Regarding the BDSM lifestyle and alternative relationship structure, I think it should go without saying that as long as both adults are happy and consenting then they should be free to explore their sexuality to whatever extreme they see fit. Eroticism and orgasm are some of the wordly experiences that should be purely pleasurable, and we shouldn’t feel shame or remorse when it comes to exploring these aspects of our personality! Our brains are hard-wired to seek out sex, the least we can do for ourselves is make the sex weird and enjoyable!
My Love For Fetishes
My interest in fetishes really started sprouting around puberty, as it probably does for most people who have access to the internet. There are even some role plays and kinks I can remember thinking about in elementary school (before I knew what sex and sexuality were). In my young adulthood, watching and reading about different events, places, and inherently sexualizing those themes even if they weren’t sexual in nature. Certain types of imagery and roles have always processed as being something erotic to me. And being a conventionally attractive blonde girl, I never had a shortage of boy toys to experiment with. I guess I was simultaneously born Mommy’s little angel and a filthy hedonistic pervert!
Common Fetish Misconceptions
There’s a plethora of misinformation surrounding the kink lifestyle and BDSM relationships. I think that stems from a combination of puritanical fear-mongering and previous generations of kinksters choosing to keep the lifestyle underground. This allowed a game-of-telephone effect to occur, where the out group created rumors based out of fear and the in group didn’t have incentive to argue. I guess a good start to breaking these misconceptions is to become more open minded and reject this societal War on Sex and Sex Education. The more we learn about our sexuality, the more we have learned about ourselves and our uniqueness.
Favorite Fetishes Of Mine
As for my favorite fetishes, the list is always growing! And since I identify as a Switch (meaning I like to play as a Dominant/giving role as well as a submissive/receiving role), there is room for even more detail and specific fetishes to develop. We would be here all day if I talked about all of my favorite kinks, but I’ll pick a few here.
Bondage, ropes, chains and predicament bondage; Goddess worship, body worship; male chastity and tease+denial; sensory deprivation; CLOTHES PINS EVERYWHERE; humiliation and objectification, mind fuckery, fear play; puppy/animal play; service submission and protocol; and of course a good ol’ fashioned OTK spanking!
How To Ensure Safety In Fetish Play
Absolutely it’s important to set safety measures and protocol to ensure all parties involved are always safe, sane, and consensual. One of the most important is to clearly negotiate before you play. This is the phase where you express your fetishes, likes and dislikes, talk about what experiences you’ve had, any medical issues your partner needs to know, and communicate what your safe words are and what your aftercare looks like.
A “safe word,” meaning–ideally–a simple one-syllable word/noun that would stick out if the person said it. I think the most common used is the traffic light system of green, yellow, red. Green would mean that you are enjoying yourself and want to continue. Yellow can be used a few different ways but they all boil down to “wait and check in with me” Let’s say you’re receiving a spanking and you’re having a great time and don’t want the whole scene to wrap up, but your pain tolerance is hitting its limit. You can say “Yellow” and specify anything else about why you said yellow. Like, “Yellow, spank me a little…… lower down/softer/slower/different paddle/implement/etc” Or another example “Yellow, the wrist cuffs are feeling tight now, in the next 1-2 minutes we should readjust” It’s normal and healthy for someone to say yellow while they’re playing! These are both from the perspective of a submissive but Doms can say yellow as well.
We engage in BDSM to enjoy ourselves, so whenever you find yourself not enjoying the play or you’re thinking “Can we be over with this by now?” we communicate using safe words! The last word “red” means probably what you’d imagine–“Stop, I want to stop playing like that.” This ties in with aftercare, which is comparable to cuddling after sex in regards to how it affects your neurochemistry. For some people, aftercare is giving each other a hug, smoking a cigarette, snuggling together w a soft blanket and eating chocolate, and it should always include both people drinking water. It’s also important to give feedback and share together what you enjoyed and didn’t.
Apricot – True pervert and traveling fetishist, Apricot is currently based out of Los Angeles at Sanctuary LAX. She has immersed herself with the BDSM culture and the free expression it’s bestowed on sex workers and citizens of all types. Traveling as a fetish performer and pro-Switch has been a lifelong dream made into reality. Being able to meet so many people united together by kink at BDSM expos across the country has become a huge motivator. She participates monthly with Club Anarchy hosted at Sanctuary LAX, a prominent spanko model and attends numerous spanking parties across the USA. Her passion for filming and producing content with other independent sex workers is flourishing as traveling has allowed her to engage with so many talented models and educators.
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I’m traveling a lot this upcoming year, including Dallas, Houston, NYC and Philly in first half of June, Oslo SusCon in Norway, and FetCon in FL. There’s more info all over my Twitter/social media, and feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with questions and requests or if you’d like to collab.
Images courtesy of Apricot Pitts
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