join in the fun. Sometimes we invite others to our place. We’ve met at clubs, secret parties, and other countries. Swinging can strengthen a great relationship and it can rip to shreds weak ones.

Why Do People Swing?

Swinging is a couple experience of adding to their relationship. Swinging is about adults being able to enjoy each other without the fear of attachment from the new individual. A single guy looking for a couple doesn’t play well. Swingers respect relationships. Many swingers we know are looking for friends. Like every real relationship, many look for like minded individuals they can see casually and maybe fuck. We meet new people each time we travel to new cities. Some swingers are in REAL LIFE Master & Slave Relationships, while some are voyeurs. We’ve been to parties where those of us having sex were also on display for the entire party.

Swinging Helps Relationships!

Yes. I believe it can. But swinging isn’t for everyone. Trust is very important. The original couples must trust each other in their actions as to why they do them. Sometimes I like to be blindfolded and a friend comes over. Other times I want to watch a woman be my husband’s little fuck toy. Full trust takes away the fear of cheating or worrying. The permission and delivery of new individuals for your play are key parts. If one doesn’t have permission, they could end up tearing their personal relationship apart. By allowing and encouraging your partner to experience their fantasies, you can reach a new level in your relationship. Experience your fantasy with your best friend.

Do’s & Don’ts Of Swinging

Hmm. That’s a hard one to answer. Each couple will have to figure out what they want from swinging. Swinging experiences are all different.

Talk to your partner.

Make your own rules first. Develop trust in your new game by setting guidelines.

Make your list of Do’s and Do Not’s. Most times, we have already established what others do not like for fun before we have met them. Normally, contact is through texting. For example, I do not like pain. I also bruise easily. I do not let those I do not know spank me. Sometimes others like to be spanked until red. Some ladies request it.

Make a list of what you want to experience. Try to make it happen.

Don’t forget if you don’t like something to speak up.

Do not do anything you do not want to do.

Getting Yourself Ready To Swing

Start researching. Use the internet. Look for parties to attend. Then plan a date night with your partner and whoever else you can take home.

Get tested. Make sure you are being safe. Bring Condoms and lube. Grab your confidence and have no expectations. Things might get crazy.

Norah Nova – A Horny, High, & Happy PornStar Swinging HouseWife. Follow her on:

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September 8, 2016
Swinging In Your Holiday Lingerie

When thinking about Christmas, one can’t help but be reminded of presents (both giving and receiving), the excitement of unwrapping gifts. Well, I am here to put a bit of a twist on traditional (or not so traditional) lingerie gift giving and hopefully add a sassy inspirational touch to this festive time of the year. So picture yourself being given a present which is beautifully wrapped and you start to tear open the paper in excitement! Now, your lady walks into the room and there she is, all beautifully ‘decorated’ in the finest lingerie, just waiting for you to undress her. Talk about bursting in excitement!

Imagine yourself and your wife again, invited over to another swinger couple’s house for dinner and some ‘wink, wink’ sexy time. You show up with two gift bags, one for the beautiful hostess and the other for your beautiful wife. The ladies open up their gifts and find a corset for one and a lace chemise for the other. Excitedly, they go upstairs to try on their new outfits and as they walk down the stairs in those delicious outfits, both you and your mate have your tongues hanging down and that’s just right before dinner too. And now, both of you get to dig into the scrumptious Christmas dinner and the scantily clad eye candy in full view. Talk about anticipation!

Other options on how to include lingerie when attending a swinger’s party at this festive time of the year is to use it to your full advantage and spice things up more than a little. Instead of a Chanel handbag and a pair of Christian Louboutin heels, change things around and take pleasure in giving your woman some fetish wear or a sexy fantasy costume. This may just open the door to fulfilling some of your (and her) fantasies.

Now, let’s talk about holiday classics: Miss naughty elf, sexy Mrs. Claus, and raunchy reindeer. Nothing beats taking your partner along to the boutique for some lingerie shopping or you could even go online together and pick out an outfit or two. Don’t forget to dress up sexily for her as well. Lingerie is not solely for ladies and we are sure she will be more than happy to see you in a sexy mistletoe G-string. How about those who already have made plans to check out one of the many Christmas parties at your local swingers club? Well, holiday lingerie is always a great choice for a sexy festive outfit. In addition, for the ladies out there with plans to go to an on-premise club, do note that the standard practice is for guests to leave their “outdoor clothes” before entering the play rooms. This is the perfect chance for you to put on a …

babydoll , chemise , or teddy
(all available here).

Remember that be it whatever outfit you choose to wear, it should be one that is easy to remove for quicker ‘playtime’.
There are many ways to enhance your holiday merriment with lingerie, so why limit yourself to plain old green and red undies?
We all love putting on new clothes, even if they are only worn in your bedroom … and the bedrooms of your swinger friends. 😉

Happy Swinging and Season’s Greetings!

Sandi
www.SandiOnSwinging.com

Images courtesy of Simply Delicious Lingerie
Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
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December 23, 2015
The Single Male’s ‘P’s and Q’s’ to Swinging

Why are all single guys not allowed into swing clubs? Well, that is actually a pretty easy answer for me. Basically, it is because most single men don’t know how to behave. Now I’m not asking every single guy out there to be the perfect gentleman (although that would be nice), what I am saying is that just because you are at a club filled with swingers, that does not mean you are guaranteed to get sex, let alone sex from any woman that you fancy.

I am sure you will encounter a lot of women who spark your interest, especially when they are most likely dressed VERY sexily—I’m talking skin tight dresses, high stiletto heels, stockings, and very possibly … no panties. A typical single guy who finds him surrounded by all these delicious ladies will most likely approach them and assuming that they are also there for sex, he probably doesn’t see the need to be polite to them. He may be grabby, had too much to drink (because of nerves), or could even be somewhat crude. Well, I’m sorry, but just because she is there with the intention of having sex does not mean she should not be treated like a lady!

Make that tiny bit of extra effort and treat her well. Compliment her looks, outfit, and those beautiful eyes. Then once she gets to know you a bit and gives you some signals that she is also interested in you, ask her nicely if she would like to go to the play room. This will definitely go a long way into getting you laid and honestly, this is pretty much how you should treat a lady in a normal non-swinging situation as well.

Now that you realize how many women have been groped, talked down to, and basically just treated poorly in swingers clubs just because the single men there have figured they are there for sex, so they can be treated badly, you are probably starting to understand why single men are not permitted into all swing clubs. That said, there are some clubs out there that will allow single males in as long as they are ‘chaperoned’ by a couple that is pretty much responsible for him and will vouch that he will not act aggressively. A couple of other clubs have special nights that allow singles to enter. In fact, these days, with the increasing number of couples looking to add a single male into their mix, there are even some that welcome. single males with literally ‘open arms’. This can be either in the form of a third (wife’s fantasy of having two men at the same time), or a male engaged to have sex with a woman while her husband watches.

There are lots of rooms (no pun intended) for single men in the world of swingers. So look around and find a club that best suits your preference and when you go, PLEASE remember to act like a gentleman.

PS: You can also find swingers looking for single men on my site. Give it a try—what do you have to lose?

Till then, enjoy!
Sandi
www.SandiOnSwinging.com

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December 1, 2015
Are my new friends swingers?

So … you’ve found a couple of people both of you find appealing and now you are thinking that you are interested in swinging with them, but how on earth can you discreetly find out if they are swingers or have even considered swinging? Honesty, that won’t be as easy as it sounds, but it is possible. First off, there is always the secret swinger’s handshake 😉 Don’t worry if you don’t know that one yet, it is more of a joke among swingers than an actual thing. With only about 5% of the general population being swingers, there is a good chance that they will not be interested.

The key here is to go slow. Get to know them, learn their likes and dislikes. That will give you clues as to their swinging interest. There are a few really good swinger ‘indicators’. Talk about places you like to travel and encourage them to tell you where they have been. If you say you’ve been to Jamaica (if you want to be less subtle then say Hedo) and find out if they have as well. Ask if they have ever come across a bartender named Delroy—that will let you know that Hedo is on their list of play resorts. If they say they use www.TrystTravel.com to book all their trips, you are all set!

If they (or you) have a hot tub, joke about whether suits are required. You can tell a lot about them from their responses. If they mention that they always wear suits because it would just be awkward otherwise … my advise is to give up … at least for now. However, if she grabs your butt as she strolls by, or much better still, your lady’s butt, you’re golden!

My point is, odds are that your new friends are not swingers but that does not mean that won’t change over time. Some people have just not been exposed to swinging yet, and you can slowly ‘nurture and educate them’. In the meantime, focus on building the friendships as you’ll never know what’s in store for you. Though I must caution you that you stand a very high risk of losing your new friends by trying to introduce swinging to those who are not ready to embrace it (and the majority are not). In addition, jealousy can be a terrible monster and can quickly emerge in the wrong situation, sending your new friends running for the hills. So be careful, because just by asking if they are swingers could lose you some really potential good friends. So remember, slow and steady gets the sex!

Enjoy,
Sandi
www.SandiOnSwinging.com

Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock
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October 6, 2015