I usually experience rope bondage (especially in regards to ‘Shibari’ style, not bedroom bondage) as something that is artistic, emotional, expressive, and connective.
I was introduced to rope bondage through a friend after seeing a beautiful photo of her suspended from the branches of a tree. It was artfully done and she looked so serene and peaceful. I knew I wanted to give it a try. So I suppose, right from the start, I was already seeing rope bondage in an artistic sense.
Why Is Rope Bondage Popular?
I can’t speak for everybody, but I think a huge part of the appeal is the connection you can create with others. It’s such a unique way to connect and mesh with another person. It lets you experience sensations and feelings that you might not have anywhere else, and be close to someone in a whole new way. I think with any kink a lot of trust and consent is involved, and part of the appeal for me is that I’ve learnt so much about boundaries and communication because of my experiences in rope.
Also, I think for a lot of people, and certainly for me, it’s also the medium of the rope that’s incredibly appealing. It’s the feel and the scent of the rope, the way the rope creaks when it’s under tension, how it hugs you and holds you. It’s all part of the charm.
I’ve heard a lot of people speak about how they love to be tied because they can give up control to somebody else. Sometimes I feel that way, on some level, for example if I’ve had a stressful day and I can just be tied by a good friend and let the world melt away and know that I can just fall into a nice rope headspace. But generally, I find it’s more of an expression of my own power, and sharing that discovery and expression with someone, rather than it is about being dominated or about giving up control. Sometimes, people assume that I am a submissive or s-type just because I want to be tied up. I don’t identify as a submissive, but I enjoy connecting with my riggers as well as exploring emotions and connectivity through the medium of rope.
Favorite Bondage Positions
I usually love hanging in an upside-down suspension. It doesn’t always work for me, but when I’m in the mood, it’s my favourite thing. Being suspended by a good single Futomomo (when your leg is bent at the knee and tied shin-to-thigh) can feel amazing in a pain versus pleasure kind of way. It helps me feel less stressed, I can just melt into it. Sometimes I like hanging by my ankles, straight down, so that my spine decompresses and I can just stretch out. I work on computers all day so I really need that release sometimes! Also, I believe that’s one of the reasons why people do aerial yoga (which I still haven’t tried!).
I also have often enjoyed being tied on the floor, without suspension involved at all. Suspension is sometimes seen as the primary target for rope bondage, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I’ve had some amazing experiences with just floor rope. I like ones where I can curl up and have my arms in front of myself, and my legs wrapped up nice and tight.
How To Incorporate Impact Play Into Rope Bondage
I think it depends what you wish to focus on, and what mood you might be in.
If wanting to focus more on the impact play, you might use quite minimal bondage. For example, I’ve had my arms tied and lifted above my head so that I’m standing and being whipped from behind. I’ve laid on a bench with my arms and legs tied to the four corners of it while being beaten with a cane. Those methods place a larger emphasis on the impact play more than the bondage – the bondage was only there to stop me from moving around during impact play. So that was coming more from a place of wanting catharsis via the pain and rhythm and sensation of impact play.
If the focus is more on rope bondage and you’re wanting to bringing some impact play elements into it, you could do whatever kind of tie you like that you feel will also enable you to do some impact play. I would suggest thinking about what parts of the body you’d prefer to aim for, and make sure they are accessible. I’ve been tied in a suspension before where I was in a hip harness and a sort of backbend, and my thighs were being flogged. There’s a lot of ways you could play around with positions for this.
Why I Love Mixing Wax Play With Bondage
I’m not sure I’ve really put it into words before, but I think I love the mix of sensations! Rope can be so comforting or challenging depending on the position and vibe put into the tie. It can be relaxing, or aggressive, or anything between and beyond.
Wax can be warm and gooey and lovely, or it can be really hot and piercing and shocking. Both rope and wax together I think creates a wonderful mix where you can have an ebb and flow of sensations and intensities. There’s just such a range to play with!
Tips For First Timers To Get Started
With wax play, at least to start with, I would suggest getting candles that are soy based (and unfragranced if you have sensitive skin). They tend to be gentler and nicer to play with than a candle that is made with something like paraffin wax. You can try with all different kinds of candles and see what you prefer. Some are sharper and sting more than others. Also, be aware of the size of the candle – get a wider/thicker one if you can. The size of a candle versus the wick placement will affect how hot the melted wax is when it reaches your body. The larger the candle, the cooler the wax will be when it hits your skin, because it’s had to travel further from the flame. If you’re using a really skinny candle (like a birthday cake candle), the wax will be hotter as it’s basically come right from the flame itself.
You can, of course, try it on yourself before asking someone else to do it for you. Try dripping wax on your arms, legs, feet. Be aware and take care of potentially sensitive areas such as the inner thighs.
With impact play, you can also try implements on yourself first (depending on what the implement is, the ease of this will vary). If I’m not sure I’ll like a particular implement or toy, sometimes I’ll use it against my own thigh to get a small taste of it before asking someone else to try it on me.
If you can go to a class or event in your local kink/bondage scene, that might work out really well for you. I’ve been to a workshop with a friend where we were given opportunities to try different implements for impact play (including our own hands, of course!). It’s a good way to experiment whilst also getting guidance from people with experience. I felt like I learned a lot from doing it in a workshop setting!
Ellie Neptune – Ellie Neptune is a shibari-bat from Australia who loves hanging upside-down. She discovered rope bondage via a friend in 2014 and has never looked back! Ellie enjoys exploring connectivity, art, and emotion through rope bondage.
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Photos courtesy of Ellie Neptune
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