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What It’s Like To Be In A Swinger Lifestyle

Sex Ed

What It’s Like To Be In A Swinger Lifestyle

We were married with children at a young age, Angie was 16 and J was 18. We didn’t have much of a life together before we became parents. We didn’t really know how to be a couple without our kids. We feel that this lifestyle has brought us together and improved our relationship, sexually and emotionally, 100%.

When we were first married, we had separate hobbies that we did alone, such as softball and video games. The hobbies were never something that we did together. Since being in the lifestyle, we still have those hobbies; however, we have added fun adventures that we do together within the lifestyle community. It gave us a life that did not necessarily revolve around our kids, that we had not realized was even missing.

Why We Got Started Into Swinging

Everyone’s appeal when they first start in the lifestyle is to enhance their sex life with their partner, or in general, if they are single. Most start out looking for that fantasy they have talked about with their partners. Most couples start out looking for a single female, the elusive Unicorn. However, some couples just want to see what the Swinging Lifestyle entails.

Once in the lifestyle, you gain a new knowledge of how friendships can develop. It starts out wanting to just have sex with other couples, but then you realize that these are open, honest, and fun people to hang out with on a regular basis. Honest communication in the lifestyle is really the key to success. Of course, honest communication is the key to any friendship/partnership.

We started in the lifestyle with ZERO idea of what we were stepping into. We were very young and had no idea that there was such a thing as a “Swinging” lifestyle. We have made almost every mistake you could possibly make in the lifestyle; however, we no longer look at those as mistakes but as lessons learned. Our very first experience did not go well. We got drunk and had sex with the only set of close friends we had (we were very young parents). We never discussed what/if something would happen, we just went with the flow.

During the ‘play time’, Angie did not like what was happening and realized that she suddenly wanted to be done. Needless to say, she left the room in tears and went to shower. Jay had to tell the only friends we had to leave. After they left, we talked for a bit then ended up having sex multiple times that night. We realized that this was something that we needed to discuss in more detail because the group sex clearly turned us on.

Common Misconceptions About Swingers

One of the most common misconceptions is that the lifestyle is just a bunch of people having group sex. That does happen, but not all the time, unless you are luckier than us!

Another misconception is that people in the swinger lifestyle are hot, fit, above average looking people. This is not true. We are a very diverse community and that’s what makes it more fun! There is someone for everyone.

Lastly, a lot of people believe that what we are doing is cheating. They believe that since we are married and have sex with people other than our spouse that it’s cheating. In our opinion, cheating is the lie you tell, not the act that is committed. We believe that feeling like you must keep a secret from or tell a lie to, that one person you choose to share everything, with is cheating. Granted, cheating does happen in the lifestyle; however it’s rare. Consent is an extremely huge part of our lifestyle. Like communication, it is another important key to the lifestyle.

What Is It Like In A Swingers Party?

There are multiple types of swingers’ parties. We have listed them in an order, that we believe, is ease of availability.

Lifestyle clubs are the most popular. They are your typical nightclub with a few amenities. Some clubs have playrooms if they are “on-premise”. All clubs have separate social areas, dance floors, and bars. The clubs which are “on-premise” are not allowed to sell alcohol; however, they allow you to bring your own drink and purchase mixers at the bar. In our opinion, lifestyle clubs are more fun because the people who attend are much nicer and more respectful than your typical nightclub.

Meet and Greets, or as we like to call ours Minglers, are another type of swinger party. Most Minglers are in a vanilla establishment such as a bar or lounge. (By vanilla, we mean non-lifestyle). They are set up in a way to distinguish swingers from vanillas with some type of wristband, beads, special color shirt, etc. We encourage new people to attend these before any other party, simply because there is less stress of what they believe is expected of them. They don’t have to worry about seeing people run around naked or having sex. They can come and go as they please and there is generally no cover to get in to a Mingler. It’s just an easier way to meet others in the lifestyle.

House parties are generally more personal. Homeowners usually only invite certain people to attend. This is a good way to become more intimate with another couple whether it be with sex or just making new friends. They are just like your normal everyday party, however, there is usually some sex and nakedness involved.

Hotel takeovers are a combination of a lifestyle club and a Mingler. There are not many complete hotel takeovers. Usually there is just a few floors zoned off as “private parties”. We have only been to two complete hotel takeovers. The one most recently was in Houston with Couples Xcape. Our absolute most favorite hotel takeover is Naughty in Nawlins or shortened to NIN. This is a swinger’s convention and has been going on for over 20 years. We heard about it seven years ago and have been going every year since. The crowd gets upwards of 1800 people and is considered the largest swinger event in the world.

Advice You Should Follow Before Going Into Swinging

The most important advice we can give is that our lifestyle is not for everyone. This lifestyle is not a “fix” for another problem in your relationship. If you are having trouble in your relationship, they will be magnified tenfold. This lifestyle enhances what is already there. On a positive side, if you are just looking to spice up your already wonderful sex life and partnership, this lifestyle will take you to a whole new level of experience emotionally and physically.

Another bit of advice. Do your research. Years ago, when we started, there was not much information readily available for swingers to get started and what to do and who to ask questions of. There are tons of podcasts such as yours truly Average Swingers – if you are looking for a good laugh, Swinger Diaries – if you are looking for a more disciplined approach, and for a combination of the two, Swinging Down Under. There are also blogs, books, websites, YouTube, etc. Google It!

Once you decide to jump into the wonderful world of swinging, just remember that there is no “criteria” that you have to meet to be considered a swinger. In our opinion, being a swinger is a mindset. If you are open minded, respectful, and want to have fun with other open-minded people, then you are a swinger.

Last but not least….there is no finish line. There is no rush. You don’t have to hurry up and play to get that first time feeling out of the way. It may be there every time you play or every time you are with a new couple. There are many spaces in which to be a swinger. There are voyeurs, soft swap, exhibitionist, and full swap just to name a few. One space is not more important or more advanced than the other. The spaces you are in, are where you want to be as a couple or a single. No one should convince you that you are not yet advanced enough to be a swinger. If you are a couple, this is not a race between you and your partner. Go only as fast as the slowest person.


Hi! We are Angie and J. We’re just a couple of average swingers. We are not the hottest, most intelligent (J brings the IQ level way down ;)), funniest, and we sure as hell are not the richest couple of swingers you will meet. We are just an average swinger couple, hence the show name. We’re doing a podcast because it’s fun. When it stops being fun, we will stop doing it.

Follow Angie and J on

Website: http://www.averageswingers.com/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/averageswingers

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AverageSwingers/

Facebook: Angie N Jay

Kasidie: Average Swingers

SDC: Average Swingers


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Angie and J

Hi! We are Angie and J. We’re just a couple of average swingers. We are not the hottest, most intelligent (J brings the IQ level way down ;)), funniest, and we sure as hell are not the richest couple of swingers you will meet. We are just an average swinger couple, hence the show name. We’re doing a podcast because it’s fun. When it stops being fun, we will stop doing it.

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