Humans are social animals. We need meaningful connections with other humans on a regular basis in order to be healthy, happy, and productive. It’s an unfortunate truth that life can get in the way of staying close with friends from adolescence and it can be really tough, especially for men, to make deep friendships as adults. The result? Loneliness is becoming a real public health problem.
Dating can help combat that. On a date, you can enjoy great conversation and laughter with someone you wouldn’t have met otherwise. There’s no anxiety over whether the person wants to be there with you, or if they’re judging you. You can see a show, share a meal at a nice restaurant, and just open up to someone who’s happy to listen.
Physical affection is also necessary for optimal health and happiness, whether that’s a warm hug, movie cuddles, or something steamier. Dating is a great way to find a consenting, enthusiastic partner, so everyone can win and we can all feel great.
For partnered people in relationships with a libido imbalance, it can be a good way to take the pressure off of the lower libido partner and help keep both partners happy and satisfied in their stable relationship. I like nutrition – healthy eating is important, but nutritional supplements can help make up any gaps. Extramarital dating can do the same for long term relationships, so that an otherwise great couple doesn’t have to breakup just because of differences in sexual appetite.
Aside from all the health and happiness benefits, dating is also just a great way to destress, meet cool people you wouldn’t have otherwise, and have a good time!
How Do Women & Men View First Dates?
I’ve heard a lot of guy friends say that first dates can feel like interviews. From the moment the date starts, they’re just trying to ‘win her over’ and make a good impression, so that they can secure a second date and, from there, the relationship or intimacy that they desire.
Girlfriends confirm that – they often say that they’re not really there to have fun on a first date, they’re there to assess the guy. Is he interesting, intelligent, funny, successful, well put together, generous, attractive, in line with their vision for what their boyfriend should be? Does he seem like he’s looking for something serious or just playing the field?
Instead of playing together as teammates, with the same goal of enjoying each other’s company in mind, men and women are often positioning themselves as opponents – awful as it sounds, sometimes it really seems like they’re painting it as a game of predator-and-prey, rather than a meeting of equals.
I think that’s such an unfortunate take! It makes the whole thing more stressful than it needs to be, instead of just fun. I love dating as a companion because it gets rid of all of those unnecessary strings, expectations, and barriers that stand in the way of two people just really connecting and having a great time together.
Have You Been On A Bad Date?
I’ve been lucky not to have had any bad dates, but I’ve heard other women say that they’ve encountered rudeness and men who were after only one thing, and as much of it as they could possibly pack into their shared time. Everything has its place and I think that, especially on first dates, people should always expect to spend a little time getting to know their date through conversation before beginning a nonverbal conversation.
Expectations I Have Of My Date
I expect my date to be freshly showered, always respectful, mindful of good sense safety practices, communicative of both their desires and anything that makes them uncomfortable, and more focused on the comprehensive experience than accomplishing a checklist of tasks. This is true whether my date is a man, a woman, nonbinary, or a couple.
In return, I am fully present and engaged, enthusiastic, focused on my date, and genuinely committed for the duration of our time together to providing the experience for them that they’re seeking.
First Date Turn Offs Men Should Never Make
Hygiene is so important, please always show up freshly showered and with fresh breath. If your date is at 3pm in the afternoon, having brushed your teeth that morning isn’t enough!
It’s also always really important to be respectful and not pushy. When you’re respectful, kind, and generous, you make your date want to show you a great time. That’s so much better than demanding it, for everyone involved.
Natalie Hepburn – Multiracial, multilingual, misbehaving Ivy grad. Wanderlusting cutie, sashimi fiend, and cuddly luxury companion in NYC and worldwide.
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