Tag: Dominant

Confessions of a 21st century Dominant in suburbia

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Ward*, and I am a Dominant male.

This might surprise you as I am not (1) a billionaire and (2) I do not fly a helicopter and (3) I do not have an elaborate mansion with a red room that I use to perform deliciously explicit acts of pain on the women who choose to submit to me.

Far from it.

On the surface, I am Ward Cleaver living in Mayberry next door to Mr. Brady. I am a member of the local Rotary club, I religiously attend parent teacher conferences, I volunteer for the local public radio station and my son’s school, and spend weekends carting a suburban filled with children to hockey practice and parks and a myriad of activities.

On the surface, anyway.

Beneath the surface is something much darker.

Beneath the surface is a Dominant male who goes to bed each night with a submissive woman who is required to wear a collar and ask for permission to sleep in his bed; a Dominant male who selects his pet’s panties every day and will text her a message—often during a business meeting—directing her to exercise her cunt for him. A Dominant male who unabashedly refers to his female companion as a fucktoy, whore and slut.

It is who I am.

Just don’t tell my fellow Rotarians.

We have no red room in Mayberry, but in our bedroom where the bad things occur, there is a box of tricks I keep on my side of the closet and almost every night, I bring them out and use them on my pet. They range from spanking implements to restraints, vibrators and butt plugs, blindfolds and ball gags. They are brought out and used once the children have gone to sleep, the door is locked, and our cozy little bedroom becomes our own red room. Sometimes, my pet is too loud given the children in close vicinity, so the ball gag becomes a necessity. Or if I don’t care to get it out, her panties shoved inside of her mouth (after they are stuffed in her cunt so that they are soaking with her juices and she can taste herself) work just fine.

Bad things happen in our bedroom at night. Bad things that define me as a Dominant, her as a submissive, and bring immense pleasure and a good night’s sleep to both of us.

Morning comes, and I wake the children up and our household is oh so innocently vanilla.

No one ever knows.

She will often times text me when I get to work, to inform me of just how sore she is from the previous night, and ask me if I am proud of the bruises I left on her ass and upper thighs.

What can I say? I am a Dominant male, and thus, I am quite proud of those bruises.

My job requires me to travel, and whenever possible, I bring my pet along. This allows us to explore other aspects of our kinkiness, which, in the past year, has included a threesome in Melbourne, a visit to a swinger’s club in New Orleans, and participating in a BDSM club in Los Angeles. We have fun going out and taking things to a next level but before we go out, we always call back home and make sure the kids are in bed and settled.

That’s how we are.

I don’t quite get what the big deal is about “50 Shades of Gray.” I suppose it is because the story is so engulfed in the world of the fantasy aspect of a D/s relationship. Mine is immersed in the reality, and I am quite happy with that. We have our concerns as any regular couple do …paying bills, worrying about how the kids are doing in school, car repairs, you name it. Sometimes we are just so, well, so gosh darn NORMAL.

It seems that way, then the next moment I am directing my pet to join me in the bathroom, because it has been some time since I have treated her to a golden shower, and I have a desire to mark my territory. I don’t need a helicopter or a billion dollars (ok, that would be nice) to define me as a Dominant male. It comes from a much different place and so much of that place is based on the partner I have chosen (and who has chosen me) and the journey we have taken. It has been three years in the making, and we have detailed it quite extensively—the ups and the downs—in my blog.

It still surprises me at times, the intensity of that thing we do.

But I would not want it any other way.

I am a 21^st century Dominant male in suburbia, hear me roar.

But not too loudly.

You might wake up the children, and we have a busy day tomorrow.

*name chosen to protect the innocents, and by “innocents” I mean “my children who might have teachers who read this.”

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April 2, 2015
Why spank your wife?

Hi, DH here! This is post is a long-overdue follow-up to my how to spank your wife post.

I think the hardest part of our dynamic for me has been really understanding that Julia isn’t just acting submissive, she is submissive. She really does need my loving guidance and leadership in our marriage. And that is really the key: it’s within the context of our marriage. She could handle her life just fine without me.

And yet, she submits to me as her HoH. I have the final say on all family decisions. Although she handles paying the bills, major financial decisions are mine. I set the rules for her, and I expect them to be followed. It’s that we agree on this arrangement that makes this thing we do work for us.

I’ve become fascinated by ttwd, and the effect it’s had on my marriage with Julia, and also the effect it has had on me as a person. Looking back, it seems clear to me that my new confidence in my own abilities and strength have allowed me to make the best decisions I could have made in a very tough year. The validation? I just got a raise! (And a week later “let go”.)

Spanking your wife affirms your strength and dominance and gives you confidence that helps you in every area of your life.

I know Julia has benefited as well. She started running in the last year, and has kept her commitment through rain, shine, backaches, and family visits. Today, I agreed to implement a new rule: if she misses a day of running, regardless of the reason, I’ll give her 7 swats with her least favorite implement, the wooden paddle. On the surface of it, that sounds pretty caveman-ey on my part. But the truth is that Julia wants it that way, so that having the threat of swats hanging over her head will “help get back into running again” after a break.

Spanking your wife helps her build confidence and character, and motivation to complete tasks.

Sometimes, our dynamic requires that I discipline Julia for breaking one of our rules. Our rules represent the contract on which we’ve developed and based our trust. Violations of that trust cause hurt feelings through unmet expectations. To clear the air, I spank Julia to discipline her. I lecture her during the spanking about how important the rule is, and how I need to be able to trust her to follow the rule. I ask her if she agrees, and we talk if necessary. But by the end of the spanking, the issue is resolved and doesn’t bother us anymore.

Is it somewhat hypocritical for the man to spank the wife for an infraction, and get to skate by blamelessly when he screws the pooch? Yep. You don’t want to be that guy, trust me. Nothing feels worse than the reproach I’ve seen in Julia’s eyes, when I’ve let her down. But I’m the man. There’s nothing I can do except admit when I’m wrong, apologize when it’s necessary, and return to running my household.

Spanking your wife provides her discipline when she breaks the rules and enforces your authority as head of the household.

I’m also fascinated by the evolution of human behavior. Julia and I are currently watching the series Mad Men on Netflix. The first season is set in 1960, and every episode crackles with the tension between men and women. The men are men, and their attitudes are reflected in the jokes they tell: “I got a phone call at the bar saying my wife gave birth, and now I gotta pay for college!” Men pride themselves on being strong, and weaker men are preyed on, even as they fantasize out loud about being more manly themselves.

Fifty years later, it feels like evolution. In many ways, we just don’t think the way we did. Roles between men and women have changed as a result of the feminism movement, which has established the basic truth that women deserve equal rights. ‘Cause they’re, you know, people. Like men. The article that Julia posted sounds funny today, but the guy that said that men would be sorry when they stopped spanking their wives was right: men voluntarily gave up the right to lead their households. My generation wasn’t taught how to have a relationship with a woman, because of the rapid social changes that were going on in the 1970’s. I think men conceded their authority in relationships, and the result has been broken families.

Don’t get me wrong: I don’t think a ttwd/spanking relationship is right for everyone. It requires consent, consistency, trust, and mutual agreement between both parties. But I believe that the taken in hand movement is almost an unconscious human expression of an evolutionary trait that we’re not ready to leave behind.

Spanking your wife could be a human trait that shouldn’t be left behind, at least for people who need and thrive on it.

What do you think about why you should spank your wife? Or as a wife, why you should be spanked? 😉

This article and all associated images within the article have been republished with permission from Julia.

Please visit her website to view the original post and more.

Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
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March 19, 2015
Why does spanking and corporal punishment turn people on?

For spanking enthusiasts, even the mention of the ‘S’ word can trigger switches in the libido. Spanking fetishes go hand in hand with active imaginations and as an artist, I believe that art is one of the most potent sparks to human imagination. Put art and spanking into the same mix, and pow! It’s an ideal coupling, and spanking/corporal punishment artwork abounds in huge volumes, as even a casual search of Tumblr will demonstrate.

Why is there such a proliferation of spanking and C/P art out there? I suppose the question should really be—what is it about spanking and ritualized corporal punishment that appeals to some people on a sexual level? And I don’t believe that has a simple answer. It is often not a purely masochistic impulse. The pain is essential, since without it, there is no incentive for the anticipatory suspense, the adrenaline rush of fear, or the release of endorphins as a countermeasure. For some, it is the thrill of finding pleasure in acts which are not meant to be pleasurable, a sort of forbidden fruit; for others, it may be a role reversal that helps offset power hierarchies we are forced to deal with in everyday life; for some, it is a release of the inner child; still others just enjoy the jolt that a smack on the buttocks sends through the body’s nervous system directly to the genitalia. (studies have actually been made that prove this to be true).

I am not a psychologist and won’t pretend to sound like one. There are plenty of qualified opinions out there worth more than mine. Yet, in spite of clinical analysis, there remains a strong air of mystery over the appeal of spanking, and the many varied role-playing scenarios that surround it. Mystery itself has an irresistible and universal appeal, and the most enduring mysteries are those which invite exploration, but forever elude exacting, scientific conclusions. Spanking and C/P meet those criteria like a glove.

As an artist, that makes the subject irresistible – not just as an exploration into human sexual psychology, but on a personal level as one with a lifelong fascination for spanking. Illustrating the fantasies that a spanking fetish evokes is both a challenge and a cathartic release. I enjoy attempting to capture a particular moment, or suggest a story with a single image. It might be the husband who came home drunk at 3 am to find his wife waiting with a hairbrush in hand, or a still defiant spankee being sent to fetch a more formidable weapon, or a young lady who planted a Playboy magazine in her brother’s room so she could spy on Mom spanking him for it. To be sincere about art, I think one ought only do what appeals to oneself, and not attempt to cater to the viewer. Those of a similar mindset will respond, and the heck with the rest.

That is why I only illustrate female dominant situations. Male dominant scenarios are far more popular, and I could reach a much broader audience through that approach, but reaching that wide audience is not why I do art. I would rather engage with a smaller, kindred audience. Whether it’s an angry 1950’s housewife, an outraged babysitter, a stern teacher, a professional disciplinarian, or a vixenish girlfriend, those are the iconic female images that never cease to awe, and perpetually wield sovereign power over whatever corner of the male psyche that resists the inevitable progress of ageing. Illustrating boyhood fantasies about womanly laps and deliciously stinging backsides keeps the inner child alive and the imagination active and healthy.

Nobody has ever said it better than Jean-Luc Godard:

“Art attracts us only by what it reveals about our most secret self.”

All images courtesy of RedRump
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March 7, 2015
I am a Top and wired that way

One definition

“The person in control during a scene or in play, but may or may not be a dominant”

Being a top is being part of the world of BDSM, having a fetish, being turned on by certain things that the main stream community or as some say being vanilla, would class as weird or perverted. Logically, I so pose it is a path that has deviated from the mainstream, in other words perverted.

A top is a part of a group classed as dominants. They can be both male and female. Daddy, dom, master, mistress, domme, stone and sadist are all part in varying degrees of the same group. This group is part of another group, but not always if you take the definition strictly, called fetishist—one who gains sexual excitement through a fetish. In extreme cases, one may be unable to attain sexual gratification without the presence of the object (or at least fantasizing about it).

As for me, I am a fetishist for sure, because it does excite me. Although i am quite happy having sex without it, I am also a plain and simple top and as the definition above states that i am not as dominant as others. I have no real desire to be a master or a daddy; I don’t want to own a slave or be in a d/s relationship. But what I do like are ladies with a submissive side. Ladies who like to be spanked and caned and everything in between and that can be in the bedroom or just general play with people who enjoy being punished by others.

But where did it all start, where did the obsession and cravings come from?

As far as i can recollect, it was summer and the start of a new decade; the 1970’s. I was 8 maybe 10 and playing in the garden. The kids next door were older by at least 5 years and although I had no thoughts of girls then, I remember the daughter to be very slim and attractive. There was a bit of an argument going on and as I listened, the girl answered back quite loud to her father. I have no memory of what the argument was about or how long it lasted but one sentence has stayed with me to this day.

“You’re not too old to go over my knee young lady.”

Even now after 40 years, I can remember the words clearly and wondered if that was the catalyst for my long obsession with a certain part of the lovely female form and my own harsh hand. To an extent it was but I now understand that it did not suddenly turn me into a spanker, it has always been in me, it is part of me. However, over the years, i have not hurt anyone (if you understand what I mean) and looking back i have enjoyed every last minute because:

I AM SIMPLY WIRED THAT WAY.

BOB

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March 6, 2015
What Makes a Good Submissive?

There are many types of submissives crawling around out there begging to be dominated. Some of them hold executive positions and some depend on a provider for their income. There are meek submissives, just as there are bold ones. A submissive can come from anyone who strives to be one, however I have noticed some attributes among certain submissives that I admire. Not only have I noticed these characteristics but, more importantly, I see the these people continuously working to better themselves in these areas. Submission can always be improved.

Before I go into the attributes, I must say that for submissives to be their best at submitting, they must be in optimal conditions. If they are not in the right kind of relationship (e.g. an abusive relationship) or if they haven’t found someone they want to better themselves for, they will not flourish. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t good at being submissive, it just means they need to keep searching for a partner(s) that better fits them.

First and most importantly, they communicate. It important to share fantasies and desires, wants and needs, and even something as simple as what kind of day they had, but it is dire to share concerns, when feelings have been hurt, and uncomfortable parts of their past—just to name a few. If one cannot communicate they will find themselves walking down a dark and lonely road, which does not make for a good submissive.

I feel like while being honest and trustworthy ties in with communication, they deserve a separate mention. If a dominant can’t trust what their submissive is saying, or can’t trust that they are saying all that needs to be said, the relationship has no ground to stand on. No if’s, and’s, or but’s, the relationship will not work if there is no trust and honesty. Please note that if trust has been broken it can be repaired, though it does take time.

Patience, a need to please, and flexibility (no, not physically flexible … though that could come in handy) also plays a big role in a submissive’s life. Personally, I do not feel that one is submitting if they are getting their way all the time, or if they only do things that please themselves. For instance, there might come a time when they don’t want to put a plug in their butts, or they might find they want to kick their dominant for telling them to do the dishes at the most inconvenient time, or at some point the submissives might be told they have to wait for something they want right now (none of which has happened to me—ahem—I don’t know why you were thinking of that), but when that person does whatever it is they don’t want to do (without kicking!), because it will please their partner, that is when they are exercising submission. Of course there are exceptions to this, even when the submissive wants to bend or wait, it’s not always possible, in which case that should be respected and not frowned upon.

Not only do submissives need to be forgiving of their dominant, they need to be able to forgive themselves as well. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. Sometimes forgiving doesn’t come easily, but to be at our best it must be done.

Finally, I feel that a submissive is also strong. It can get complicated conforming to another, and it doesn’t always leave a warm and fuzzy feeling. This style of relationship isn’t easy—it takes a lot of work and a lot of time and even though the rewards are magical, it takes a strong person to keep at it.

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March 2, 2015
The life of a submissive wife

So … my life. Well … today …

I made breakfast for my kids, drove them to school, stopped to sign one up for soccer, stopped at the ophthalmologist to pick up contacts, went to the hardware store to get paint, came home and painted my child’s room. A friend brought lunch over to my home and we chatted and then I went back to painting. I picked up my kids from school, made dinner, took a shower, drove to a child’s activity, and got the kids to sleep. It’s now 11:30pm and I am relaxing and typing this.

Oh but wait, this was about the life of a submissive wife. Well … ya, that’s my life … and I am a wife and I am submissive. Note, the above day—today—didn’t include noted interactions with my dominant husband. Well, he’s traveling for work today so my interactions were texts and a couple phone calls.

So for me, the differentiation between my life now, as a submissive wife—not just a wife and three years ago when I was a wife who was a switch (for those that don’t know that term, it means that we switched dom and sub roles back and forth) with her husband of over two decades is almost imperceptible to the outsider, but meaningful to us. I typically wake up before my husband and stroke and suck him as a wake-up call. As he finishes dressing to go to work, I slide out of bed, sit naked on the ground at his feet and put on his shoes and socks. I typically call him Sir, though sometimes not in public. He will tug my hair or grasp it tightly if he is choosing to be inconspicuous. He has no qualms about swatting my bum as I pass by or if I’m getting out of line.

Last Wednesday, Sir came home to a very UNsubmissive wife. He walked in the door and I was frustrated with the kids, with the dog, with him … frustrated. Sadly, that meant that I was sassy and disrespectful the moment he walked in the door. It took all of about four minutes and he looked at me … with a hardened look in his eyes, he took a firm hold of my upper arm and marched me to our room. He calmly shut and locked our bedroom door before taking me over to our bed and lying me over the side of our bed. When I tried to stand back up, he firmly put a hand on the small of my back and commanded me to “Stay here, Fiona and silence yourself, NOW.” He had THAT tone in his voice and immediately spanked me, HARD, rapidly and all in ONE spot. He does that when he wants to make a point. It hurts and is in no way erotic in nature. He spanked me until my body responded and I no longer fought him …somehow he knows when my mind is better, when I’ve been able to let go, when I’m repentant, and when I’m settled. When he’s done, he requires a proper apology and acknowledgement of what was wrong, and he forgives and we move forward.

What isn’t seen by others is that in private, I will frequently call him Sir or Master. As long as he is home, there are spankings frequently, at least once a day but frequently more and many with a crop or cane, not just his hand. There are sometimes choices in my clothing that he will dictate—i.e. “Wear no underwear today, or wear your cupless bra today, or wear this outfit today, etc. I must ask for permission to masturbate and to cum. He will frequently lift my shirt and play with my nipples or otherwise fondle my body. If I’m out of line and disrespectful, he will correct my behavior immediately. We have a very active sex life and it frequently involves toys, be them the new spreader bars He recently made as a gift for me, or a crop or flogger or nipple clamps or dildo or … I sleep naked with him and there are frequent fondles in the night.

Through ‘Ds’, we have strengthened our bond. We had a good, strong marriage before, but in the three and a half years we have changed to having consistent D(Sir) and s (me) roles, from switching, we improved our communication, we are sexually more active, more creative, and more satisfied than we ever have been. He is so much more in tune with me, my needs and desires and I am much more in tune with his.

To the outside world, we simply look like any other normal, straight-laced couple. No one would ever believe that we are a Ds couple. I am a strong, independent, smart, mother and wife. I also happen to offer up my power and my body to my husband, my Sir, my dom, my Master.

Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
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February 26, 2015
Recommended restraints for BDSM play

If you’re controlling your man’s orgasms then preventing him from touching himself when his chastity device is removed can be very important. It can also be a huge turn on for him to feel helpless while you tease and edge him. Here are a few suggestions for some restraints that I’ve got to know intimately and would wholeheartedly recommend to others.

First of all you need to know that I’m a struggler—if I’m put in restraints then I’m going to test their limits and try to escape. I’m not devious, it’s just that I like the feeling of very strict and secure bondage so I need to know I can’t escape. Anything that is used to bind my limbs needs to be strong and secure, otherwise it’s useless.

Police-style Steel Handcuffs

This type of restraint is very strict by design—caution needs to be used because soft-tissue damage can occur if the bracelets are too tightly applied or allowed to close tightly in use. Handcuffs are not designed to be comfortable in use but do give the dominant a very quick way to restrain their partner’s hands. I get restrained in two different sets of handcuffs and enjoy the different ways they feel.

Hiatts Speedcuffs

We have been using these cuffs for several years—they’re the same ones as the UK police force use and are very strict restraints indeed. When applied with the hands back to back and with the locks pointing towards the body, it’s almost impossible for the restrained person to escape even with the key. Because they’re rigid cuffs, the customary way to apply them is with one arm above the other in a ‘stacked’ configuration; this reduces the risk of damage to the restrained subject. It’s also advisable to use the double locking function—not for security but to prevent the shackles from tightening.

When put in these cuffs, the subject feels very securely restrained and the cuffs themselves feel pleasingly heavy when on. The fact that they’re rigid prevents a lot of arm movement which feels very restrictive and the non-rounded edges of the shackles remind you that you’re wearing serious restraints—I’ve worn quite a few different sets of handcuffs and these are my favourite for the secure feeling they give.

Smith and Wesson Model 1 Hinged Cuffs

Hinged cuffs give the wearer a bit more movement and can afford a little more comfort whilst not compromising on security. These cuffs are also very strict restraints and the bigger shackle size means that they can fit a bigger variety of wrist sizes. These Model One cuffs also feel nice and heavy when put on.

The problem with steel handcuffs is that when I’m cuffed with my hands behind (there’s no point cuffing a chase male to the front if you’re trying to prevent him access to his penis), it can be very uncomfortable to be made to lie on my back. The cuffs dig into my wrists and back which is also potentially harmful. Luckily, there is the perfect restraint available for keeping control of a chaste male’s arms and it’s available from the recently re-opened Sub-Shop.

Leather Restraints

Who doesn’t like the combination of security, strictness, comfort and safety that leather restraints offer? I love pulling against a leather restraint and feeling that there’s no give at all and no chance of escape.

Subshops’s Behind the Back Obedience Trainer

Here it is being modelled by the beautiful Autumn:

This restraint is absolutely perfect to use with Male Chastity because it comfortably and securely keeps his arms where you need them to be while you edge him and deny him orgasm for as long as you want. If you’re running a strict regime which requires his hands to be secured when his chastity belt is off then this is a must-have restraint. The only thing that you may want to consider is that his hands aren’t completely restrained and he could possibly struggle free. The next recommendation takes care of that:

Top to Bottom Leathers Padded Fist Mitts

I am a huge fan of Top To Bottom Leathers and their products. We have quite a few of their restraints and they are of the highest quality, no amount of struggling is going to break them. The optional locking buckles are a very nice touch. These fist mitts are made to size and once buckled on and locked, there is very little opportunity to escape. Actually I’d go as far as to say that once these are on me and the mitts are linked behind they’re inescapable under supervised conditions.

This article and all associated images in the article have been republished with permission from John.
Please visit John’s website to view the original post and more of his articles.

Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
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February 22, 2015
A “Scening” Female Led Relationship

Hi, I’m Julie (not my real name), and I write a blog concerning the kinky play that my husband and I get up to (that we call “Scening FLR”). The blog is “Strict Julie Spanks!” Please visit!

FLR stands for “Female Led Relationship” where the woman takes the lead and the man obeys. In the kitchen, in the laundry room, and especially in the bedroom. The woman has full rights to punish her man for misdeeds, for poor attitude, or just to periodically remind him who wears the pants in the family.

I understand that many times the FLR is full-time and for real; however, my husband and I practice a different type of kinky FLR that we call a “Scening FLR”. Most of the time we are a completely normal couple in all regards, with equal division of duties and responsibilities, and always mutual love and respect. However, while neither of us want to live full-time in an FLR, both of us enjoy pretending to from time-to-time!

You see, my man gets off on being dominated by a woman in a domestic setting. Not by a leather-clad woman in a dungeon wielding a whip; but by his jeans-clad wife, in the home, wielding a hairbrush, ideally while his wife’s sister or friend looks on with a “tsk-tsk” expression on her face. My husband admitted this aspect of himself to me only several years after we were married. I was angry when he told me so, not because he’s a total perv, but rather because he took so long to tell me! I was only too happy to pull down his pants, put him across my knee, and blister his buns with the back of my stout wooden hairbrush.

While it was nice of me to do that for him, I found that I really enjoyed it at the same time. I enjoyed the power of making him suffer across my knee. Especially as he was so grateful afterwards, despite (or because of?) the state of his poor little bum, and would literally get down on his hands and knees and kiss my feet for doing it. Power trip! And it’s the sort of power trip that makes me tingle “down there”. So much so, in fact, that it made perfect sense to me to drag him to the bedroom, force his face squarely between my legs, and make him lick me until I was very well satisfied.

After that pivotal event, I started quizzing my man on his little kink. Turn ons, turn offs, and that sort of thing. I learned of his deep excitement over being dominated in a domestic setting, and of being humiliated to a certain extent (in a “loving” way, for “his own good”), and especially how the thought of involving other women in our play greatly excited him. I started surfing the web and finding all sorts of material out there, and learning that my husband falls into a certain “class” of kinky guy, all of whom display remarkably similar characteristics. I also found that all of it just plain turned me on as well, and offered us the chance to really turn up the heat in the bedroom.

We started putting time aside for “scening”. This is where we discuss what we want to do, get into character and go to town. It’s just role playing, really; although, we don’t role play as nurse and patient, or teacher and student; rather, we “role play” as wife and husband (albeit engaged in a kinky FLR).

We evolved from putting time aside and discussing in advance to where we are now: I “turn it on” at any time, at any place, entirely at my discretion. He has no say in the matter and does not want any. After a scene we always debrief so I can learn what he liked and what he didn’t, and out of that comes variations that I might reserve for next time. I also get ideas from the web and spring it on him. If I cross any boundaries, he’s to let me know and I will desist. However, it seems that he wants to encourage me further and has been pushing his own limits so as not to disappoint me.

So what is a typical scene?

“David! This kitchen is a mess! I want you to go upstairs, get into your schoolgirl outfit, and then get back down here and scrub this kitchen clean. After that, we’ll have a nice long session across my knee with the hairbrush for neglecting your chores!”

Let’s analyze that.

Cleaning the kitchen is not really “his job”. We are both responsible adults sharing a home, and we naturally take turns at it. If the kitchen is not clean, it is equally my fault as it is his. But if I notice it needs cleaning, and if we both seem to have the time and inclination for a scene (he ALWAYS does!), I may as well use that as an excuse. Bonus: I get to sit on the couch and surf my iPad while he is cleaning up the kitchen, and doing a really thorough job to boot!

Let’s analyze it some more. “Schoolgirl outfit?” Yup. My man is not at all a cross-dresser. But he does crave humiliation at the hands of a dominant woman. What’s more humiliating for a macho man than to be made to dress the part of a schoolgirl? Oh, and it’s a “sexy schoolgirl”: stockings, garter belt, lacy panties, lacy bra with breast forms, white blouse tied so as to bare his midriff, and a short plaid skirt. None of that outfit is his doing. He blushes three shades of red while wearing it. And did I mention our inclination to involve other women in our scenes? Yup! He’s been witnessed like that! Ha Ha!

And on that point, where do I get that stuff in his size, you may ask? Why, we go out shopping together. Several very memorable trips to the lingerie stores where the sales girls are told who it’s for. For example, we bought bra and breast forms at Victoria’s Secret. The sales ladies were extremely accommodating. We had three in fact. He was measured, and he had to try the bra on over his T-shirt. It was the shop lady who suggested the breast forms (good salesperson!). David blushed, stammered, and looked at the floor so much during that scene that I thought he would die from humiliation. We had a changing room, but the three sales ladies kept going in an out, and seemed quite careless regarding leaving the door open so that multiple women shoppers got an eyeful of my husband trying on his pink bra. It was hot! (you can read all about that on my blog at “Bra Fitting at Victoria’s Secret!“) I also learned that I enjoy putting my husband through his paces in front of other women: “He’s mine! Look what I can make him do!”

But I digress. Let’s get back to the scene.

After the cleaning he stands at attention while I inspect. It better pass muster or he’ll get a belt whipping to his sorry little ass after I’m done with the hairbrush! I’ll then drag him by the ear to the living room where I have set up a straight-backed wooden chair with my hairbrush lying across the seat. He gets scared when he sees that hairbrush and with good cause! I pick up the hairbrush, sit down, and pull my naughty little “girl” across my knees. Then it’s skirt up, panties down, for a nice long hard hairbrush spanking that has him howling (he is perfectly capable of staying silent, but I told him I like it when he “lets it all out” like a baby). Then it’s over to the wall where he must stay, holding up a coin with his nose, for fifteen to thirty minutes. During this time, his skirt is up above his waist and his panties are down around his ankles. I’ll typically sit there and surf, from time to time looking up and enjoying the shades of red I painted onto his posterior.

And if the coin were to drop? Well there’s a rule for that and it must always be consistently applied. In that way, the woman in an FLR is much like a parent to their child. If they are going to make a rule and set out a consequence for breaking it, they better be prepared to follow through with consistency. If the coin drops, it’s back across my knee for a repeat of the hair brushing, and then he must re-start his time out RIGHT FROM THE VERY START.

After that it’s usually up to the bedroom where he’ll first lie face down on the bed, hips raised, for a whipping from a doubled up leather belt if required. From there it’s a lot of lube, a big fat strap-on dildo, and a long and hard session of anal intercourse. Only after taking that will he get the privilege of using his tongue on me.

How about spanko boy, you ask? Sometimes after a session like that, I’ll allow him to jerk himself off while I watch, whispering in his ear how much fun it would be if I invite my sister over next time he fails in his kitchen duties … 🙂

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
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February 17, 2015
The Art of Spanking

A collection of fantastic original art by RedRump. Watch out for his article on Spanking Art later this month but for now, enjoy and admire RedRump’s finest artworks in their full glory.

Fetch My Belt

On The Knee

Towards Domestic Harmony

Your Turn!

A Job Well Done

Apron

Beauty and the Brush

The Girl Loves Stripes

Woodshed

Images courtesy of RedRump

Have an amazing experience or tips you like to share on SimplySxy? Drop us an email at editorial@SimplySxy.com!

February 15, 2015
Will I make a good Submissive?
Am I really cut out to be… a submissive?

It’s a common and concerning question for many of us when we first begin to explore ourselves. Where do I belong in the jungle of this lifestyle? What is right for me among all these titles? Am I really cut out to be a…submissive? It can be a little alarming, and a bit confusing. For those of us who are submissive, we usually learn that way pretty quickly. For myself, I always lived this way before I started to really “live” this way. I’ve always, even at a young age, had that inner desire to serve and please.

Many things can lead us away from the path of submission. Lack of confidence, being unsure about what we really and fully desire, and of course… not knowing what we should do, or what will be expected of us. I’ve also heard some expressed worry that they will lose who they are, or lose power over themselves. I want to discuss these topics and hopefully put some minds at ease, and perhaps help others decide if this is the right path for them.

Confidence.

This is a biggie. Like most things in life, if we do not have confidence, we will constantly doubt ourselves. We all struggle with this at times. And usually, there is a reason behind why we feel this way, beyond all that Dr. Freud-type self analyzing.

A common reason would be: We feel less confident because we worry about what people may say or how they may think about us. How people will look at us differently perhaps. Some people that may be unfamiliar with the lifestyle can picture a submissive as a weak, small thing with no confidence. Someone with no voice. And one of the worst that I have heard… a door mat. I am here to tell you, that is so far from the truth. And the good news is, that old visual of us is not as popular as it once was. Thanks to the internet, books, and even mainstream movies, many more people now understand, even if it is not something that they would consider for themselves.

The fact is, the more submissives you meet, the more you will see that they are usually opposite from those old stereotypes. They are empowered, free, often very strong willed… some even impishly so *cough*, and anything but weak or lacking confidence.

With that said, I’ll let you in on something else I have learned. I have never, ever in my life until Sir and I entered the local and online community… seen such a loving bunch of people. One of the most common rules I see given to submissives, are ones that help them RAISE their confidence. Or ones that do not allow them to self bad talk. Not many Dominant’s will tolerate their sub bad talking themselves. We get taught to love ourselves, and take care of ourselves – inside and out.

Not being sure if it’s what you desire.

This one, I think, is the easiest to cover. Almost every single submissive I have ever spoken with has agreed that it’s not something that we do, or just want. It’s part of who we are. It doesn’t go away. The desire to please is often strong in us, especially once we realize it is there. Does it mean that we are submissive in all aspects of our lives? Of course not, there are many submissive’s that are fully dominant in other areas such as parenting, work, or other vanilla areas in life.

The biggest thing I tell those new to the lifestyle who have came to me has been this – stop worrying about what is right for everyone else, and take a look into yourself. Is this who you are? Do you have that desire to please? Are you eager to hear words of approval and satisfaction? From serving Him/Her coffee in a way that pleases Them, to greeting Them at the foot of the bed or by the front door at the end of the day. It’s there inside of you. Sometimes, you just need to stop worrying about what comes after, and acknowledge that it is in fact there, and a part of who you are.

Being unsure of what to do, or what will be expected of you.

Is He/She really going to want me to do this or that….? Is He/She really going to throw me over a stool and spank me pink?! Will I have to kneel on, ack, Legos?! Well, maybe. But, remember, there are limits in everything. And here is where you can be at ease and know, if you do not already, that all respectful Dominants respect Hard and Soft limits, even in punishment.

They will also follow things like, Safe Sane and Consensual, or RACK.
- SSC: Safe: attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health
Sane: activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible frame of mind

Consensual: all activities should involve the full consent of all parties involved.
- RACK: Risk-aware: Both or all partners are well-informed of the risks involved in the proposed activity.
Consensual: In light of those risks, both or all partners have, of sound mind, offered preliminary consent to engage in said activity.

Kink: Said activity can be classified as alternative sex.

One of the many things to enjoy in being a submissive, is learning and trying new things. And with the right Dominant, you will hopefully find someone who will know when to help you push your limits, if you want them pushed. Nothing is more important than FULL honesty, and FULL communication. It also means establishing trust. Your Dominant, would and should expect full honesty in all things; not to be some nosy bossy type, but to keep you safe. Mentally and physically.

Worries of losing who you are.

One of the biggest things I have found in myself since I started embracing my submissiveness and living this way 24/7, is that I haven’t lost any parts of me. Instead, I have gained. It set me free from things deep within myself that are hard to even put into words. I don’t feel I have lost the power over myself, but that I have gained it. I think you’ll find many who agree on this, for it’s a common self-realization many of us seem to have. It’s hard to explain, but trust me on this – if you find that this is the path for you, and can work through these very normal, initial feelings – you will get it. For me, when I hit that point, it was as if a huge light bulb went on over my head.

I understood where I belonged, finally. I understood my deepest desires, and that me being submissive wasn’t something to learn, but rather something to embrace. It goes beyond any physical act or lessons that we can be taught. It’s there, deep inside of you, and once you recognize that it’s there.. you can, without a doubt be cut out to be a submissive. Trust your feelings, trust who you are, and then get ready for the ride of your life. It’s truly one of the most fulfilling and satisfying things you will ever do, if it is indeed your path. After that, the rest will come. Sore bottoms, Lego kneeling and all.

Feature image courtesy of Shutterstock
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February 13, 2015