I’ve always believed sex to be a fundamental human need. In fact, sex is listed as one of the base-level needs in the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs. I think it’s absolutely important to have sex regularly with different partners to remain happy and healthy. But beyond that, I believe sex is something beautiful and natural that needs to be shared and experienced by everyone.
Modern-day society, despite having made remarkable strides in the past few decades, still views sex as something shameful or dirty. This is why porn still has such a strong stigma attached to it until today – people are being huge hypocrites about it. They really like sex but can’t reveal it for fear of being castigated by the rest of society as a deviant or someone immoral. I think that’s very sad. This attitude really needs to change.
Increasing Popularity Of Fuck Buddies
Having a fuck buddy is a wonderful thing. Men and women alike can explore their sexual and emotional compatibility in a no-strings-attached environment where either party doesn’t need to feel pressured to make any huge, life-changing decisions just yet, like getting into a monogamous relationship or marriage.
It’s increasingly popular these days because people are becoming more aware of the huge range of options that they have out there for sexual or romantic partners. They want to explore their sexuality with multiple people at once without being tied down by commitment. I personally like it, because it allows me to compare and contrast my different partners to find the best fit for myself, all within an ethical framework.
If I decide to date a girl seriously, I want to know that she’s the best one out there for me, and I’ve actually done the legwork by actually dating as many girls as possible prior to committing to her. I don’t want to be one of those guys who settled and then spend the rest of their lives convincing themselves that they didn’t.
Popular Methods To Find A Fuck Buddy
One method I’ve found particularly useful to find a fuck buddy is online dating. Every man and woman should at least have an account on a dating app or site. It’s not only the most efficient way to find people you’re compatible with but also the most versatile. You can literally connect with people halfway around the world from a totally-different culture if you want. And it saves time and money because you can filter them based on their looks, age, occupation, personality, what they’re looking for, etc. before you even spend the time, money, and effort to actually meet up with them.
Apps like Tinder are a total godsend for young people who don’t necessarily have the time to hang out at single bars, participate in recreational activities, or join speed-dating events. This means that it’s crucial to have a near-perfect online dating profile showcasing your best pictures to ensure that you’ll meet the one who’s best for you. It pays huge dividends to spend time to work on it.
Ways To Retain A Girl As Your Fuck Buddy
I think, if you can establish an ongoing sexual relationship with a girl without being explicitly monogamous to her, that’s an accomplishment in itself. It means that the girl deems you worthy enough of having sex with her without needing your commitment just yet. If you want to keep her around for as long as possible, you need to continue to hint at the possibility of commitment (without actually committing to her and closing off your other options). This can be done through words and actions.
Always portray yourself as a guy who’s finding himself, looking for the right girl, but who likes to take things slow because you “take commitment seriously.” Never go full fuckboy; tone down the alpha-dog “pump and dump” vibe and infuse some beta boyfriend-potential sweetness into your routine with her. At the same time, it’s imperative to allude to her that you’re still seeing other women, otherwise she’s likely to give you an ultimatum (“commitment or I walk”).
Women only become fuck buddies with a guy who’s neither an untameable fuckboy nor a needy beta male who obviously doesn’t have many options. It’s a thing women do if she finds a guy with some alpha/bad boy qualities, who clearly has options and whom she believes that she can somehow convert into a loyal boyfriend/provider. It’s a stepping stone to her even though it might very well be the end goal for you. It’s absolutely vital that she believes that you’re still seeing other options out there.
Women don’t normally do fuck buddy, because they feel used giving away free milk continuously, unless they feel like there’s progress and potential for a full-fledged relationship in the near future. So give her just that… or the illusion thereof! This takes practice, but if you internalize this mindset you’re already way ahead of the game.
Are Rules Required To Be Established With A Fuck Buddy?
I think one of the cardinal defining rules is that she must be fucking you. I know this sounds stupid and obvious, but too many guys find themselves emotionally-blackmailed into a sexless arrangement where they’re still providing the girl with attention and material things. That’s silly. Cut her off immediately and permanently if she refuses sex. Ghost her. No negotiations. Also, some guys like to take the term “fuck buddy” literally, meaning they only do fucking and nothing else.
It might work — there’s this guy I know who doesn’t ever take his fuck buddy out on dates, because it sends the wrong signals — but I think it’s ineffective if retention is your goal. I think you should treat her like a girlfriend without actually being too clear on things. If she corners you, still remain vague and stress that you’re “confused about your feelings” and still trying to “understand yourself” (women love emotional language, because that’s what they can relate to). Never show your cards that you’re delaying commitment only because you want to continue playing the field. If she even senses that you’re just wasting her time, she’ll bail.
As for rules to be established with her, I think it helps if you don’t feature her prominently in your social media or bring her to meet your family/friends. I think it sets up the wrong dynamics, and soon enough you’ll feel the pressure to girlfriend/wife her even when you don’t really want to. You need to enforce this boundary if she ever pressures you on this.
Stand your ground. Women have a way of insidiously inserting themselves into all aspects of your life, and before you know it, you feel completely obliged to become an item with her due to her expert social manipulation tactics.
Mistakes Men Make That Turn Away Their Fuck Buddies
It’s common to lose fuck buddies. She might meet someone else who’s willing to commit to her right away, or she just loses interest. The former is out of your control, but the latter is avoidable, if you maintain the ideal persona consistently. Back to the idea of the tameable bad boy, you want to aim for the sweet spot where you’re not an incorrigible player jerk or a needy emotional beta male.
If you’re the former, she won’t think you’re a realistic potential boyfriend, and she bails. If you’re the latter, she’ll think you’re a loser, and she bails. Not only do you have to be the edgy masculine guy with a soft side, you have to give her the illusion of incremental progress. This means you’ll meet her more and take her out on more “couple-like” activities over time, all while still having sex with her.
Next, make sure you never talk about your feelings for her. Don’t say you like her, love her, care for her, want to be with her forever, etc. Getting emotional too quickly with women scares them off. Why? Because it’s a sign of weakness and also lack of options on your part. You can show her you care for her (e.g. cook food for her, hold her hand, surprise her on her birthday), but never do beta things like telling her she’s beautiful, kissing her ass over text, etc. that only puts you in the league of the legions of losers who slide into her DMs on a daily basis.
These rules apply even after you get into a relationship with her. If she knows you’re completely in awe of her, she’ll take it for granted and eventually lose respect for you. As bad as this sounds, she should be looking up to you, not the other way round, for ANY relationship to work, including but not limited to fuck buddy and relationships. Period!
Alvin Tan is an Asian adult film actor promoting the AMWF niche. After being expelled from college for making a sex tape that went viral, he tried his hands at a wide range of careers, including starting his own software business and political fundraising, before getting into the pornography industry. He also shares dating tips and insights on his Twitter account: AlvinTanYOLO.
Check out Alvin’s upcoming projects with BananaFever.com!
Images courtesy of Alvin Tan
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