SimplySxy

Author: Christy Goldstein

  • What Counts As Cheating?

    What Counts As Cheating?

    What constitutes cheating? Is flirting with strangers cheating? Or only when there is physical contact such as a kiss or having sex?

    In my personal opinion, I would include flirting, as cheating.

    Cheating can be physical or emotional, so even if a person hasn’t had a physical affair, an emotional affair is just as bad in my opinion. If a partner is texting another woman or man and is flirty or suggestive, there is something very wrong in that person’s relationship for them to put themselves out there in a way that their partner should only be seen.

    It’s possible their needs are not being met and that is why they are looking elsewhere, or they may have an issue with monogamy, depending on the situation and person involved.

    Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com! 

    Christy Goldstein specializes in relationships and how to be successful in dating. If you’re looking for direction in your relationship, Christy will act as your best friend. Read the rest of her profile below!

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

  • Should You Date Someone with a String of Exes?

    Should You Date Someone with a String of Exes?

    Does having a history of many boyfriends/girlfriends work against you when you are single and wanting to date?”

    I do not think this should affect you, times have changed and it’s very hard for someone to only have a couple of sex partners with the vast ability to meet new people through apps and websites.

    A lot of men and women will prefer a more experienced sex partner and enjoy the variation of foreplay and positions that they will gain from a more experienced partner.

    You never know if you will like something unless you try it!

    Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com! 

     

    Christy Goldstein specializes in relationships and how to be successful in dating. If you’re looking for direction in your relationship, Christy will act as your best friend. Read the rest of her profile below!

     

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

  • How To Solve Sexual Desire Differences

    How To Solve Sexual Desire Differences

    After I got attached, I realized that our sex level/demands are too wide apart. I don’t want this to affect our relationship but it is not a long term solution to avoid it too. What can I do?

    Communication is key in a relationship, so if you are needed more or less from your partner, you need to communicate that with them.

    They aren’t going to know that you need something from them if you do not tell them. Compromise is also key, so if you need more sex than they are used to giving, ease them into it and they will get used to the newer routine and probably enjoy it.

    You could also switch up sexual positions and spontaneity of when you two have sex and that should help you, so you do not feel like you are in a rut or feel too comfortable with their use of the same basic sex positions.

    Have a question on your mind related to sex? Send them in to editorial@simplysxy.com! 

    Christy Goldstein specializes in relationships and how to be successful in dating. If you’re looking for direction in your relationship, Christy will act as your best friend. Read the rest of her profile below!

    Featured image courtesy of Shutterstock

  • Dating & social media, do they fit?

    Dating & social media, do they fit?

    By now, almost everyone has Facebook, Twitter, Keek, Instagram, Vine, etc.  So, with all these social media outlets, how does it fair in love?  I personally feel like social media has taken over our lives.  When you are friends with the guy or girl you are seeing, you scour their Facebook activity to see who is commenting the most on their statuses, and if they are of the opposite sex.  It’s something many do, but beware, because this may cause an issue with your new mate.

    I have stayed away from being friends with my partner on Facebook.  I know most would say by my doing this, I will automatically cause a trust issue for my mate, but I don’t feel that it should cause a trust issue.  I am trying to prevent the jealousy issue people have when they see men comment or like my status, and I have no problem showing my partner my Facebook page when we are together.

    I’ve seen so many relationships end because of a comment someone made on a Facebook status.  No one can control what other people put on their Facebook or Twitter so there is no reason to get upset over every little comment!  Now, if your mate responds in a flirty fashion, then you can tell your partner you’re not okay with what they put as a response.

    I think social media has made things harder for people to date, and married couples are now making a Facebook page with both of their names, which to me is a waste of time.  Why create a new page?  That is just time consuming and everyone on your Facebook should know you are married already.  And if they don’t, then those people aren’t privy to your life and shouldn’t have access to it anyway.

    I’ve known couples where one has Facebook and the other does not.  I think this is the best way to go.  Men will always be flirty with women regardless if they know they are with someone or not.  I am not sure why this is so, but for me, I have always just said thank you or whatever generic response is needed for that situation.  I know that not all people will do what I do with regards to Facebook, but the important part is that both parties agree to how social media sites are used.  Which brings me to subliminal messages on social media.

    There are also people who fall victim to social media.  I have been a victim of social media and I know a lot of other people who have been victims from it as well.  Everyone knows about the Facebook subliminal messaging; people use these after a break up or if they are angry at someone.  When this occurs, your entire friends list and anyone who has ever liked the status will now know you have issues in your relationship.  I plead everyone to stop doing this!  It’s unnecessary and annoying.  I don’t want to know that your boyfriend didn’t take out the trash and that you are pissed, and I don’t think anyone else cares that he or she forgot the Sweetest Day (which I did this year, sue me it’s not on my calendar)!

    Social media will always be here.  There is no turning back, but please use it carefully, and remember not to use it when you have been drinking.  Even if you delete a status the day after, you have put it up for the world to see and everyone has already seen it by the time you delete it.  So please put the phone down while you are drinking or angry.  I have told everyone I know that when you are mad, write down what you want to say then wait an hour and go back and look at it.  After you go back and look at it, you will see that while being angry, you are most likely saying the same thing over and over again but in a different ways.

    Since social media will be here for years to come and we have learned new things about people we never wanted to know, remember this — it is hard to remove a comment or status even after it has been removed.  Everyone’s cell phone and computer signals update at different times, and you may not see that status any longer because you are the one who deleted it, but trust me my friend, many others have seen this update, even when you no longer can.

    I hope this has been helpful, and happy Facebooking!

    Christy is a dating & relationship coach and you can view her sexpert profile here. Photo credit: Shutterstock.

  • 5 Undeniable Signs He’s Using You

    5 Undeniable Signs He’s Using You

    Some men are just out for a hookup buddy… here’s how to know if you’re being used.

    Men and women often want different things from their relationships.  If you’re emotionally involved with a guy, it’s possible that he might not feel as deeply.  We have all dealt with this at some point in our relationships; the fear or realization that he’s just using me for sex.

    Here’s a bit of relationship advice and a few signs to look for if you’re skeptical that he may not care as much about your hopes, dreams and personality as he does your compatibility in the bedroom.  Some of the signs are easy to overlook, but don’t discount them!  Both his words and his actions are important to watch for as you decide if he’s in it to win it, or just in it for a good time.

    1. He only comes late at night.

    Now, I know sometimes men will come over after a night of bar hopping with his buddies, but if he is only making that call when he’s drinking and it is late, you should know he isn’t interested in anything but a sexual relationship.  A man who cares about you for you will want to spend time with you in the light of day, and without the lubrication of alcohol.

    2. He always cancels plans with you.

    You’re looking forward to hanging out together, but as soon as you are supposed to see him, he sends you a text saying he has to cancel.  This isn’t just disappointing, it’s rude!  You are worth having someone show up on time and actually stick to their word!  Do not make excuses for him constantly cancelling; it’s his cowardly way of  showing you he’s not interested.

    3. He never takes you out in public.

    Just as important as his willingness to see you in the daytime, a man you’re dating should be excited about taking you out!  No excuses on this one: if you two never leave the house, you need to start asking yourself why that is.  It’s fun to get lost in the sheets together sometimes, but you should also both enjoy a walk in the park or a dinner at a restaurant.

    4. He tells you everything you want to hear, but doesn’t show you the things he says.

    Actions speak louder than words, so if he’s just filling you up with charming and charismatic words, without proving what he says is true, it’s time to move on.

    5. He is standoffish.

    He knows everything about you, but your knowledge of him is limited.  Relationships are for learning about each other and seeing if you two are compatible.  If he tells  you very little about himself, he’s either hiding something or he just doesn’t want you to know him.  Maybe he doesn’t think you’re compatible for the long-term, or just  doesn’t want to put in the effort because he knows he’s going to move on before you gets too comfortable.

    It’s easy to ignore these signs, especially when you feel attached or excited about a potential new partner. But the fact is that if he’s displaying any of these traits, he is  just using you for sex and does not want a relationship with you. Even though it may hurt to admit this, you deserve more than someone who doesn’t care about you.

  • Breakup Survival Guide

    Breakup Survival Guide

    We all have one person we just can’t get over, and there’s usually no clear reason why that particular person has a hold on us.  Some say it is a past-life connection, while others say it is because we finally found a special a connection with someone that we hadn’t found with anyone in a long time.  Due to this connection, we hold onto that person longer than we should just because we don’t want to lose that feeling.  And it seems like there’s no break up advice your friends, family, or anyone can give you
    that will make you feel better.  There isn’t an official “getting over your ex” handbook.  But I’ve done a couple things in my past that have worked.

    With Facebook being so prevalent in everyone’s lives, it’s necessary to not be friends with an ex at the start of a breakup.  Many people will use subliminal messages via status updates to get each others’ attention.  I know you want to know his every move, but for your sake, remove him in the beginning.  If months down the road you two have figured out what most former couples can’t (how to be happy for each other) then by all means, re-add him as a friend.  But not a minute sooner.

    I also recommend staying away from his local spots.  This became tricky for me and one of my exes because we both went to the same hangout spots, so our relationship went back and forth longer than it should have.  We ran into each other while we were drinking, which, of course, is another bad idea.  Do not text while drinking.  With liquid courage you say all the things you wish you would have said sober, except it all comes out all at once and not in a very tactful way.

    Of course, most people say that time is both your friend and your enemy.  As time goes on, you’ll start to miss your ex less and less.  As months go by, you’ll start to realize why your relationship didn’t work.  Most people romanticize relationships in the beginning of a breakup because we think we want that person back. We miss them and we don’t want to be alone.  The best thing to do is ask your closest friends what they thought of your relationship.  They will be brutally honest because they were there when you were crying and bitching about your ex while you were still together.

    Once you’ve finally, truly moved on, you’ll start to realize that if it was meant to be, it would have been.  Some relationships happen to make us learn about what we want and what we don’t.  Treat a relationship that didn’t work out as a learning experience and be happy that you came out the other side better for it.