Kink
How To Explore & Enjoy Shibari
Those who practice BDSM have the pursuit of pleasure as their goal and during the session, it is possible to carry out this search with the most disparate tools. Within the practice, we can explore our desires and share them with the person we play with. We can feel ashamed, cry, relax, enjoy, be afraid, let go of control in total freedom, without worrying about the judgment of who is there with us at that moment. This allows us to get closer, to get more intimate with your partner.
I do not share only my body with you but I open a window on my secrets and allow you to see things about me that on other occasions I do not show. In addition, as individuals, practicing BDSM leads us to ask ourselves what we are looking for in a relationship (whether it lasts in the time of a session or whether it is the relationship with our partner), who we are, what we want. In short, from my point of view, it is a full-blown self-determination tool.
How My Interest In Shibari Developed
As a child I loved to tie things up. I used what must have been a jump rope: chairs, tables, bottles, nothing could stay in its place. I built forts, tents, castles. Upon reaching sexual maturity, I started fantasizing about bonding people. In a short time, the fantasy became reality. I felt, however, that something was missing. Using scarves and belts wasn’t that satisfying. Playing with wax and having extreme sex with the people I dated didn’t tell everything about me. Also, I needed to talk to someone who had my same instincts, I needed confrontation. So I asked for advice from a friend who I knew had the same interests as me and she suggested that I join FetLife, a social network dedicated to BDSM that has nearly nine million subscribers around the world. Here I discovered the existence of a community in Turin, the city where I live, of parties and bondage workshops.
I am a curious person and as soon as I approached bondage I began to explore the various existing styles, to research the most famous masters, and so I discovered shibari and chose who I wanted to study with. The further I went along my path, the more I realized how relevant this was becoming in my life, how ropes had become one of my favorite communication tools and certainly my favorite BDSM practice.
Is It Easy To Learn Shibari?
It all depends on what is the goal you want to achieve.
You can start playing safely very quickly. The important thing is to know what your abilities are and not to overdo it, not to try to do things that have not yet been learned. Those who want to learn to suspend have a longer course of study ahead of them but the duration depends on several factors, for example on what is the goal of the people who are studying and how much time they dedicate to practice and training. For those who, like me, love shibari and decide to cultivate it and perfect (and to perfect/refine) technique and aesthetics, the path can last a lifetime.
What I Love About Shibari
I’d like to say that I love everything about Shibari! I love tools, aesthetics, technique, communication. The most important thing for me I think is the relationship that is created between rigger and rope bottom. Trust, communication, understanding, eroticism are essential components for me in my practice.
Sometimes I play as a bottom with my partner. In that case, I love to feel his desire for me. As I said before, ropes have become one of my favorite communication tools, it’s amazing how much they can amplify what rigger and rope bottom want to say to each other.
Safety Precautions Before & During A Session
Based on their experience, everyone develops their own personal security strategies. The advice I can personally give are: to know what the health conditions of the rope bottom are (for example if they have had joint problems, if they suffer from claustrophobia or low blood pressure), to gradually increase the intensity of the tying to give way to the rope bottom to feel what is happening (both to enjoy the moment more and to communicate if there is something wrong), to read the signals of the rope bottom’s body to understand if everything is okay, be aware of your abilities and not overdo it, not to try ties that are not mastered during a session, especially when if you are a beginner.
What To Expect As A Beginner
I recommend starting with a workshop held by a reliable teacher. Look at the photos, follow people on social networks, ask for feedback from those who have already studied or done Kinbaku with them, ask someone who is part of the community. This also applies to those who want to be tied up.
The sensations experienced in Shibari are very intense. If you are looking for something comfortable, Shibari is not for you. If instead you want to start a journey, perhaps together with your partner, if you are ready to share your deepest emotions with this person, then give it a chance.
Maybe there will be times when studying will seem boring or frustrating, but if you are willing to overcome them you will be rewarded and you will discover a new world, something you didn’t even know existed before.
Alithia Maltese is a rigger, an alternative sexuality educator, a kinbaku teacher. She lives in Turin, Italy.
Alithia organizes events about consent, meetings for people interested in BDSM, classes on non-verbal communication and bondage workshops. Her main interest is interpersonal communication and she has found in ropes the tool that allows her to express herself at best. She is convinced that BDSM can be a great way to learn to communicate through our body, so she studies its potential.
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Alithia Maltese is a rigger, an alternative sexuality educator, a kinbaku teacher. She lives in Turin, Italy. Alithia organizes events about consent, meetings for people interested in BDSM, classes on non-verbal communication and bondage workshops. Her main interest is interpersonal communication and she has found in ropes the tool that allows her to express herself at best. She is convinced that BDSM can be a great way to learn to communicate through our body, so she studies its potential.