I’ve had a long and often complicated relationship towards sex – as a young girl I had a voracious appetite, but I grew up in a fairly conservative environment and my desires were frequently shamed by my peers. As I grew into myself, and my body, my sexuality has blossomed – and I now take great pleasure in exploring new forms of desire and new ways to provide pleasure for myself and my lovers.
Discovering BDSM also had a huge impact on my views about sex. Becoming part of a community who not only embraces but encourages all the things which I felt ashamed of when I was younger has been groundbreaking. Kink has also given me the confidence to communicate my desires more clearly. This is obviously an ongoing process, and I’m definitely still learning, but feeling confident in articulating what you do and don’t like makes such a difference towards sexual experiences, and sexuality in general! In more ‘vanilla’ contexts this is sometimes seen to ‘ruin the moment’ but I think everyone would benefit from taking the time to openly discuss how they feel about and what they want from sex, before they start having it!
Embracing Sexuality & Being Confident
My relationship to my body has been equally turbulent. I used to have horrific body image, I was convinced I was ugly and unlovable, my body was a constant source of disappointment to me. Ironically, I’m now the largest I’ve ever been, but whilst I used to shy away from anything revealing, now I am happy to wear next to nothing in public, if the context is appropriate. I love my figure, and take great joy in the pleasure it brings both me and my partners.
Becoming more involved in the London kink and play party scene has given my confidence a huge boost. Entering spaces where people of all shapes and sizes are happily walking around semi clothed, playing and having sex with almost no inhibition, was a complete revelation. Surrounding myself with people for whom body size doesn’t equate to attractiveness was also a huge help. I just won’t engage with people who see fat women as automatically unlovable – they don’t deserve an ounce of my time. My partners love my body, but they also love me – I’m more than a plus size woman and their attraction to me is not dependent on my size.
I think taking the stigma out of the word fat is a really important issue, for me. I happily describe myself as a fat woman – because it’s just a word. Fat doesn’t mean ugly, fat doesn’t mean bad, and once we start to dismantle the idea that it does, I think that accepting and loving your body becomes a lot easier.
Of course, there are still days when I feel the unpleasant and all too familiar twinge of body shame, but I try not to beat myself up too much. As a plus size woman, especially one who speaks openly about the love I have for my figure, there’s an expectation that I must always love my body – but plus size women are allowed to feel however they want. We’re not here to be ‘inspirational’ and we can have days where we don’t feel great, just like everyone else.
Common Misconceptions About Plus Size Escorts
I think that the prevailing social stigma around plus size women, that we’re unlovable, unattractive etc, does seep into the escort world, and unfortunately this is something which often comes from other companions. I frequently see references to being larger as a bad thing, and it isn’t unusual to see an escort’s ‘Friends’ page devoid of anyone over a size 12. I think there’s a pervasive and saddening view that it might harm their ‘brand’ to work with a plus size escort – but in my experience, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
I think there’s also a belief that the only people who book plus size escorts are BBW fetishists, and whilst I in no way wish to denigrate that group of clients, it’s simply not true! I have clients who exclusively see plus size escorts, but I also have clients who see plus size and straight size escorts, who book duos with me and a girl who is several sizes smaller than me. We appeal to everyone – plus size escorts, like all women, are more than our bodies, and there are many wonderful clients who appreciate that.
Tips To Have Amazing Sex With Plus Size Women
Sex with a plus size woman is just like sex with a straight size woman, the most important thing is to communicate about both of your needs and desires in order to have the most amazing experience. Make sure she’s comfortable, both physically and mentally! Take some time before having sex to chat through your expectations, what you’d like to do, or not do. There’s a trope that the best sex should always be wild and spontaneous, but a little advance preparation can make everything so much better, especially if you haven’t played together before.
Think carefully about how you compliment her body – avoid fetishizing her size as much as you avoid making negative comments, and don’t assume anything. There are some positions which some women might find more comfortable, but this will vary – again, communication is crucial here. Some women might be uncomfortable with you touching certain parts of her body – respect this. Whilst you undoubtedly find her curves and rolls gorgeous, she might be working through some body issues, and you need to give her space to do this.
Things I Love To Do To Make Sex Kinkier
I’m a switch, both in my professional and personal lives, and kink is a big part of my sexuality. Whilst my love of BDSM has changed and grown as I’ve developed, I have an enduring obsession with impact play – it’s probably one of the easiest ways to dip a toe into the world of kink, but once you’ve started, the possibilities are endless.
Once you’ve spoken to your partner, and both of you have agreed it’s something you’d like to try, I’d recommend beginning with a light hand spanking. This can be gently built up into something more intense – but start slow! From then you can move onto floggers, paddles, canes, whatever takes your fancy – and it can easily be combined with a host of other filthy activities.
Amelia Swann is a curvy redheaded companion, with extreme proportions and a spirit to match her hair. Based in London, she is a professional switch, harbouring an obsession for kink, corsetry and classic glamour. She is committed to body positivity and self-love.
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Images courtesy of Amelia Swann
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