SimplySxy

Tag: Sex

  • Sex is Supposed to be Fun; Isn’t It?

    Sex is Supposed to be Fun; Isn’t It?

    I am stating the obvious when I say that sex is all about having a giggle and enjoying each other. Aint’t I? Apparently not.

    I was chatting to a guy on GROWLr (GRINDr for Bears—a sub-culture within gay culture— or what I prefer to call ‘GRINDr for nice people’. I find GRINDr and most of the other gay sites/apps cruel and excluding but that is a whole other article … ) and we got onto the subject of sex, of course and I flew into a friendly rant on sexual energy and what exactly happens to that heat you feel in the base of your spine and perineum (between your genitals and ass/arse) when you have sex. The guy who I was chatting to told me that he often gets the giggles ‘post-orgasm’ and I explained that this was the sexual energy shooting up from the root chakra (that heat spot I mentioned. Can you feel it now? I thought you might) and out through his heart in the middle of his chest—the heart chakra—and this quite simply makes us giggle and/or cry. It is more common for women to burst into tears during or post-climax for this reason and yes, not that I wish to stereotype but it is often the case that women are more in touch with their emotions and thus cry more easily and that sexual energy (which is associated with our emotions) has more of a free rein causing all sorts of pleasant and sometimes unpleasant responses and reactions.

    So… the guy who I was chatting to then told me that he felt ‘less silly’ because I had explained it and also confessed to thinking that sex should be ‘a giggle’ and ‘about having fun’. Don’t we all think this? Don’t you realise that you really aren’t supposed to be taking this too seriously and did you know that even if you and/or your Mrs/Mr burst into tears during sex you can still enjoy it?

    Allow me to give you an example … you knew this was cumming, didn’t you? And you also knew that I was going to deliberately misspell coming because, well, I just cannot resist the naughtiness …

    Once upon a kink session with an ex boyfriend of mine, I was kneeling upon the four poster bed in a classy Gay Bed and Breakfast in Blackpool. My hands were tied behind my back and I was pleasuring my beloved by tonguing his balls and doing whatever he demanded of me (within the boundaries we had previously negotiated—this is how to do kink safely and with complete trust. We also used the ‘Traffic Light’ code but we’ll go into that another time…) when I suddenly became very still because ‘something’ happened. I cannot describe fully the ‘something’ other than invert the words because it was, well, almost mystical. I went from ‘Yes Sir, thank you Sir’ mode to being completely silent and from licking his manhood to absolute stillness.

    He sensed something.
    We both felt ‘something’.
    Everything stopped.

    I’ll call my ex Richard, Richard ceased his orders of ‘Do you know how honoured you are to worship me boy?’ and other such ‘insults’ to being as silent as me. He gently untied my hands and just lay there and I maintained my position, on my knees, curled up with my face in his crotch just allowing this ‘something’ to do its thing.

    Then I burst into tears.
    I sobbed from an old place and felt like a child again.
    It was delightful.

    I clambered from my place between his legs and rested upon his chest. He held me, stroked me and kissed my forehead.

    “Feel better?” Richard asked, as my tears fell away and I became giggly.

    “Much. Thank you. You’re amazing” I beamed with love into his moist eyes, we de-kinked (removed my leather straps, collar, jock and boots) and spooned for the remainder of the evening.

    We did not discuss the tears. We didn’t need to. We giggled, tickled, nestled and warmed ourselves in the knowledge that the sex session had been fun, emotional and what it needed to be.

    Here’s to your intimate adventures … you never know what might happen.

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  • 3 Fantasies Men Secretly Crave

    3 Fantasies Men Secretly Crave

    Let me start off by saying. To each his own. Most of us wake up in the morning to brush our teeth, grab an apple on our way out our condo, only to sit in traffic listening to dry humor on the radio as the rain pours over our newly washed car. The car has a rather annoying ticking noise that you can no longer notice. You think of what you laid out for dinner, your mortgage, your insurance. Or do you? Walking up three flights of stairs in your soggy, wet loafers you close your eyes. You feel her pull your wet pants off. you drop your laptop and open your eyes. There she is again. This figment of your imagination. or is she real?  She always makes you feel wanted, she pleases you constantly, she never lets you down. You would leave your entire life just to be with her. You would do anything. So why don’t you?

    She is just a fantasy. You would never actually leave your job, your home, your wife. Or would you? After a few years of role playing for people (men and woman alike) on camera, I realized I was continuously hired to play three specific roles for them.

    One being the sexually charged home wrecker.  Your wife’s hot friend, or the ex you wished you never left. The ultimate sexpot you would never leave your husband in a room alone with. I’m not sure why I am so good at it. It is highly entertaining and makes for a fun and harmless time. She prances around talking about how handsome you are, how she has thoughts of you. until you explode. You can’t take it anymore, all your morals go out the window. You want her bad. So you do it. Although every time you tell yourself it’s the last time, it never is.

    Two, being a brat. That’s right, a brat. The one girl in your life you would do anything for. She never does anything for you except being ann arm candy. But for some reason, you just cant get enough of her teasing your belly fat. She is highly submissive but her bratty streak has you aching for her tease and denial. After all, you’re much older than her and it would be too long before you find another sexy, young girlfriend. It’s kind of a more innocent approach to being a dominatrix. A much more playful, less intimidating role perhaps. A cute little brat pushes all the right buttons. Especially the ones at your ATM machine visits.

    Last, but not least the findom. She doesn’t need your money whatsoever, but you find yourself eating top ramen just to feed her shopping addiction. To see her face light up at the sight of your cash is what you live for. You literally have maxed out every credit card and are applying for even more. You love to pamper this gluttonous greedy goddess. Lavish gifts, vacations, and chocolates. Pampering pedicures. You even bought her a house. The more money you send her, the more she ignores you.

    Everyone has their own fetish and desires. I think they not only need to be fed, but also embraced. I make videos for men and women of all ages and never scoff at an idea or request for a custom video. I know the world has so many doors yet to be open. I treat every person like they are my own fiery star; full of ideas and passion.  I think I was born to be a people pleaser and that’s just exactly why I am here.

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  • The Misconception of Swinging

    The Misconception of Swinging

    swingSome might ask, “What’s all the hype about swingers and living this particular lifestyle?” It has been a hot topic for decades, yet people shy away from the subject when they hear these words muttered, but why? For many, understanding the real meaning and true concept of this inner action amongst consenting adults is a lot to wrap their hands around. Allow me to give you my take on the topic; Swinging is basically a turnout of people looking for something engaging where there are no rules and seduction is a succulent utopia. Yet it certainly has been misconstrued by many. Why do couples swing? Maybe their relationships have become dull, boring or uninteresting? Maybe they’re looking for a way to spruce up their sex life and kick it up a notch?

    There are people who do not really know the true meaning of swingers and or swinging couples, thus they don’t really understand the lifestyle and what it entails. They’ve been called philanderers, sexually stimulated by others wanting to engage at revelry. Some might suggest it to be a fetish of dominating adults where they lay around in sexy lingerie or in the nude waiting to get laid. Some call it an adult orgy, a one night fling amongst adults, a wild night of merrymaking. There is an array of words that one could use to describe it; nonetheless a fool’s paradise would be the best way for me to narrate this matter in hand. Let me first state what swinging is NOT … Swinging isn’t getting playful with one’s partner and having immediate sex. It all starts by building an atmosphere of affection.

    Is this something for everyone? No, but for those who participate in this lifestyle, it is as common for them as it would be for an ordinary couple to have date nights together. For some, swinging is as routine as it would be to go out to dinner every week. In the 1960s, swinging was something big in the hippie era and it is something that has been going on for years and years where people are pleasured by the thoughts of meeting someone new where they can release their inner desires and deepest fantasies. Who goes to swing clubs? Bisexuals, heterosexuals, gays and lesbians.

    You can participate with a partner(s) or you can watch and live it up in your own world of lust. Swingers can be single adult men or women or couples who are looking to meet new people and endure some delicious fun that can be both intoxicating and provocative. Those who don’t understand it call it perverted, while swingers simply call it getting kinky.

    If this is new for you and you’re thinking of taking a swing at it, being prepared is key if you don’t want your first time at a sex club to be your last. You’re never under any obligation to participate at a swing club, no apologies or excuses are ever necessary. If someone you’re not into approaches you, a polite “No, thank you” will get the message across. If that sounds harsh, explain that it’s your first time and you’re just there to watch. Something to take serious note here is that every club is different, but at most you can expect to find a buffet, a bar, porn playing on a TV, couches, and a few playrooms in most all of these clubs that you go to. The playrooms are usually where the foreplay/action happens, though you’re likely to see couples fooling around all over the club. There are also some clubs that have a naked rule for the playrooms even if you’re not participating, so my advice would be NOT to be the fully clothed creepy one eyeballing everyone who is not clothed. That’s gawky for sure!

    What can you expect? What are the rules and terms to know if you’ve never been in a swing club?

    • Be Friendly … Know the fundamental etiquette of swinger clubs. There is really no need to get assertive as soon as you walk in, so don’t strip down to your skivvies and start going at it as soon as you walk in the door.
    • Be SAFE! I’m saying to practice safe sex. Keep your junk in your trunk until something is agreed upon. Don’t just assume anything. Guys, please … bring the condoms!
    • Whatever you do, DON’T give off any sort of mixed signals. If you’re asked to join someone or a couple and you are not interested, a simple “No, thank you” is best. Beating around the bush with a “maybe later” will only keep that annoying person around you for hours stalking you like his/her prey.
    • KNOW THE RULES! No touching unless you’ve been asked to join in. Always keep an open mind. Be respectful of others. Most swing clubs have a buffet where it’s much easier to meet and greet. There is generally also BYOB alcohol policies at a club (they provide the drink mixers), so get yourself a nice glass of wine to relax a bit along with a few snacks, and be seated. DON’T get drunk! Often first timers tend to have one too many to take the edge off so that they are relaxed but this can be a deal breaker folks because it is quite insulting to say the least if you have to be drunk to endure sexual pleasures with someone.

    Do understand that there are a variety of clubs. Where can you find them? They are all over the place and vary amongst cities and states. Some clubs as premise clubs do not allow “street” clothes in the play room areas, so if you do not want to run around there naked or wrapped in a towel, sexy lingerie such as a bedroom costume is an excellent choice. Know the dress code! In some, you need towels only and in others, women wear sexy lingerie and men wearing underwear are appropriate. You can find an array of sexy lingerie including adult theme party lingerie at www.SimplyDeliciousLingerie.com. Visit the bedroom costumes section where you’ll find something erotic and titillating. If you are looking for adult travel choices or for swinging, I would like to suggest www.TrystTravel.com? This is an excellent choice and a favorite of mine where they will assist you in fulfilling your deepest desires. Specializing in Adults Only Erotic Vacations, Tryst Travel is an excellent choice for your adult vacation. Here you will enter a world unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. They specialize in vacations that are designed to entice the senses and stimulate your deepest desires in a variety of locations.

    Stay tuned for my next article where I will reflect on swingers and the proper swinger terminology used, along with suggested sexy adult theme party lingerie pieces that are arousing, intoxicating and sexy to wear at any swingers club!

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  • 3 Tips to be a Sex Pro

    3 Tips to be a Sex Pro

    Sex can be a very confusing but wonderful thing if you know what you are doing. Here I have compiled a list of tips to make you successful in the bedroom.  These 3 simple easy steps can turn you from an average joe into a sex pro!

    1. Learn the human anatomy. Males and females all have erogenous zones. These zones are places you want to touch to increase pleasure to your partner.  Learning all these areas can help decrease tension and increase arousal. These zones are located all over a person’s body, some in plain sight such as the neck, and some in hidden areas like the clitoris under the clitoral hood. Foreplay is the foundation for an orgasm. Sometimes excitement makes you want to just jump right into it, but foreplay and a little bit of teasing goes a long way.

    2. Communication. Knowing all these erogenous zones would be nothing without knowing how to communicate with your partner. Everyone has a preference on how they like certain things. Some people have sensitive organs and some people don’t. Some people prefer rough sex and some people prefer soft (vanilla) sex. It is all dependent on that person and without communicating, things can get lost in translation and a good time can become a not so amazing experience.

    3. Experiment. You would be surprised what kind of niches/fetishes you may be into. Without experimenting, you will never know what it is like to try something new. Be open minded and have fun. Spicing things up can be a breathe of fresh air sometimes.

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  • 10 Sexual Fantasies to Try Tonight

    10 Sexual Fantasies to Try Tonight

    1. Sex with a Stranger

    You’re on the packed subway during rush hour and pressed tightly against you is a tall, red-haired stunner. You feel your bodies rocking together in tandem with the motion of the train. Then suddenly, your object of desire starts to move away. Oh no, you’re not getting off at the same stop! However, your beauty looks back at you with bedroom eyes and smiles. Be it the sexy stranger you spotted on the subway, the waiter at the restaurant when you’re out with your spouse, the shy woman who lives in the next apartment, or simply a person you conjure up in your imagination, the common fantasy of sex with a stranger allows you to have the thrill of anonymous sex, without the risks.

    2. Threesome or Group Sex

    There certainly is a lot to imagine if you think about a threesome, also called ménage à trois, or group sex.  Imagine one mouth on your mouth, one mouth on your genitals, and another on your nipple, while six hands caress your body simultaneously. Maybe you’ve done it before, and the sheer excitement of remembering that time really turns you on. Or perhaps you hope to try it someday, and let the thoughts of what you’ll do fuel your fantasy.

    3. Sex with a Celebrity

    Maybe someday you’ll meet Jennifer Lawrence or Matt Bomer in person, and you’ll finally get to have mad, passionate sex with him or her. However, chances are pretty silm and so in the mean time, make do with fantasizing about your favorite celebrities. Sometimes it’s the fantasy of having sex with someone powerful that gets people on during these celeb fantasies. Other times, it’s just the fact that we all share a common pool of sexy celebs, whose images we can easily tap into our fantasies. Whether it’s Angelina Jolie making love to you in a hot tub, or Kim Kardashian fondling you when you’re romping in her bed, it can be great fun to fantasize about celebrities. Unless you do run with the rich and famous, these fantasies will usually never become reality. And that’s a good thing—otherwise, Pamela Anderson would be mighty sore from all the guys she’s had to have sex with in real life.

    4. Sex with a Co-worker or Someone You Have a Crush On

    Each morning when you walk past her desk at work, the smell of her perfume triggers your endless stream of fantasies. You don’t think you should ask her out, because you work together. But it sure is great to have her in your fantasies each night. You’ve know him for almost a year, and even though both of you are “just friends,” and you only remotely attracted to him, it’s still fun to include him in your fantasies when you masturbate. The only problem is that sometimes when you’re together, he catches you looking at him funny or the smirk on your face when you suddenly recall the position that you imagined him in the night before! It is so common to fantasize about the people in our lives. You see them and think about them all the time anyway, so why not add them to your fantasies?

    5. Sex with Someone of the Same Gender

    Your breasts rubbing against hers. Or your penis in your left hand, and his in your right palm. Sounds like a fun fantasy? Whether you are gay, straight, or bi, fantasizing about someone of the same gender is natural and normal. It can be interesting to imagine a type of sex that you may never have, or to fantasize about a sexual alternative that you already enjoy or might be keen on trying. Either way, you can experience novel ideas and new sensations when you fantasize about someone of the same gender.

    6. Force Fantasies and BDSM

    Would you ever want someone you barely know to rip your shirt off, grab you by the hair, throw you down on the floor and have sex with you? Most people have no desire to be forced into sex, or to force someone to have sex in real life; however, force fantasies are extremely common. These are fantasies that should never be acted out. (Unless you have your partner’s complete consent!) However, it’s perfectly fine to imagine force fantasies. If you fantasize about forcing someone to have sex with you, then it could mean that you feel like you have no control in your real life and hence the change of role in your fantasy. Or if you like to fantasize about relinquishing control, then maybe you hold much power in real life and yearn to give it up in your fantasies. Would you ever want your lover to tie your hands behind your back and then put you over his or her knee for a good spanking? People who fantasize about being tied up often crave a “guilt-free” sexual encounter and that they can’t resist the sex, because they are tied up and in a compromised situation. Those who fantasize about being spanked might be into BDSM in real life. Sometimes it makes them feel as if they are bad and need to be punished, and for them, being bad feels so good.

    7. Sex While Someone Is Watching

    You unbutton your shirt slowly and feel a certain thrill, because you know that you are really showing off. You touch your chest, slide your hand down your body, and, as you grow more excited, you begin to masturbate. For some people, being an exhibitionist can be very exciting, at least in their fantasy. You can pretend you are a sexual performer, showing off for the observer and turning the observer on, too. You could fantasize that you are having sex with a stranger and your partner is watching, or that you are having sex with your partner and your neighbor is watching. In reality, you might find it embarrassing to actually have someone watch, but it could work great for a fantasy!

    8. Sex in Public

    Can you imagine that you are having sex from behind, bent over the bar at your favorite club, or having sex while on the dance floor of a crowded nightclub, doing it while rolling around on a crowded beach, or doing it sitting on the highway divider during rush hour? Sex in public is risky in real life. Yet in fantasy, you don’t have to worry about being arrested for indecent exposure. You can go for whatever thoughts turn you on. No one can catch you in public if it’s only in your mind.

    9. Sex in an Exotic Location

    Some have conquer the Grand Canyon simply to give a blowjob to their lover, while others just fantasize about it. You may never be able to go down  give a hand job on the top of the Empire State Building, or do it with a UPS guy in the back of his truck, but those are easy fantasies to conjure up. Your fantasies of sex in exotic locations can take you places you’ve never been. Or they can transport you back to places you’ve already been or plan to visit. If you’ve had sex in your backyard, you can fantasize about gallivanting in the geraniums anytime, without ever having to go outside. If you plan to make love on the beach during your vacation to Cancun, you can fantasize about that even before the plane has taken off. Maybe there’s some place where you’d never have the nerve to have sex, like on a roller coaster. Your imagination can put you there, and you won’t even have to wait in line for the first seat! Wherever your mind takes you, it is safe and fun to put yourself in exotic locations in your fantasies.

    10. Sex with an Ex

    If you’ve had the most exciting sex of your life with your ex, why not let him or her into your fantasies? Some people simply cannot imagine fantasizing about an ex because after their orgasm, they get depressed about the breakup, or grossed out by the fact that the ex was around, even in a fantasy. But for others, sex-with-the-ex-fantasies are easy to call on anytime. It’s sex that you can remember, and you know what it felt like. You are just calling on your past to get off in the present.

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  • Can You Feel The Heat?

    Can You Feel The Heat?

    Matt-at-Lotus on Burning Up in the Bedroom …

    … or wherever you prefer to do it. Last week, I was massaging a client which is not unusual for a sexual masseur. He was face down, naked, skin glistening from the sunlight reflected in the massage oil. I work differently from most massage therapists in that I not only offer a sexual massage but also sexual services along with it. I pride myself on being as honest as I can and see no benefit in pretending to be doing anything other than sex, such as calling it ‘Tantric Massage’ (there’s no such thing) or ‘Relaxation Massage’ (AKA ‘Massage and a hand job’). The thing is that if you, the client, don’t really know if the massage is sexual, how can you truly relax? If the practitioner doesn’t quite know whether you are ‘up for it’, how can they truly relax? It all creates a pretty cold, confused and nervous atmosphere if you ask me. My advice is to be honest, lay your cards on the table and release those inhibitions with a practitioner (which can also be your partner, stick with me and all shall be revealed …) who is equally honest with you: “This is a sexual massage, you will probably climax and you are welcome to touch me, depending on how comfortable you feel. I am happy to discuss whatever you need”.

    Now aren’t you already feeling more relaxed? Can’t you now feel that tingle down your spine and that quivering of your bottom lip that says: ‘Chill out, you’re in safe hands and those hands know exactly what they’re doing’. Horny huh? Yeah, I think so too.

    And There’s More

    How can this help you in bed? How can this connection—between me and my clients—assist you in reaching that point of no return with your next shag? It’s easy; I deliberately make a connection with my clients to intentionally turn up the sexual heat. I do this because I can and I do this because that is what the client is paying for. It’s in my job description. Want to know how to do it? Then we shall begin …

    Honesty, as I have said, is key. Tell yourself how you feel. Yes; yourself. This is how all relationships (and remember ‘relationships’ can be for one night only) start. When you get to know yourself, you can then easily share that knowledge with your partner/s. If you have no fucking clue who you are, how the hell is anyone else going to know? It stands to reason that it is only when we know ourselves that we can then teach others to know themselves. Now here is where something kinda magical happens. For example, whenever I touch most clients (and lovers for that matter) they will physically feel a heat. This is partly because I am a healer and partly because I know where to touch. It is mainly… drum roll please … because I know who I am. Does that sound odd? Allow me to elaborate.

    Once upon a training in psychotherapy, I remember the tutor explaining what one of the founders of therapy noted during therapy sessions. It went something like this: ‘It’s almost as if an unseen part of the patient reaches out and an unseen part of me reaches back, like a meeting of souls rather than minds’. I am paraphrasing here because I can’t be arsed to reference it but more so because this description explains perfectly what happens in good sex. We connect with an invisible aspect of our lovers that goes far beyond the physical. This cannot happen if we haven’t at least taken that first step in connecting with ourselves. Do you follow? No? Okay, let me put it another way.

    Make love to yourself first. Try masturbating very, very, slowly. Do not just concentrate on your dick (or clit if you are a lady). Explore your lips, nipples, eyebrows, ears, armpits, inside the elbows. Take. Your. Time.

    I tell you this right now—do this, slowly, very very slowly and you will feel the heat. You will notice tingles, heat, throbbing in the perineum (the bit between your arse and balls or for females the soft area around half an inch from your arse, the area you would tense when doing pelvic floor exercises), the base of your spine and more. Now, go and share this with someone. Again, very very slowly. Take. Your. Time.

    Oh, and all this I am teaching you now, I showed the client I mentioned earlier, as he lay there face down on the massage table, I showed him how to turn the heat up and do you know what he said?

    “I c..c..an’t speak. I … I … That was. Just, that…” followed by: “Wow”’.

    “You’re welcome” I responded.

    Now go turn the heat up. You’ll be glad you did.

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  • Five Ways to Take Your Sex Life to the Next Level

    Five Ways to Take Your Sex Life to the Next Level

    Does your sex life fulfill ALL of your fantasies? Are you enjoying the best sex of your life? Or is there something more you dream of and wish for?

    No matter how awesome the sex you are currently having, there is the possibility for more. But more what?

    As a sexologist and sex educator, a lot of people want me to help them improve their sex lives. Many of those people imagine that I will tell them about a new pill, potion or position. It seems everyone wants a quick fix – something which will magically transform boredom and routine into a thrilling joy ride of coital bliss. And sometimes those pills, potions and positions can accomplish just that – for the short term.

    But eventually, even new thrills can become empty and boring. And predictably, the search usually resumes for something new and exciting to fulfill our fantasies of what sex should be like.

    Does this mean we are doomed to a life of uninspired sexual routine or, conversely, the endless pursuit of one momentary sexual high after another?

    No. It all depends upon the erotic path you choose.

    If you are willing to invest as much time and effort in your sex life as you do in your favorite sport or hobby, sex can be catapulted into a high art form which has the potential to exceed your wildest dreams.

    But be forewarned that the price of admission into this rarefied sexual reality can be more than some are willing to pay.

    Do I have your attention? Then by all means, read on . . .

    Sex, like much of the rest of life, is shaped by our intentions as well as our technique. If your approach toward sex is oriented to simply having fun, then your sexual experiences will tend to be more superficial than heart centered.

    But if you combine your sexuality with your spirituality, you can open erotic doors which transcend the mundane and literally launch you into a world defined by other dimensions.

    Although an erotic journey of this nature can involve a variety of teachings and practices, I have outlined five of the most basic elements designed to take your sex to the next level:

    1. Perfect Your Touch

    You can touch something or you can touch your own desire. When you allow your hands and your finger tips to find their pleasure, your touch will naturally create pleasure in the person you are touching. Shift your focus from how you are touching and how you imagine your lover feels and allow the pure joy of touching to excite your senses.

    The energy in your body radiates past the confines of your skin. Learn to sense this energy by holding the palms of your hands about a half inch to an inch apart and gently push at the space in between your hands. Notice how it feels when your hands come close to each other and how it feels as they move away. Can you feel the energy generated by the palms of your hands? This is what you want to touch your lover with. You want to learn to direct that energy so that your touch extends past your fingertips.

    2. Master Your Breath

    Everyone breathes deeper and more frequently when they are sexually aroused. But unfortunately, many of us have learned to hold our breath when we orgasm. For some, holding the breath seemed like a wise way to avoid making noise and getting “caught” masturbating or having sex when we were younger. It can take some practice to unlearn this habit. But it is important that you allow yourself to breathe while you orgasm if you want to take your sexual pleasure to the next level. If you learn to breathe during your arousal and through your orgasms, you may be surprised how receptive your body is to continued arousal and multiple orgasms.

    Conscious breathing exercises including some yoga practices and meditation techniques are an excellent way to master the art of breathing yourself to an ecstatic state of being. When you know how to raise your sexual excitement with your breath, your ability to experience pleasure is enlarged. Plus another benefit is an increased ability to connect with another person intimately. The breath unleashes emotions and when we breathe deeply, we feel our emotions more intensely. Allowing these emotions to surface during sex creates a more intense sexual and emotional sharing.

  • 10 Tips to Improve Intimacy for Couples

    10 Tips to Improve Intimacy for Couples

    Life can get so busy at times that it is easy to forget to nurture your relationship.  Connecting with a partner on a daily basis can be difficult for most people, but fostering a healthy relationship is worth taking the time. A great relationship is one built on mutual respect as well as both putting the energy and time to keep the relationship passionate, fun, and intimate.  Many times it is easy to fall into a rut or a pattern and take the other person for granted, this happens in all long-term relationships, from time to time.

    10 tips for couples to improve the intimacy as well keep the relationship fresh and exciting!

    1.  Keep in contact at least once a day, by phone, text, skype, a kiss in the morning or a hug at night.  This may sound like a silly tip, but for many couples, especially those who travel or do not live together a simple hello, or I love you every day will keep that person’s mind connected with yours.  Most couples that have successful long-term marriages put the effort into staying in touch.  With the invention of the cell phone and texting, it is easy as 123 … I love u … or XOXO!

    2.  Compliment your partner more often, say something nice to them, be honest and say it from the heart.  Noticing a new pair of shoes, or haircut can be from a simple compliment to a really nice compliment that shows appreciation for the little things they may do for you.

    3.  Appreciation as stated above, is one of the best ways to let your partner know that you like something that they are doing for you.  This works well in the bedroom too.  If you like to be touched in a certain way, let your partner know that it feels nice and they are more likely to do more of it!

    4.  Touch!  People crave another person’s touch, but the secret is to touch them the way that they like to be touched.  When you know what your partner likes then you can do it more often.  It can be rubbing behind their head, or holding hands, hugging, kissing, a gentle massage.  Touch can be sensual as well, done with lips, fingers hands or using your body, but make sure to find out what they really like first.

    5.  Do something new to break up the routine each week.  It does not have to be something big, but it should be a way to increase the intimacy. Read a book together instead of watching television, try a new position in bed, run a hot bath and take it together instead of a shower.

    Read on for the next 5 tips regarding Sex!

  • Let’s Talk About Sex!

    Let’s Talk About Sex!

    Suppose we did not have a head that is wired in a complicated manner. Maybe having sex would become more animal-like: totally natural, following a deeper underlying pattern, usually without problems. Suddenly, you see the fabulous tail of a male peacock or the irresistible sent of a female cat tickles your nostrils. It’s the right time of the year. You’re a mature animal. There are no rivals close by. Automatically, your level of arousal starts to rise. You do what you simply have to do: You approach your sexual partner directly, gracefully or carefully, depending on your species. Then you perform the right sexual actions.

    Copulation is a fact (after Jacques van Lankveld, Dutch psychotherapist & clinical sexologist).

    But for us human beings, sex doesn’t work that way, or does it?

    No. Apart from acting sexually (having sex in infinitely different ways and styles) and feeling sexually (experiencing sexual desire and sexual arousal) we tend to think about sex. We think about our actions. “Will he like it when I do this?” “Does she want me to do this?” “Will it turn him on or—god forbids—off?” We think about our feelings. “OK, he wants to have sex, that’s pretty clear, but do I really want to?” “I’ve been desiring her all day and now here she is but I’m exhausted from work …” And, worst of all, we think about our thoughts. “What would she think if she knew that my thoughts are on the football match later that evening while we were getting busy?” “What would he think if he knew I was wondering about that mysterious colleague who works in the accounting department?”

    Sex isn’t just a physical act combining two bodies in various ways. Sex is always much more than that, especially when we do our best to convince ourselves that it’s nothing more than just combining hands, lips, tongues, penis(es), vagina(s) … The bulk of people experiencing sexual problems and seeking professional don’t have purely physical difficulties in having sex. The origin of all sorts of problems are not only pertaining to sexual desire (difference in the desired sexual act or style; difference in the level of sexual desire … ) with sexual arousal and orgasm (difficulties getting or maintaining your erection/getting wet; either being unable to reach orgasm or just with a specific partner or in a specific situation; reaching orgasm much sooner then you feel comfortable about …), but also with one experiencing pain during sex or being unable to achieve penetration (with the penis or simply with a finger). This is most often, a combination of both physical, psychological and social factors. And every sexual problem will have an undesired impact on your self-image and self-confidence and/or—for those of us lucky to have partners—on your relationship.

    So why worry about all this if you’re just a fun loving sort of person who enjoys his own sexuality? The answer is simple: Don’t!

    Don’t worry. As long as you find yourself feeling good about the sex you have, not having a care in the world and enjoying it! Just know that when you have sex, there is more than the possibility of STD’s and HIV to think about. As for the other stuff, a condom won’t do you any good.

    Think about your own self image and your self confidence. Think about what you emotionally experience having sex. These elements are vital to have and to keep having sex in a way you can enjoy freely. So, just from time to time, ask yourself these two simple questions:

    When I have sex, do I feel like it & do I enjoy it?

    As long as you find yourself answering with a enthusiastic ‘YES!’ on both accounts, you should take the chance to experience your sexuality freely. If you find yourself doubting your answer; if you find yourself experiencing disturbing or negative thoughts or feelings while having sex, talk to someone about it. Talk to your partner, your best friend, your doctor, a therapist or a sexologist. The bottom line is that it is important to talk to someone about it! Don’t brush those negative thoughts under the carpet for they tend to come back with a vengeance—undesired consequences on your sex life.

    All most of us want is to live long, be happy and have a pleasant personal [and for some of us professional] sexual experience every now and then. So think about your sexual thoughts and feelings. For thoughts and emotions, apart from our bodies, are the true reasons why sex can be so enjoyable!

    Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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  • Are You Connecting Emotionally When Having Sex?

    Are You Connecting Emotionally When Having Sex?

    By Matt-at-Lotus

    As you may or may not know, I am a professional sex worker and writer. I also happen to be trained in counselling and psychotherapy and no, I’m not just showing off (okay maybe a little) I am merely letting you know that I know a little about, you know, stuff.

    When I was working full time as a therapist in private practice, I saw lots of couples and often saw singles who were having ‘bad’ sex. The stories were different but actually the same, allow me to paraphrase: ‘We go to bed at night and she just isn’t interested. She turns away and I have to jerk myself off’. Hmmm … and followed by: ‘I met this guy on the net and all he wanted me to do was shove a courgette up his arse’. Double hmmm …

    This is a common affliction for straights, gays, bi’s and those in between—we have no fucking idea what intimacy really means. Allow me to give you a (slightly graphic) example:

    A few weeks ago, I was called to a hotel to do an ‘outcall’ for a gentleman who found himself unexpectedly in the city and so, had a few hours to kill. “Be as kinky as you like” he said on the telephone before the booking. “I like leather”, he hinted as I chatted to him, took his deposit and packed my ‘outcall bag’ (massage oil, condoms, lube, tissues, shoe laces, cock rings etc.) and booked my taxi using the other phone. Multi-tasking is my forte.

    When I arrived at the hotel, the gentleman opened the door wearing just a bath towel and greeted me with a lovely smile and a glint in his eye. Once in his room and following my safety text to a friend, I opened my bag of tricks and his eyes lit up.

    “Now I am going to open the condom packet and lube just in case but this is a go-with-the-flow kind of service so don’t get your hopes up”, I set the stage for the following two hours (and reaffirmed the wordings of my website) as I put on my leather harness and proceeded to tie the gentleman’s balls with a red shoe lace.

    Then I kissed him.